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tarepanda
Mar 26, 2011

Living the Dream

Squashy Nipples posted:

If you mean, "improved over KFC" then pretty much anyone can do that. :colbert:


Sidebar: KFC's global reach is always shocking to me when I travel overseas. Some cultures aren't so big on burgers, but it seems like everyone everywhere likes fried chicken.

Korean fried chicken is amazing. The NYT, I think, did a big arricle about it a number of years ago and how it was spreading.

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Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Squashy Nipples posted:

If you mean, "improved over KFC" then pretty much anyone can do that. :colbert:

I mean over real honest to god southern fried chicken. It's good, don't get me wrong, but the Korean style is something truly special and totally worth your time if you find it. And I can get it from literally twenty different good delivery joints in just my little neighborhood. Fast food chicken that's actually good, it's a wonderland.

Kyochon is my favorite chain and I believe they have some locations in the US.

Anyway. Koreans usually ruin any foreign food they touch but fried chicken they do right, and I don't even bother trying to compete with it here. I've instead gone with chocolate mousse, a salad, hummus, shrimp banh mi, some fruit, and a bottle of white wine.

Grand Fromage fucked around with this message at 14:54 on May 17, 2013

No Wave
Sep 18, 2005

HA! HA! NICE! WHAT A TOOL!
I hosed up. I got ~4 pound boneless leg of lamb and after my 8 pound pork shoulder I'd forgotten that cooking times increase and decrease exponentially with meat size. So the lamb, which I cooked at 190 degrees, is already at 145 in the middle - I was hoping it would reach this point at, like, six o'clock (it's 12:30 over here). What's the best play here? Should I leave it in the oven at 145, or will it denature into mush? I don't gain much over refrigerating it vs. leaving it in a slightly warm oven, given that it would probably take 2 hours to get out of the meat danger zone each way and we're eating in five and a half hours anyways.

I'm thinking that the meat won't get too mushy if it's held at around 130 or so. So I'm thinking I'll turn the oven off, turn it back on as low as possible (170 in two hours). Anyone have any insights?

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."
Aim for 140 but yeah, that's the plan.

Squashy Nipples posted:

Sidebar: KFC's global reach is always shocking to me when I travel overseas. Some cultures aren't so big on burgers, but it seems like everyone everywhere likes fried chicken.

The Diamond Age posted:

The House of the Venerable and Inscrutable Colonel was what they called it when they were speaking Chinese. Venerable because of his goatee, white as the dogwood blossom, a badge of unimpeachable credibility in Confucian eyes. Inscrutable because he had gone to his grave without divulging the Secret of the Eleven Herbs and Spices. It had been the first fast-food franchise established on the Bund, many decades earlier.

Horrorclaus
Oct 10, 2008
My family and I are grilling some chicken on Saturday, and I wanted to try making the marinade for it myself. We always use italian dressing as a marinade, which tastes fine, but it is going to be somewhat of a special occasion, so I would like to try making something different.

Anyone have any recipes or suggestions, or is it just easier to use the italian dressing?

Horrorclaus fucked around with this message at 19:18 on May 17, 2013

GrAviTy84
Nov 25, 2004

Horrorclaus posted:

My family and I are grilling some chicken on Saturday, and I wanted to try making the marinade for it myself. We always use italian dressing as a marinade, which tastes fine, but it is going to be somewhat of a special occasion, so I would like to try making something special.

Anyone have any recipes or suggestions, or is it just easier to sue the italian dressing?

"grilled chicken" is an amazingly prolific genre of food. did you have a region of the world in mind? what else did you want to serve with it?

rkl
Jan 8, 2012

Don't give me a jerkoff handjob.
To hell with a marinade. Rub it with a mix of 3 parts chili powder, 1 part minced garlic, 1 part salt, 1 part black pepper. Add olive oil until it reaches a paste-like consistency.

Horrorclaus
Oct 10, 2008
I should have clarified earlier, we are simpletons when it comes to cooking. Usually we take chicken breasts, drop them in a bowl with italian dressing, then grill them; I think I will try the rub rkl suggested though.

Squashy Nipples
Aug 18, 2007

Don't get down on yourself, Italian dressing makes a good marinade for chicken. Just apply the same mechanic to other flavors, such as the rub suggested above. Once you've done that a few times, try swapping out the chili powder for other spices, and go from there. Experiment!

The Dregs
Dec 29, 2005

MY TREEEEEEEE!
Anyone have some advice for split pea soup? I have a pound of dried peas and half a pound of salt pork and some chicken stock. it seems like the natural thing to make.

willie_dee
Jun 21, 2010
I obtain sexual gratification from observing people being inflicted with violent head injuries
I have been buying large pieces of steak, either Ribeye or Sirloin lately, I cut them in half and then put the remainder in the fridge in tupperware. How do I stop them turning brown or grey over night on the bottom? I have googled but it only says that they are still fine to eat, but I want fresh steak twice like its just from the store!

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA
May 29, 2008

willie_dee posted:

I have been buying large pieces of steak, either Ribeye or Sirloin lately, I cut them in half and then put the remainder in the fridge in tupperware. How do I stop them turning brown or grey over night on the bottom? I have googled but it only says that they are still fine to eat, but I want fresh steak twice like its just from the store!

Get some xenon and fill the container you keep your steak in with it before putting it in the fridge.

(There's no way to stop this outside of putting preservatives in the meat, it oxidizes very quickly once it's no longer alive. It's fine, just eat it. If it discolours it's probably better to put in your belly than something full of preservatives, not that those are bad either.)

Turkeybone
Dec 9, 2006

:chef: :eng99:

willie_dee posted:

I have been buying large pieces of steak, either Ribeye or Sirloin lately, I cut them in half and then put the remainder in the fridge in tupperware. How do I stop them turning brown or grey over night on the bottom? I have googled but it only says that they are still fine to eat, but I want fresh steak twice like its just from the store!

You can prevent it somewhat from having plastic wrap directly touching the meat, but seriously, it's 100% the same thing except in your marketing-brainwashed brain. Honestly it'd probably be better if you didn't wrap it at all and got some ghetto dry-age going on.

No Wave
Sep 18, 2005

HA! HA! NICE! WHAT A TOOL!
Leave the steak on a rack in the fridge, uncovered. The browning is caused by a low quantity (but not total lack) of oxygen. It's why the top of your meat stays red, and vacuum-sealed meat stays red, but meat with a reduced supply of oxygen - like the bottom of your steaks - will turn brown. On a rack all parts will be exposed to oxygen, so you might just get a few brown marks on the bottom but the majority will remain red. It, of course, does not actually matter.

I think. I don't remember the science behind this.

No Wave fucked around with this message at 21:26 on May 17, 2013

pr0k
Jan 16, 2001

"Well if it's gonna be
that kind of party..."

The Dregs posted:

Anyone have some advice for split pea soup? I have a pound of dried peas and half a pound of salt pork and some chicken stock. it seems like the natural thing to make.

You also need some carrot, onion, and potato. No need to soak the peas. Salt, white pepper, and a bay leaf. Cook until cooked, puree, adjust seasoning, eat.

Scientastic
Mar 1, 2010

TRULY scientastic.
🔬🍒


Grand Fromage posted:

I'm thinking a cold taco might not be such a bad idea. My experience with them is as leftovers so they were awful, but if freshly assembled from cold ingredients. I dunno. I might just make something else. I have so little experience with good picnic food that I'm flailing for any ideas.

If you're looking for inspiration, you could do a lot worse than checking out ICSA 54.

nesbit37
Dec 12, 2003
Emperor of Rome
(500 BC - 500 AD)
I haven't done this in a few years so I wanted to check before I ruin it. Tomorrow I am going to be slow cook a rump round in a dutch oven with beef broth, etc. to get some tasty meat that falls apart for Korean burritos. What I can't remember if putting the dutch oven in the oven or the stove top is the preferred method, and if its in the oven, what the temp should be for the ~6 or so hours it will be in there. Around 200F?

PokeJoe
Aug 24, 2004

hail cgatan


Squashy Nipples posted:



Sidebar: KFC's global reach is always shocking to me when I travel overseas. Some cultures aren't so big on burgers, but it seems like everyone everywhere likes fried chicken.

Ain't that the truth.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/05/16/palestinians-can-now-order-kentucky-fried-chicken-via-tunnel-to-egypt/

Gerblyn
Apr 4, 2007

"TO BATTLE!"
Fun Shoe
I just made a fairly successful duck a l'orange, and I still have about a cup of the sauce left over. It's just orange juice, rind, sugar, vinegar and chicken stock that I almost managed to thicken with corn starch (pro-tip: if the recipe says arrowroot, it means it). I don't really want to chuck it away, and I'm thinking I might be able to make some kind of orange chicken dish with it. Anyone have any ideas of the best way to go about this? I was thinking either to have some fried, battered chicken breast and pour the sauce over it, or maybe use the sauce as a glaze and bake it...

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


If you glazed some boneless fried chicken bits with it and served on stir fried vegetables you'd basically have your standard American Chinese orange chicken. Would be good on pork too.

E: I think those flavors would also work well with shrimp.

Grand Fromage fucked around with this message at 19:00 on May 18, 2013

Gerblyn
Apr 4, 2007

"TO BATTLE!"
Fun Shoe
Sound great! I'll give it a try!

Stalizard
Aug 11, 2006

Have I got a headache!
My girlfriend just bought most of a shark. It's been decapitated and eviscerated.

It's a small shark, maybe a foot and a half long. Looks like a mud shark, but I'm no ichthyologist.

Any advice for preparing it or any bona fide shark recipes? I plan to skin it, and to either filet it or cut it into steaks, but beyond that I've got no idea what to do.

Slavvy
Dec 11, 2012

What do I do if I'm completely handicapped cooking-wise? I'm not exagerrating, I've been trying to learn on a daily basis for a month now and everything tastes like garbage despite several attempts at any given food.

Steak? Tastes like bloody string or bloody rubber depending on time spent. Rice? Tastes like little hard granules despite having the right appearance. Bacon? Tastes like sheets of burned cardboard or barely-warm ham. Sausage? Burned on the outside, raw on the inside. Grilled cheese sandwich? Soggy, wrinkled and inexplicably stuck to the non-stick pan. Anything involving more than one or two components? In the trash, don't even bother. Anything involving correct timing like cooking X while Y boils or what have you? Huge mess all over the kitchen, nothing done at the right time, me eating from the deep frier because that's the only stuff I can cook.

I've looked at hundreds of youtube videos, I've read a handful of books, I've asked people face to face, I've even watched people cook something simple and easy and then when I try to replicate the result I eat poo poo. I am just completely lacking in the ability to judge how long to cook something for, I'm also unable to tell if something is properly cooked or not. Even when food cooked by someone else to perfection is put in front of me, if I'm told to decide if it's cooked properly or not I start looking at it really closely and realise I have no loving idea what it's supposed to look like.

"Ten easy recipes for _____ people with ____" forget about it. "_____ in five easy steps!" four steps too many. I hope I'm being clear here.

What do I do now? Is there anything else I can try or should I just buy a microwave and eat packet stuff for the rest of my life? This is seriously impacting my quality of life and I don't have enough money to use fast-food as a backup, I have to do all my shopping at once so a choice has to be made or I'll pretty much start starving.

I have never failed at anything quite so badly as this, I've never run into anything this difficult or frustrating. My engineering degree was easier than this. I'm at a loss.

edit: and another thing: Lots of people have told me this stuff is meant to be either fun or satisfying and generally enjoyable in some way. I find it extremely stressful and torturous and I dread coming home every day to the strain and enormous mess it always involves. The end result tasting like poo poo takes away any shred of satisfaction that I might get from having done a good job or whatever. I don't get it, period.

Slavvy fucked around with this message at 09:30 on May 19, 2013

Comic
Feb 24, 2008

Mad Comic Stylings
You really need to find out what mistakes you're making and how to fix them. From what I can guess, you're not paying too much attention to things. You said you have an engineering degree so this site may be of interest. A lot of that is more indepth in cooking than the level you're at, but some of the recipes may show you something in a way that clicks better for you.

Really though you just have to pay more attention to how hot you have something (burned outside raw inside usually means things were either cooked too high a temperature or not thawed, for example), and the ratios and time needed to cook (cooking rice is simply x cups of water to y rice for z time). Maybe look into watching episodes of Good Eats if you haven't- you don't really need to duplicate the recipes used on the show but understanding how heat and salt and various things in cooking work on a fundamental level helps a lot.

What kind of recipes are you (trying) to follow? Ruling out your materials/equipment as a factor since it would seem other people can use them fine. A lot of recipes will tell you specifically what heat level to cook something on and for how long. If you're following directions properly and it's still coming out like poo poo then it's either not detailed enough for you or it's a bad recipe to begin with.

Comic fucked around with this message at 10:56 on May 19, 2013

Slavvy
Dec 11, 2012

Comic posted:

You really need to find out what mistakes you're making and how to fix them. From what I can guess, you're not paying too much attention to things. You said you have an engineering degree so this site may be of interest. A lot of that is more indepth in cooking than the level you're at, but some of the recipes may show you something in a way that clicks better for you.

Really though you just have to pay more attention to how hot you have something (burned outside raw inside usually means things were either cooked too high a temperature or not thawed, for example), and the ratios and time needed to cook (cooking rice is simply x cups of water to y rice for z time). Maybe look into watching episodes of Good Eats if you haven't- you don't really need to duplicate the recipes used on the show but understanding how heat and salt and various things in cooking work on a fundamental level helps a lot.

What kind of recipes are you (trying) to follow? Ruling out your materials/equipment as a factor since it would seem other people can use them fine. A lot of recipes will tell you specifically what heat level to cook something on and for how long. If you're following directions properly and it's still coming out like poo poo then it's either not detailed enough for you or it's a bad recipe to begin with.

90% of everything just says 'on low' or 'on high' or 'medium' etc. My element has 0-6. I'm fairly certain my pan is poo poo and I do intend to rectify that in a couple of days. I'm not really trying to follow any recipes, I'm literally trying to cook A Piece Of Bacon or do what it says on the back of the rice risotto box.

My biggest problem aside from timing and not knowing what things are supposed to look like is that I don't have any judgement. You may not realise it but every recipe and cooking basically anything requires an excercise of judgement as to whether something is done, or soft/firm/salty/coloured/burned enough and I can't seem to do that.

Often I have a mental plan of what I need to do and when, but after I start something comes up that I didn't anticipate or remember and it throws everything out and I end up sort of...wandering around in a panic. I also am really prone to repeatedly poking/stirring/turning/flipping things because I'm not sure if it's cooking normally or being ruined, and I can't trust just leaving it because I've probably set it wrong or mixed it wrong or whatever.

This site is pretty cool though.

Gerblyn
Apr 4, 2007

"TO BATTLE!"
Fun Shoe

Slavvy posted:

What do I do if I'm completely handicapped cooking-wise? I'm not exagerrating, I've been trying to learn on a daily basis for a month now and everything tastes like garbage despite several attempts at any given food.

The best advice would be to find a mentor who can come over to your place and help you as you try and make things. The person needs to know how to cook obviously, but it's also important that they're patient and even tempered. The experience may be quite stressful for them as well, and you want someone you know will not lose their cool when things start going downhill. Also, it's probably better to do the lessons in your kitchen, since you're equipment might work differently than theirs (your oven might run hotter for example, or your pan might distribute heat differently).

Secondly, it sounds like you need to find a way of dealing with stress in the kitchen. If you're stressed you're going to make mistakes and you're going to forget things, which will make you more stressed and things will degenerate from there. There's also the problem that if you were really stressed making something, you might dislike eating it even if it's perfectly fine, simply because you have a bitter taste in your mouth. I can't really help you here, since I don't know you, but I can offer some things that might help:

- Prepare everything in advance before you actually start cooking things. If vegetables need to be prepared, then prepare them and put them in a bowl ready to use. If spices need to be measured out, then measure them out onto a side plate or something. When you're actually cooking, you want to have everything at your fingertips when you need it. I know personally how awful it can be when you suddenly think: Okay, now I need to add the chopped tomatoes. Where are the tomatoes?? poo poo, they're not chopped??? How can I chop them when I need to keep stirring the sauce :supaburn:

- If you're gonna be cooking more than one thing at a time, make a plan in advance on the logistics of it. For example, if the carrots need to boil 10 minutes, the potatoes need to boil 20 and the meat needs 40 minutes in the oven, then you might think:

1. Put the chicken in the oven
2. 10 minutes later, put on the water for the potatoes
3. 10 minutes after that, put the potatoes in the boiling water and start boiling water for the carrots
4. 10 minutes later put the carrots on
5. 10 minutes later, everything's cooked.

- In your down time while you're waiting, go over the plan in your head and re-read the recipe to make sure you haven't forgotten anything.

- Similarly, make sure you've always thoroughly read through a recipe before you start it. I once hosed up fried rice because I didn't read the recipe properly, and missed that the rice I was supposed to fry had to be pre-cooked :(

- If you feel like things are slipping out of your control, then don't be afraid to take everything off the heat, and take a few minutes to catch your breath and figure out what you're going to do next. It might mess up the cooking a little, but it's much safer than you flipping out while things burn. The only exception is baking, since removing something from the oven early can ruin it.

Finally, and I say this from bitter experience, be aware that many recipes will be incorrect in some way. This will typically come down to one of two things: either the writer assume you know something already, so they don't bother to explain it, or the writer's equipment works differently than yours, so they say cook 30 minutes while your stove only needs 25. This is where having a mentor helps, since the only real way to recognize what's wrong or missing is through experience.

Edit: Just read your last reply, and I guess a bunch of the stuff I wrote you might already know :shobon:

Gerblyn fucked around with this message at 11:33 on May 19, 2013

Comic
Feb 24, 2008

Mad Comic Stylings

Slavvy posted:

90% of everything just says 'on low' or 'on high' or 'medium' etc.

Well okay, it's a safe bet that you can assume that 0 is Low, 3 is Medium, and 6 is High. If something asks for Medium High you'll probably want to put it on 4 or 5. Medium Low would be 2 or 1. (If 0 is off then 1 is low, 2 is medium low, 3-4 is medium, 5 is medium high, and 6 is high) Obviously this introduces some judgement but that's the kind of thing you will acquire after cooking enough things successfully. (And if it turns out it doesn't come out successfully, REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID so next time you can do something different, but not too different- you don't want too many variables.)

You should google images of what you're trying to cook if you're not sure what it's supposed to look like- that way you can directly compare. Obviously it won't look quite as good as something photographed nicely but you should get some good idea on if it needs to be more/less brown or such. You should also probably google recipes for things even if it sounds like it should be simple- and don't always just look at the first recipe you find and follow it blindly. If you want to learn how to attain judgement for these things you'll look at different recipes and see what they have in common- likely that's an important thing. Stuff they have different means that those steps/ingredients have leeway in how you perform/do them.

Constantly stirring/messing with food will definitely ruin your results too, especially with meat, I know this as someone who has a history of doing it as I learned to cook. Some things do need it, most things don't. The stuff that needs constant attention like that will definitely mention it.

Also seconding that you prepare absolutely every part of what you're making before you start making it. Even in the example of bacon you can prepare a place to put the bacon after it's cooked. If your bacon is coming out absolutely charred burnt you're cooking it too long, or at too high a heat.

Comic fucked around with this message at 11:54 on May 19, 2013

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

Slavvy posted:

What do I do if I'm completely handicapped cooking-wise? I'm not exagerrating, I've been trying to learn on a daily basis for a month now and everything tastes like garbage despite several attempts at any given food.
Get a slow cooker.
Use your oven more.
Watch Good Eats. http://www.youtube.com/user/GoodEatsComplete/videos?flow=grid&view=1

edit: Alton Brown on good eats recommends doing bacon in the oven for example, stops it shrinking and warping.
But ovens are a PITA to get to temp, have you got one of these? http://www.harveynorman.com.au/sunbeam-cafe-grill-sandwich-maker.html?gclid=CNaJt4OGorcCFc1bpQodAn0Apg ?
I use mine for bacon, keeps it nice and flat, nice grill marks of top, will never burn it, as as a bonus, all future cheese and tomato toasties will have a faint bacon flavour! That's just me though, as I will only use it in the future for cheese toasties so I'm fine with that. :colbert:

If you don't trust your stove, look at getting an electric frypan that has a thermostat too.

Fo3 fucked around with this message at 12:27 on May 19, 2013

Slifter
Feb 8, 2011
@Slavvy

First of all I agree with the previous posters, if you don't have the experience the best thing to do is try to get someone into your kitchen and share theirs.

Something else to consider is starting with things that require either no cooking or can be prepared in the microwave. Starting with simple salads and moving on to things like sauces and other more complex preparations is a good way to start in the shallow end of the pool. The microwave is another good starting place, its heat and cook food while greatly reducing the chances of burning something. I'd start at the very basic of microwaving potatoes and squash and go from there.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?


Oven cooking also tends to be more forgiving. Not baking, that's a whole other thing, but just oven roasting.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)
I agree, that's why I said to use the oven more.
But have to reply to add, make sure that oven is clean.
Otherwise browning might be difficult to achieve, and random hot spots that may burn food in places before the rest of it is cooked.

Fo3 fucked around with this message at 12:40 on May 19, 2013

That Works
Jul 22, 2006

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy


Slavvy posted:

What do I do if I'm completely handicapped cooking-wise? I'm not exagerrating, I've been trying to learn on a daily basis for a month now and everything tastes like garbage despite several attempts at any given food.

Steak? Tastes like bloody string or bloody rubber depending on time spent. Rice? Tastes like little hard granules despite having the right appearance. Bacon? Tastes like sheets of burned cardboard or barely-warm ham. Sausage? Burned on the outside, raw on the inside. Grilled cheese sandwich? Soggy, wrinkled and inexplicably stuck to the non-stick pan. Anything involving more than one or two components? In the trash, don't even bother. Anything involving correct timing like cooking X while Y boils or what have you? Huge mess all over the kitchen, nothing done at the right time, me eating from the deep frier because that's the only stuff I can cook.

I've looked at hundreds of youtube videos, I've read a handful of books, I've asked people face to face, I've even watched people cook something simple and easy and then when I try to replicate the result I eat poo poo. I am just completely lacking in the ability to judge how long to cook something for, I'm also unable to tell if something is properly cooked or not. Even when food cooked by someone else to perfection is put in front of me, if I'm told to decide if it's cooked properly or not I start looking at it really closely and realise I have no loving idea what it's supposed to look like.

"Ten easy recipes for _____ people with ____" forget about it. "_____ in five easy steps!" four steps too many. I hope I'm being clear here.

What do I do now? Is there anything else I can try or should I just buy a microwave and eat packet stuff for the rest of my life? This is seriously impacting my quality of life and I don't have enough money to use fast-food as a backup, I have to do all my shopping at once so a choice has to be made or I'll pretty much start starving.

I have never failed at anything quite so badly as this, I've never run into anything this difficult or frustrating. My engineering degree was easier than this. I'm at a loss.

edit: and another thing: Lots of people have told me this stuff is meant to be either fun or satisfying and generally enjoyable in some way. I find it extremely stressful and torturous and I dread coming home every day to the strain and enormous mess it always involves. The end result tasting like poo poo takes away any shred of satisfaction that I might get from having done a good job or whatever. I don't get it, period.

Just from those problems I'd be willing to bet you have either horrible pots and pans and/ or a terrible stove/grill/range.

Most of your issues seem to be temperature related in some way. Otherwise they are timing related, and you can correct that with good measurement and a kitchen timer. I'd start by trying to make rice correctly as it's something that anyone should eventually be able to do.

Is your stove terrible? Do you have really bad pots / pans? Just asking that 1st then can go forward from there.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)
Yeah, he's already said that, just an old teflon pan that probably warped and no longer non stick.
People suggested he get a cast iron pan last week, which I think he's going to get soon.

But he still seems confused by their stove. It could even have a faulty thermostat, which is why I suggested use the oven for some recipes or try different stuff like a slow cooker or an electric fry pan if he really is desperate to make it work for him.

Hawkperson
Jun 20, 2003

Like everyone else, I'm almost certain it's your awful pan. I had one pan for a very long time and I just thought I was a lovely cook because some things (especially chicken for some reason) just turned out like poo poo on it. Then I got a stainless steel pan and suddenly everything was fantastic. Stainless steel has its own little intricacies that might be frustrating to you right now, so don't necessarily grab one yet, but DO grab a new pan.

It may also just turn out that instead of your stove having a 1-6 range, it really has a 1-3 range and 4-6 are useless and too loving hot. But I really think it's just your pan being so thin that it takes on heat too quickly.

If oven and slow cooker are out I vote you braise something. Your raw-after-searing problem will actually come in handy here. Sear off something you like and then braise it in a liquid. I don't what food you like but this recipe is one-pot and easy: http://www.easy-french-food.com/braised-beef-recipe.html#.UZjfVspvCcw This can also let you test the heat on your stove to properly achieve a simmer, NOT boiling. Try to make it so that bubbles very occasionally rise to the top of your braising liquid.

That Works
Jul 22, 2006

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy


Fo3 posted:

Yeah, he's already said that, just an old teflon pan that probably warped and no longer non stick.
People suggested he get a cast iron pan last week, which I think he's going to get soon.

But he still seems confused by their stove. It could even have a faulty thermostat, which is why I suggested use the oven for some recipes or try different stuff like a slow cooker or an electric fry pan if he really is desperate to make it work for him.

Ohh I didn't realize it was the same guy from earlier in the week!

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA
May 29, 2008

Slavvy posted:

What do I do if I'm completely handicapped cooking-wise? I'm not exagerrating, I've been trying to learn on a daily basis for a month now and everything tastes like garbage despite several attempts at any given food.

Come to IRC! irc.synirc.org #foodchat

We'll get you set up!

Slavvy
Dec 11, 2012

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA posted:

Come to IRC! irc.synirc.org #foodchat

We'll get you set up!

I'll try, I'm in the southern hemisphere so I don't know how well it'll work.

Hawkgirl posted:

Like everyone else, I'm almost certain it's your awful pan. I had one pan for a very long time and I just thought I was a lovely cook because some things (especially chicken for some reason) just turned out like poo poo on it. Then I got a stainless steel pan and suddenly everything was fantastic. Stainless steel has its own little intricacies that might be frustrating to you right now, so don't necessarily grab one yet, but DO grab a new pan.

It may also just turn out that instead of your stove having a 1-6 range, it really has a 1-3 range and 4-6 are useless and too loving hot. But I really think it's just your pan being so thin that it takes on heat too quickly.

If oven and slow cooker are out I vote you braise something. Your raw-after-searing problem will actually come in handy here. Sear off something you like and then braise it in a liquid. I don't what food you like but this recipe is one-pot and easy: http://www.easy-french-food.com/braised-beef-recipe.html#.UZjfVspvCcw This can also let you test the heat on your stove to properly achieve a simmer, NOT boiling. Try to make it so that bubbles very occasionally rise to the top of your braising liquid.

I will get a new pan tomorrow night, as well as a microwave for insurance. That recipe is extremely complicated by my standards though.

bombhand
Jun 27, 2004

Sure, it's more complicated than you're used to, but it's not complex. Take it a step at a time, get all your stuff prepared and ready to go before you start cooking it, and you'll be amazed at how little there really is to it. And be signed into IRC while you're doing it, because if you have any questions while you're going, odds are really good someone will be there to answer them for you. We have folks at all hours of the day and yes, we even have southern hemisphere foodfriends!

Slavvy
Dec 11, 2012

bombhand posted:

Sure, it's more complicated than you're used to, but it's not complex. Take it a step at a time, get all your stuff prepared and ready to go before you start cooking it, and you'll be amazed at how little there really is to it. And be signed into IRC while you're doing it, because if you have any questions while you're going, odds are really good someone will be there to answer them for you. We have folks at all hours of the day and yes, we even have southern hemisphere foodfriends!

I've heard the 'lots of steps but not complex' argument before and believe me, it is too complicated. I screwed up burritos for god's sake. I literally just want to be able to cook a single piece of meat properly, I don't know how I could manage something that elaborate. There are a good four discreet procedures involved from what I can see, and I've found that one error tends to send ripples down the track, causing the whole thing to fly off the rails long before it's finished.

I'll buy a pan and sort out an IRC client thingy tomorrow, I haven't used IRC in about a decade.

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Hawkperson
Jun 20, 2003

Slavvy posted:

I've heard the 'lots of steps but not complex' argument before and believe me, it is too complicated. I screwed up burritos for god's sake. I literally just want to be able to cook a single piece of meat properly, I don't know how I could manage something that elaborate. There are a good four discreet procedures involved from what I can see, and I've found that one error tends to send ripples down the track, causing the whole thing to fly off the rails long before it's finished.

I'll buy a pan and sort out an IRC client thingy tomorrow, I haven't used IRC in about a decade.

http://mediaphage.net/foodchat.html

Come, we are waiting for you. :q:

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