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Using your old Army issue poo poo because it fits the need is perfectly okay. Wearing it as a fashion statement or to call attention to yourself is lame and begging to be laughed at.
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Feb 1, 2013 16:06
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Arishtat posted:Using your old Army issue poo poo because it fits the need is perfectly okay. Exactly
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Feb 1, 2013 16:22
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There was an E-6 at my unit who had originally joined the Army in 1981. Then he got out around 1990. He came back in 2007 or so, because his son had some really rare disease that there was no way he could afford treatment for in the regular world. Pretty nice guy, seemed like he was decently successful in the civilian world. Couldn't do intel work for poo poo though. Just didn't have a loving clue about computers.
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Feb 1, 2013 16:27
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I have an embarrassingly moto 5.11 assault pack. It was the only thing I could ever find that would hold six books and all my folders. Thankfully, it's just black. I'd have schlepped a regular backpack before I bought an ACU pattern. Incidentally, two semesters ago, I think in my Macroecon class, we had the mandatory introduction stuff. Name, a sentence about yourself, etc. Cue a living essay from the guy in a field jacket, a Ranger ballcap, and a 10th Mountain patch.
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Feb 1, 2013 16:57
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There are two idiots in this story, and one is me. I can't remember if I told this story before but my unit had this MSG who thought that being commo = TOC RTO. So for the first few months of our deployment all four of us comm guys had to do rotations in the TOC. Two guys would RTO on twelve hour shifts while the other two actually did their job. It sucked dirty terp balls and mainly consisted of surfing the internet, spending three hours on the phone with my wife, and watching that MSG watch AFN while we did all of the reports he was supposed to be doing for BN. So one day MSG is out running on the FOB in Fallujah while I'm doing up the perstat or whatever the gently caress it was. After only being gone for a few minutes he tears back into the TOC because there's a cord running across the road outside our compound leading to some kind of funny looking cone. He started ranting about how those dirty LNs who drove the poo poo truck must have enplaced it and blah blah blah and puts a squad out on the road to block traffic. He then has me draft up the UXO report to send up to EOD (I think they were marines, but they might have been navy). So I pull the grid off the BFT and he jots down all the other poo poo and calls up EOD on the VoIP. And we wait, and wait, and wait. Well, if youve ever used a BFT before then you know that wherever you last touched on the map is what its going to give you as a grid coordinate. While I had hit the center button to focus the screen on my position, the last part of the map I touched just so happened to be downtown Abu Ghraib. If you aren't familiar with the geography of Iraq, this is about 25km away from where we are and is the hometown of notable celebrities like Charles Graner, Lynndie England, and blair witch man being eaten by dog. EOD calls and wants to know where the gently caress we are and where's the security we said we had. They were not happy with our explanation. So they finally truck on back to Fallujah. I never got outside the TOC to see this thing but here's how it was related to me: EOD guy pops out of his truck and walks over to where our guys were at. He just stands there for what seems like the longest time. Then he shakes his shakes his head at the MSG, picks the thing up by the cord and throws in the back of his truck without saying a word. It turns out that some unit responsible for meteorology on the FOB wanted to provide more accurate weather. We called up a UXO report for a weather balloon in the wrong loving city.
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Feb 1, 2013 17:29
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http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/news/how-does-mp-serve-visible-tattoos/nWCPS/ I met some retarded trashy navy people in my day but I still don't think we hold a candle to the bottom of the army~
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Feb 1, 2013 18:04
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genderstomper58 posted:http://www.kfoxtv.com/news/news/how-does-mp-serve-visible-tattoos/nWCPS/ quote:Although I'd like to think that America's best and brightest serve in our armed forces, I can't help but be feel I've been slapped with reality when I see and read about people like this clown. I'm just thankful that idiots like this are the exception.  So adorable.
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Feb 1, 2013 18:06
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movax posted:
I know what they mean but this part cracked me up: Now, tattoos are permitted on the hands and back of necks, with some exceptions. "They cannot be vulgar in nature, they cannot be extremist and racist in any way shape or form," said Kelly. The policy is currently in the process of being reviewed.
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Feb 1, 2013 18:08
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He set his truck on fire at Fort Bliss? Really? The common thing to do there was have certain people take your car to Juarez and you report it stolen, then collect the insurance money.
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Feb 1, 2013 18:24
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Why do people with fat faces + high and tights increase the hilarity of that already terrible haircut by a factor of 10 Is it the fact that it makes the top part even smaller Is it the dichotomy between sort of professional and fat slob I just don't know genderstomper58 fucked around with this message at 18:30 on Feb 1, 2013 |
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Feb 1, 2013 18:25
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genderstomper58 posted:Why do people with fat faces + high and tights increase the hilarity of that already terrible haircut by a factor of 10 Because fat people are funny to laugh at, especially when they try to pull off things that only skinny people can pull off.
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Feb 1, 2013 18:32
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I literally thought it was a story about a guy who just got into my platoon. Except that he crashed his truck whilst drunker than gently caress on post, so drove it about 20 yards into the woods and crashed it again into a tree, and then walked off and reported it stolen the next day. I don't know how he did it but the only punishment they gave him was busting him down from E4 to E2. No extra duty, no lost money. Not even going to chapter him (yet). Oh, but MWR charged him 450 to tow his vehicle and to store it.
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Feb 1, 2013 18:34
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genderstomper58 posted:Why do people with fat faces + high and tights increase the hilarity of that already terrible haircut by a factor of 10 Just got back from JRTC. When we were doing our big stupid gay formation to get on the plane at Alexandria, there was a loving fatass SPC from BSTB (commo or some such) with a high n tight and a loving high school science teacher/child molester mustache. I informed all the dudes that there's a simple test to see if you should have a mustache. Question 1. Are you Tom Selleck? If yes, proceed. If no, shave that loving poo poo off your lip and then smoke yourself.
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Feb 1, 2013 22:03
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movax posted:
I came here to post this. We had a couple guys join our Air Defense unit (Army here) who were literally dumber than dirt. Most of my Active Army experience was meeting people like Private Dipshit: We were getting ready to go to Korea for a 12-month tour (2008-2009). We were doing final bag inspections on the basketball court in front of the barracks and when told to dump our bags, Private Dipshit has absolutely 0 cold or wet wheather items, uniforms or any of that poo poo that would hold us over until household goods arrived; Dipshit's bags were filled with canned food, snacks and DVDs. When asked what the gently caress this was by his squad leader, Dipshit replies that he thought that there would be no facilities where we were going and he wanted to make sure that he had enough food and stuff to be comfortable and survive long enough to get other food. Remember, this is extremely close to "get on the plane" time, after more than one battalion meeting where we were shown the airbase we were going to (Osan), what amenities were available (every loving thing under the sun from a full-service BX with auto dealership to places that deliver to the barracks 24/7, along with a chow hall literally 100 feet from the barracks) and where we would be staying (the shittiest dorm on the air base, which was still nicer than any army barracks I've stayed in since Reception). This is also the guy who, while on Charge of Quarters duty as my runner, decides to ask me out of the blue "Hey Sergeant, I have a question: When you put a condom on, is it supposed to go over your balls too?"
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Feb 1, 2013 22:10
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Martello posted:Just got back from JRTC. When we were doing our big stupid gay formation to get on the plane at Alexandria, there was a loving fatass SPC from BSTB (commo or some such) with a high n tight and a loving high school science teacher/child molester mustache. I informed all the dudes that there's a simple test to see if you should have a mustache. Army staches are the absolute worst. I swear to god the guy who wrote had one of two things in mind: Its so loving ugly you will never wear one, or you'll have enough rank and look badass enough you can tell anyone to gently caress off. Or the "corners of the mouth" were referring to laterally across your mouth line, not vertically.
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Feb 1, 2013 22:17
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iceslice posted:Army staches are the absolute worst. I swear to god the guy who wrote had one of two things in mind: Its so loving ugly you will never wear one, or you'll have enough rank and look badass enough you can tell anyone to gently caress off. Or if you're this guy. 
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Feb 1, 2013 22:42
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People think I'm kidding when I say that the military is full of the most colossal idiots you'll ever meet, and that the only reason we've "won" as many conflicts as we have is because the other side is somehow, inexplicably, more stupid. It's a land of the blind thing.
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Feb 2, 2013 00:28
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We also have fancy toys and a poo poo ton of money.
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Feb 2, 2013 00:53
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Like I said, I only wear my fleece cap when it's cold out. There's no way I would have worn it when I was still in though. poo poo like that would send me into a rage when I would see some random PVT Fucknuts walking around the mall/safeway/etc with loving winter PT pants on and a fleece cap or some poo poo with a t-shirt. Also, I loved my deployment stache, and I gave no fucks 
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Feb 2, 2013 01:14
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Mike-o posted:Like I said, I only wear my fleece cap when it's cold out. There's no way I would have worn it when I was still in though. poo poo like that would send me into a rage when I would see some random PVT Fucknuts walking around the mall/safeway/etc with loving winter PT pants on and a fleece cap or some poo poo with a t-shirt. Deployment mustaches are a whole other category. So you're good.
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Feb 2, 2013 01:30
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vulturesrow posted:Deployment mustaches are a whole other category. So you're good. Picture this as an emptyquote
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Feb 2, 2013 01:40
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Same with helicopter pilots. those motherfuckers have some bitchin staches.
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Feb 2, 2013 02:08
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Mike-o posted:Also, I loved my deployment stache, and I gave no fucks If i recall correctly from the stache-off yours was pretty boss anyways.
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Feb 2, 2013 02:12
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:We also have fancy toys and a poo poo ton of money. Says a Soldier...
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Feb 2, 2013 03:18
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LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL posted:If i recall correctly from the stache-off yours was pretty boss anyways. I felt pretty  when some POG bitch at the chowhall in Kandahar tried to mildly chew me out. To which I told her I was personally authorized to be way the gently caress out of regs by our brigade colonel, so if she wanted to make a stink about it she could take it up with him. It also helps that he had a huge stache too, along with everyone working with him at the time.On the subject of idiots, during the last 4 months or so of my Iraq deployment we were under the command of some 82nd unit, might have been the 504th, I don't know. Anyway, my unit was a bunch of dirty rear end mechtoweds in Bradleys and humvees. They were the shining bastion of victory that is AIRBORNE HOO-AHHH!!!. In other words they thought they loving knew everything because they were "real" infantry and we just wannabes. We had been patroling our sector 4 times a day and once at night for the past 11 months, so safe to say we knew what the gently caress to do and not to loving do. One of those things to loving NOT do is stand around in one area talking to locals for more than 10-15 minutes, otherwise your rear end is liable to get shot. Which happened, a lot. Mostly when we first got in country, then we started learning those hard lessons. Their brigade/parachute regiment/whatever the gently caress Colonel was the embodiment of the 82nd and so sought fit to order our company to start doing pure foot patrols from our FOB, out into sector and back. Luckily none of our guys got shot/killed during those few weeks, but from what I heard they lost 3 LTs in about 2 weeks. They then decided that maybe we might know what the gently caress we're talking about. A few weeks after that this COL was out near the giant T-barrier wall we building around Adhamiya. We were trying to control all traffic in and out of the neighborhood to stop all the Shia-vs-Sunni murders and bombings. This loving genius is standing out in the open near the highway with some General who thought it was a great idea to take of his helmet in the middle of the worst god damned neighborhood in Baghdad. Somehow he doesn't get brained, but the Colonel gets shot in the loving balls. He ended up losing one, and never bothered my company or battalion again about how we were supposedly a bunch of pussy rear end mech infantry.
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Feb 2, 2013 03:48
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IDR posted:Says a Soldier... A single BCT has a fuckload of expensive equipment. The Army's enormous budget has to go somewhere. Even here in the Guard, I can think of several individual vehicles worth over a million each, not to mention individual equipment. I mean it's not F-22 dollars but I wouldn't be surprised if a brigade as a whole had over a billion dollars worth of stuff.
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Feb 2, 2013 04:18
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DoktorLoken posted:A single BCT has a fuckload of expensive equipment. The Army's enormous budget has to go somewhere. Even here in the Guard, I can think of several individual vehicles worth over a million each, not to mention individual equipment. I mean it's not F-22 dollars but I wouldn't be surprised if a brigade as a whole had over a billion dollars worth of stuff. And in the Marine Corps we have LAV-25's... When the Army go to war they bring it all, Marines? We make do - Sgt Brad Colbert
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Feb 2, 2013 04:29
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DoktorLoken posted:A single BCT has a fuckload of expensive equipment. The Army's enormous budget has to go somewhere. Even here in the Guard, I can think of several individual vehicles worth over a million each, not to mention individual equipment. I mean it's not F-22 dollars but I wouldn't be surprised if a brigade as a whole had over a billion dollars worth of stuff. I've seen once where a command was too afraid to let their soldiers have the equipment for fear of losing it. "That trailer full of the latest and greatest equipment? Yeah its going to sit there getting inventoried every month. We wouldn't want anyone to lose any of it. And be ready to drop 2 or 3 guys a week to guard duty for it." Apparently "combat loss" isn't a buzzword used any more (not that I would know).
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Feb 2, 2013 16:43
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buttplug posted:Tell him he's an idiot, because that's against DoD policy, namely DODINST 5200.01. He probably doesn't even have a TS, but poo poo like that (misclassification or otherwise mislabeling material) is a no-no. I did because I did have a TS and it didn't phase him one bit. I have vet license plates and a Navy sticker on my car and motorcycle; that's about it. Wear my black fleece when it's cold out. Guy in my condo complex is a Marine vet and he's got several Marine stickers, his MARPAT eight point, vet licesne plates, AFG vet stickers, the works on his truck. I'm sorta-ashamed to say that when trying to close a deal for work, I've played up the vet angle with the right client. You know, the "I thought about enlisting once and actually got a brochure from the recruiting office." types. I love deployment staches too. In the Comoros, since I was in charge and Djibouti 1800 miles away we were growing deployment beards for a while. Since I can grow a full beard inside of a week, one of the Comorian military officers asked if I was applying to Koranic school. I said that I was. A few weeks later there was a big ceremony where we would be in uniform and be sending some photos back up to CJTF so we shaved the beards. The same Comorian offficer asked where'd the beard go. I told him I was kicked out of Koranic school.
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Feb 2, 2013 17:08
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iceslice posted:I've seen once where a command was too afraid to let their soldiers have the equipment for fear of losing it. "That trailer full of the latest and greatest equipment? Yeah its going to sit there getting inventoried every month. We wouldn't want anyone to lose any of it. And be ready to drop 2 or 3 guys a week to guard duty for it." Apparently "combat loss" isn't a buzzword used any more (not that I would know). There was a program to replace all the 70s-vintage seats on the AWACS around 2005 or so. The company that got the contract was apparently so small it took them several years to produce enough for the whole fleet, but they delivered the seats in regular batches. So naturally they were all stored in a warehouse across the flightline until they were all delivered, then about two years later a program was started to actually install them. Which took as long as production had taken.
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Feb 2, 2013 17:26
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IDR posted:And in the Marine Corps we have LAV-25's... LAV-25 > AK-47
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Feb 2, 2013 20:36
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PO3 Fatass is nearing the end of her contract, and knows that she will not be eligible for re-enlistment because she is out of standards, and has failed the last 2 PRT's. What's a surefire way to get out of the PRT that they cant say poo poo about if you are female? Thats right, she gets pregnant. The whole time she is pregnant, she continues to smoke. Meanwhile she makes plans from day 1 to give the baby up for adoption. TL;DR: fat white trash skank concieves a human life in order to continue to be supported by the government, then disposes of said human life, as it is no longer useful to her. EDIT: She then re-enlisted for 6 years and got an SRB Nerdfest X fucked around with this message at 02:47 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 2, 2013 22:45
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IDR posted:And in the Marine Corps we have LAV-25's... And then there's us retard Canadians rolling in TLAVs(M113A3) from the 70s.
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Feb 3, 2013 02:18
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About 6 years ago, I worked at the Ramstein Contingency Aeromedical Staging Facility, or CASF there's a few of them scattered world-wide mostly staffed by deployers with the backing of a skeleton group of permanent party members.I was one of those at Ramstein. One deployer to us what the dumbest loving human being I've ever encountered. I am legitimately serious in this statement -- her parents were better off taking her out back and making due haste in beating whatever tawdry amount of brain cells that were not firing in her skull back into some degree of normal operation. She was, in a sense, dumber than the cum shot her father blasted inside his loving wife's pussy. In reality, that ounce or so of jizz was far more valuable than anything the resulting spawn of it has ever done. Her name, for this story, is SSgt Black. SSgt Black came to the Ramstein CASF in 2007 for the summer rotation. She was an active duty medical admin airman from a base in Florida. I, at the time, was a newly sewn on E-4. The job was easy as long as the human tasked with doing the various admin functions was capable of adding up numbers, transferring said numbers into several Excel products, and then categorizing the numbers into other smaller, more specific kinds of numbers related to the patients we've received in the past 12 hours. As it were, I was the permanent party go-to admin guy for the day shift. SSgt Black was told that she was just to be trained by me then run the shift while I just hung out working the flight line aspect while also keeping an eye on the reports for accuracy. This situation quickly spiraled out of control as she bumbled a few of the reports. Some so bad that she hosed the spreadsheets up in such a manner that we had to revert to old copies that were severely out of date which probably led to a serious inaccuracy of patients moved because some old mission sheets were just gone. This wasn't just a new thing, this kept up for the whole deployment. The importance of these reports wasn't just a clinic-wide thing either. No, these numbers were the official count of the wounded, sick, and injured of US personnel and civilians leaving both wars at the time. They went to some far-reaching places. Never did she get the importance of it and on most occasions was somehow under the belief that they were just all in-house use. At this point with her inability to math simple numbers and transpose the results onto other reports, I threw the continuity book her way. I wrote this thing months ago under the guise of, "Could I follow this if it was 2 am and I was hammered drunk? Like almost comatose blasted?" Did she get it then? Nope. In fact, SSgt Black got the pages out of order which is hilarious because A. the book was in a 3-ring binder and B. tabbed with page numbers. At this point, I just made it be clear to her that if I needed her to work on anything that she needs to explicitly ask me or someone else. This is when the cat noises became a reality for me. I'm not talking YOSPOS levels. No. Well maybe. SSgt Black would call home to speak with her husband and kids while on shift. OK no big. She would do this from her desk while the perfectly equipped and comfy USO lounge in the building with multiple phones and free calling cards sat unused a mere jaunt down the main hallway. Whatever. It got weird when she would ask for her husband to put the cats on the phone then speak in that high-pitched squee!!! voice everyone does to their animals at least once in their life. This devolved into her calling home just to make meow and cat-chirping noises to the answering machine. It was rare that she would actually address anyone else such as her kids or her man. I asked her once after several of these calls, "Hey so what's you constantly missing your family when calling?" "Oh, I know that they're not home!"  This was combined with her dramatic lack of output, loving up many messages, e-mails, and other secretarial poo poo that the front office people tasked her with (I warned them, believe you me) that I ended up telling her to go home mid-way through shift almost every day we worked. It was the only way that to deal with her. To close this out, she left after her 4 month stint was done causing some serious damage to the way we did business in her first month there with the spreadsheet disaster. I am hoping someone else in the DoD kept track of patient numbers or did some sort of accountability because there's probably a few dozen dudes not on record in some manner.
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Feb 3, 2013 04:47
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So this E-6 decides he is going to go on a 72 hour lib this weekend. Typical Fri-Sun gig so he can drive out of town to take care of personal poo poo. This E-6 is in charge of urinalysis for the entire command (~300 people) and is doing a typical random piss test on this Thursday morning. Over a few hours he gathers his samples and put them in a box and poo poo, now what typically happens is that he takes the box and the chain of custody paperwork or whatever and transfers it all to the mail PO to mail out to the testing facility. Apparently he doesn't have the time for that poo poo, so instead of maybe locking up the box in an evidence locker he does the only logical thing and puts it in a desk drawer in our shop. Of course, no one knows this box is in there so he goes and leaves for his 72 hour liberty thinking all is well. Friday rolls around and we're looking for a specific tool and check his desk drawers when we find 12 full bottles of piss in a desk. So we do the only logical thing and report that poo poo to the XO. Chain of command calls up said E-6 and informs him that he is going to have a fantastic Monday upon his return. I hope they drop the hammer on him.
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Feb 3, 2013 18:41
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Gunktacular posted:I hope they drop the hammer on him. Don't hold your breath. If anything can be learned from this thread, it's that the military doesn't properly punish stupidity. Imagine if nobody found out about it until after someone had a hot report come back from the lab.
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Feb 3, 2013 18:55
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Imagine if one of the bottles wasn't quite sealed up.
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Feb 3, 2013 19:01
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GD_American posted:Imagine if nobody found out about it until after someone had a hot report come back from the lab. It's every ADC's dream come true. \/ If the ADC in question is remotely competent they'll sure as hell try to \/ iyaayas01 fucked around with this message at 19:24 on Feb 3, 2013 |
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Feb 3, 2013 19:09
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GD_American posted:Don't hold your breath. If anything can be learned from this thread, it's that the military doesn't properly punish stupidity. That's the other thing, there have been some drug convictions recently here. Will this cast doubt on previous testing?
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Feb 3, 2013 19:14
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Once I gave a PFC barracks duty every Saturday for a month, and then for two of the four days of a 96, before a deployment. He desperately wanted to run off to Vegas to marry some woman he met at the Silver Screen in 29 Palms. He whined to everyone above me, all the way up to the Company CO; all of whom told him he was a total moron for wanting to get married to a woman he's known for all of two weeks right before he deploys. I EAS'ed right after the unit's deployment, but I like to think I saved that kid's life. But in all likelihood I only postponed the inevitable.
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Feb 3, 2013 19:56
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