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Hughlander posted:I read it daily with my morning coffee. I couldn't tell you the name of a single poster. Not even the guy running the site. Snoofle and Blakeyrat are the TDWTF superstars. The former is the one in the STDH and the latter is basically YOSPOS.
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May 7, 2013 11:43
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Mr. Anderson posted:Imgur has been running a lot of these recently: What I don't understand about these is why they always say they speak "flawless ____". I mean, I've worked crap jobs in bilingual places, and sometimes I really would pick up on some insult people said in Spanish about me or whatever, but I'd never say "and then I responded in Perfect Spanish and then their minds exploded."
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May 7, 2013 11:54
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crowfeathers posted:What I don't understand about these is why they always say they speak "flawless ____". I mean, I've worked crap jobs in bilingual places, and sometimes I really would pick up on some insult people said in Spanish about me or whatever, but I'd never say "and then I responded in Perfect Spanish and then their minds exploded." I have once seen someone be very surprised when a friend spoke a tiny bit of Korean in a Korean store in Vienna because who in Austria learns Korean. Usually people are just happy you try.
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May 7, 2013 12:07
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Djeser posted:NAR never disappoints I love the complete lack of agency the waitress has in this story as well as the lack of outrage the narrator has the first time he talks to the customer. Waitress is just passively standing there being groped by some sleazeball until our hero comes in and politely asks the customer to please kindly refrain from your sexual assault sir and then just goes away again.
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May 7, 2013 12:39
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gschmidl posted:I have once seen someone be very surprised when a friend spoke a tiny bit of Korean in a Korean store in Vienna because who in Austria learns Korean. Usually people are just happy you try. Eh, it's a common enough occurrence for a foreigner to surprise someone by being fluent in their language but that's usually the end of it; people are surprised, they aren't gob-smacked, struck by awe, or compelled to storm out, sobbing.
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May 7, 2013 13:41
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It's also probably fake if a supposedly American person says "oval office". That's far more of a British or Australian slur; Americans really don't say it that often.
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May 7, 2013 14:25
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hate pants posted:It's also probably fake if a supposedly American person says "oval office". That's far more of a British or Australian slur; Americans really don't say it that often. Americans also don't use the word posh.
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May 7, 2013 14:38
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Lareine posted:Americans also don't use the word posh. No-one with a posh accent uses the phrase 'posh accent', either. It's almost as if that story wasn't true at all!
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May 7, 2013 14:43
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Not Always Working posted:(I am the author of this story on Not Always Right. I am in a popular book shop some 30 minutes away from home with my best friend. At the time, I am wearing a Marvel shirt with Loki on the front, and the phrase “I DO WHAT I WANT.” We approach the counter with film magazines. Our cashier is a woman who appears to be in her mid-thirties to early forties.) I thought that kind of people was confined to the net. Either they're escaping or the story is a bit less than 100% absolute truth. My favourite part is how even the friend realizes how obnoxious the writer is.
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May 7, 2013 15:00
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Serperoth posted:I thought that kind of people was confined to the net. I like how the author brags about being obsessed with Marvel, like that makes them super cool or something.
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May 7, 2013 15:12
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"(My friend stares in shock as the cashier bolts, drawing even more attention as the manager arrives to finish the transaction and apologize. Apparently, the woman has a history of jumping to severe conclusions, and has hair-trigger nerves.)" Managers love to keep around the workers who fly into rages over nothing so much that they're known for it among the staff. Seems pretty legit.
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May 7, 2013 15:21
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I kinda wanna see a STDH about an atheist going into a balls-out freakfest because someone's a "C-c-c-cuh-CHRISTIAN!" and bolting from the establishment. Complete with Scooby Doo sound effects.
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May 7, 2013 15:25
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NoUU posted:I like how the author brags about being obsessed with Marvel, like that makes them super cool or something. She marveled at my cool Loki shirt.
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May 7, 2013 15:34
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Das Boo posted:I kinda wanna see a STDH about an atheist going into a balls-out freakfest because someone's a "C-c-c-cuh-CHRISTIAN!" and bolting from the establishment. Complete with Scooby Doo sound effects. (I'm a male Roman Catholic Utahn who fluently speaks five languages. My black boyfriend and I enter a record store. We're wearing the same Jesus shirt and a rosary each. As we're done shopping, we go to the register.) CASHIER: "Is that all for today?" MY FRIEND: "Yes, thanks." CASHIER: "What are you wearing?" ME: "Uh, it's Jesus?" (The cashier's eyes bug out and he's gone chalk white in the face.) CASHIER: *backs away* "A... C-c-c-cuh-CHRISTIAN!" ME, deadpan: "You too can be saved!" CASHIER (screaming and waving his arms): "NO! NO! SANGUIS BIBIMUS, CORPUS EDIMUS! TOLLE CORPUS SATANI, AVE SATANI!" ME, switching to Latin fluently and lifting my rosary towards him: "Absolvo te in nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti, amen" (My friend stares in shock as the cashier bolts, drawing even more attention as the manager arrives to finish the transaction and apologize. Apparently, the guy has a history of atheism, and has hair-trigger nerves. My boyfriend and I kiss as the store applauds. The manager later married both of us!)
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May 7, 2013 15:51
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Das Boo posted:I kinda wanna see a STDH about an atheist going into a balls-out freakfest because someone's a "C-c-c-cuh-CHRISTIAN!" and bolting from the establishment. Complete with Scooby Doo sound effects. (I am a devout christian, and I work at a haunted house during Halloween dressing as a werewolf and scaring people. I have a tattoo of a cross on my wrist that says "love God" under it, but my costume covers it. I see a man with long hair in a green shirt and his dog coming, so I prepare to jump out and scare them) Long Hair: This place isn't scary at all, monster's aren't real just like GOD. (The dog seems to say something about hating religion, but I must of just misheard.) Long Hair: Heh, yeah (At this point I jump out to scare them, but it doesn't seem to work) Long Hair: HAH, nice try but you can't scare me. I'm an ATHEIST Me: Oh, what would have happened if you where religious? Long Hair: Hah, if I believed in that fairy tale I'd be too busy praying and being an idiot. Me: What if I where religious? Long Hair: Well... (He seems to get nervous and start looking around.) (I slowly start pulling off the glove covering my tattoo.) Long Hair: Wh-what are you doing? (I completely remove the glove, revealing the tattoo) Long Hair: C-c-c-cuh-CHRISTIAN! (The dog makes an odd bark that sounds like "R-R-R-RUUUUUN!") (They where found two hours later hiding in a closet. I completely forgot about the incident until I saw the man and his dog two years later handing out flyers for a church. He recognized me and said I had changed their lives.) NoUU has a new favorite as of 15:58 on May 7, 2013 |
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May 7, 2013 15:54
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Djeser posted:NAR never disappoints It also has another hallmark sign of STDH, the need to lay out everyone's physical statistics in exact pounds and inches out of some belief that the inclusion of such specific details will lend credibility to the story. hate pants posted:It's also probably fake if a supposedly American person says "oval office". That's far more of a British or Australian slur; Americans really don't say it that often.
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May 7, 2013 16:21
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Thanks for making wishes come true, goons! 
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May 7, 2013 16:29
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hate pants posted:It's also probably fake if a supposedly American person says "oval office". That's far more of a British or Australian slur; Americans really don't say it that often. A couple days ago here in Canada a British Consul-General called a group of women "pussy galore" repeatedly and everyone was too shocked to call him out on it.
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May 7, 2013 16:37
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Chamale posted:A couple days ago here in Canada a British Consul-General called a group of women "pussy galore" repeatedly and everyone was too shocked to call him out on it. Dude just likes Goldfinger.
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May 7, 2013 16:41
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Das Boo posted:I kinda wanna see a STDH about an atheist going into a balls-out freakfest because someone's a "C-c-c-cuh-CHRISTIAN!" and bolting from the establishment. Complete with Scooby Doo sound effects.
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May 7, 2013 16:50
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Jerry Cotton posted:Eh, it's a common enough occurrence for a foreigner to surprise someone by being fluent in their language but that's usually the end of it; people are surprised, they aren't gob-smacked, struck by awe, or compelled to storm out, sobbing. In my experience they're usually delighted that someone has made the effort to learn it, particularly if their English isn't very good or they're not comfortable enough with English. I've never seen anyone storm out of anywhere sobbing except my little sister when she was throwing a tantrum because that's what children do. quote:(I’m an employee in a hardware store. I’m helping a young married couple. The wife is wearing a flattering, but form-fitting top. An old couple standing nearby is complaining loudly.) This one I could almost believe. Almost. quote:(I fall off a ladder at work, and severely twist my ankle. Eventually, I manage to stand up, and try to hop my way to the manager. An older woman in her sixties stops me.) 
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May 7, 2013 17:02
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People use "the C-word" in America, but not like in Britain/Australia. In the States it's considered to be a much more offensive term and people usually don't use it in a playful or joking manner. Americans don't call guys cunts.quote:Me: God of mischief? Brother of Thor? I can't believe some random stranger didn't know who Loki was! On an unrelated note, literally the only reason I know anything about Norse mythology is some Joss Whedon movie that came out last year. Skeleton Ape has a new favorite as of 18:27 on May 7, 2013 |
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May 7, 2013 18:24
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Hahaha, I didn't notice that the first time since I just kinda skimmed over the spergy parts. It's great when STDH people make themselves look dumb in their own stories.
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May 7, 2013 19:49
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Djeser posted:NAR never disappoints Maybe this is me not being American but what is a martial arts store? Is that where you buy the coloured belts?
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May 7, 2013 21:30
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Djeser posted:NAR never disappoints Seriously, these people seem to have no concept of the real world.
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May 7, 2013 21:36
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Seedge posted:Maybe this is me not being American but what is a martial arts store? Is that where you buy the coloured belts?  VVVVVVVV Or... that. dijon du jour has a new favorite as of 22:13 on May 7, 2013 |
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May 7, 2013 22:00
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Seedge posted:Maybe this is me not being American but what is a martial arts store? Is that where you buy the coloured belts? When I was a kid, "the martial arts store" meant the place to go buy "ninja" masks, throwing stars, and nunchucks. It was the place that your mom's least favorite brother (you know,the one with the tiger tattoo on his forearm and a cigarette forever dangling from his lip) would take you and ask you not to tell anyone about. YMMV
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May 7, 2013 22:10
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Seedge posted:Maybe this is me not being American but what is a martial arts store? Is that where you buy the coloured belts? We used to have a tiny martial arts store/unit in an indoor market in Glasgow (Scotland). It just sold stuff like belts, wooden training swords, padding, outfits, instructional books, mats and a couple of vaguely related things like wall hangings. It wasn't very exciting and I guess you'd be hard pushed to make a larger store out of it. Anyway, they are quite real, unlike the rest of the story.
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May 7, 2013 22:25
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hate pants posted:It's also probably fake if a supposedly American person says "oval office". That's far more of a British or Australian slur; Americans really don't say it that often. In the area that I live, they do. They do it often. Extremely often. It's not a country thing, but an area thing, I guess, because this is the second area I've lived in where it's fairly common. Skeleton Ape posted:Americans don't call guys cunts. Yes, yes they do! I am from the NYC/NEPA area (depending on the month) and yes, men are referred to as cunts pretty regularly. It's considered a very heavy insult. Where the hell are you people from?!
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May 8, 2013 05:23
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Aintain posted:In the area that I live, they do. They do it often. Extremely often. It's not a country thing, but an area thing, I guess, because this is the second area I've lived in where it's fairly common. Americans don't call each other "cunts" with nearly the regularity that people in the UK/Australia do. Also this derail is stupid. NAR posted:(My aunt and uncle own a small bakery, specializing in artisan breads, muffins, and bagels. They have never sold cakes, cupcakes, or doughnuts. They also bought this shop in 1989, and have owned it ever since. It is a busy week for them, as one of their bakers is out sick. I am filling in and helping them out while their baker is recovering. A customer walks in who I have never seen before. She is carrying an arm load of wedding planning brochures and folders, and is speaking to me between text messages she is sending on her phone.) I DON'T WANT YOUR DISGUSTING BREADS
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May 8, 2013 06:26
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bringmyfishback posted:I DON'T WANT YOUR DISGUSTING BREADS Man this whole thing is stdh right down to the guy working at a bakery, because if he did he would have enough experience with other people to realize that his story is not even remotely believable because people do not act this way. Either that or this woman was suffering from schizophrenia.
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May 8, 2013 06:42
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I can believe parts of it since its easy to assume that all Bakery's sell the same products, this one in question must be an independant one for example, and not Greggs. However, the part I find hard to believe is the sheer ignorance of the Wedding Cake Woman and the fact that she even tried to sue the bakery, when she'd most likely be laughed at and told to go away.
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May 8, 2013 07:59
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Jesus Christ NAR, put some goddamn effort into it!NAR posted:
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May 8, 2013 08:47
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bringmyfishback posted:I DON'T WANT YOUR DISGUSTING BREADS Is everyone insane in NAR-land, or what? This poo poo is like human fanfiction written by space robots. Also the crazy customer is laden with wedding planning folders for her darling precious daughter's wedding, yet waited til the week before the wedding to order a cake. Okay!
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May 8, 2013 09:20
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axolotl farmer posted:Jesus Christ NAR, put some goddamn effort into it! Why was it important that she looked younger than 22?
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May 8, 2013 09:25
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Shrug, people get crazy when it comes to weddings. The dialog from that story is ridiculous, but I wouldn't be surprised to hear that someone tried to sue a bakery about a phantom wedding cake. Also, this thread has taught me that if you pass three people on the street, one of them is likely to be a MMA fighter. Tread lightly, because they're apt to employ physical violence at the slightest sign of rudeness or bigotry.
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May 8, 2013 09:27
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bringmyfishback posted:I DON'T WANT YOUR DISGUSTING BREADS I SCORN YOUR FOUL YEAST-BASED CONSUMABLES. All of these stories where a customer goes nuts because the shop doesn't stock something are the most unbelievable, because this happens to everybody at some point and all that ever happens is that you say, "Oh, sorry" and walk out, or maybe ask them if they know somewhere nearby that sells the item.
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May 8, 2013 09:29
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Das Boo posted:Why was it important that she looked younger than 22? Actually, the more I think about it, the more I realize the narrator is probably trying to sell "she doesn't look like she'd be married yet" as if 22 is much older than 18.
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May 8, 2013 10:01
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axolotl farmer posted:Jesus Christ NAR, put some goddamn effort into it! Surely that was written by someone from this thread.
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May 8, 2013 10:10
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I don't think threatening a customer with physical violence is really accepted in cashier work and I don't see how "My friend is an MMA trainer hint hint" could be construed any other way. Also, what the hell is a w****?
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May 8, 2013 10:25
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