Madame Web: it's really fucking bleak - The Something Awful Forums

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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Madame Web: it's really fucking bleak

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Reminder that this being set in 2003 was only done in reshoots. I think originally it was 1997 or something? Maybe even earlier? So expect no pop culture references to 2003 as it was an unnecessary reshoot choice.

# ¿ Feb 12, 2024 00:59

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 18:25

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

https://www.metacritic.com/movie/madame-web/

It's a disaster

And it's a boring disaster so it won't even get Cats like "what the gently caress"

There will be no Skimbleshanks

The railway cat

# ¿ Feb 13, 2024 22:47

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Oh they removed from the final cut the Amazon death line. They were bullied so hard they won't even let us have the memes.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2024 22:55

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

The genre isn't the fault as much as the content. There is no story, no pathos, to Madame Web as a character to be adapted. They just exist as a thing. Take the recent bad Thor movie, it was terrible, but Christian Bale as Gorr the God Butcher was great because Gorr as originally written was great and the adaptation managed to somehow maintain that in a movie he didn't belong in.

It's also why I find it loving funny they are running ahead with a Kraven movie because the only Kraven story worth adapting is the one he died in and that required decades of knowing he as a character was a joke even to the audience. Kraven being a joke is why Kraven's Last Hunt worked. If he was a good character the story would've made no sense.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2024 23:07

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

So I posted Dakota doing this angst press run was a bit weird as she signed up for it and auditioned. Turns out she heard that.

https://www.thewrap.com/madame-web-script-changes-dakota-johnson/

Hit the ground running as soon as reviews dropped to note that this was NOT the movie she signed up for and the entire script was changed. So now she's blaming the writers and director. To be fair the director is one if the credited writers.

But yes she must know this might sink her and she is continuing to burn them all down.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2024 23:23

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Pinterest Mom posted:

It might!

There's an even bigger sign there's a cat of the railway train

There's an entire action set piece timed with choreography and synced to Britney Spears Toxic.

# ¿ Feb 13, 2024 23:33

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

"The ADR mishaps are so pronounced that it transforms the experience into something akin to watching a poorly dubbed foreign film, particularly with Ezekiel’s character, where the audio and actor are misaligned. The special effects seem unfinished, which made me wonder if they were ever fully rendered to begin with. Such blatant oversight not only distracts but also detracts from the storytelling, making the audience painfully aware of the film’s unfinishedness."

We dubbed him wrong, as a joke.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2024 02:17

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Pirate Jet posted:

People seem to be seriously misremembering the path the superhero trend has taken, which is understandable because it is fifteen years old now -

I disagree because this film feels like a throwback to the halcyon days of after Spider-Man but before Iron Man where we got a bunch of music video directors making Spider-Man clones like Daredevil and Catwoman. This film feels like a throwback to those days, and like now they're corporate "holy gently caress we have these characters and this us billions let's make it" by people who have no idea what those properties are.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2024 02:27

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-02-14/madame-web-movie-review-even-dakota-johnson-seems-to-know-it-s-very-very-bad

Reviews now reviewing Dakota Johnson's press tour instead.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2024 12:43

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

S K I M B L E S H AN K S

# ¿ Feb 14, 2024 13:19

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Bill Cosby, rapist, did the same thing like 30 or 40 years ago as Dakota about Leonard Part 6 or sone poo poo. Except he went further and went on TV to tell people to not watch it it was so poo poo. Jim Carrey did too to a lesser extent with Kick rear end 2.

# ¿ Feb 14, 2024 13:52

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

"The signs are there pretty much from the jump, but it isn’t until Mis-Teeq’s “Scandalous” is dropped in during an action sequence that it becomes shockingly obvious how much Madame Web has in common with the 2004 Catwoman starring Halle Berry in terms of both films feeling like doomed misfires from the very beginning."

Why did it take til this review to note an action piece is set to this iconic history. Does Madame Web secretly have a playground basketball match too?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1kE0MMfr20

# ¿ Feb 14, 2024 23:13

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

NorgLyle posted:

I said it before and I'll say it again; the only proper way to handle being in Madame Web is to go full Michael Caine.

https://twitter.com/FilmUpdates/status/1758158780775231493

# ¿ Feb 15, 2024 20:06

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

News coming up that they are cancelling the Web sequels which lol but also this movie cost at least 20 million dollars more than reported. Low hundred millions. Probably tried to hide that as how cansonethibg that expensive look so cheap.

Still haven't decided to shelve Kraven though.

# ¿ Feb 19, 2024 20:28

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

MacheteZombie posted:

They already had sequels lined up? Lol

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/madame-web-bomb-killed-sony-franchise-1235829471/

They had planned a FRANCHISE

# ¿ Feb 19, 2024 21:38

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Speaking of Sony retooling because women don't matter

https://www.themarysue.com/amazons-...enough-already/

They've fired everyone on Silk because it's not erotic and sexy enough so it's being remade for a "male audience"

# ¿ Feb 19, 2024 23:06

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Madame Web still hasn't reached the amount Morbius made on its first weekend and now news articles are coming out stating Dakota Johnson and Sydney Sweeney were tricked by their agents into thinking this was an MCU film.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2024 03:01

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Pirate Jet posted:

Gotta be real it feels at least a little sexist to assume that the women in this movie are only in it because they’re too dumb to figure out franchise planning.

Now now it came out Matt Smith was bamboozled too. He thought he was being offered MCU and called Karen Gillan who saud accept its a whole lot if fun not realising they would never overlap.

# ¿ Feb 26, 2024 07:27

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

https://twitter.com/HIDEO_KOJIMA_EN/status/1763913498382487913

# ¿ Mar 3, 2024 02:50

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

CelticPredator posted:

Agents can also be idiots too.

Also literally the week the trailer dropped Johnson fired her agent and jumped agencies.

# ¿ Mar 7, 2024 15:07

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Soon...

# ¿ Mar 9, 2024 08:07

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

That DICK! posted:

does sony have black cat? coulda printed some dang money with a sidney sweeney movie there.

Yes, they actually had Felicia in AMS2 played by Felicity Jones for a spin off or sequel that never happened.

# ¿ Mar 24, 2024 08:51

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

8one6 posted:

"Have you met my secretary..." [executive character turns to stare directly into the camera] "... Felicia Hardy?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlPVmFuLVBg

# ¿ Mar 25, 2024 03:50

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# ¿ May 9, 2024 18:25

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/kraven-hunter-movie-faces-another-093000681.html

Oh no

# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 21:07

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The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Madame Web: it's really fucking bleak

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