Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

«‹›91 »

Tae: Oct 24, 2010; Hello? Can you hear me? ...Perhaps if I shout? AAAAAAAAAH!

kayakyakr posted:

They're two players with comparable production on two very, very different teams.

DHB was also benched for a couple weeks (for whatever reason), so his production was better than on paper.

# ? Aug 6, 2012 00:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 17, 2024 06:09

t a s t e: Sep 6, 2010

Time to fire that rear end in a top hat Buddy Nix:

quote:

Since Nix took over, Buffalo has passed on Tebow, Locker, Ponder, Gabbert, and Tannehill (assuming a tradeup to 7 last draft). Chances are two of those QBs are going to pan out and have a great opportunity to be a franchise QB.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 08:45

Hamhandler: Aug 9, 2008; [I want to] shit in your fucking mouth. [I'm going to] slap your fucking mouth. [I'm going to] slap your real mother across the face [laughter]. Fuck you, you're still a rookie. I'll kill you.

Not really a bad "football" post per se, but I found this on ThePhins.com message board in the Hard Knocks thread:

DolfanTom posted:

Probably true, but she was clearly the hottest of the bunch. Garrard's wife is cute, but she's older. Matt Moore's wife is hot, but was recently "spoiled" by child birth. Tanny's wife is well known at this point, but she's almost too tall (very straight legs), and while she's hot, she gets points deducted for that. Les Brown's girl is just straight up drat!!

NFL-related message boards are frequently bad when they talk about football but they might be worse when they don't.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 16:01

Spork o Doom: May 31, 2011

Tremendous Taste posted:

Time to fire that rear end in a top hat Buddy Nix:

Based on that list I never want Buddy to leave.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 16:26

Genocide Tendency: Dec 24, 2009; I get mental health care from the medical equivalent of Skillcraft.

Tremendous Taste posted:

Time to fire that rear end in a top hat Buddy Nix:

What the gently caress? I mean I have seen some bad football opinions, I have had a few my self (loving Matt Ryan... I can not believe I thought you might be decent.). But..

quote:

Since Nix took over, Buffalo has passed on Tebow, Locker, Ponder, Gabbert, and Tannehill (assuming a tradeup to 7 last draft). Chances are two of those QBs are going to pan out and have a great opportunity to be a franchise QB.

Who out of that has the chance to be a franchise QB? Ponder not only sucks, he is a china doll, I know this because I saw him play at FSU. By the end of the season Gabbert looked like he had shell shock. Tannehill plays for the Dolphins. Tebow might.. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha. No one on that list. Not loving one.

Fire Buddy Nix.

God drat that is just.. Special.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 16:31

WHOOPS: Nov 6, 2009

I was reminded of Walter Football a bit ago which reminded me of this god awful post in a topic about Carl Nicks signing with the Bucs. Supposedly this guy is a Bucs fan:

Zenithian Legend posted:

Tampa might actually win less than 4 games next season. This team is going to be awful. Let's sign guys like Carl Nicks and Vincent Jackson, who obviously care only about money and not winning, and see how they play after they get their big contracts. Jackson has had elite QBs throwing him the ball his whole career, yet has never caught more than 68 passes in a single season.

Then to top it all off Tampa goes and signs Eric Wright to a 5 year/$37.5M deal! What the hell is that? Aside from possibly the worst free agent signing in the history of the NFL. Wright was one of Detroit's glaring weaknesses last year, so I'm not sure why Tampa wanted him so bad.

And when mocked about the "only care about money", he responded with:

quote:

I like when clueless 'experts' post like elitist punks, with a 'know-it-all' attitude, you guys would fit in great at ESPN. Obviously you two are right though, 'Durr Tampa sign men-e good free agent they win supa bowl next year durrr!" Jackson, Nicks and Wright fix all their problems, how did I not see this?

Fun fact: $31M of Nicks $47.5M contract is GUARANTEED. Even if he has a bad year, he won't get cut. Hell he'd have to have back-to-back atrocious years, and even still I doubt he's out of Tampa in less than 3, unless he goes Talib on somebody. Plus do you really think Tampa is going to cut him and admit to making a $31M blunder? Yep, tons of incentive to perform there!

Jackson's deal isn't quite as bad with only $26M of the $55.5M guaranteed. Still players who take tons of money in free agency, going from a playoff-caliber team to a crappy squad, have a really checkered history. Think about Sidney Rice last summer. Think about Albert Haynesworth. Think about O.J. Atogwe. Think about Zach Miller. Think about all of the bums Daniel Snyder has brought in over the years. But please feel free to cite examples of players that willingly went to crap teams for more money and actually earned it.

And nothing excuses signing Eric Wright for $37.5M. That's just insane! Millen himself wouldn't have paid that.

The $0.00 thing is just plain asinine as well, if you WANT to win you take less money, not zero money, don't act like a child. Honestly, what can you do with $55M, that you can't do with $50M?

I really doubt Tampa wins more than 5 games, 4-12 again after spending $140.5M! Lol, that's impressive.

The bolded parts are important because they are basically just the guy parroting Walter Football's analysis of Tampa's signings, mainly the Vincent Jackson write up:

Walter Football posted:

Buccaneers sign WR Vincent Jackson (5 years, $55.5M; $26M guaranteed): C+ Grade

Only a C+!? The media is raving about this signing, yet I'm giving it just a C+? I obviously hate the Buccaneers!

I don't hate this signing (or the Buccaneers), but I don't like it very much either. Is that because Vincent Jackson hasn't caught more than 68 passes in a single season? No, but it doesn't help. Is that because Jackson hasn't played with a non-elite quarterback in his NFL career? No, but it doesn't help.

Here's my reasoning: Players who take tons of money in free agency, going from a playoff-caliber team to a crappy squad, have a really checkered history. Think about Sidney Rice last summer. Think about Albert Haynesworth. Think about O.J. Atogwe. Think about Zach Miller. Think about all of the bums Daniel Snyder has brought in over the years.

These players often fail because money is a greater priority for them than football. Of course money is important, but when you're getting a $55 million contract, why should $5 or so extra million command where you play football? Josh Freeman is a decent quarterback, but he won't maximize Jackson's potential like Philip Rivers could. As a consequence, Jackson's career will never be as great as it could have been. But like Rice, he doesn't care because he squeezed an extra few million out of a terrible team.

Yes, he did copy and paste one of that part. He never responded after getting called out on it.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 21:23

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Statler posted:

What the gently caress? I mean I have seen some bad football opinions, I have had a few my self (loving Matt Ryan... I can not believe I thought you might be decent.). But..

Looks like you still have bad opinions dude.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 21:30

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy

Statler posted:

What the gently caress? I mean I have seen some bad football opinions, I have had a few my self (loving Matt Ryan... I can not believe I thought you might be decent.). But..

Who out of that has the chance to be a franchise QB? Ponder not only sucks, he is a china doll, I know this because I saw him play at FSU. By the end of the season Gabbert looked like he had shell shock. Tannehill plays for the Dolphins. Tebow might.. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaha. No one on that list. Not loving one.

Fire Buddy Nix.

God drat that is just.. Special.

Matt Ryan is pretty good dude.

# ? Aug 8, 2012 22:48

Joey Freshwater: Jun 20, 2004; Always playing with my meat; Grimey Drawer

DangerKat posted:

I was reminded of Walter Football a bit ago which reminded me of this god awful post in a topic about Carl Nicks signing with the Bucs. Supposedly this guy is a Bucs fan:

And when mocked about the "only care about money", he responded with:

The bolded parts are important because they are basically just the guy parroting Walter Football's analysis of Tampa's signings, mainly the Vincent Jackson write up:

Yes, he did copy and paste one of that part. He never responded after getting called out on it.

I want the Bucs to win the Super Bowl and it be entirely because of Nicks and Jackson, just so this rear end in a top hat can feel dumb.

Also cause the Bucs winning the SB would be pretty rad.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 00:03

Genocide Tendency: Dec 24, 2009; I get mental health care from the medical equivalent of Skillcraft.

Breaky posted:

Matt Ryan is pretty good dude.

Wait.. What?

This is TFF right? Because every time this discussion comes up he is treated like a red headed step child. I mentioned him being decent once and it started a fuckin riot.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 05:21

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

Statler posted:

Wait.. What?

This is TFF right? Because every time this discussion comes up he is treated like a red headed step child. I mentioned him being decent once and it started a fuckin riot.

He's boring, which is worse than being bad to a lot of people here, but he's decent, and he may not necessarily be a playmaker but he won't outright lose many games for you either. Put him on, say, the Niners or the Texans last year and he might even lead you to a Super Bowl.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 05:28

The Incredible Ed: Nov 12, 2006; The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway.

Matt Ryan gets slammed because he has the receivers to have one of the best vertical passing games in the NFL and even when he gets a chance it doesn't happen.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 05:31

Declan MacManus: Sep 1, 2011; damn i'm really in this bitch

The Incredible Ed posted:

Matt Ryan gets slammed because he has the receivers to have one of the best vertical passing games in the NFL and even when he gets a chance it doesn't happen.

This is also valid. If Matt Ryan were a play, he'd be curl flats. (Tom Brady of course being a mesh, Vick being a naked bootleg, and Tebow being a FB dive)

# ? Aug 9, 2012 05:40

Genocide Tendency: Dec 24, 2009; I get mental health care from the medical equivalent of Skillcraft.

The Incredible Ed posted:

Matt Ryan gets slammed because he has the receivers to have one of the best vertical passing games in the NFL and even when he gets a chance it doesn't happen.

This was basically what I got bitched at about. He couldn't throw anything that wasn't a check down or designed pass to the running back. Basically anything short yardage. I thought it was bullshit, until I got a better look at him in the '10 playoffs and last season. The gripe on him seemed pretty dead on.

He will win 9-12 games a season, then the entire team disappears in their first playoff game. But he possibly will win 9-12 games with out ever throwing a complete pass with more than 20 yards of air travel.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 05:41

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Declan MacManus posted:

This is also valid. If Matt Ryan were a play, he'd be curl flats. (Tom Brady of course being a mesh, Vick being a naked bootleg, and Tebow being a FB dive)

Kolb would be a fake

# ? Aug 9, 2012 05:55

pasaluki: Feb 27, 2008; THIS WHAGON HAS NO BREAKS! I HAVE THE HEART OF THE BUUFALO the strength OF THE MOUNTAIN, THE FURY OF THE THUNDER AND MY WILL IS UNBREAKABLE! I will not surrender to KNOW ONE

Tremendous Taste posted:

Time to fire that rear end in a top hat Buddy Nix:

I remember wanting Jimmy Clausen in the first round.

Therefore I love Buddy Nix, thank you for not listening to our retarded fans, and getting good players.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 06:04

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Chichevache posted:

Kolb would be a fake

Well played.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 06:15

Grozz Nuy: Feb 21, 2008; Welcome to Moonside.

Wecomel to Soonmide.

Moonwel ot cosidme.

Declan MacManus posted:

Put him on, say, the Niners or the Texans last year and he might even lead you to a Super Bowl.

The Niners absolutely would have won the Super Bowl last year with Matt Ryan. That's not necessarily a huge endorsement for Ryan, though, because it wouldn't have taken much more than what we had.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 06:48

Tae: Oct 24, 2010; Hello? Can you hear me? ...Perhaps if I shout? AAAAAAAAAH!

The Niners could've won with Ted Ginn healthy, let's be honest.

Also, I don't see Matt Ryan running past the defense for a (what was it) 15 yard sprint to the end zone.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 06:59

Spoeank: Jul 16, 2003; That's a nice set of 11 dynasty points there, it would be a shame if 3 rings were to happen with it

28 yards. It's burned into my brain.

Alex you're so bad but so good sometimes :allears:

# ? Aug 9, 2012 07:07

Grozz Nuy: Feb 21, 2008; Welcome to Moonside.

Wecomel to Soonmide.

Moonwel ot cosidme.

I think my favorite part of that play was the way he spazzed out in the endzone like a kid on a sugar rush. Kyle Williams and especially Joe Staley made incredible blocks on that run. All three of the Niners QBs have been running a lot in camp, I'm expecting it to be a lot larger part of the offense this year.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 07:34

Ostentatious: Sep 29, 2010

TheGangGreen poster posted:

This my first off season with this team and it's a loving sitcom! I swear the Jets should have their own show!

The Jets have been so entertaining this off season, I'm wondering has it always been this crazy or is this something new?

I freakin' love this team! It reminds me of a dysfunctional family at thanks giving!

Instead of enjoying a feast and good ol' times with family, there's a turned over dining room table with food all over the floor, a brother in an ambulance with a stab wound and cops in the house with everyone shouting and kids crying!

So I guess my question is, is this a typical Jets off season?

Umm...

Same TheGangGreen poster posted:

I personally think that the coverage on all 31 teams are boring, with no difference between them. You can mix and match any NFL team name to the same ol' dry report.

But when they talk about the JETS, you got story lines, plot twists, characters, I love it!

I take it this person only reads the New York Post.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 09:10

Diva Cupcake: Aug 15, 2005

Has to be a troll post. Everyone on JI and TGG hates the Jets and wants to trade Revis.

# ? Aug 9, 2012 15:04

Iodised QQ: Jul 23, 2004

I was trying to find out if it was said how long the Jags starters would play tonight against the Giants and stumbled across this gem. Cashtree from the last page was pretty lame, but at least it showed some creativity.

This, on the other hand -

quote:

Does Maurice Greed-Drew realize that a Jaguars fan who makes $100,000 per year (MANY make LESS) would have to work for 243 YEARS to make what Greed-Drew has ALREADY been paid under the first two years of his current contract plus what he would earn this year? Yes - 243 YEARS.

The problem is that Greed-Drew was given $9 million guaranteed money in addition to his annual pay. Like others in the league before him, he has spent the guaranteed money and is not used to living on the MEASLY FOUR MILLION PLUS DOLLARS A YEAR that he would earn this season. Greedy - you bet! He got the big contract - now let him perform under the terms of the contract, or make ZERO DOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS THIS SEASON.

# ? Aug 10, 2012 20:35

Bagelsport: Nov 14, 2005; I picked up a doctor - he's good with a knife
Says anaesthetic's a waste
of his time

Menamino posted:

This, on the other hand -

10 bucks says he originally wrote this as Jones-Jew and decided to change it at the last moment but couldn't actually think of another pun.

# ? Aug 11, 2012 00:38

thompson: Jun 6, 2006

Catfish Noodlin posted:

Probably true, but she was clearly the hottest of the bunch. Garrard's wife is cute, but she's older. Matt Moore's wife is hot, but was recently "spoiled" by child birth. Tanny's wife is well known at this point, but she's almost too tall (very straight legs), and while she's hot, she gets points deducted for that. Les Brown's girl is just straight up drat!!

Spoiled by childbirth. Holy :lol:

# ? Aug 11, 2012 06:25

LARGE THE HEAD: Sep 1, 2009; "Competitive greatness is when you play your best against the best."

"Learn as if you were to live forever; live as if you were to die tomorrow."

--John Wooden

Menamino posted:

I was trying to find out if it was said how long the Jags starters would play tonight against the Giants and stumbled across this gem. Cashtree from the last page was pretty lame, but at least it showed some creativity.

This, on the other hand -

Not only is this hilarious, but there are actually Jaguars fans that make $100,000 a year?

# ? Aug 11, 2012 12:02

Eifert Posting: Apr 1, 2007; Most of the time he catches it every time.; Grimey Drawer

Tremendous Taste posted:

Time to fire that rear end in a top hat Buddy Nix:

Locker's alright but why not mention players who actually have had a good season or two. This is like looking at the 2005 draft and saying you could have had Jason Campbell.

# ? Aug 11, 2012 12:23

KettleWL: Dec 28, 2010

LARGE THE HEAD posted:

Not only is this hilarious, but there are actually Jaguars fans that make $100,000 a year?

Meth dealers

# ? Aug 11, 2012 13:29

midwat: May 6, 2007

LARGE THE HEAD posted:

Not only is this hilarious, but there are actually Jaguars fans ~~that make $100,000 a year~~?

Low hanging fruit, etc., etc.

# ? Aug 11, 2012 14:54

The Collector: Aug 9, 2011; I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Rats raining down in the night during the Stanley Cup finals.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.; Pillbug

finatic posted:

I've said for a while now on my twitter account that Moore is to laid back & has this california cool about him I don't like, Hardknocks has done a great job of showing it. Moore lacks the fire a QB needs & this article does a great job of proving it. In my opinion he is fine with being a backup in this league & reminds me of Alex Morran of Blue Mountain State & this is coming from someone who really pulled for Moore last year & at times in the offseason felt Miami did not have to draft a QB cause of Moore's body of work last year. Im man enough to admit I was very wrong.

# ? Aug 15, 2012 14:20

The Incredible Ed: Nov 12, 2006; The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway.

Alex Morran won the national championship in the magical cornfield though.

# ? Aug 15, 2012 14:24

v2vian man: Sep 1, 2007; Only question I
ever thought was hard
was do I like Kirk
or do I like Picard?

Please don't quote posts from Crazy in here, he posts enough as it is

# ? Aug 15, 2012 14:26

Amy Pole Her: Jun 17, 2002

Rap posted:

Please don't quote posts from Crazy in here, he posts enough as it is

This is nonsense. I still love Matt Moore and want him inside me at all times

dont get jealous just because youve been replaced

# ? Aug 15, 2012 17:10

That Which Squeaks: Aug 28, 2006; "Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you."
-Bill Belichick

From a PFT article on the NFL considering the Prince getting dumped in a tub video a "club matter".

barrywhererufrom posted:

Stay classy g~men..lucky thing for.them is that.the def line can rush the.passer and.stiffs.like the prince of the tub and antrelle toilet.rolle arent expoused for the stiffs that they really are

# ? Aug 19, 2012 22:02

Arschlochkind: Mar 29, 2010

That Which Squeaks posted:

Stay classy g~men..lucky thing for.them is that.the def line can rush the.passer and.stiffs.like the prince of the tub and antrelle toilet.rolle arent expoused for the stiffs that they really are

I think I said it before about some other stupid forum post or comment, but I'd really enjoy watching one of these people type up a response just once. I think the other one was one of those Random Capitalizations people, but this guy loves periods. What are their typing mechanics like? :psyduck:

# ? Aug 19, 2012 22:14

Grittybeard: Mar 29, 2010; Bad, very bad!

Arschlochkind posted:

I think I said it before about some other stupid forum post or comment, but I'd really enjoy watching one of these people type up a response just once. I think the other one was one of those Random Capitalizations people, but this guy loves periods. What are their typing mechanics like?

Phone posting I hope? That's the only way I can think of where . is close to as easy to hit as space.

# ? Aug 19, 2012 22:21

creamcorn: Oct 26, 2007; automatic gun for fast, continuous firing

Arschlochkind posted:

I think I said it before about some other stupid forum post or comment, but I'd really enjoy watching one of these people type up a response just once. I think the other one was one of those Random Capitalizations people, but this guy loves periods. What are their typing mechanics like?

Slowly and deliberately stabbing with just their index fingers, I'd imagine.

# ? Aug 19, 2012 22:44

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

The other day, I had to attend this seminar about Federal requirements to write in "plain language." Functionally, this means "write at a sixth grade level, because that's what the American reading level is." Years of internet reading has convinced me that even this may be too high an assessment of literacy.

# ? Aug 19, 2012 23:16

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 17, 2024 06:09

No Safe Word: Feb 26, 2005

We should start running these through one of those online reading level evaluators. It will either be hilarious or depressing.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 12:00

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Horrible Football Posts From Other Football Forums

«‹›91 »