Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

I left this for hours unsniped so someone else could get a shot. :smith:

# ? May 5, 2013 07:04

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# ? May 14, 2024 15:33

Snowdens Secret: Dec 29, 2008; Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.

# ? May 5, 2013 07:14

dougdrums: Feb 25, 2005; CLIENT REQUESTED ELECTRONIC FUNDING RECEIPT (FUNDS NOW)

man i've gone so long without an av . . . but this is probably the best i could hope for

# ? May 5, 2013 07:28

elite_garbage_man: Apr 3, 2010; I THINK THAT "PRIMA DONNA" IS "PRE-MADONNA". I MAY BE ILLITERATE.

Hahaha! Wow, there are some gems on that last page.

# ? May 5, 2013 07:53

tacopie: Apr 29, 2009

dougdrums posted:

Reading this thread, I don't have a whole lot of stories that match up or are particularly interesting. I guess I always have this though:

On the way out to the ship, our first flight was delayed which hosed everything up. We were all supposed to meet the ship in Bahrain but ended up spending three nights at the Pars hotel downtown instead, before we were to met up with a tanker in Djibouti. I'm sure a few people here have been to Bahrain. For those who haven't: I don't consider myself to be the of the highest moral standing or anything, but personally I think they should burn that fuckin' place to the ground.

Some people from our group were getting hookers from the hooker bar on the first floor. So the plan was to pass the time me and a few others would go down to the desk and say we lost our keycard and then bust into whoever's room we knew got a hooker, and then I would yell "MORTAL COMBAT" from the top of my loving lungs and then we'd just embarrass the gently caress out of whoever was in the room by whatever means we could. (Mind you I haven't been sober since we were waiting for our first flight out of the Virginia airport.)

The first guy's room we busted into (a nuke drop) was a pretty good catch. We slam the door open and find him on all fours on the bed beating it while this asian slave hooker was licking his butthole like honey was coming out of it. I yell "mortal combat" while two other guys shove him off the bed and we all have a good laugh while the hooker runs into the bathroom. Later the guy pretty much has no shame and is trying to talk us all into getting our buttholes licked while trying to beg us for beer money.

A little later, someone said he saw one of the undes guys go up to his room with a hooker so we go ahead and pull the same act. Someone slams the door open and before I can yell out "mortal combat" I notice that this is the same slave whore girl the last nuke-drop dude had maybe an hour ago. This motherfucker is tongue deep in this hooker. Like in her mouth with his tongue. All I could say while they both stared at us was "you're kissing (nuke-drops) butt" and then we left somewhat defeated.

Finish Him!

# ? May 5, 2013 10:29

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

dougdrums posted:

man i've gone so long without an av . . . but this is probably the best i could hope for

I approve.

# ? May 5, 2013 10:31

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

Mr. Nice! posted:

I left this for hours unsniped so someone else could get a shot.

What does this even mean?

# ? May 5, 2013 13:07

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

Scratch Monkey posted:

What does this even mean?

I'd bet my last dime that its about Benghazi.

And therefore incredibly stupid.

# ? May 5, 2013 13:15

Snowdens Secret: Dec 29, 2008; Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.

Nostalgia4Infinity posted:

I'd bet my last dime that its about Benghazi.

And therefore incredibly stupid.

C'mon man 4 seconds of googling shows it predates Benghazi by 4+ years

What I don't get is why Hill would have a crap Dragunov knockoff instead of something more :911:

# ? May 5, 2013 13:25

Scratch Monkey: Oct 25, 2010; 👰Proč bychom se netě�ili🥰kdy� n�m P�n Bůh🙌🏻zdrav� d�💪?

Because she hates America, obviously

# ? May 5, 2013 14:44

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

dougdrums posted:

man i've gone so long without an av . . . but this is probably the best i could hope for

Agreed. Excellent purchase, whoever it was.

# ? May 5, 2013 17:36

Sax Offender: Sep 9, 2007; College Slice

dougdrums posted:

man i've gone so long without an av . . . but this is probably the best i could hope for

You earned it. Plus we can't have 05s running around with stupid newbie avs.

# ? May 5, 2013 18:39

Mad Dragon: Feb 29, 2004

dougdrums posted:

Reading this thread, I don't have a whole lot of stories that match up or are particularly interesting. I guess I always have this though:

On the way out to the ship, our first flight was delayed which hosed everything up. We were all supposed to meet the ship in Bahrain but ended up spending three nights at the Pars hotel downtown instead, before we were to met up with a tanker in Djibouti. I'm sure a few people here have been to Bahrain. For those who haven't: I don't consider myself to be the of the highest moral standing or anything, but personally I think they should burn that fuckin' place to the ground.

Some people from our group were getting hookers from the hooker bar on the first floor. So the plan was to pass the time me and a few others would go down to the desk and say we lost our keycard and then bust into whoever's room we knew got a hooker, and then I would yell "MORTAL COMBAT" from the top of my loving lungs and then we'd just embarrass the gently caress out of whoever was in the room by whatever means we could. (Mind you I haven't been sober since we were waiting for our first flight out of the Virginia airport.)

The first guy's room we busted into (a nuke drop) was a pretty good catch. We slam the door open and find him on all fours on the bed beating it while this asian slave hooker was licking his butthole like honey was coming out of it. I yell "mortal combat" while two other guys shove him off the bed and we all have a good laugh while the hooker runs into the bathroom. Later the guy pretty much has no shame and is trying to talk us all into getting our buttholes licked while trying to beg us for beer money.

A little later, someone said he saw one of the undes guys go up to his room with a hooker so we go ahead and pull the same act. Someone slams the door open and before I can yell out "mortal combat" I notice that this is the same slave whore girl the last nuke-drop dude had maybe an hour ago. This motherfucker is tongue deep in this hooker. Like in her mouth with his tongue. All I could say while they both stared at us was "you're kissing (nuke-drops) butt" and then we left somewhat defeated.

One of our nukes got caught with a Grotopotamus on top of him. Luckily, the dude who caught him happened to have a Polaroid camera. Goddamn, that was a hilarious picture.

# ? May 7, 2013 17:29

FIDEL CASHFLOW: Oct 13, 2009

Back in '11 my unit went to Orient Shield 11. Free trip to Japan and all, it was sweet. Basically every night we weren't in the field was a huge party at the "friendship hall" (big-rear end party tent.)

At the welcoming ceremony/reception thing one of the Japanese dudes wanted to try dip and ate it, but that is not the story here.

My company was rolled into another because both of us were undermanned. This company had one platoon sergeant who was a particular hard-charger. He wore facepaint in the field because thats what the infantry does or some poo poo. No one else did.

One night after some good solid drinking I am passed the gently caress out in my bunk. One of my buddies wakes me up and I will never forget the following.

"FIDEL CASHFLOW, wake the gently caress up."
"unghhhh"
"Dude, its your turn for watch."
"unghhhh"
"Okay, so make sure who comes on the floor is supposed to be here. Make sure no one gets pissed on again. And make sure you find out where anyone who gets up is going."
"unghhhh"

So I start putting on my poo poo so I can half drunkenly stumble around and make sure no fucksticks are pissing on each other agi-- what.

I found my buddy and woke him up.

"Wait, pissed on? Again?"

Turns out this redneck-rear end kid from central MO got proper white girl drunk and, in true infantry fashion, pissed on the first thing that may have kinda sorta maybe probably not resembled a urinal... his PSG's bunk. In which his PSG was sleeping.

Apparently this awoke my LT who was a giant motherfucker and he proceeded to, along with the PSG, smoke the everloving gently caress out of this kid. He said the next day that he remembers being at the friendship tent, then being mid-pushup with SFC Iwenttorangerschool and LT John-Cena-Lookin-Dude screaming at him.

Edit: now that I think about it, I'm not sure if this belongs in this thread, o_O thread, or heroes thread.

FIDEL CASHFLOW fucked around with this message at 16:25 on May 8, 2013

# ? May 8, 2013 08:46

Nerdfest X: Feb 7, 2008; UberDork Extreme

The Chicago Blackhawks fans do a standing ovation during the nation anthem, as a support to the troops. The team always has standing next to the anthem singer: 1) An old timer war vet hours from his own funeral, and 2) an active duty service-person. Tonight it was an Air Force 0-5 pilot in his flight suit. How the gently caress this is OK?

# ? May 10, 2013 02:52

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

Nerdfest X posted:

The Chicago Blackhawks fans do a standing ovation during the nation anthem, as a support to the troops. The team always has standing next to the anthem singer: 1) An old timer war vet hours from his own funeral, and 2) an active duty service-person. Tonight it was an Air Force 0-5 pilot in his flight suit. How the gently caress this is OK?

It was also a flight doc; not a pilot. That kinda makes it worse.

# ? May 10, 2013 03:40

iyaayas01: Feb 19, 2010; Perry'd

Nerdfest X posted:

The Chicago Blackhawks fans do a standing ovation during the nation anthem, as a support to the troops. The team always has standing next to the anthem singer: 1) An old timer war vet hours from his own funeral, and 2) an active duty service-person. Tonight it was an Air Force 0-5 pilot in his flight suit. How the gently caress this is OK?

Not every service is the Navy-Marine Corps team where if you wear anything other than service dress off base you are a shitbag in violation of 50 different regs.

In other words it is acceptable for AF personnel to wear their utility/work uniform off base and even to various events depending on the level of decor/formality/etc. (If I had to guess the decision to go utility would be because we're a "nation at war" or some poo poo.) For aircrew that uniform is a flight suit...it is pretty funny that it was a flight doc though.

# ? May 10, 2013 06:05

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

iyaayas01 posted:

Not every service is the Navy-Marine Corps team where if you wear anything other than service dress off base you are a shitbag in violation of 50 different regs.

In other words it is acceptable for AF personnel to wear their utility/work uniform off base and even to various events depending on the level of decor/formality/etc. (If I had to guess the decision to go utility would be because we're a "nation at war" or some poo poo.) For aircrew that uniform is a flight suit...it is pretty funny that it was a flight doc though.

If you're going to appear on national tv, you should probably wear something more appropriate. If everyone cringes at the dude in cammies at Walmart or at a bar, why would that level of dress be appropriate at a televised sporting event?

# ? May 10, 2013 06:12

Baloogan: Dec 5, 2004; Fun Shoe

Veins McGee posted:

If you're going to appear on national tv, you should probably wear something more appropriate. If everyone cringes at the dude in cammies at Walmart or at a bar, why would that level of dress be appropriate at a televised sporting event?

Dude, people are allowed to dress absurdly at televised sporting events. Think of a team mascot at walmart or a bar vs at a sporting event.

# ? May 10, 2013 06:21

iyaayas01: Feb 19, 2010; Perry'd

Veins McGee posted:

If you're going to appear on national tv, you should probably wear something more appropriate. If everyone cringes at the dude in cammies at Walmart or at a bar, why would that level of dress be appropriate at a televised sporting event?

Who cringes at the dude in cammies shopping on his way home from work? Like maybe that's a USMC thing because HONOR MAH UNIFORM or whatever bullshit but I go grocery shopping on my way home from work (where I wear utilities every day), I'm not stationed at a base with a commissary, and I'm not loving driving home to change and then go back out to the store. Sorry if that makes Marines the world over cringe at my blatant unprofessionalism.

As for the sporting event, like I said, I'm sure he got told to wear the "deployed/wartime" (flight doc :lol:

) uniform because we're a "nation at war" or whatever. I doubt he was like "man, I'm gonna wear pajamas because I just don't give a gently caress."

# ? May 10, 2013 06:26

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

I agree with this post.

National Guard, I don't have time to loving change after drill so I can buy my mom cat litter on the way back home.

# ? May 10, 2013 06:28

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

iyaayas01 posted:

Who cringes at the dude in cammies shopping on his way home from work? Like maybe that's a USMC thing because HONOR MAH UNIFORM or whatever bullshit but I go grocery shopping on my way home from work (where I wear utilities every day), I'm not stationed at a base with a commissary, and I'm not loving driving home to change and then go back out to the store. Sorry if that makes Marines the world over cringe at my blatant unprofessionalism.

As for the sporting event, like I said, I'm sure he got told to wear the "deployed/wartime" (flight doc ) uniform because we're a "nation at war" or whatever. I doubt he was like "man, I'm gonna wear pajamas because I just don't give a gently caress."

I don't recall bringing the Marine Corps into this and I think their stringent 'no utilities off base' thing is silly and a pain in the rear end. That being said, when one is appearing on national TV, representing their service, maybe they should dress up a little bit more than what you wear on a daily basis. I know the decision almost certainly wasn't his so it was probably his retard command, imagine that in the AF. "Hmm we can have some guy look like a slob in this zippered cloth bag or he could wear just about anything else"

And yes, GiP regularly mocks/cringes at dudes wearing their utilities off base outside of working hours or the immediate period before or after.

# ? May 10, 2013 06:38

Best Friends: Nov 4, 2011

Pictured: shitbag unaware that his nation was at war.

# ? May 10, 2013 06:51

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

Best Friends posted:

Pictured: shitbag unaware that his nation was at war.

Pre-Zumwalt doesn't count.

# ? May 10, 2013 06:53

Vasudus: May 30, 2003

Veins McGee posted:

I don't recall bringing the Marine Corps into this and I think their stringent 'no utilities off base' thing is silly and a pain in the rear end. That being said, when one is appearing on national TV, representing their service, maybe they should dress up a little bit more than what you wear on a daily basis. I know the decision almost certainly wasn't his so it was probably his retard command, imagine that in the AF. "Hmm we can have some guy look like a slob in this zippered cloth bag or he could wear just about anything else"

And yes, GiP regularly mocks/cringes at dudes wearing their utilities off base outside of working hours or the immediate period before or after.

Acceptable use of cammies: within 5 miles of the post and still during the working day (ie dude was shamming to go do something)

This is pretty much the only time I wouldn't cringe when I saw ACUs in the springs.

# ? May 10, 2013 07:57

manchego: Feb 16, 2007; MEANWHILE,

bring a change of civilian clothes into work

# ? May 10, 2013 08:39

WP CURES PALESTINE: Jun 17, 2011; [ASK] ME about :

LYING ABOUT BEING A US MARINE

HATING ON TRANSPEOPLE BUT SECRETLY DATING ONE

CLAIMING TO HAVE PTSD ON MY OKCUPID PROFILE

HAVING A TRIFORCE TATTOO ON MY NECK

manchego posted:

bring a change of civilian clothes into work

Marines have to, and it's stupid

# ? May 10, 2013 08:44

GoGoGadget: Apr 29, 2006

manchego posted:

bring a change of civilian clothes into work

Why should I have to take longer to leave work so that I can change into clothes just so that I don't upset the tender sensibilities of goons?

# ? May 10, 2013 08:46

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

For being all anti-haircut, you guys sure act like faggots over some ACU's.

# ? May 10, 2013 09:20

Mr. Nice!: Oct 13, 2005; c-spam cannot afford

Once again, Zumwalt was the best: http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq93-57.htm

# ? May 10, 2013 09:40

manchego: Feb 16, 2007; MEANWHILE,

couldn't care less about the "Dignity and Professionalism of the Army"

there's a finality about putting my real clothes back on that makes me feel better about work being over

also it's loving hot as poo poo in the summer and i loving hate getting into a hot car in ACUs

# ? May 10, 2013 10:08

GoGoGadget: Apr 29, 2006

Mr. Nice! posted:

Once again, Zumwalt was the best: http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq93-57.htm

Why can't all higher ranking people be like this guy? And how much of it was overturned the second he was replaced?

# ? May 10, 2013 10:51

Caconym: Feb 12, 2013

Zumwalt posted:

K. THE REQUIREMENT FOR LINE HANDLERS, REFUELING PARTIES, TOPSIDE WATCH STANDERS IN INCLEMENT WEATHER, BOAT CREWS IN HEAVY WEATHER, AND OTHERS WHO ARE ENGAGED IN WORK WHICH WOULD UNDULY SOIL OR DAMAGE SUCH UNIFORMS, TO PERFORM THE JOBS IN WHITES OR BLUES IS UNREASONABLE AND IS TO BE DISCONTINUED, EXCEPT FOR MOST UNUSUAL CEREMONIAL OCCASIONS.

Holy poo poo, this was a thing? :stare:

# ? May 10, 2013 11:54

Necrocult: Oct 18, 2010; Form Fitting

Mr. Nice! posted:

Once again, Zumwalt was the best: http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq93-57.htm

This is the most common sense thing a flag officer has ever put out. Zumwalt's Navy sounds like my kind of Navy.

# ? May 10, 2013 12:30

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Necrocult posted:

This is the most common sense thing a flag officer has ever put out. Zumwalt's Navy sounds like my kind of Navy.

Somehow, I get the feeling it's a story of "Hey I said be cool" and then the command staff were still huge faggots.

:chiefsay:

"I don't care what that admiral says, y'all ain't gettin' beards and pass is still denied."

# ? May 10, 2013 12:42

Nerdfest X: Feb 7, 2008; UberDork Extreme

manchego posted:

there's a finality about putting my real clothes back on that makes me feel better about work being over

This reminds me of all the "FTN" people who try as hard as possible to "stick it to the man" by: wearing civvies to and from work; not shopping at the commissary ever; never using the onbase gas station, even though it's 5 cents cheaper. You guys are such rebels!

# ? May 10, 2013 13:19

Captain Amerikkka: Mar 14, 2013

Wasabi the J posted:

For being all anti-haircut, you guys sure act like faggots over some ACU's.

I'd love to agree with this but I can't loving stand people wearing their uniform off post still to this day. The ghetto mall and the nice mall here are overrun with douchebags in their uniforms. It's embarrassing. If you're going to trawl Hot Topic for 15 year olds at least go home and change first.

Nerdfest X posted:

This reminds me of all the "FTN" people who try as hard as possible to "stick it to the man" by: wearing civvies to and from work; not shopping at the commissary ever; never using the onbase gas station, even though it's 5 cents cheaper. You guys are such rebels!

I did this in the Army, but:

1) Wearing your uniform off post is douchey as gently caress
2) The commissary had terrible prices, bad meat, and bad produce
3) I did use the gas station because honestly who cares

# ? May 10, 2013 13:39

Zack de la Rochelle: Oct 21, 2008

Caconym posted:

Holy poo poo, this was a thing?

Still a thing.

# ? May 10, 2013 14:08

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Captain Amerikkka posted:

I'd love to agree with this but I can't loving stand people wearing their uniform off post still to this day. The ghetto mall and the nice mall here are overrun with douchebags in their uniforms. It's embarrassing. If you're going to trawl Hot Topic for 15 year olds at least go home and change first.

What about like, after duty hours just picking up some TP and dog food?

# ? May 10, 2013 14:22

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# ? May 14, 2024 15:33

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

I'm not surprised people get up in arms about cammies off base. The military programs you to be incapable of minding your own business.

# ? May 10, 2013 14:23

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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