Big Grunty Secret posted:

What if that guy was like "I'm anti face-shaming, so you can't punch me"? Which stupid Tumblr thing takes precedence?

NoUU posted:

Tumblr.

WampaLord posted:

Real talk: elevator assholes.

I go to a convention every year (Dragoncon) that has a shitload of people at it, and the elevators are packed all hours of the day. If your room is on the second or third floor, take the loving stairs and leave the elevator for people who are on the 12th/17th/28th/etc. floors.

I have never actually said anything to the people who take the elevator one floor (because I'm polite and life isn't like STDH world) but it's a dick move.

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

Just say something to them. What are they gonna do, rip up your character sheet in the 10-20 seconds it takes to go one floor?

NoUU posted:

Stop making fun of me on Day Z because I'll get you

FrozenVent posted:

While it's annoying, it would be kind of rude to comment. They might be disabled, tired, or any other reason that are none of your drat business.

FrozenVent posted:

While it's annoying, it would be kind of rude to comment. They might be disabled, tired, or any other reason that are none of your drat business.

Like elevator farts, it's one of those things that are best left unmentioned.

Reddit posted:

When I was working at an airsoft field, we had parties come in all the time. One party, the birthday kid was being a total dick to his friends: shooting really close, not calling hits, and yelling that he hit people when he never did. So me and my coworker had had enough of this kid being a dick, so we decided to let the boss' son play (he's really competitive doesn't really know how to take it easy) but on the opposite team. We told him to be really tough on the birthday kid for a game or two to teach him a little lesson. However, the boss' son just went nuts after the birthday kid shot him in the back of the head really close (typically, you tell someone to "surrender" and they just go back to respawn). Needless to say, the boss' son get really pissed and just lit the kid up point-blank, full-auto. The birthday kid started bawling and the party left early. My boss just asked if he was being a LB (Little Bastard) and when we said yes he just shrugged. None of us gave a drat.

Reddidn't Happen posted:

In college, I used to work at the computer center's helpdesk. This was back before everybody and their dog had their own laptop, so the university provided machines for general use.
Anyway, we had a contingent of non-student hangers on who frequented the computer center because, well, they were the worst, most stereotypical examples of the no-life, unwashed, role-playing nerds.
One time, this one guy, a well-known and recognized example of his species, comes up and asks if I have a calculator he can borrow. I figure no big deal. He's in the place all the time. So I loan him my calculator, a nice scientific calculator which was basically top of the line from the pre-graphing calculator era. Besides, it's got my name etched on the back because of that time I lost my calculator in High School, so why not?
My shift ends. I walk up to him and say "I have to go. Can I get my calculator back?" He says, "can I borrow it until tomorrow?" I figure hey, the guy's at the computer center all the loving time, it's not like he's not going to be here tomorrow, so I say sure. And yes, I was young and naive.
Next day comes. He shows up. I ask him for my calculator. He looks straight at me, with his soulless, beady eyes, and says "what calculator." "The one you borrowed from me yesterday." "I didn't borrow a calculator from you."
This being basically the ballsiest, most utterly bald-faced lie anyone had ever told me, and me not expecting that response, it caught me kind of flat-footed. But there wasn't much I could do, so I left.
Fast forward a month or so. Same jackass shows up in the computer room in my dorm, stinking up the place with his unwashed, smoker stench. He hangs out, plays games on the mainframe using some other student's stolen account and password, tries to pick up chicks on IRC, yadda yadda, then leaves.
And leaves his backpack behind.
I go through his backpack, looking for my drat calculator. It's not there, of course. What is there, though, is a nice felt bad with a shitload of gaming dice. Which is cool, since I played D&D with a bunch of guys in the dorms on Saturdays. So I snag the dice, stash them in my room, and leave the backpack.
Next day he comes back, looking for his scummy satchel. It's right there. He's relieved to find it. He looks through it, gets that befuddled "where's my poo poo?" look on his face. He scans the room, sees me. He asks, "where's my dice bag?"
I look him square in the face and say, "What dice bag?"
I played D&D for years with those dice. And I'm totally not even sorry.

NOPE posted:

Once, I spent a summer teaching English to middle schoolers in Korea. My mode of transportation was a small, 50cc Moped.
One day, on my way to school, I saw someone fling a plastic bag full of trash out their car window. I stopped to pick up the filth and stuff it back into the bag, marveling at how much trash this punk thought was okay to dump out on the side of the road (this was a very pristine and more rural part of the country).
Urging my scooter as fast as it would go, I caught up to the car, now sitting at a red light.
Curiosity got the best of me and I couldn't help but look over to see what this sseebal ssekki looked like. To my surprise, I saw two punk-rear end white kids who, upon seeing me peer into their car, started chanting "Ching chong ling long"
In a state of righteous fury and embarrassment, I untied the trash-filled bag and hurled it through the open passenger window.
"Go litter in your own drat country."

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

Just say something to them. What are they gonna do, rip up your character sheet in the 10-20 seconds it takes to go one floor?

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

Just say something to them. What are they gonna do, rip up your character sheet in the 10-20 seconds it takes to go one floor?

DrHerpington posted:

Once, I spent a summer teaching English to middle schoolers in Korea. My mode of transportation was a small, 50cc Moped.
One day, on my way to school, I saw someone fling a plastic bag full of trash out their car window. I stopped to pick up the filth and stuff it back into the bag, marveling at how much trash this punk thought was okay to dump out on the side of the road (this was a very pristine and more rural part of the country).
Urging my scooter as fast as it would go, I caught up to the car, now sitting at a red light.
Curiosity got the best of me and I couldn't help but look over to see what this sseebal ssekki looked like. To my surprise, I saw two punk-rear end white kids who, upon seeing me peer into their car, started chanting "Ching chong ling long"
In a state of righteous fury and embarrassment, I untied the trash-filled bag and hurled it through the open passenger window.
"Go litter in your own drat country."

DrHerpington posted:

Reddit computer

quote:

Stupid music

DrHerpington posted:

quote:

I have... LOL, not sure if i should tell the story.

But basicly i had a way evil ex. (gay relationship) Horrible, bigtime liar and cheater. So when i found out, I broke up with him...yadda yadda, a year and some had passed and i was dating a new guy, and in passing he asked about my ex. So i told him.

Long story long, he wanted to help get the D-bag back, so, since my new bf is the EXACT type of my old one (what he's attracted to), it was EXTREMELY easy.
I told my BF exactly how to dress, what cologne, what drink to buy him, what to say, etc etc because i knew my ex SO well. It worked flawlessly.

They met in a bar and instantly my ex was attracted to my bf. They hit it off had a few drinks, even went on a few dates that i set them up on. The whole thing was fun. Was it creepy and stalkery. Absolutely. But i know 100% how A feels when sending texts from somewhere they cant see you to see the reaction.

After about a month or two of hanging out with my ex(every now and again, no time was lost from MY relationship with my BF) and going on "dates" (they didnt *do* anything bad, i was there 99.9% of the time) my ex was sending such "i'm so into you" "hey babe" texts, to my BF LoL completely in love, usually with me responding.

Thats when my house party came up, i had my BF ask him to be his date. My ex was like "uhhh, thats my ex's party, i dont think he'd want me to go." So (i was using my bfs phone to text my ex while my bf was driving). So then 2 seconds later MY phone rings with "um hey, im dating this really nice guy and he invited me to your party. Would it be weird if i go?" I said "absolutely not! Totally come it'll be fun " ALLL my friends knew about what was going on and went to watch this horrid spectacle. One giant A-team that no one cared to warn him. (Note to all D-bags out there, word gets around...)

My ex comes, he's hanging ALLLL over my BF, and my BF is just NOT interested, he's ready for the game to be over. So after I make my rounds saying hello to guests and chatting/drinking, enough is enough....

I walk over to them standing talking in the corner. And i (to my ex) say heyyy! Glad you decided to come. I see you've already met my boyfriend

OOooh you could hear a PIN DROP in that house, and it was PACKED with party people LoL He grabbed his jacket and RAN out of there about to cry, realizing the entire "relationship" was a joke on him. From my loft you can look down to the street below, and me and BF watched him run to his car, where he found the box containing the shattered heart and a note saying "You like getting F*d by strangers? Good, you just did. Try putting it back together now".

Ghost Party posted:

Sorry for the atrocious spelling and punctuation.

Fathis Munk posted:

Some guy stole my calculator so I stole some other guy's dice.

JUSTICE, MAN.

Seriously how can you be that dumb ?

quote:

My moment occurred when I was in 7th grade. When I was younger I was always the smallest kid in class. I didn't get over 5 foot until my freshman year of high school. In 7th grade I was about 4'11" and a whopping 90 pounds. My small stature in elementary school and for most of my adolescence made me an easier target for bullies and evildoers. I used to get beat up regularly by kids in my neighborhood on my walk home from school. I always tried to run or make a last plea for mercy to my attackers, but no quarter was ever granted. They beat me into a pulp, always.
After years of this kind of abuse I eventually moved on from my elementary school into a charter school known as AMS (Academy of Math and Science). My parents felt that this would be a good fit for me as I was in the excel program for my previous education career. Well despite the title, the school still had it's share of bullies and jerks. I identified with the dweeb/nerd/geeks group in my class and we sat together regularly during our lunch period. This was of course prone to the frequent attacks from the "cool" kid group. Usually in the form of verbal assault but occasionally food was taken or thrown etc. On rare occasions violence was threatened but rarely ever used.
Well one day I had received a horrible grade on a English paper which was a large portion of my grade and make it difficult to receive an A overall. My parents were very concerned with my education and I was often punished if I got anything less than an A. Begrudgingly I sat with my friends and ate my lunch, lamenting my English paper when the A-holes started their shenanigans. This involved one kid in particular, Lonnie. A self righteous rear end of a kid if I ever met one. He was the total package though in that time of life. He was buff, played sports, relatively good looking, and everyone knew him. He was the kingpin though, the king of kings, and never failed to assert his dominance on us underlings.
He made a mistake that day. A big one. He messed with me on a day when I was likely to watch my PS2 get buried after my parents saw my English paper grade. Not today butt-fucker.
He threw a bottle cap at me with the simple flick of his wrist and it landed right in my cup o noodles. The only thing keeping me tethered at that moment. Now normally I would let this pass, just shrug it off and accept that a more dominant male has humiliated me, I was used to it anyway. My skin crawled, my head pounded as my heart began thumping harder, my hands trembled. I picked that drat cap out of my soup and I threw that mother effer right back. The Gods must have been with me that day because the cap flew as straight as an arrow and struck that Thunder oval office right between the eyes.
His friends erupted in laughter, my friends erupted in laughter, and the rage inside him was evident. Wanting revenge and vindication he marched right over to where I was sitting, laser emitting from his eyes. Silence ensued in the cafeteria. I gulped down my swollen throat as realization set in.
Trembling and fearful I stood to face my assailant. An evil grin spread across his face as he got within distance of me.
"Think that's funny do you tender rear end?" (My last name is henderkrass) Sweat began to bead down my forehead. In an instant he lunged forward and shoved my with his might and pushed me over the seat and onto my head.
The cafeteria emitted a dull but resounding "Oooo," from the onlookers.
I stood up with tears in my eyes, scared, angry, and hurt. His evil knew no bounds, "Want more little girl?" He defeated me, yet still continued to pursue me. Evil, pure evil.
Then like a wave a transformation came over me. I went super sayan.
This is for every fist that hit me, this is for every name I've been called, this is for every time you stole my lunch money, THIS IS FOR EVERY TIME YOU LAUGHED WHILE I CRIED, THIS IS FOR EVERY KID LIKE ME THAT YOU HAVE RUINED.
I attacked like an abused pittbull let off it's leash. Through the tears my rage knew no bounds. I stuck him in the throat with a solid right. No mercy. I struck him again in the mouth with a left hook. KILL. I punched him in the eye with a right hook.
He fell before my eyes. Collapsing into a heap of blood, tears, and sobs. Silence overtook the cafeteria. Not a word was spoken. Not an oreo ingested.
I stood over him fists clenched, knucles white, and I began to sob. Tears poured out of my face as I screamed in pain. A teacher finally arrived on the scene. Grabbed me by my waist and hoisted me over his shoulder to the principals office.
To you Lonnie, I am not sorry.

quote:

He sure did! Well if you can believe this. He went to all his friends and had them tell the principal that I attacked him unprovoked. Luckily for me the principal was a nice lady and could tell that it was all B.S. I was suspended from school for 3 days as was Lonnie. In addition of course my parents were called in an they had to talk to the principal and the teacher who found me about the incident.
My father is and never has been a loving man. I don't remember a single time off the top of my head where he said "I love you son." Given that fact, praise from him was nearly unheard of. I could always do better in his eyes. However when my father came out of the office after hearing the story he said to me something I cannot forget. Poker faced he walked toward me with his business coat over his arm and said "Is this true?"
"Yes, father."
I stared down at my shoes laces, tears once again welling up in my eyes. My towering father loomed over me, silent for a moment.
A firm hand then touched my head showing his reassurance. Guiding me from my internal self shame and guilt.
"Good job son, I'm proud of you. It takes a man to stand up for themselves."
His hand came off my head and rested once again by his side. His dark eyes staring at me, for the first time, with respect. Without another word he walked out of the building. I grabbed my backpack and followed suit.
Over the next three days I was given chores to do around the house. Usually my chores were manual labor like repairing our fence, trimming hedges, painting various portions of our homes exterior.
I did as such never complaining a single time, I knew I had finally earned some respect from my father. It's all I had wanted for so long. I think many boys go through this hardship but I felt I had finally made progress.
After that my school life was drastically different. The cool kids began to say hi to me in the hallway, girls would make goo goo eyes at me (I was such a nerd I had no idea how to pursue), and my friends still speak of the event as if times of lore. I became somebody in the eyes of my peers from then on.
Lonnie's career went downhill from there. He became despondent and avoided me at all costs. Ostracized and now dubbed an outcast he took a turn into a tumultuous and deviant life. He turned to black tar heroine before the year ended. A horrible substance to depend on as it washes your hopes and dreams away with a plunge of a syringe. Few can return from such a journey.
My understanding of Lonnie turns to gossip and rumor afterwards as he moved on to Highschool. I once heard a tale of him assaulting a teacher over giving him a failing grade, though I largely attribute that exaggeration.
One thing is for sure, his path went dark.

NoUU posted:

he walked toward me with his business coat over his arm and said "Is this true?"
"Yes, father."

quote:

I once heard a tale of him assaulting a teacher over giving him a failing grade, though I largely attribute that exaggeration.

WampaLord posted:

Real talk: elevator assholes.

I go to a convention every year (Dragoncon) that has a shitload of people at it, and the elevators are packed all hours of the day. If your room is on the second or third floor, take the loving stairs and leave the elevator for people who are on the 12th/17th/28th/etc. floors.

I have never actually said anything to the people who take the elevator one floor (because I'm polite and life isn't like STDH world) but it's a dick move.

E: I am only referring to able-bodied people who pull this move.

newreply.php posted:

Elevatorchat: I once took an elevator (four floors up, it was hot, I'm not fat) and an obese lady crammed herself in at the last minute while the thing was clearly full. Of course as soon as the doors close, the whole thing starts sinking instead of going up, doors won't open, and the emergency phone did nothing at all.
I managed to pry open the doors so we could get out, and nobody thanked me, nodded, let alone clapped. No one even delivered a bon mot directed at the obese lady.

how_shit_actually_happens.txt

CJacobs posted:

More elevator chat: I once took an elevator and to this day I've told nobody where I stashed it.

DrHerpington posted:

"What dice bag?"

Fathis Munk posted:

E: No no no, you missed the best part. The dice bag guy was a completely different guy. No relation.

DrHerpington posted:

they were the worst, most stereotypical examples of the no-life, unwashed, role-playing nerds
...
Which is cool, since I played D&D with a bunch of guys in the dorms on Saturdays.

JagGator posted:

This is the best part of that dice-bag story:


Content:

I was eating with my kids at Red Robin when a group of four college kids were seated at the table next to us. They proceeded to talk about weighty college issues, such as how the one dude couldn't wait to finish A Dance With Dragons so he could stop avoiding Game of Thrones threads. Their loud discussion was peppered with "fucks" and "shits" and the occasional "rear end in a top hat". I just hoped my 3- and 6-year-olds were sufficiently engrossed in Angry Birds so that they weren't learning a whole new vocabulary.

After we finished and got up to leave, I stopped at their table and said:*

"Hey, I just want to thank you guys for teaching my kids so much profanity today that I wasn't ready for them to learn, so to return the favor, you might want to know that Jon Snow dies" (<--- Game of Thrones spoiler)

* Actually, what really happened was I gave them a stern glare.

** Ok, my wife gave the stern glare and I tried to avoid eye contact.

Doctor Doodler posted:

Dominos doesn't have hot sauce.

quote:

I've spotted the stdh. It's your spoiler.

Pineapple Salad posted:

Do character deaths in Game of Thrones even count as spoilers? I thought the assumption was that everybody dies, and it's only a matter of how and when.

York_M_Chan posted:

Sorry if this is a repost, I remember the Peter Pan STDH but never saw this one:



I just can't believe that post didn't end with "...and we are still dating to this day!"

NAR posted:

Me: “Sorry, you can’t check this out.”

Patron: “Why not?”

Me: “You have three overdue books.”

Patron: “Is there anyway you can let this slide?”

Me: “Nope.”

(The patron proceeds to take off her shirt.)

Patron: “How about now?”

Me: “No. Please put on your shirt before I call the police.”

(The patron then takes off her pants, pulls aside her underwear, and soaks the floor. It is carpet, so there is a lot of damage. My coworker calls the police.)

Patron: “Now will you let it slide?”

Me: “No.”

Patron: “F*** you!”

(She goes over to a shelf, puts her back against it, and pees all over. It splashes up and ruins several books. She also defecates, picks up one of the books, tears out several pages, and uses it to wipe. The police arrive, and she calls her boyfriend, who is apparently in another section. He pleads with the police to let her free, but they don’t let her. He then adds to the mess that his girlfriend has already made. The police take him too. Later, we find another section that is completely ruined. That must have been where the boyfriend was.)

Skeleton Ape posted:

Skeleton Ape posted: