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Hi GBS, I wrote a short story set in Mexico during the pandemic. It's about love, drugs (nsfw), music, politics and a friendly duck. Its online at https://www.inthelaguna.love if you want to give it a read. Would love to know what you think!
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Jan 18, 2024 00:37
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I think it's good. At first glance I found the links to be distracting and they reminded me of the narrating style in Ready Player One. But now that I'm done I find they help in shaping the narrator's background and personality. Of the alternate endings I think the first one has the most impact , even if I like the duck ending better.
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Jan 18, 2024 21:31
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Jan 18, 2024 21:37
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did you have more fun writing or hotlinking
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Jan 18, 2024 21:54
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Laguna is Garfield’s favorite food
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Jan 18, 2024 21:54
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Was the story ever planned to not be written in first person at some point? I've always thought my own writing sounds weird in first person. Just spend a lot of time trying to not put "I" in every sentence.
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Jan 18, 2024 22:03
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Looks like a warez site op
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Jan 18, 2024 22:09
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No quema cuh
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Jan 18, 2024 22:21
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didn't read and your site looks like 1997 geocities op
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Jan 18, 2024 22:32
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Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:I think it's good. At first glance I found the links to be distracting and they reminded me of the narrating style in Ready Player One. But now that I'm done I find they help in shaping the narrator's background and personality. Cool! Thanks a lot for reading and for your thoughts! As to the links, I met with this writer whose work I admire (Daniel Pinchbeck) to get some feedback before I shared the story with a wider audience. He suggested I streamline the narrative and add footnotes a la David Foster Wallace. I decided links would be a more natural way to provide context in an online format. I might still try a version with footnotes instead of links for a more purely literary vibe, but I'm glad you found they provided some worthwhile color and were not just a distraction! The story was written from the start with the main ending in mind. I worried that an alternate ending might prevent it from having a resounding, unified emotional impact, which I think most good short stories do, but I like how the alternate kind of lightens things up, is a little more hopeful and offers a kinder, more mystical take on the psychedelic experience. Thanks again Dumb Sex Parrot!
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Jan 18, 2024 22:50
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Mondo Wav posted:Cool! Thanks a lot for reading and for your thoughts!
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Jan 18, 2024 23:12
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cumpantry posted:did you have more fun writing or hotlinking Writing was definitely enjoyable, but I had to get into the zone and go bit by bit. I had the songs in the story on a playlist that I would listen to while I went at it, which helped. For the links, I just microdosed some mushroom chocolate, had a few beers and watched Youtube videos of songs I love one night until 5am. It was pretty fun and easygoing!
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Jan 18, 2024 23:13
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I picked through your words from the vibrant HDR screen of my Apple iPhone while listening to the lonely soft lobby music that Slay the Spire coaxed thinly from a laptop speaker. I was supported for a time by my Herman Miller Embody task chair in front of my IKEA GALANT system, and later seated on my Toto where an exhaust fan buzzed out the tireless anthem of a workhorse.
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Jan 19, 2024 00:21
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I enjoyed the story OP and I definitely think you should keep writing and sharing your work.
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Jan 19, 2024 01:24
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:Was the story ever planned to not be written in first person at some point? I've always thought my own writing sounds weird in first person. Just spend a lot of time trying to not put "I" in every sentence. Another thing Daniel Pinchbeck suggested is that rewriting the story in the third person might help me discover interesting things about the narrator. He said its important to shape the 'I'. I haven't done that yet but I decided the next story I write will be in the third person, so I'll see if that unlocks anything in terms of style. The story is gonna be set 10-15 years in the future about a female bartender from Mexico who opens a cocktail bar in Brooklyn after her husband dies and she cashes in on life insurance. She's gonna make magical drinks that come with poems, at least that's the idea I dreamt up last night.
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Jan 19, 2024 01:48
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Turpitude posted:I enjoyed the story OP and I definitely think you should keep writing and sharing your work. Thanks so much for reading and for your kind words Turpitude!
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Jan 19, 2024 01:51
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bradzilla posted:didn't read and your site looks like 1997 geocities op and where is your novel that you wrotwe for nanowrimo???>
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Jan 19, 2024 02:12
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im going to read the story just to piss brad off
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Jan 19, 2024 02:12
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:im going to read the story just to piss brad off He'll probably just bring up another story he read that is way better 
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Jan 19, 2024 02:19
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bradzilla posted:didn't read and your site looks like 1997 geocities op 90s Geocities is just what I was going for. A golden age of the internet!
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Jan 19, 2024 23:42
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cumpantry posted:i want to thrown in that i thought they were a large distraction and i think you should've just gone with pinchbeck's direct suggestion--hell, couldn't you have made footnotes and just hyperlinked the specific numbers? i don't mean to dump on what you made here it's good but it wasn't fun to navigate through Thanks for the feedback Cumpantry! You're motivating me to do the footnotes instead of just moving on to another story. It would be dope to get this published in a journal or something sans links and I think I would have to do that first.
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Jan 19, 2024 23:46
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forgot to read this. i promise i will tonight op
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Jan 19, 2024 23:51
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hot cocoa on the couch posted:forgot to read this. i promise i will tonight op cool! it'll be up for when the right moment comes hot cocoa
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Jan 20, 2024 22:06
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