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Cojawfee posted:What the gently caress are you driving that gets 6mpg? You can go on craiglist and buy a honda for 2000 dollars that gets way better mileage than that. 1977 International Scout II. I WISH I was exaggerating. The drive to work takes five minutes, my engine rarely even warms up so the carb is perpetually in 'its cold so lets fling fuel down the intake' mode. I'd get something else, but insurance costs $15 a month and I'm still paying for the wife's nice car. I only use one tank of gas a month anyways, but gently caress me if I need to drive anywhere off post.
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Jun 10, 2013 07:06
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Frosted Flake posted:You ain't kidding. This is a brilliant picture. Because at first I thought it was a soldier stepping on a box and jumping down, and as infantry I was totally and completely fine with that thought and training step being required.
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Jun 10, 2013 09:22
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Guesticles posted:Sorry to interrupt motorcycle chat, but... As my old man tells it, he was stationed in Thailand in 1969-ish and was ghosting with a Thai woman off base. She (and her family) assumed that he was going to marry her and take her back to the US - he may have led them to believe that this would happen as well. When that didn't happen they took a hit out on him and he wasn't able to leave base for the last 3 months he was there. He also got the clap from a prostitute - twice and, as he puts it, I "probably have an older half-brother or sister over there".
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Jun 10, 2013 13:56
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Your dad is peak-GiP, N4I. I hope you got him a penis book for father's day
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Jun 10, 2013 14:51
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Saw this today...Title posted:My brother found a laptop on the side of the road. I think it belongs to the US Dept. of Defense...what to do with it?  Someone is gonna get hosed over this.
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Jun 10, 2013 15:34
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Wasabi the J posted:Saw this today...
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Jun 10, 2013 15:37
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Wasabi the J posted:Saw this today...  Please let it be a contractor....
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Jun 10, 2013 15:41
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Nah it was a reddit post; the dude tried turning it into a local ang(?) base and never heard from again http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/1fu0zv/my_brother_found_a_laptop_on_the_side_of_the_road/
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Jun 10, 2013 15:47
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I didn't think anybody was running Vista anymore. It was such a piece of poo poo that it was only run for a short time before we made the leap to 7. I miss the little wizard from the XP days reminding you to take your CAC.
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Jun 10, 2013 17:14
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Last year there was a dude that turned in a secret laptop to best buy to get it worked on. Had the password on the case and everything. How do I know? My wife called me from best buy and asked me if an army laptop with imagery intel on it was something they should be working on. Best part was, it was an E6 that gave it to 'em. CID got down there fast as gently caress and no one ever heard about it again.
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Jun 10, 2013 19:29
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Painsaw posted:Last year there was a dude that turned in a secret laptop to best buy to get it worked on. Had the password on the case and everything. I can only imagine the top level bootfucking he got for that one. Holy drat.
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Jun 10, 2013 21:46
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Painsaw posted:Last year there was a dude that turned in a secret laptop to best buy to get it worked on. Had the password on the case and everything. You'd think they'd run full disk encryption on
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Jun 10, 2013 21:54
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You're supposed to run FDE on laptops. Or maybe that's just here.
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Jun 10, 2013 21:58
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Cojawfee posted:supposed to 
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Jun 10, 2013 22:02
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Few years back, we were having a E-5 board. No big deal. Well this one Spc did NOT want to get promoted for whatever reason. I think he was close to getting out, or maybe 0 fucks were given. Either way, his solution was fairly simple. He did his three knocks and the CSM said enter. At this point, the dude kicks in the door, and combat rolls in. He attempted to close the door by kicking it shut, but hosed that up, and left it wide open. He sprinted over to CSM, stood at attention and gave the whole "Spc blah blah reporting to the president of the board." without saluting. I had just had my turn in there so I was outside waiting. Apparently, the CSM looked at him for a moment like the Spc just donkey punched his daughter, then said that was "loving Hooah, good job SGT" and passed him. That Spc came out looking like someone pissed in his cheerios.
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Jun 10, 2013 22:45
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CitizenSparkles posted:"loving Hooah, good job SGT"  holy poo poo.
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Jun 10, 2013 22:55
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Maybe when E6 comes around he'll just stutter and answer everything wrong.
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Jun 10, 2013 23:22
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CitizenSparkles posted:Few years back, we were having a E-5 board. No big deal. Well this one Spc did NOT want to get promoted for whatever reason. I think he was close to getting out, or maybe 0 fucks were given. Either way, his solution was fairly simple. He did his three knocks and the CSM said enter. At this point, the dude kicks in the door, and combat rolls in. He attempted to close the door by kicking it shut, but hosed that up, and left it wide open. He sprinted over to CSM, stood at attention and gave the whole "Spc blah blah reporting to the president of the board." without saluting. Did this happen at Knox?
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Jun 10, 2013 23:47
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CitizenSparkles posted:Few years back, we were having a E-5 board. No big deal. Well this one Spc did NOT want to get promoted for whatever reason. I think he was close to getting out, or maybe 0 fucks were given. Either way, his solution was fairly simple. He did his three knocks and the CSM said enter. At this point, the dude kicks in the door, and combat rolls in. He attempted to close the door by kicking it shut, but hosed that up, and left it wide open. He sprinted over to CSM, stood at attention and gave the whole "Spc blah blah reporting to the president of the board." without saluting. 'That is the sort of fighting spirit this military is missing!' Hahaha, I wish they recorded that.
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Jun 11, 2013 00:07
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not caring here posted:Did this happen at Knox? This happened at Hood. In all fairness, I wish I did have a camera on me. He kept hinting at how he was going to do something big. He was pissed that he was made to go. It was hilarious to watch him walk back out, utterly defeated.
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Jun 11, 2013 00:30
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I guess I could share my idiot stories. The first one I already shared in the AF thread a few months ago. There's an A1C in another shop who is kind of dumb. His career field isn't really all that difficult, yet he's failed his CDCs twice. Luckily he avoided getting kicked out and is now awaiting retraining. I don't know what exactly is taking so long, because he's been awaiting retraining for months now. Because he lost his AFSC, he can't do any work anymore. He just sits around on the internet. While all this was going on, he decided he needed to buy a new truck. Nothing was wrong with his old truck. He even had just gotten it repaired after someone had scratched it. He goes and buys a brand new F150 for over thirty thousand dollars. He ponders why everyone always talks about not having money, he has money, hell he spends 700 dollars a month on car payments and insurance. He can "afford" this because he lives with his girlfriend who I assume pays the rent. It's always important to make large financial decisions when you are on the brink of not having a job anymore. He also already had a dirtbike he was making payments on, and just recently bought a scooter. Then we got a new kid in our shop who wants to talk big about cars. One of the first days he was here I heard him mention about a week before payday that he only had 20 dollars left until then. Then the next week he's talking about putting a sweet sound system in his car. Then he asks us about putting a turbo into his Malibu because he couldn't find any kits online (wonder why). Then he says he hopes he can go to Germany because he wants to buy an M5 and a Mercedes. He's underage and I'm pretty sure he's drinking in the dorms. That will be fun if it ever comes to light. He also is so sick of living in the dorms after a few months and can't wait to get out. 
Cojawfee fucked around with this message at 01:47 on Jun 11, 2013 |
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Jun 11, 2013 01:40
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We had a few idiot kids (In their mid-20s) around my basic (Sorry) flight who wouldn't stop talking about how they were totally accomplished street racers. No, you're dumb white trash with no prospects and the Air Force-which has never really had that bad of a problem recruiting people, 'we turn soooooooo many people away'-is taking any moron who shows up pretty much at the the moment.
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Jun 11, 2013 02:14
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Cojawfee posted:You're supposed to run FDE on laptops. Or maybe that's just here. We even have to run FDE at NIH, I can't believe it would be any less strict for you lot.
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Jun 11, 2013 02:44
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CitizenSparkles posted:Few years back, we were having a E-5 board. No big deal. Well this one Spc did NOT want to get promoted for whatever reason. I think he was close to getting out, or maybe 0 fucks were given. Either way, his solution was fairly simple. He did his three knocks and the CSM said enter. At this point, the dude kicks in the door, and combat rolls in. He attempted to close the door by kicking it shut, but hosed that up, and left it wide open. He sprinted over to CSM, stood at attention and gave the whole "Spc blah blah reporting to the president of the board." without saluting. That dude owns. Even though it didn't really work out the way he wanted, still owns. When I got sent to the board right before I was getting out, I answered all the questions etc cause I didn't want to look like a shitbag, but then the last question was "Why do you think you'd be a good NCO?" I answered, "I don't think I would be a good NCO. I'm getting out in a couple months, and I'm focused on getting ready for my civilian career." The board looked like I had killed their puppy and were just in shock. But it worked out, didn't have to go to WLC 2 months before my ETS.
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Jun 11, 2013 02:58
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A guy in our shop was getting his bullets together for a quarterly awards package and submitted this gem to his supervisor: "Took the Junior Enlisted Seminar class and now more I am more Self Improved." Funny thing is, he's probably the hardest worker and one of the most skilled technicians in our office, but that kid cannot write a sentence to save his life.
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Jun 11, 2013 03:20
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DRONES CURE HAJI posted:But it worked out, didn't have to go to WLC 2 months before my ETS. They got serious about stopping this around 2006. WLC would literally turn people around on Day 0 back to their units if they were four (six?) months or less from ETS. We all know why- a slew of retarded E8s and E9s thinking that if they just get SPC Gettinout to WLC he'll come back all hooah and re-up. I'm sure the Army has backslid since, but it was nice to take the teeth out of some of the threats me and others were getting about it.
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Jun 11, 2013 03:35
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DRONES CURE HAJI posted:I'm getting out in a couple months, and I'm focused on getting ready for my civilian career. This more than anything is what makes lifers confused. I was E-6, and getting out due to ERB, and anytime some rear end in a top hat e-7/8 "suggested" doing something that would be "good for my career" I told them flat out that I was not interested in any way shape or form, without mentioning my ERB status. Then they would be completely flabbergasted as to why I was not interested in padding my service record with extraneous bullshit just to look like I was a "Go-getter". "It will make you competitive for advancement, shipmate". I shot right back in their face "My career WAS important to me, but I am no longer eligible for re-enlistment because the Navy wants me out, seeing as I have 14 years in, and was planning on re-upping for 6 more years, but BIG NAVY shot down my life's plans, so now I don't give a poo poo about feeding the homeless/Adopt-a-Highway/Krispy Kreme donut sales and other pointless, empty gestures that others do just to look good for Eval brown-nose points and the Chief's Board." After about 5 times reciting this speech to whatever clown presented some retarded community service dog-and-pony show weekend event, word got around the Goat locker
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Jun 11, 2013 03:43
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When the military is someone's first job when they join at 18, sometimes it's hard to imagine living outside of mom and dad's house on your own without being in the military.
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Jun 11, 2013 03:49
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It was sooo goddamn refreshing to have two E7 dudes on the way to retirement as I was getting out, I had worked for both of them and they both had my back. I got selected for E5 about a year before I left, and I would have had to go to ALS and get re blued or whatever to get my stripe, and while I was on TDY one of the aforementioned retiring dudes called me up and asked if I was going to stay in and have to go to the class. When I declined he didn't give me any bullshit, just went "alright then, we'll find someone else" unsarcastically. The other dude was one of my shop chiefs from back in the day and personally offered advice or assistance if I needed it. The best MSgts 
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Jun 11, 2013 04:54
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CitizenSparkles posted:Gaff gone wrong stuff Did something similar at PLDC (when it was still called that) way back when - when they called my name to form up with my group, I jumped up, started a huge "Hooooah," and took the longest path around the auditorium yelling the whole way. Had to actually stop and take a breath at one point to continue the yell as I was running. Got to my group and the Instructor looked at me and said, "Outstanding!" Got me the acting First Sergeant slot too.
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Jun 18, 2013 11:12
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I just weaseled out an excellent story from someone I work with, and knowing him I believe every word. PO2 Guy had urinalysis today, and after someone reminded him (over our maintenance net) he stuttered out something along the lines of, "maybe I can just take them a jug, even though nobody liked that last time." So I had to inquire ... SN Guy, when in A school, was participating in a mass urinalysis. Now in A school, everyone who has urinalysis marches down to this classroom building so we can use their heads. Guy usually carries around a jug of water around since he works out a lot, and being that he was in line for urinalysis he chugged the whole jug of water down swiftly. After waiting in line for a while, SN Guy really had to take a piss like right now. SN Guy decides to leave the line, find an empty corner in a hallway, and piss in the aforementioned jug. He returned to the line with his jug of piss in hand, waiting another 20 minutes or so to get to the front. When at the desk where you give them your ID and take a piss bottle, he instead offered his full jug of piss as his sample. Obviously, he had to wait and piss again later.
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Jun 20, 2013 01:55
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What's with the navy piss testing every week? Every week they take over the only bathroom in the basement for their piss testing.
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Jun 20, 2013 05:08
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The Navy requires a minimum of 4 random testing days per month and a minimum of 15% of the command tested. So it pretty much works out to once a week. Our CMC shared a story with me from one of his previous commands where one guy, in the space on the urinalysis register where you write what medication you're taking, wrote "crack". To his surprise, it did not keep him from getting in trouble when he tested positive for crack.
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Jun 20, 2013 13:57
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Had a guy doing bath salts in the barracks, which then escalated into him doing it in the bathroom on class breaks. One of the other students came to us about it and we finally got the ok to deal with it. He had hidden a vial of it in his trousers in the double-layered rear end-patch that the things had, then he freaked out and tried to say we planted it on him... Then changed his story not 30 seconds later and told the guy he accused that he never accused him or said anything of the sort. Oh, and he asked if he could have his drugs back right after. Fun had by all that day.
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Jun 20, 2013 19:22
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:I'm sure there's been a few times where a chapter is processed and then a commander suddenly realizes he checked the "honorable" box on accident. I know this is from way way back, but I'm catching up and have a story that is loving relevant to this. This is a story about First Sergeant Retard and the inner workings of bureaucratic shenanigans. So a buddy of mine is working Separations at Spang, and there's this shirt that he absolutely hates. One of those guys that throws his position around constantly, despite being absolutely terrible at his job. Anyway, one of MSgt Retard's troops pisses hot for cocaine after a weekend getaway at Amsterdam. This happens all the drat time at Spang, so they bring the process to kick him out. Legal gets everything together, but they need MSgt Retard to do his steps before they can proceed with the discharge. Buddy's troop sends everything to MSgt Retard, no response. Resends a few days later, gets a read receipt, no response. Calls, leaves messages. Calls, gets an answer, Retard says he'll "get to it." They contact the commander, the commander tells them that the shirt is on it, and to go back to him. This goes on for weeks. Coincidentally, Cocaine Kid is set to be kicked out just before his original DOS. Legal is telling MSgt Retard that if he doesn't approve it by a certain date, they're just going to let it go and my buddy will process his normal separation. No response. My buddy sees where this is all going, but decides that since he hates MSgt Retard, he'll just let the whole thing play out rather than contact the dude's commander. Calls in Cocaine Kid and lets him know, and they share a good old gut-laugh at MSgt Retard's expense. The deadline comes, and my buddy sends an e-mail to MSgt Retard, his commander and his group commander. Lets him know that Legal has ceased the discharge because at this point Cocaine Kid is a week from his DOS. Of course, the poo poo hits the fan and MSgt Retard sends a reply-to-all telling them that they will admin hold this kid so they can kick him out, and that he was never informed of any of this. Buddy replies to all, tells him that Legal refuses to admin hold as he is now past the deadline, and attaches over twenty e-mails and MFRs of phone conversations with MSgt Retard. The happy ending? The shirt got fired immediately, and Cocaine Kid is probably
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Jun 22, 2013 07:10
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Kid gets his cocaine and an idiot gets fired, happy endings 
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Jun 27, 2013 00:28
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Countdown to when joe marries another joe in his team to get out of the barracks. You know it's coming 
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Jun 27, 2013 01:03
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Icon Of Sin posted:Countdown to when joe marries another joe in his team to get out of the barracks. You know it's coming Yeah. Ever since DADT was repealed, I've really been looking forward to DOMA getting killed just to see who's the first dumbass that tries this stunt.
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Jun 27, 2013 02:21
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Wingnut Ninja posted:Yeah. Ever since DADT was repealed, I've really been looking forward to DOMA getting killed just to see who's the first dumbass that tries this stunt. It already loving happens daily. Go look at craigslist in any military concentration area and you'll see posts from both servicemembers and civilians looking for sham marriages.
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Jun 27, 2013 02:29
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Mr. Nice! posted:It already loving happens daily. Go look at craigslist in any military concentration area and you'll see posts from both servicemembers and civilians looking for sham marriages. Confessions of a phony Navy wife
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Jun 27, 2013 02:32
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