shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

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3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

NoUU posted:

He then spent the rest of the day defending himself in the comments.

Maybe someone who knows more about this stuff could say if that's true.

About STDH stuff? No, it isn't true.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 10:49

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 19:42

vaguely: Apr 29, 2013; hot_squirting_honey.gif

Fathis Munk posted:

E : VVV Are you sure those aren't pilots ?

NoUU posted:

He then spent the rest of the day defending himself in the comments.

Maybe someone who knows more about this stuff could say if that's true.

He's as full of poo poo as that rival frat house is(n't).

# ? Jul 4, 2013 11:00

booshi: Aug 14, 2004; ||||||||||

NoUU posted:

Went to a cafe wearing jeans and a t-shirt, everyone there could not believe what I was wearing and was talking about it while I read my book. I was then attacked and no one helped because everyone's sexist.

Unless this person lives in the middle of nowhere, no one would care at all. I'm sure goons all around the world could chime in and agree, but who hasn't seen a woman with shorter hair like that pretty often? Daily here in Boston, and was the same in Philly, at least for the past 8 years. Unless maybe the shirt says something that set them off? I think I can read "cakehole" but I have no idea what the shirt says.

Oh who am I kidding, no one gets assaulted and watches the person just walk back into a coffee shop and just goes home, doesn't call the cops at all!

Non Serviam posted:

What probably happened:
My husband and I are going on our honeymoon after he served in Afghanistan. We have lovely seats on our plane. We got to board first because he's wearing his uniform. Nobody gave a poo poo, since they were too busy playing with their phones.
They gave us peanuts.

Edit: Because...

I'm sitting at an airport right now, and this makes no sense at all. No one cares about when they get to board. The plane isn't leaving without you. Even if my section boards early I usually wait so that I can just plop down and put my backpack under the seat in front of me without dealing with people putting luggage in the overhead.

I also have never seen anyone get up in arms over any "special treatment" active-duty (and sometimes vets) receive. I mean hell, every single pro sports game I've been to in the past few years usually has taken a minute to honor a soldier that was there, which usually turns into a standing O.

I know this is STDH, but can't these people make the stories at least somewhat believable?

# ? Jul 4, 2013 11:37

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

NoUU posted:

He then spent the rest of the day defending himself in the comments.

Maybe someone who knows more about this stuff could say if that's true.

Four sticks of dynamites going off in a frat house would probably end up attracting the attention of DHS. And kill someone. So yeah, he's full of poo poo and that commenter isn't.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 13:51

Namarrgon: Dec 23, 2008; Congratulations on not getting fit in 2011!

Don't you guys see? It completely alters the shockwave!

# ? Jul 4, 2013 14:00

Pipistrelle: Jun 18, 2011; Seems the high horse is taking them all home

NoUU posted:

He then spent the rest of the day defending himself in the comments.

Maybe someone who knows more about this stuff could say if that's true.

I think my favorite part of the story is where they have party and all the guests are cool with them padlocking the bathrooms and making them poo poo in buckets. What did they do if someone had to throw up? I know this is STDH but how did they author think anyone would actually believe something this stupid?

# ? Jul 4, 2013 14:12

Lap-Lem: Oct 21, 2005; Lap-Lem the Village Tard

Pipistrelle posted:

I think my favorite part of the story is where they have party and all the guests are cool with them padlocking the bathrooms and making them poo poo in buckets. What did they do if someone had to throw up? I know this is STDH but how did they author think anyone would actually believe something this stupid?

Don't you get it? they were the totally cool frat, everyone does whatever they say, including poop in buckets, because they are cool and rule the school. Everything works just like it does in Revenge of the Nerds right? That's how real college is. I watched Movies! I know!

I don't know about most people but the minute someone said to me "Nah man, bathroom is off limits, you gotta go out on the deck and expose yourself to everyone on campus and poo poo in a bucket" I'd have said "It's a weekend, at least 3 other fraternities are having parties, I'm going to one of them. they don't make me poo poo in public." Then I would have died because that other Fraternity was rigged to explode with 4 sticks of dynamite. "The shockwave has been completely altered, pray I do not alter it more".

# ? Jul 4, 2013 14:50

Das Boo: Jun 9, 2011; There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

Lap-Lem posted:

"The shockwave has been completely altered, pray I do not alter it more".

I'll have you know I laughed like an idiot at this.

They said they made up "stalls" for said shitters but seeing as how the word was in parenthesis, one can only guess what that would consist of. And this is really the last thing that should be bothering me about the story, but I fill up five gallon tanks for my water cooler regularly. Seeing as how I can lift the drat things, they're not very big. That'd be a dangerously small container for a frat house full of blitzed kids to be using. Did they wait for complaints of splash-back before they swapped in the next bucket?

# ? Jul 4, 2013 15:06

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Five gallons is a lot of excrements. Of course at a party it would have been mostly water, so probably fill up faster... Ugh, I'm getting grossed out just thinking about it.

And drat, the bucket shrapnel would have been something to see. Tiny shards of sharp plastic flying around at near sonic speed.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 15:12

Lyz: May 22, 2007; I AM A GIRL ON WOW GIVE ME ITAMS

booshi posted:

I know this is STDH, but can't these people make the stories at least somewhat believable?

I dunno, people get pretty petty at airports. I've had someone make a snide comment about hoping I had to pay for the huge honking car seat I was dragging on the plane - not to my face but within earshot. Sorry the airline lets me bring one for free, bud.

As for the shitbucket story, like any story where "we set off explosive devices that blew out their windows" didn't end in a full investigation and jail time for the storyteller and his friends, maybe even the dissolution of their frat.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 15:14

Das Boo: Jun 9, 2011; There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.

FrozenVent posted:

Five gallons is a lot of excrements. Of course at a party it would have been mostly water, so probably fill up faster... Ugh, I'm getting grossed out just thinking about it.

And drat, the bucket shrapnel would have been something to see. Tiny shards of sharp plastic flying around at near sonic speed.

Remember, they "capped 16 buckets of loving awful." That's 80 gallons of waste we're talkin' about here!

# ? Jul 4, 2013 15:22

Hoover Dam: Jun 17, 2003; red white and blue forever

Lap-Lem posted:

Don't you get it? they were the totally cool frat, everyone does whatever they say, including poop in buckets, because they are cool and rule the school. Everything works just like it does in Revenge of the Nerds right? That's how real college is. I watched Movies! I know!

Seems like we would've heard about a school that was experiencing a cholera or dysentery outbreak.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 15:58

Henchman of Santa: Aug 21, 2010

Fathis Munk posted:

And is is actually a thing that uniformed soldiers get to board first ?

Most airlines board uniformed soldiers first, but nobody cares because no one actually wants to be sitting in an airplane for longer than they need to be, and it takes like 10 minutes to fully board a typical plane anyway.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 16:11

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

If you're traveling on one of those flights that's full of business travellers with a shitton of carry-on and no checked luggage, there's a clear advantage to boarding early. Plus you skip the waiting in the aisle while someone try to figure out how to fit their luggage in the overhead, that kind of poo poo. I'm a big fan of boarding early whenever I can (Usually when I have a seat way back in the back, I guess.)

# ? Jul 4, 2013 16:14

Big Grunty Secret: Aug 28, 2007; Just one question, though. Is there a way to take off my pants?

How much poo poo would there be from a frat party? I can't recall a single time I've dumped at a party. You'd be interrupted every 5 seconds by people trying to piss/puke/hook up.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 16:46

Cru Jones: Mar 28, 2007; Cowering behind a shield of hope and Obamanium

I've also been on multiple flights where first class flyers gave up their seats to military members. People are generally good and nice.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 17:00

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

Let's wiki :

Apparently one stick of dynamite is approximately 1 MJ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dynamite) I'm not sure if that is how it works but I guess that a quarter stick would then be 250kJ

According to the wiki page about orders of energy magnitude (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orders_of_magnitude_(energy))

quote:

3�105 J�15�105 J kinetic energy of an automobile at highway speeds (1 to 5 tons[88] at 89 km/h or 55 mph)[89]

Ouch I guess.

(Best part of this ? It's actually less than

quote:

1.2�106 J approximate food energy of a snack such as a Snickers bar (280 food calories)[92]

)

# ? Jul 4, 2013 17:07

jodai: Mar 2, 2010; Banging with all due hardness.

Where did the guy leave these buckets of poo poo for a week and a half to ferment? I can't really believe that eighty gallons of human waste just sat somewhere without leaving any sort of impact. As far as I can guess, they'd leave it in their house so then they end up smelling about as bad as the guys they bombed. Also, I guess it was supposed to be funny that the guy came out of the building covered in poo poo and complaining of hearing loss but I can't laugh at that, it sounds horrible. That guy probably suffered quite a bit of real, permanent damage because somebody dropped a deuce on that rear end in a top hat's Ford Fiesta or whatever.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 17:23

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

jodai posted:

That guy probably suffered quite a bit of real, permanent damage because somebody dropped a deuce on that rear end in a top hat's Ford Fiesta or whatever.

In his Fiesta. On the driver's seat. Which raises the question of why his car was unlocked and publicly accessible. Good thing this never happened.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 17:39

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

Avenging_Mikon posted:

In his Fiesta. On the driver's seat. Which raises the question of why his car was unlocked and publicly accessible. Good thing this never happened.

Good thing, I didn't caught that and it's particularly nice since he gives the other guys poo poo for leaving the door unlocked.

It's not every day that you stumble upon such quality STDH

# ? Jul 4, 2013 17:46

jodai: Mar 2, 2010; Banging with all due hardness.

Avenging_Mikon posted:

In his Fiesta. On the driver's seat. Which raises the question of why his car was unlocked and publicly accessible. Good thing this never happened.

I almost also wrote how easy it is to wash poo poo off your car in my earlier post but I reread it and realized this. It's still pretty easy to clean, though, it's just gross. I had rear end in a top hat "friends" who thought a funny prank would be to leave a turd with a Baby Ruth wrapper on it on my driver's seat because the locks on my car didn't work. I did get pretty mad but not "commit low-level acts of terrorism" mad. Maybe mad enough to post angrily online...oh, now it makes sense. There's the truth in this stdh. Someone poo poo in this guy's car.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 18:45

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

Big Grunty Secret posted:

How much poo poo would there be from a frat party? I can't recall a single time I've dumped at a party. You'd be interrupted every 5 seconds by people trying to piss/puke/hook up.

Yeah, even discounting the impossibly harmless explosives, who poops at party? It's just not something you do unless you get sick or something, in which case you'd probably leave ASAP.

I want to make a joke about party poopers but I can't really figure out how to work it in.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 18:57

goddamnedtwisto: Dec 31, 2004; If you ask me about the mole people in the London Underground, I WILL be forced to kill you; Fun Shoe

jodai posted:

I almost also wrote how easy it is to wash poo poo off your car in my earlier post but I reread it and realized this. It's still pretty easy to clean, though, it's just gross. I had rear end in a top hat "friends" who thought a funny prank would be to leave a turd with a Baby Ruth wrapper on it on my driver's seat because the locks on my car didn't work. I did get pretty mad but not "commit low-level acts of terrorism" mad. Maybe mad enough to post angrily online...oh, now it makes sense. There's the truth in this stdh. Someone poo poo in this guy's car.

so... the poo poo... did happen?

# ? Jul 4, 2013 20:01

Silly Hippie: Sep 18, 2007

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

Yeah, even discounting the impossibly harmless explosives, who poops at party? It's just not something you do unless you get sick or something, in which case you'd probably leave ASAP.

I want to make a joke about party poopers but I can't really figure out how to work it in.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 22:27

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Silly Hippie posted:

This is from Three Word Phrase BTW. Never understood why people crop the URLs out.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 22:48

Silly Hippie: Sep 18, 2007

Improbable Lobster posted:

This is from Three Word Phrase BTW. Never understood why people crop the URLs out.

I didn't? There was no URL on there to begin with. But yeah that's what it's from.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 23:27

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Silly Hippie posted:

I didn't? There was no URL on there to begin with. But yeah that's what it's from.

Huh. I guess the older comics didn't have URLs. Sorry about that.

# ? Jul 4, 2013 23:43

Justin Godscock: Oct 12, 2004; Listen here, funnyman!

Silly Hippie posted:

At first I thought his noxious gas or something killed them all then another split-second passed and I thought "OK, that's not as funny".

# ? Jul 4, 2013 23:45

Vindolanda: Feb 13, 2012; It's just like him too, y'know?

NAR posted:

(I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that�s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

Me: �Hey, can I get these for my class?�

(I�m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

Customer: �Stupid blonde w****!�

(The clerk and I look at him.)

Clerk: �Please don�t use that language in here, sir.�

Customer: �What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what�ve you got there?�

(The customer points to my grocery bag.)

Customer: �Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and daft things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh�let me guess, a massive box of condoms!�

Me: �Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I�m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I�m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor�s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.�

(The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)

I love how nobody ever gets angry at someone being rude, just reddit MRA logical "Now Sir, I agree we should call skinny blonde girls whores, but this seems to be a case of mistaken identity"

# ? Jul 5, 2013 07:53

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Vindolanda posted:

I love how nobody ever gets angry at someone being rude, just reddit MRA logical "Now Sir, I agree we should call skinny blonde girls whores, but this seems to be a case of mistaken identity"

I'd be more willing to accept this was written by a second-grader rather than a second grade teacher.

# ? Jul 5, 2013 07:57

Djeser: Mar 22, 2013; it's crow time again

Vindolanda posted:

I love how nobody ever gets angry at someone being rude, just reddit MRA logical "Now Sir, I agree we should call skinny blonde girls whores, but this seems to be a case of mistaken identity"

Something vaguely like this happened with a drunk guy late one night at the supermarket. He called me a 'California rear end in a top hat' for being too slow with my stuff, then I was just kinda like 'uh I'm not from California' and he kinda grumbled a bit, then I left feeling awkward.

UH WAIT I MEAN

Djeser: (Goes through the self-checkout line at [WELL KNOWN FOOD PLACE])

Drunken racist man: Hey you [ETHNICITY] you are a [STATE] rear end in a top hat!

Djeser: Excuse me sir but I'm not from [STATE], I am from [BETTER STATE].

Rich racist homophobe: (Becomes visibly flustered)

Djeser: In fact my good chap, I think it very well may be you who is being the rear end in a top hat, what what!

Racist Christian misogynist: (Runs out of [LOCATION FOR FOOD PURCHASE])

Djeser: (Gets free food and a free sexual encounter for being so suave)

# ? Jul 5, 2013 08:04

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

Vindolanda posted:

I love how nobody ever gets angry at someone being rude, just reddit MRA logical "Now Sir, I agree we should call skinny blonde girls whores, but this seems to be a case of mistaken identity"

This has to be a parody.

I want to visit this world where people just shriek profanity because they saw another human being.

"Buying cookies? YOU loving WHORE!"

# ? Jul 5, 2013 08:30

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

Gratuitous violence, be it verbal or physical is the best part of STDH.txt. It depicts such an apocalyptic world where everyone is constantly screaming and clapping and kung-fu fighting. :allears:

I really enjoy how she apparently died her hair not because she likes it that way but because she doesn't want to get confused with someone else ?!

Also did she tell you that she was a virgin ? Because clearly, every good educated, clever girl is a virgin. Not like all those dumb whores. :colbert:

And

at the tampons. I mean I get it that it's because she's a woman but it so does not fit with the rest of that list. He's enumerating "sexy" products and in the middle there is tampons. Unless he has a particular fetish about friggin' tampons, they aren't really anything sexy.

# ? Jul 5, 2013 08:58

moerketid: Jul 3, 2012

Tatum Girlparts posted:

This has to be a parody.

I want to visit this world where people just shriek profanity because they saw another human being.

"Buying cookies? YOU loving WHORE!"

BRAS AND UNDERPANTS AND TAMPONS AND ALL THOSE WHORE THINGS.

I am 100% sure that NAR is being trolled frequently these days, but I can't fathom why they'd post it. Or why people would believe it. :smith:

# ? Jul 5, 2013 08:59

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

Another thread linked towards a blog making fun of Reddit MRAs

http://manboobz.com/2013/07/01/mens-rights-redditors-still-cant-tell-misogynistic-caricatures-of-women-from-the-real-thing/

This is about this Reddit post :

quote:

Some one printed off a list with male employees rated 1-10 with comments. On the 8-10 rated all of the comments incited rape and were seriously disturbing. One female forwarded it onto HR and the rest of the department, but no action has been taken. HR have said it was just a joke and should be forgotten. This is the same place where a female colleague has requested no male sit near her.
Is it time to quit?

That's how those whore-woman talk right ?

# ? Jul 5, 2013 11:40

change my name: Aug 27, 2007; Legends die but anime is forever.

RIP The Lost Otakus.

Fathis Munk posted:

Another thread linked towards a blog making fun of Reddit MRAs

http://manboobz.com/2013/07/01/mens-rights-redditors-still-cant-tell-misogynistic-caricatures-of-women-from-the-real-thing/

This is about this Reddit post :

That's how those whore-woman talk right ?

"Whilst"? Man-children-women, maybe.

# ? Jul 5, 2013 11:57

NoUU: Mar 8, 2013

Reddit MRA's you say? How about some /r/TheRedPill!

quote:

Treated a Woman like absolute garbage, asks me to come over to fool around, validates all Red Pill Theories

All right so my friend Ash shoots me a text. His friend Misty set him up on a blind date with Sabrina. Sabrina would be attractive but shes a bit overweight had been fully indoctrinated by the Feminist Liberal Media (Mass Effect 3 style). Ash was watching Archer with Sabrina and Misty and was unable to enjoy the show because Sabrina kept interjecting how offended she was about everything. Ash tells me to show up and try to offend Sabrina to the point where she GTFO's to get out of this awful blind date. This I can do.

Shown up. Sabrina and Misty are talking about how they would fight of the imaginary rapists they are constantly imagining if their weird rape fantasies came true. (I know right) Casually point out that: Sabrina you've never been in a physical altercation so all of your assumptions about combat have no value. Sabrina gets super mad at me verge of tears resorts to name calling, tone shaming and yelling. Does the usual. You don't understand women don't stereotype etc.

Sabrina then transitions into how she is a caring individual, and supports all sorts of social justice causes. Continues talking about how she has all the feels and how im an emotionless scum bag.

Get her number from Misty. Start messaging Sabrina mid conversation while still arguing with her in person. Hey you are are really caring person, can you take care of me and give me a hand job? I really respect your fight against the patriarchy, we should fight for equality upstairs while you suck my dick. Sabrina tells me how I am whats wrong with men, while smirking from my texts.

Sabrina leaves telling me how there is a million things wrong with me. Get a text from her 30 min later to come over for some fun.

I don't go because Sabrina isn't worth the drive.

# ? Jul 5, 2013 11:57

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Vindolanda posted:

I love how nobody ever gets angry at someone being rude, just reddit MRA logical "Now Sir, I agree we should call skinny blonde girls whores, but this seems to be a case of mistaken identity"

I'm getting seriously hung up on the claim of dyseing her hair from red to blonde to avoid confusion with someone at work. What kind of person makes up a story and thinks this is the most logical reason their protagonist might have changed her hair colour?
e: :argh:

Fathis Munk

# ? Jul 5, 2013 12:01

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

NoUU posted:

Reddit MRA's you say? How about some /r/TheRedPill!

What... what is the red pill and why do I know I'm not going to like it ? :smith:

(Apparently the author from that anti MRA blog wrote about them quite a bit too. Which after reading this is not really surprising.)

:dealwithit:

Splicer

# ? Jul 5, 2013 12:10

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 19:42

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Fathis Munk posted:

What... what is the red pill and why do I know I'm not going to like it ?

(Apparently the author from that anti MRA blog wrote about them quite a bit too. Which after reading this is not really surprising.)

Splicer

Pretty standard "Yes but really it's MEN who have been oppressed forever" bullshit + Matrix Reference.

# ? Jul 5, 2013 12:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Don't keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady!

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