pig labeled 3 posted:

Hello Sharks, my name is Sean, and I've developed a groundbreaking new way to wipe your rear end. Through years of meticulous research and development, I have gathered strong data that suggests the antiquated methods of "front-to-back" and "back-to-front" wiping are shockingly ineffective in comparison to what I am about to show you today.

Enter... The SideSwiper. Requiring only minor modifications to your standard toilet seat, this new product will blow the minds of habitual shitters worldwide, transforming the mundane routine of expelling waste into the highlight of their day. By utilizing state-of-the-art technology that hybridizes a dry wipe with a patented modified bidet, users can eliminate all risk of blasting poo poo particles at their balls or pussy while cutting down their toilet paper usage to a third.

The SideSwiper. You'll want to sit down for this.

We've brought in a demo unit to show you the ins and outs of our product. Can I get a volunteer?