Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

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v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

I don't even know how much I would pay to see one of these put 'em in dresses guys get hit just once by Julius Peppers or Patrick Willis. Brian Dawkins would serve in a punch. TJ Ward for the worst of them.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 18:20

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# ? May 17, 2024 02:40

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

The SituAsian posted:

The type of person who would make such a comment considers anything that isn't Jack Ham concussing black people to be a disgrace to the game.

What a fantastic comment. Bravo

# ? Jul 31, 2012 19:55

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

Rap posted:

I don't even know how much I would pay to see one of these put 'em in dresses guys get hit just once by Julius Peppers or Patrick Willis. Brian Dawkins would serve in a punch. TJ Ward for the worst of them.

I'd be happy with watching one of them try to get through even one practice. Hell, even a no-contact one.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 19:57

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Rap posted:

I don't even know how much I would pay to see one of these put 'em in dresses guys get hit just once by Julius Peppers or Patrick Willis. Brian Dawkins would serve in a punch. TJ Ward for the worst of them.

Have them spend five minutes in a small room with James Harrison all tramped up before he goes dancing with the girls.

p.s. make sure Harrison is menstruating so he be madder

# ? Jul 31, 2012 19:59

Kalli: Jun 2, 2001

Rap posted:

I don't even know how much I would pay to see one of these put 'em in dresses guys get hit just once by Julius Peppers or Patrick Willis. Brian Dawkins would serve in a punch. TJ Ward for the worst of them.

Pretty much the best part of Jackass 3 is Knoxville getting defenseless receivered by Jared Allen. Normal sized people getting hit by football players is horrifying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbJEo09w3dw

That is to say I am all in favor of it.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 20:04

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

Kalli posted:

Pretty much the best part of Jackass 3 is Knoxville getting defenseless receivered by Jared Allen. Normal sized people getting hit by football players is horrifying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbJEo09w3dw

That is to say I am all in favor of it.

"Hey Jared...don't hit me with your purse this time!"

I also like this video because it shows how much larger NFL players are than regular people, yet somehow also much faster.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 20:08

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

They needed to have Gronk lay a hit on him next time. He did the same thing to Terrel ducking Suggs blindside.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 20:16

swickles: Aug 21, 2006; I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just some QB that I used to know

I was more impressed that Erik Ainge threw a catchable ball.

# ? Jul 31, 2012 21:04

Grozz Nuy: Feb 21, 2008; Welcome to Moonside.

Wecomel to Soonmide.

Moonwel ot cosidme.

Not strictly a forum, but a commenter on a Niners camp report story has some... eloquent thoughts about Michael Crabtree.

quote:

Bye Bye failtree, your time is up, plenty of talented WRs on the roster to take your reps and spot this time around. Don't think for a second Harbs didn't remember you dropping 3 easily catchable balls in the NO game (lucky Alex Smith, VD and others help won that game), your pathetic showing in the NFCC, how many TCs and preseasons you have already missed since coming into the NFL and trying to hold out for more money as a rookie LOL!!! Oh yea and Harb is a determined son of a gun, he's determined to be back in the NFCC and actually get to the SB this year with real NFL WRs that are hungry and will do their job the right way. He drafted a WR in 1st rd and brought in 2 experienced WRs + numerous more talented young WRs to replace you failtree LOL!!! I LOVE IT!!! Good thing you are hurt again, let the other talented WRs with real speed get the reps so you can begone sooner!!! CYA LOSER LOL!!!

quote:

Didn't know speaking the truth on the matter is "talking big". GL to failtree for missing more TC, it's NOT his first and this time there are plenty of other talents to take his place and were brought in to do exactly just that. Bye loser slacker!!!

quote:

Yuuuuuuuup Failtree is done!!! LOL you MAD? GL delusionally supporting a proven slacker that isn't practicing AGAIN when the pads are on and isn't living up to expectations and his paycheck. Now you may head to your stonerlab and smoke and slack like that loser failtree who is about to be replaced LOL!!!

A lot of Niners fans dislike Crabtree and I'm used to seeing that online... but Jesus Christ, 'Failtree'?

# ? Aug 1, 2012 08:54

Alfred P. Pseudonym: May 29, 2006; And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

Kalli posted:

Pretty much the best part of Jackass 3 is Knoxville getting defenseless receivered by Jared Allen. Normal sized people getting hit by football players is horrifying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbJEo09w3dw

That is to say I am all in favor of it.

This reminds me of those Sports Science segments they do before the draft each year of that tiny host dude getting lit up by the top DT prospects.

# ? Aug 1, 2012 09:22

RustySeabutter: Nov 11, 2000; Puncho!

Alfred P. Pseudonym posted:

This reminds me of those Sports Science segments they do before the draft each year of that tiny host dude getting lit up by the top DT prospects.

better yet, big jenk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn2svE2Aw7A

# ? Aug 1, 2012 15:30

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

AdamD posted:

better yet, big jenk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn2svE2Aw7A

HAHAHA its like the little guy is just trying to bear hug Kris and hold on for dear life.

# ? Aug 1, 2012 15:39

cage-free egghead: Mar 8, 2004

AdamD posted:

better yet, big jenk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn2svE2Aw7A

So this is how Tavaris Jackson must feel.

# ? Aug 1, 2012 17:50

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Lblitzer posted:

So this is how Tavaris Jackson must feel.

you better check yourself before you wreck yourself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4UvKrdafqY

# ? Aug 2, 2012 05:36

RustySeabutter: Nov 11, 2000; Puncho!

Chichevache posted:

you better check yourself before you wreck yourself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4UvKrdafqY

thats one of my new favorite football youtubs

# ? Aug 2, 2012 07:21

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

AdamD posted:

thats one of my new favorite football youtubs

I love TJax and it still gets me every time. You have to love his dedication.

# ? Aug 2, 2012 09:07

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

Grozz Nuy posted:

Not strictly a forum, but a commenter on a Niners camp report story has some... eloquent thoughts about Michael Crabtree.

A lot of Niners fans dislike Crabtree and I'm used to seeing that online... but Jesus Christ, 'Failtree'?

It's somehow worse than Cashtree, which is what I hear my girlfriend's otherwise extremely intelligent, and extremely intelligent about football specificially, dad call him.

# ? Aug 3, 2012 19:59

smuggler: Apr 23, 2007; INSULTING THE PACKERS IS NOT AGAINST FORUM RULES, MORON

At least "Cashtree" has a basis in a (quite unrelated) cliche. Money growing on trees?? I don't know.

How did "Failtree" come about, other than a guy just sitting there seething with anger at the guy.

# ? Aug 3, 2012 21:10

Suave Fedora: Jun 10, 2004

I just like calling the guy Crabby, ok. He's crabby because he's is under-performing and people are calling him bad names.

# ? Aug 3, 2012 21:40

Grozz Nuy: Feb 21, 2008; Welcome to Moonside.

Wecomel to Soonmide.

Moonwel ot cosidme.

smuggler posted:

At least "Cashtree" has a basis in a (quite unrelated) cliche. Money growing on trees?? I don't know.

How did "Failtree" come about, other than a guy just sitting there seething with anger at the guy.

I've been reading a lot of that particular beat writer's training camp updates lately, and every time the receivers come up that dude is there complaining about Crabtree. So I guess he's just really angry about the Niners drafting a guy who has a decent but not great receiver in his career so far.

# ? Aug 4, 2012 05:00

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Learn to deal with your WR busts with class, 49ers fans. Make a gif about it. Learn from Miami.

edit: Although Crabtree has been improving every year so not sure what that guy wants.

# ? Aug 4, 2012 19:56

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

AAA DOLFAN posted:

Learn to deal with your WR busts with class, 49ers fans. Make a gif about it. Learn from Miami.

edit: Although Crabtree has been improving every year so not sure what that guy wants.

Jerry rice or nothing

# ? Aug 4, 2012 20:11

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

I think the problem with 49ers beat writers is Jerry was around for so long they hitch their wagon to the fact that every highly-touted WR is going to be Jerry. Then when they don't live up to the perceived hype, they attack.

That and Jerry Rice was known for his work ethic and since being here Crabtree has been to like one day of OTAs or preseason minicamp.

# ? Aug 4, 2012 22:49

Grozz Nuy: Feb 21, 2008; Welcome to Moonside.

Wecomel to Soonmide.

Moonwel ot cosidme.

Yeah, between how Crabs has been treated since getting drafted and the entire media circus around Jenkins for no particular reason, it seems like Niners fans and media just have completely unrealistic expectations for WR prospects. Probably because the GOAT spent most of his career here, but it's still kind of ridiculous.

# ? Aug 4, 2012 23:29

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

There's also the fact everyone thought the Niners were incredibly lucky to draft him, since everyone thought the Raiders were going to snatch him up (instead they took DHB because Al Davis). Then he held out on his contract until MC Hammer talked him out of it (this literally happened) and since then Crabtree's been a competent but not world class WR like we thought he might be because holy poo poo lucky draft pick.

And there's also that Jerry Rice thing, though considering how clownish our offense was until last season I doubt even Jerry himself could've done much to improve our situation.

# ? Aug 4, 2012 23:29

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

There's also the fact everyone thought the Niners were incredibly lucky to draft him, since everyone thought the Raiders were going to snatch him up (instead they took DHB because Al Davis). Then he held out on his contract until MC Hammer talked him out of it (this literally happened) and since then Crabtree's been a competent but not world class WR like we thought he might be because holy poo poo lucky draft pick.

And there's also that Jerry Rice thing, though considering how clownish our offense was until last season I doubt even Jerry himself could've done much to improve our situation.

He could have played quarterback better than smith.

# ? Aug 4, 2012 23:47

Ostentatious: Sep 29, 2010

Was Al Davis really crazy? DHB has made some good strides to becoming a decent WR in the NFL.

What if we were the crazy ones.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 00:13

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Captain Tolerable posted:

Was Al Davis really crazy? DHB has made some good strides to becoming a decent WR in the NFL.

What if we were the crazy ones.

We might have been. Crabtree had good size, strength, was productive in college, and was a good blocker; DHB also had good size, elite speed, ran bad routes, and shed tackles like no one's business. Granted, this is a bit of an oversimplification, but DHB was a project when he was drafted and has pretty much followed that arc while Crabtree was supposed to be good from day one and has underwhelmed ever since (mostly because he was supposed to be a top 5 WR).

Now that I've written all that, Al Davis is clearly loving mental for taking a project at #7 with two (not one, but two) higher rated prospects at the same position still on the board. It's cool that it worked out, though.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 00:38

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Captain Tolerable posted:

Was Al Davis really crazy? DHB has made some good strides to becoming a decent WR in the NFL.

What if we were the crazy ones.

DHB is by all accounts a serviceable WR with a few issues that need working on, but no different from any young project WR.

The problem is Al Davis picked him seventh overall.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 01:00

kayakyakr: Feb 16, 2004; Kayak is true

Declan MacManus posted:

We might have been. Crabtree had good size, strength, was productive in college, and was a good blocker; DHB also had good size, elite speed, ran bad routes, and shed tackles like no one's business. Granted, this is a bit of an oversimplification, but DHB was a project when he was drafted and has pretty much followed that arc while Crabtree was supposed to be good from day one and has underwhelmed ever since (mostly because he was supposed to be a top 5 WR).

Now that I've written all that, Al Davis is clearly loving mental for taking a project at #7 with two (not one, but two) higher rated prospects at the same position still on the board. It's cool that it worked out, though.

Crabtree also came in with an ego and a foot problem, each of which essentially cost him his last 6 games of college and his first full season in the NFL.

Al Davis was loving insane, though. Not for picking DHB, just because he was Al loving Davis.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 01:57

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Heyward Bay has looked like a better professional WR up to this point (thanks to last season) more than Crabtree has so to say he's merely "serviceable" stinks of self serving.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 17:28

kayakyakr: Feb 16, 2004; Kayak is true

AAA DOLFAN posted:

Heyward Bay has looked like a better professional WR up to this point (thanks to last season) more than Crabtree has so to say he's merely "serviceable" stinks of self serving.

This isn't the thread to have this discussion, but:

code:

NAME			REC	TAR	YDS	AVG	TD	LONG	20+	YDS/G	FUM	FUML	YAC	1DN
Darrius Heyward-Bey	64	115	975	15.2	4	58	14	65.0	1	1	282	44
Michael Crabtree	72	114	874	12.1	4	52	12	58.3	0	0	363	40

each led their team in receiving, with Heyward-Bey gaining ~100 more yards on a team that threw for almost a thousand more yards. I'd call those comparable stats. Plus Crabtree had ~80 more YAC than DHB.

They're two players with comparable production on two very, very different teams.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 17:42

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Niners only had 1 qb last year, and he never turned into Kyke Boller.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 18:47

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

...what

# ? Aug 5, 2012 18:52

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

AAA DOLFAN posted:

...what

K is right next to L. I'm sorry Jewish mom!

# ? Aug 5, 2012 18:57

Nail Rat: Dec 29, 2000; You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!!

AAA DOLFAN posted:

...what

Previous post plus your avatar plus the reply, awesome synergy.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 18:58

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Nail Rat posted:

Previous post plus your avatar plus the reply, awesome synergy.

Adolf has judged me, and Adolf has found me wanting.

# ? Aug 5, 2012 19:07

Morby: Sep 6, 2007

kayakyakr posted:

Al Davis was loving insane, though. Not for picking DHB, just because he was Al loving Davis.

I still miss that man.

Drafts will be so boring now!

# ? Aug 5, 2012 23:01

Impossibly Perfect Sphere: Nov 6, 2002; They wasted Luanne on Lucky!

She could of have been so much more but the writers just didn't care!

TheBizzness posted:

quote:
Back in the Joe Horn days I made the mistake of spelling Horn, Horne It was my first post didn't know much about a phc then don't know much know. Someone gave me such a hard time I didn't post for years.I come to this site at least 3 times a day.In the mourning at lunch and I only get 30 minutes a day lunch break.My wife has the site pulled up and waiting on me,and at least an hour in the evening.I know of alot of people just from reading there post.Needless to say I love this site.I am a huge Saints fan have been sense the Archie days.I am a Saints fan and only the Saints I hate the Falcons just like every body else.I had a friend at work ask me one time who else I liked ?I told him no one if the Saints an't playing I an't watching.After the Gaints won the Super Bowl in 08 my brother in law was giving me a hard time . He's a Eli fan .He told me " The Ring Is The Thing" I told him That alright Drew's get his this year.When we won I called him up and told him The Rings the Thing.He said yeah,yeah they played a good game.This year he was bragging again and I told him thats how it works The Gaints win one year the Saints the next.Now we need to do it.Come on lets be the first team to win a Super bowl at home ,Black and Gold in the Super Bowl!!!

I don't know why, but I think about this post all the time, especially at work and it never fails to make me chuckle. Something about the mental image of this guy, swearing at traffic, driving as fast as he can to get home, so he can run to his computer where his wife has "the site pulled up", as it takes minutes to load on his AOL dialup.

# ? Aug 6, 2012 00:30

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# ? May 17, 2024 02:40

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Hahahah I had forgotten the "Someone gave me such a hard time I didn't post for years." part hahahaha

# ? Aug 6, 2012 00:35

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