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Lil Swamp Booger Baby posted:You can beat the sin out of Santa's elves. They don't even feel pain. should I feel bad for loling?
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Nov 25, 2023 15:58
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Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:trees belong outside not inside otherwise you are making a mockery of the tree. I've been saying it for years, leave the godammed trees outside. They deserve their dignity.
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Nov 25, 2023 17:12
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People need to be more disturbed about Santa. Some eternal, omniscient monster who can teleport and see into the hearts of all people, and runs slave factories in the dark cold.
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Nov 25, 2023 17:30
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i heard online that there's a gay black trans santa now, it's got me really upset
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Nov 25, 2023 17:56
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I live in a house with a chimney and I'm terrified that jolly old gently caress is going to break and enter and eat all my cookies.
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Nov 25, 2023 18:08
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les enfants Terrific! posted:I live in a house with a chimney and I'm terrified that jolly old gently caress is going to break and enter and eat all my cookies. Two words: Booby Traps
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Nov 25, 2023 19:13
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redshirt posted:Two words: Booby Traps that's how you guard against intrusions by the Wet Bandits, Santa is a whole different kettle of fish
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Nov 25, 2023 19:30
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Every year after Christmas the ER keeps getting clogged up with little brats who got copper pellets jammed in their eye sockets. It’s a strain on our nation’s struggling hospitals.
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Nov 25, 2023 19:59
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Hammerite posted:that's how you guard against intrusions by the Wet Bandits, Santa is a whole different kettle of fish Oh, I know. Sophisticated booby traps. Time dilation fields, sonic blasts, ice spray, etc...
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Nov 25, 2023 20:00
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IoT gizmo engineers sitting on conference calls during Christmas day figuring out how to spin up more servers so kids don't have load times when they create a useless account for a toy that didn't need to connect to the internet in the first place
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Nov 25, 2023 20:05
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Szyznyk posted:The racial tensions between the coquito drinkers and the crema drinkers. Coquito supremacy
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Nov 25, 2023 20:05
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come to think of it, I also don't care for the recent "elf on the shelf" campaign that tried to install a point-eared narc for "Saint" Nick in every household. any elves I find on my shelves are being plied with food and weed, given advice about their rights as workers, and being taught how to organize. That psychological warfare bullshit cuts both ways, Kringle. Happy Holidays~ 
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Nov 25, 2023 21:09
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Murdstone posted:No one puts effort into their White Elephant gift. This. Why did I bother going to three different thrift stores and finding a vintage Snausages dog treat container that says “SNAUSAGES” when you open the lid and it still worked and it’s loving hilarious, when all you did was stop at a grocery store on the way to the party and get some lovely boring movie on blu ray? A friend of my wife hosts one of these every year and it gets more and more lame. One year I ended up with a stupid funko pop figure of a character from some show I had never heard of. When no one was looking I stuck it behind the frame of a picture on her wall and I’m almost positive it’s still there.
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Nov 25, 2023 21:39
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In the Northeastern United States the sun rises at 7:00 AM and peaces out at 4:30 PM.
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Nov 25, 2023 22:28
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Anderson Koopa posted:In the Northeastern United States the sun rises at 7:00 AM and peaces out at 4:30 PM. On 12/21 it will be around a 15:53 sunset here. Fuckin' Christmas bastards stealing our Sun!
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Nov 25, 2023 22:31
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The number of radio stations that switched over to Christmas music the moment Thanksgiving ended is annoying.
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Nov 25, 2023 22:32
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So, planning a long term project of defeating Santa: First, I'll need to invent a bunch of new tech. Maybe in a montage. Second, get married, and have 3 kids. Get a nice house in the burbs. Do all the normal stuff. Bring up the kids worshiping Santa. Then, around when the oldest is 10 and the youngest 4 or so, I make my move, having perfected the time dilation field necessary to trap Santa as he comes down the chimney. At least for a few moments. Hard to fully test. That's why the sonic blasters automatically engage, to disorient him and prevent him from breaking the field. Then a hard spray of super cold fluid which freezes around the time dilation field, further slowing him. In the few moments I have, I activate the automated machine gun turret from Aliens (Directors Cut) to pulverize the field with hot lead. Then we wait and see...
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Nov 25, 2023 22:40
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can't say marry Christmas anymore without getting canceled
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Nov 25, 2023 22:58
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Obviously, since Santa is at some level telepathic, or has tech that allows him to appear so, I'll have to forget this plan as I am spending years in the lab working on new technologies for GlobalCorp, going home to the suburbs at night to have dinner with the family. When Chrismastime is near, I tell all the kids to be good, or else..... This will also require new technology, selective memory suppression and then reactivation.
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Nov 25, 2023 23:01
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I'd have no issues at all if you only had to hear about Christmas for like two weeks. But instead, it's now two months. By the time you get to the actual day it's already long past the point of overkill.
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Nov 25, 2023 23:56
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Santa, I am just joking about this on a web forum by the way.
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Nov 25, 2023 23:58
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Not sure how this thread exists as I have it on good authority that we aren't even allowed to say Christmas anymore
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Nov 26, 2023 00:08
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the craft store was out of straw for my manger
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Nov 26, 2023 00:11
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A large man will break into my home and he’s not even hot. What’s the point?
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Nov 26, 2023 00:12
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As we get closer to perfecting the TDF, I feel this powerful urge to build ever more elaborate Christmas displays. Crazy light shows that blind the neighbors and pressure them into responding, multiple trees (disguised autogun turrets), whole house spiced up and lit, Christmas stuff everywhere. The kids love it. Start celebrating right after taking down the massive Halloween displays.
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Nov 26, 2023 00:15
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I'm out of places to hide that stupid Elf
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Nov 26, 2023 00:19
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Meanwhile, deep down an abandoned mine, within a carefully constructed lead cube, vibrating with electromagnetism, a video is recorded: Hello, future me. If you're watching this, we did it! Or something went wrong. Or you're the authorities. FU by the way if so. We had to wipe our mind of this plan until after we activated it. There was no other way to ensure he wouldn't find out. We've been operating in this hidden base for years because it seems clear now he cannot perceive us down here.
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Nov 26, 2023 00:25
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I think it's fun
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Nov 26, 2023 00:27
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car commercials. all commercials. if youre an ad watch out bitch, im coming for you.
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Nov 26, 2023 00:34
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flubber nuts posted:car commercials. all commercials. if youre an ad watch out bitch, im coming for you. Oh it's that time of the year when I bought us both 70K+ GMC vehicles!
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Nov 26, 2023 00:37
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gayby jesus
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Nov 26, 2023 01:23
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CHRISTMAS music and commercials and all this artificial poo poo
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Nov 26, 2023 01:34
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Xmas 2089, our first conclusive proof of subspace travel. 3 years of repeated signals corresponding with the instant flash arrival of wrapped presents. Our subspace detector works, gentleman.
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Nov 26, 2023 01:39
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Family chooses to live a thousand miles away and gets upset I don't feel like going through the airports with millions of people again.
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Nov 26, 2023 01:59
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emSparkly posted:A large man will break into my home and he’s not even hot. What’s the point? body-shaming Santa
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Nov 26, 2023 02:01
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I'm bad at buying gifts, it stresses me the gently caress out.
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Nov 26, 2023 02:04
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I heard at some schools instead of marry Christmas they have to say happy Ramadan and crap in cat litter boxes
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Nov 26, 2023 02:11
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being sleepy I get angry when I need a nap
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Nov 26, 2023 02:33
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I'm Jewish. I'm not really angry, just...feel invisible sometimes.
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Nov 26, 2023 05:22
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Roleplaying Dad posted:I'm Jewish. Join my team. Great benefits.
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Nov 26, 2023 05:23
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