Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > 40K Lore Thread: More like Games Wokeshop
«‹›40 »
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008

 :admech101:"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!"

:confused:"I see. So you risk your lives, knowing death is the final end?"

:admech101:"No! We do not believe in hell! However, you DO have a soul that carries on after you die."

:confused:"Oh... okay. What happens to it?"

:admech101:"After death, it travels to another dimension! A really scary one! There your soul suffers for eternity!"

:confused:"So hell?"

:admech101:"None of your superstitious nonsense, heretic! This is no hell. It is the warp, a dimension ruled by chaotic gods."

:confused:"I thought there weren't any gods?"

:admech101:"There aren't! And there are four of them. No demons either! But there are daemons."

:confused:"I'm so confused."

:admech101:"If you knew the Emperor's will, you would be illuminated and no longer lost in ignorance."

:confused:"This Emperor, is he powerful?"

:admech101:"Beyond compare! He is the one who led us away from superstition, religious dogma, and silly beliefs in fairy tales."

:confused:"Wow. Where is he now?"

:admech101:"He's dead!"

:confused:"Oh. Bummer."

:admech101:"Yes, dead and 40,000+ years old. And still large and in charge."

:confused:"Huh?"

:admech101:"His brain lives! Kind of!"

:confused:"But he was alive for tens of thousands of years? How is that possible? With science?"

:admech101:"No! He is a powerful psychic. His power is beyond compare. He can see the future, control time and space itself, and shoot fireballs and lightning probably."

:confused:"But I thought you said magic didn't..."

:admech101:"Speak not of magic! Such barbaric concepts Our emperor was born of a moment when ancient mystical shaman sacrificed themselves, their souls joining together into a Super Soul, and thus the Emperor came into being."

:confused:"It sure sounds like-"

:admech101:"It's not magic! It's all very scientific. You just don't understand."

:confused:"Well, I suppose you guys do have some impressive scientific abilities. So it can't be all... um... not-magic. How does it work?"

:admech101:"No clue!"

:confused:"Oh. Ok."

:admech101:"All thanks to the Machine Spirit and the Omnissiah it works!"

:confused:"But I thought you said-"

:admech101:"No gods! Only men. The Emperor is just a man. A powerful one, but a man no less. And he's the Machine God. Maybe. But not a god. But you must worship him. As a god."

:confused:"Just a man. A man who is thousands of years old and is immortal and psychic and is dead but not dead and also has fireballs?"

:admech101:"Yes. Now you understand."

:confused:"..."

:admech101:"Did I tell you about the time that the Emperor, in medieval Terra, defeated a literal dragon who was eating all the princesses? Took that dragon straight to Mars and locked it away, he did!"

:confused:"WTF"

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:11
  • Quote
Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 04:08
  • Quote
cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

 i cant read all this, next time use 40k less words

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:15
  • Quote
Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




 lighting the astronomicon was a mistake

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:15
  • Quote
Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
I like the orks

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:15
  • Quote
Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

 this is literally what scientologists believe

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:16
  • Quote
Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:
Painting things red makes them go faster much like putting as much argb as possible in your computer makes it go faster

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:17
  • Quote
TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

Eclipse12 posted:

:admech101:"In the imperium, we do not believe in heaven nor hell, not gods or devils, not magic nor superstition!"

:confused:"I see. So you risk your lives, knowing death is the final end?"

:admech101:"No! We do not believe in hell! However, you DO have a soul that carries on after you die."

:confused:"Oh... okay. What happens to it?"

:admech101:"After death, it travels to another dimension! A really scary one! There your soul suffers for eternity!"

:confused:"So hell?"

:admech101:"None of your superstitious nonsense, heretic! This is no hell. It is the warp, a dimension ruled by chaotic gods."

:confused:"I thought there weren't any gods?"

:admech101:"There aren't! And there are four of them. No demons either! But there are daemons."

:confused:"I'm so confused."

:admech101:"If you knew the Emperor's will, you would be illuminated and no longer lost in ignorance."

:confused:"This Emperor, is he powerful?"

:admech101:"Beyond compare! He is the one who led us away from superstition, religious dogma, and silly beliefs in fairy tales."

:confused:"Wow. Where is he now?"

:admech101:"He's dead!"

:confused:"Oh. Bummer."

:admech101:"Yes, dead and 40,000+ years old. And still large and in charge."

:confused:"Huh?"

:admech101:"His brain lives! Kind of!"

:confused:"But he was alive for tens of thousands of years? How is that possible? With science?"

:admech101:"No! He is a powerful psychic. His power is beyond compare. He can see the future, control time and space itself, and shoot fireballs and lightning probably."

:confused:"But I thought you said magic didn't..."

:admech101:"Speak not of magic! Such barbaric concepts Our emperor was born of a moment when ancient mystical shaman sacrificed themselves, their souls joining together into a Super Soul, and thus the Emperor came into being."

:confused:"It sure sounds like-"

:admech101:"It's not magic! It's all very scientific. You just don't understand."

:confused:"Well, I suppose you guys do have some impressive scientific abilities. So it can't be all... um... not-magic. How does it work?"

:admech101:"No clue!"

:confused:"Oh. Ok."

:admech101:"All thanks to the Machine Spirit and the Omnissiah it works!"

:confused:"But I thought you said-"

:admech101:"No gods! Only men. The Emperor is just a man. A powerful one, but a man no less. And he's the Machine God. Maybe. But not a god. But you must worship him. As a god."

:confused:"Just a man. A man who is thousands of years old and is immortal and psychic and is dead but not dead and also has fireballs?"

:admech101:"Yes. Now you understand."

:confused:"..."

:admech101:"Did I tell you about the time that the Emperor, in medieval Terra, defeated a literal dragon who was eating all the princesses? Took that dragon straight to Mars and locked it away, he did!"

:confused:"WTF"

:thejoke:

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:17
  • Quote
sure okay
Apr 7, 2006





 Data's evil brother is in Warhammer???

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:20
  • Quote
EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.
 Warhammer 40k is idiot poo poo for fuckers OP

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:21
  • Quote
hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

 cool

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:27
  • Quote
hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

 i guess gbs has a 40k thread now. ill check back in in about 500 pages

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:27
  • Quote
Larry Cum Free
Jun 3, 2022

move it or lose it dillweed
yeah it is...


a hoot of WEED

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:27
  • Quote
Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008

 Look, these 100 books about the Horus Heresy ain't gonna read themselves.

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:31
  • Quote
EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.
 I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore and being as edgy as humanly possible

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:32
  • Quote
Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008

Nooner posted:

I like the orks

Hell yeah. Orks are best.

Played them in tabletop when I played ages ago.

Have an ork tattoo for some reason.

Love me Orks

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:32
  • Quote
hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

EorayMel posted:

I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore

the point is actually that fascism is epically ftw

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:32
  • Quote
Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

 the emojis are saying the words

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:35
  • Quote
Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




 the imperium is a land of contrasts

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:38
  • Quote
TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

 jokes get real bad when nerds retell them 40,000 times. goons of all people should understand this

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:39
  • Quote
Putty
Mar 21, 2013

HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS
I don't know anything about 40k, ok bye guys

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:39
  • Quote
hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

Putty posted:

I don't know anything about 40k, ok bye guys

:thanks:

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:40
  • Quote
kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER

Nooner posted:

I like the dorks

;)

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:40
  • Quote
TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

 this is the orklover thread. dorklover thread is over there —> https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=4055373

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:43
  • Quote
Milo and POTUS
Sep 3, 2017

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

i guess gbs has a 40k thread now. ill check back in in about 500 pages

I won't

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:43
  • Quote
Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008

 I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:49
  • Quote
Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

Eclipse12 posted:

I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

hobby store pencilhands

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:50
  • Quote
titty_baby_
Nov 11, 2015

 It's called Warhammer 40k because it costs $40,000 to get your first army

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:51
  • Quote
TrashMammal
Nov 10, 2022

Eclipse12 posted:

I cant afford to play 40k and don't have any friends. This is my only way to get in with the cool kids at the hobby store. Please.

bet you haven’t even tried to strike up a conversation about ethics in gaming journalism

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:52
  • Quote
Vampire Panties
Apr 18, 2001
nposter
Nap Ghost

EorayMel posted:

I feel like there is a much better way to make the point "fascism is bad" that doesn't involve 25 phonebooks of lore and being as edgy as humanly possible


Vampire Panties fucked around with this message at 20:57 on Mar 25, 2024

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:54
  • Quote
Eclipse12
Feb 20, 2008

TrashMammal posted:

bet you haven’t even tried to strike up a conversation about ethics in gaming journalism

That's why I don't have any friends to begin with.

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 20:54
  • Quote
Dumb Sex-Parrot
Dec 25, 2020
 i have read all the books

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:02
  • Quote
hot cocoa on the couch
Dec 8, 2009

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

i have read all the books

that doesnt surprise me at all

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:03
  • Quote
Dumb Sex-Parrot
Dec 25, 2020
 in one of the books there is an ork

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:05
  • Quote
Poohs Packin
Jan 13, 2019

Larry Cum Free posted:

yeah it is...


a hoot of WEED

BRB doing weed

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:05
  • Quote
N. Senada
May 17, 2011

My kidneys are busted

Nooner posted:

I like the orks

Regretfully agreeing with nooner

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:05
  • Quote
kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

in one of the books there is an ork

bullshit

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:07
  • Quote
naem
May 29, 2011

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:08
  • Quote
Bad Purchase
Jun 17, 2019




 i like the sandy mitchell book

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:10
  • Quote
kntfkr
Feb 11, 2019

GOOSE FUCKER
Redwall 40,000

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:10
  • Quote
Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 04:08
  • Quote
cumpantry
Dec 18, 2020

kntfkr posted:

Redwall 40,000

lmfao ok now we're talking.

* # ? Mar 25, 2024 21:40
  • Quote
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > 40K Lore Thread: More like Games Wokeshop
«‹›40 »