|
old dog child posted:Once you Mike-o fucked around with this message at 23:50 on Jun 1, 2013 |
#
?
Jun 1, 2013 21:47
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 14, 2024 10:08 |
|
|
i was a squad leader of a squad of conscript AF firefighters at an Norwegian airfield just after my NCO training. One night while watching porn i was interupted by a loud bang and screaming, ran down to the workshop next to the apparatus-hall and found that Private Dimling had shredded his tigh, lost three fingers and an ear and made a jolly great hole in the garage door. All of this carnage was the result of his idea to weld some "D" rings to his full SCBA tank. if you behave i might tell you about when i started a brushfire that burned for three days and got on national news during a brief on "the importance of not sleeping on fire-watch"
|
|
#
?
Jun 1, 2013 23:38
|
|
|
Vasudus posted:
 Oops. Every time I went on leave I wrote New Jersey but almost always traveled. Once I went from NJ, to Boston, to Chicago, to Philly, to loving Miami and then back to Bragg.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 00:10
|
|
|
Mike-o posted:Maybe there's an upside to my choice of going Army instead of Navy No joke. It was one of my reasons (and student loan repayment too).
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 00:53
|
|
|
HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:
You seem surprised someone could get in trouble for falsifying official documents.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 00:55
|
|
|
HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 01:03
|
|
|
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's no addendum you can file that says "yo, changed my mind, went somewhere else instead".
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 01:59
|
|
|
This is the story of Sal. That isn't his name, but it's the name he earned. Sal stands for "Sucks At Life". Sal knocked up his high-school GF (a fatty), and joined the navy. On 1st deployment, Sal gets word through the Base housing gossip channels that his wife might be up to some shenanigans. On the way back from deployment he requests to be one of the about 2 dozen who instead of riding the ship from Hawaii, to San Diego, then up to Seattle, he instead flies out of Pearl and straight to Seattle. Arriving about 3 days early, he sure enough catches his wife with Jody. Argument ensues, a window gets broken, MP's called. Wife takes out restraining order on Sal, Sal gets put on restriction. So now Sal is stuck on base, and his wife is getting dicked on the regular by Jody. Turns out Jody is a high-school senior, and they start having booze and weed parties every night in base housing on Sal's military paycheck. Sal's wife starts cleaning out the bank account every payday as soon as the money comes in. Sal tries about three times to beat her to the ATM on payday, and the 4th time he does. She immediately calls the base "I got no money for diapers/formula". While Sal's life is poo poo, he is in no way suicidal, but decides to play the sadpanda card, thinking he will earn sympathy from the command. Nope. After a few other episodes, (UA x2) command decides to cut ties with Sal, he gets discharged for "Pattern of Misconduct".
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 02:10
|
|
|
Wingnut Ninja posted:If you go UA (AWOL) for more than 30 days you get classified as a deserter, which has tougher penalties and can get you arrested. I learned this when our resident shitbag came back on day 29; I wasn't closely involved with the case but from what I heard he was at his mom's place and she kicked him out so he wouldn't bust 30 days. Admin basically had two folders ready for him - the NJP/adsep paperwork for if he came back in time, and the deserter paperwork for an arrest warrant if he didn't. I learned this on my first ship where it was common enough to regularly hear "Where's Seaman Timmy?" "Oh, he's taking his 29"
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 02:41
|
|
|
Godholio posted:You seem surprised someone could get in trouble for falsifying official documents. So I couldn't leave my house?
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 02:55
|
|
|
We had a guy who IIRC was a radioman E-5, one of our better sailors and the de facto LPO (the actual guy was a doofus.) I've forgotten most of the parts of the story I got, but he ends up missing movement for a long underway. Keep in mind the Navy can really gently caress with you on that '30 days away from your command' thing when your command is at undisclosed location and depth somewhere in the North Atlantic. This guy managed to grade-A piss off the command; apparently he called saying he couldn't make the underway because he was far off somewhere (not on leave) and got in a car wreck. Then he figures out that if he's gonna use that excuse, he needs to actually wreck his car. Which he does, all too obviously on purpose. After the boat's already left (guess the date was on the police report.) There was at least one more layer of lies on top of this, which looked awful bad for this guy's submarine radioman NEC-required Top Secret clearance. Guy ended up getting knocked down to E-1 and booted from the Navy. Although there was probably some other 'last straw' violation that I forget; I'm pretty sure the entire reason for him missimg movement in the first place involved getting in a fight with his cougar girlfriend, and she probably told the command he was beating her or some crap.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 16:20
|
|
|
Regarding going overboard, I heard carriers lose someone into the drink at least once every deployment, although it's kept quiet. One guy told me a story of three dudes playing grabass on a plane elevator and going over, perfect sunny and calm conditions but a complete fluke, one guy drowns immediately, one goes to sharks and one they just never found. Boat made up a story for the families about how they were swept over in stormy weather. Another story I heard was of flight ops on a new carrier (probably Lincoln) where no one knew what they were doing, and some guy missing a digit on the steam catapault calculation for a loaded up F-18 and just sort of lazily dumping it off the front. There's some away call made on this case where the throttlemen go ahead flank on the screws on one side and back emergency on the other, to pivot the ship away from the crash, but this also got botched, both sides went flank, and they just roared right over this guy. Couldn't find a piece of plane or pilot bigger than the palm of your hand. Submarines generally don't have things like nets, guardrails, etc and you rarely wear a vest or even anything high-vis, glowsticks etc except for line handling in/near port. But you do get harnesses that will break your back and beat you against the sail a few times before dropping you in the drink. I nearly went over the side when we ran aground, I luckily got an arm around the nav ID mast and held on.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 16:54
|
|
|
Snowdens Secret posted:Regarding going overboard, I heard carriers lose someone into the drink at least once every deployment, although it's kept quiet. One guy told me a story of three dudes playing grabass on a plane elevator and going over, perfect sunny and calm conditions but a complete fluke, one guy drowns immediately, one goes to sharks and one they just never found. Boat made up a story for the families about how they were swept over in stormy weather. Regarding 1), there is no way the rate is anywhere near that high. We had exactly 2 man overboards in the nearly 5 years I was on that ship. The first was an MH-60 going down off the coast of San Diego during first phase of work ups in....2007 I think it was. All members of the flight survived. The second was for the story that Beria was telling earlier which was a suicide (and not on the carrier anyways). That turned into a massive multi-ship manhunt spanning several thousand square miles of ocean. And there is no sweeping anything high profile under the rug on a ship with 5000 people. The rumor mill starts going immediately after a high profile event and the news gets off the ship probably within a day or two. There is no way a chain of command would default to gross cover up when it could be easier explained "oh, well they were loving around on the aircraft elevator, better put that one in a safety video". I think the one Beria was talking about was in Navy Times within 3 days.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 17:18
|
|
|
Yeah, the carrier stuff was sea stories, any flight deck tales that make it to the sub nuke world have at least two or three generations of embellishment at best. Lord knows how many variants of the 'disgruntled carrier nuke runs screaming onto the mess decks in a radcon canary suit with broken glowsticks smeared all over him' tale I got.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 18:09
|
|
|
Being "swept away in stormy weather" from a drat carrier also takes a special kind of dumb to belive I'd guess. Re subs and high vis floatation, the US navy is aware these exists I hope?  Our boardning teams use something like this to not break that whole "black" thing they have going on. The insides are orange when it inflates. It has been pointed out that if they have to jump overboard from a hostile ship being orange is not good, so if threat level is high they'll be going in black drysuits (so they can get run over by us when we try to find them instead).
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 18:10
|
|
|
One of my friends put on the arc flash suit and chased someone out of the plant and across the mess decks late at night when only a few people were awake.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 20:18
|
|
|
Not all deaths on a carrier are due to man overboards. Tons of dangerous poo poo happens in the normal course of flight ops that can easily kill.
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 22:29
|
|
|
Scratch Monkey posted:Not all deaths on a carrier are due to man overboards. Tons of dangerous poo poo happens in the normal course of flight ops that can easily kill. One of our awesome chiefs on the reagan died doing some sort of electrical maintenance(I wasn't a nuke any more so didn't know specifics) 
|
|
#
?
Jun 2, 2013 22:31
|
|
|
Scratch Monkey posted:Not all deaths on a carrier are due to man overboards. Tons of dangerous poo poo happens in the normal course of flight ops that can easily kill. Yeah there's only a hundred or so possible whirring deathtraps around on the deck at any given time...getting sucked into an engine intake terrifies me more than anything else. You're just walking along and then suddenly whoosh and you're tiny little chunks of meatbag. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2013 15:08
|
|
|
Sudden death never bothered me. Probably how I was never really concerned with handling explosives - gently caress up and you're a red mist in the wind. I think I was more nervous handling things like blasting caps and those unexploded MLRS bomblets. poo poo that will take a finger/hand/arm but leave the rest of you intact.
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2013 19:16
|
|
|
Vasudus posted:Sudden death never bothered me. Probably how I was never really concerned with handling explosives - gently caress up and you're a red mist in the wind. We stopped using the MLRS rounds with bomblets in Afghanistan long before I even joined the army. Reason being they were incredibly, INCREDIBLY unreliable. I never got an official number on failure rate buy I promise it's over 25%. I once got to watch a video of some Iraqi kid picking one up, proudly holding it like he caught a rare pokemon with it (they look like pokeballs) and getting half of himself blown off.
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2013 19:25
|
|
|
I never personally handled the bomblets, I was out on mission when we found a few (in/around the Sunni triangle). We drew straws or did rock/paper/scissors to see who was handling what calls. MLRS bomblets were the only situation we flat out refused to handle and called EOD. They would chide us about not being real Sappers until we told them what it was and then they would immediately change tone and take our 9-line.
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2013 19:33
|
|
|
Vasudus posted:I never personally handled the bomblets, I was out on mission when we found a few (in/around the Sunni triangle). We drew straws or did rock/paper/scissors to see who was handling what calls. MLRS bomblets were the only situation we flat out refused to handle and called EOD. They would chide us about not being real Sappers until we told them what it was and then they would immediately change tone and take our 9-line. I definitely don't blame you for that one. Those things are the gift that keeps on giving (grave injuries).
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2013 19:36
|
|
|
movax posted:Yeah there's only a hundred or so possible whirring deathtraps around on the deck at any given time...getting sucked into an engine intake terrifies me more than anything else. You're just walking along and then suddenly whoosh and you're tiny little chunks of meatbag. Most engines on the flight deck have inlet guide vanes in front of the compressor section that will probably prevent you from getting chewed up. Probably. But thats why props and rotors scare me. You have 0 chance against those mothefuckers. Speaking of weird deaths on the aircraft carriers, a young sailor was killed on one of my deployments because they were on the hangar deck moving an aerial refueling system(ARS) (using a forklift and straps) and one of the straps failed and one of the blades on the ARS RAT(basically a tiny propeller that powers the system) went through his skull and into his brain. My last cruise on the way home we had one of the dudes that comes on the boat to sell sailors overpriced junk die of a heart attack; collapsed about 20 steps down from my stateroom. However the absolute worst casaulty to witness on aircraft carrier (or any Navy vessel)? Watching mail get blown over the side. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2013 14:50
|
|
|
I know BCT stories are frowned upon, but I promise this one is some legitimately stupid poo poo and not "He was only 5 minutes early to formation instead of 10 and got us all smoked." In my BCT company, but thankfully in another platoon, was Private Raymond. Private Raymond did the usual loving up, didn't shower/shave/refused to train, but what makes him stand out is he decided one day to call his mother. From the Battalion Commander's phone. In the Commander's office. After locking the door. And keeping the door locked, despite said Commander pounding on it and telling him to open it. The lives of everyone in the company got very interesting for a few days after this incident. After some how not receiving any significant disciplinary action for this, Private Raymond was given a bus ticket home and a cab was called to take him to the bus station; for the past 2 weeks, this had been what he'd wanted most in life, and this is in 2005, so this was a pretty rare thing. 3 hours later, Raymond shows up again, in the back of a MP cruiser. He has been busted trying shoplift some gameboy DS games. Private Raymond did not own a DS.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2013 19:26
|
|
P.S. STILL COMPLETELY DEVOID OF MERIT
|
Guesticles posted:I know BCT stories are frowned upon, but I promise this one is some legitimately stupid poo poo and not "He was only 5 minutes early to formation instead of 10 and got us all smoked." WHAT FINALLY HAPPENED?! 
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2013 20:36
|
|
|
Wasabi the J posted:WHAT FINALLY HAPPENED?! Nothing interesting. He got yelled at by DS for being a gently caress up for a while, and put back into the washout platoon with the other 3 refusals to train, who were tasked with keeping an eye on him, and then sent home at the end of the cycle*. I think his original platoon got smoked for a bit, but that was the end of his major gently caress ups, or at least the ones I heard about or was made to care about. Well, there was a candy smuggling incident involving the washouts and first platoon, but that's probably getting into "This loving moron was in his WINTER BDUs when DS had said SUMMER before the formation. Goddamn idiots." territory. Up until that cruiser pulled up with Raymond inside, I thought he was maybe an accidental genius who had fought the system and won - they wouldn't send you home if you merely refused to train, so maybe they would do that if you hosed up hard enough, and he had found out exactly how hard you needed to gently caress up. Unfortunately E-1(p) Raymond flew too close to the sun. *Dull details for the really curious: He used some bullshit story where he'd put the games in his bag while he looked at something, thought he'd been paged, put down the thing he was looking at but forgot about the games. He got an Article 15 for the PX incident, but they didn't take any of his pay and he didn't get any criminal charges brought against him. Guesticles fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Jun 4, 2013 |
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2013 21:34
|
|
|
I'll start with one small story and go from there when I have more time: I taught courses in telecomm maintenance for a little over four years for the USMC, so I have a bevy of "why are you here" stories. The first is this one little shitstain that thought he was one of the smartest kids ever to grace the Corps... We'll go ahead and squash that idea, he was quite the opposite. When we came to the part of the course of instruction that dealt with switchboards installation and troubleshooting, each student had to set up a complete suite and have it talk to the other switches in the room. Not 10 minutes into the skill application the five loving switches he's supposed to set up start freaking the gently caress out and their resounding power supply warning beeps are deafening. Brainiac thought that he could have perpetual power by daisy-chaining all of the UPSs and that the batteries would recharge each other while powering everything else too. At no time was any switch he touched plugged into in-house power, because he unplugged them all from the wall outlets. He also failed to understand why his idea didn't work. More to come.
|
|
#
?
Jun 6, 2013 01:55
|
|
|
Is this an edgecrusher story?
|
|
|
#
?
Jun 6, 2013 23:12
|
|
|
I already posted this in the Marine thread, but here it is for you anyway: So back in 2011, I was assigned to an advisor team to train afghan Intel guys. We took on a recent lat-mover corporal (who became a Sgt shortly thereafter), who was lacking in a few departments, but I figured he could adapt and learn. Intel is a tough job to do, let alone teach. Well, fast forward a year: He's not good at.....anything, really. Nearly failed a PFT, was the only guy to fail the CLS test at EMV, and failed weapons handling which forced ME to be the gunner for all of EMV. The dirty, sand-blasted gunner. He managed to zero out a radio during a test. Motherfucker lost his helmet THE DAY BEFORE WE DEPLOYED. gently caress. It got worse on deployment. He basically acted like a lance, didn't build rapport with his afghan counterparts, and as a consequence they wouldn't listen when he tried to teach them anything. I rarely use the term "shitbag", but this guy defined it. We hated him and he hated us. He actually opted to extend in-country than come back with us. He got baaaaarely better than an adverse FITREP. I thought I was usually very professional, and even defended him in front of the senior staff when they were talking poo poo about him. But after a while I just didn't care. I told every dude, junior enlisted, officer, everybody just how lovely he was. I don't believe there's any redemption there and (God forbid) he ever becomes a SNCO he will be THAT shift SSgt that everyone despises and doesn't respect. He know believes (and is posting on Facebook) that, somehow, I wrote the NAM write-ups for my entire team (our Lt did that) and that the inflation of my accomplishments got their NAMs bumped down to certcoms. These same write-ups that got my Navcomm shot down to a meritorious mast. Yeah, sure. Because sgts are tasked to write awards, submit them in IAPS, and be in charge of the rewrites. If anyone works at 1st Intel BN, you probably know whom I'm talking about. gently caress you Greg. gently caress you forever.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2013 03:32
|
|
|
HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:I definitely don't blame you for that one. Those things are the gift that keeps on giving (grave injuries). Hell, even before OIF1 kicked off we didn't have sewer slurpee service for the port a shitters at RCT-7 because the slurpee truck drove over an unexploded bomblet. Didn't have service for a few weeks and our GP tent was next to the drat things. I was looking forward to being deployed AWAY from 29 Palms to avoid the Lake Bandini smell and it still loving found me. Then we wound up outside Diwaniya for a while... then IN Diwaniya... then back to Dawiniya when we egressed. Years later I have shorts that no amount of washing will remove the smell from. Not sure about MLRS but on ICM/DPICM official failure rate on the bomblets is around 12%. You're supposed to send engineers in after firing it. Or a few HE. We usually did the HE thing. Tried to turn hills into holes. In this story we're the idiots or the slurpee driver, I'm not sure. Did find out the NBC sprayer that we used to wash our trucks, SINADER? would take penis graffiti off shitter walls.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2013 03:49
|
|
|
Smiling Jack posted:Is this an edgecrusher story? Nope. Next idiot wasn't even in one of the classes I taught. I was fixing up all the lovely Dell machines when they called me down to the classroom to figure out what the gently caress was going on with Private poo poo-for-brains computer. He loving filed a new slot in the RAM because he couldn't put it in right, then shoved it in upside down. Then we have a very "special" female who always had the dumbest questions. One being how to tell which end of a power cable was male and which was female. The best question though was her asking whether she had started menopause. Yes, menopause, not menstruation. She was 18 at the time. I still don't know why she graduated... Oh, wait, yes I do: the 1st Sgt and her were "besties." I'll let you guess why. Finally (and this isn't even the best drug story) we had a guy transporting drugs through the barracks in a spooned out hollow inside his shoe. Dude was moving meth, crack, and some other poo poo weekly. One day he's in the barracks and it just so happens that it's also drug-sweep day. He's moving his goods across the hall when the dog (one of the highly aggressive ones) picks up the scent and beelines for him. The handler is laughing his rear end off as PMO does their thing, and I'm just wondering how much poo poo is in this kids pants. His face was priceless. It was common knowledge what was going down that day, and even what loving time. Don't know who found out, but they sure as poo poo didn't let this guy know. Had he picked any other day he'd have been fine for another month at least, but that's what happened instead.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2013 17:48
|
|
|
PathAsc posted:Then we have a very "special" female who always had the dumbest questions. One being how to tell which end of a power cable was male and which was female. The best question though was her asking whether she had started menopause. Yes, menopause, not menstruation. She was 18 at the time. I still don't know why she graduated... Oh, wait, yes I do: the 1st Sgt and her were "besties." I'll let you guess why. I've gotta ask... in what context does the menopause question even come up?
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2013 20:01
|
|
|
It's the military, context is irrelevant
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2013 23:08
|
|
|
Stultus Maximus posted:I've gotta ask... in what context does the menopause question even come up? There was no context really. It was during indoc or something and after the whole spiel was given she raised her hand and said she thought she had it. Absolutely nothing else prefaced it that could lead to it. She was, and still is, fucktarded.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2013 00:23
|
|
|
Stultus Maximus posted:I've gotta ask... in what context does the menopause question even come up?  I think I might have early menopause. What makes you think that? You're only 25. I haven't had a period in 5 months, and I was always regular, and I'm gaining weight. Nurse, get a pregnancy test.True
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2013 00:27
|
|
|
Derek Dominoe posted:
Oh I believe it. We had a sailor give birth on the Reagan. Went to medical complaining of food poisoning, came out with a baby. PathAsc posted:There was no context really. It was during indoc or something and after the whole spiel was given she raised her hand and said she thought she had it. Absolutely nothing else prefaced it that could lead to it. She was, and still is, fucktarded. Awesome.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2013 00:36
|
|
|
Stultus Maximus posted:Oh I believe it. We had a sailor give birth on the Reagan. Went to medical complaining of food poisoning, came out with a baby. How many people got in the Maury Povich paternity test line for that one?
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2013 01:05
|
|
|
Steezo posted:How many people got in the Maury Povich paternity test line for that one? A female sailor who couldn't tell (and neither could anyone else) when she was full term pregnant? Nobody's getting in that line.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2013 01:15
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 14, 2024 10:08 |
|
|
Stultus Maximus posted:A female sailor who couldn't tell (and neither could anyone else) when she was full term pregnant? Nobody's getting in that line. How do they handle an incident like that? I mean in terms of temp housing (and supplies say she had to use formula) and how long till they move them? Seems like a logistics nightmare.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2013 01:30
|
|
