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Butt House
Oct 17, 2002

i love you, you jerk
Back in 2008 my ex and I went on vacation in LA. I made plans for us to go on both The Price is Right and Jay Leno. I made T-shirts for TPIR and everything. I guess that can be a whole thread about that, but (a) the Bob Barker studio is super tiny, and (b) there is absolute zero randomness how the producers choose contestants. We ended up not getting called on stage, but you couldn’t miss my gangly rear end flailing my arms.

For Leno we waited in line outside the Burbank studio. They started filing people in, checking their tickets and going through metal detectors. A producer asked us to wait to the side for a minute. Kinda weird, but ok…then another PA motioned for us down a hallway into the studio, and there were two chairs right up next to the stage with small ribbons over them. I sat behind my GF and it dawned that I could get on TV…because everyone in the floor seats could run up and shake Jay’s hand before the monologue.

So when Jay comes out I loving beeline to an inside corner, so I would face outward. I shake his hand quick but realize I’m too tall for him to reach other people. I go into an immediate crouch, but they switched camera to Kevin Eubanks at that very second. So luckily I avoided looking like a dumbass on NBC…except for willingly watching Leno. The guest was Russell Brand. During break, Russel’s hairstylist shot an entire can of hairspray into his coiffure.

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