Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Syenite
Jun 21, 2011
Grimey Drawer

Cronodoculous posted:

This story is amazing, and apparently this guy agrees, since he reposted it to Reddit where it's been the top post on r/gaming for most of the day: the post. He switched the numbers you assigned to the players and rehosted the images though, in what I can only assume is the dumbest attempt ever to cover his tracks, or something.

And this is relevant... how?

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Novum
May 26, 2012

That's how we roll
He's trying to grief the thread via interesting anecdote plagiarism? I have no idea, but table top stories are pretty funny even though I don't have any context about how they're played.

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free

BatteredFeltFedora posted:

Lenat's Eurisko fleet

Absolutely amazing.

There's just something so cool about tabletop griefing working entirely within the rules of the game, and that specifically was in a league of its own.

Cronodoculous
Jun 29, 2006

You light up my life


Shukaro posted:

And this is relevant... how?

I thought it was pretty lovely of a dude who's been here a whole month to rip content from SA to get fake internet points with it on Reddit, and that the place to point it out would be in the origin of said post?

Turtlicious
Sep 17, 2012

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Cronodoculous posted:

I thought it was pretty lovely of a dude who's been here a whole month to rip content from SA to get fake internet points with it on Reddit, and that the place to point it out would be in the origin of said post?
3 things

The story is as old as Warhammer
None of us read / care about reddit
Who cares what people do with content off-site?

For content, on Space Station 13 I was playing a Staff ASsistant, which is basically what you get stuck as when the station runs out of roles, or you're extremely unlucky. So I run to the roboticist station to be a cyborg. Cyborgs are cool because they can choose their own modules, and can be interesting / useful when the AI get's hacked and everything goes to poo poo.

The Roboticist puts me on the table, saws my head open, Removes my brain. and then throws it in a mail chute. Once that is done he tells my ghost, "I wasn't the roboticist."

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.

BatteredFeltFedora posted:

My personal favorite tabletop grief was the time Doug Lenat won Trillion Credit Squadron two years in a row, in 1981 and 1982.

Reminds me of Millennium Challenge, the US wargame that the OPFOR commander "cheated" at by using massive cruise missile salvos, suicide boats, and other things that a real-life force would use to wage asymmetric warfare on an overwhelming Navy force and win on day 2 of 14. The military's response was to change the rules and force him to adhere to a script so that the Navy always won.

Bogarts
Mar 1, 2009
To be fair the OPFOR commander cheated too.

Greatbacon
Apr 9, 2012

by Pragmatica

Bogarts posted:

To be fair the OPFOR commander cheated too.

Yeah, something along the lines of motorcycle couriers travelling at lightspeed.

I believe there was also something along the lines of him interpreting the fact that the simulation tracking navel vessels didn't keep track of small fishing boats and civilian craft that the suicide boats and stuff he cooked up wouldn't actually be detected by the Navy until they crept right up next to the boats and opened fire, despite y'know, anyone with two functioning eyeballs in a war zone being able to look at the horizon and see a flotilla coming right at them.

Bogarts
Mar 1, 2009
He also wasted a shitload of money for basically no reason and nobody really got any useful training out of his victory.

Novum
May 26, 2012

That's how we roll
That wikipedia article didn't say anything about lightspeed motorcycles. This game is loving sweet.

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.

So really they were both griefing each other.

Bogarts
Mar 1, 2009
The motorcycle thing was basically his way of getting around people breaking his communications. He said he used motorcycle couriers but all his communications happened in real time without delay so he also invented teleporting motorcycles apparently.

Argas
Jan 13, 2008
SRW Fanatic




Novum posted:

That wikipedia article didn't say anything about lightspeed motorcycles. This game is loving sweet.

The narrative Van Riper presented is pretty widespread and the whole story of "US defeated by insurgents in a simulation and cheats to win" catches on for obvious reasons. The exercise was conducted for the purposes of seeing how well different branches could coordinate, for instance. He basically exploited loopholes to ruin the exercise (Civilian craft were essentially not represented in the simulation and he used that for invisible sneak-attacks).

These two posts explain it in more detail in case you're interested.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
Military Simulation: Both sides shamelessly cheat then get angry at the other side for cheating and complain. Money is wasted to no purpose.

Sounds pretty loving par for the course to me.

Polikarpov
Jun 1, 2013

Keep it between the buoys
On the topic of military exercizes, the following is courtesy of Ixjac from the spacebattles forums. He's a member of the Canadian army and posted this story about a replay of Operation Desert Storm. He was playing as part of the team controlling Iraq.

quote:

We formed what the Soviets called an Operational Maneuver Group. An organization of multiple divisions, intended to punch deep into the enemy rear and accomplish some major objective - in this case burning the port where the Coalition was offloading much of their equipment to the ground. Then the OMG would withdraw north back to not-Kuwait and we'd try to negotiate terms.

The trick was to redeploy three of our elite divisions from the front line in the east, to a new location in the west, from which we could exploit a breakthrough. We pre-positioned some forces there, but moving the key formations was not something we could hide.

I couldn't think of how we were going to pull that off, when this one Lieutenant said, "Easy, we hold a victory parade!" So we rolled the three elite divisions of the Republican Guard off the front to get them gussied up (and secretly bombed up), then paraded the lot of them through the capital (the map for this scenario was rather smaller than actual Iraq, so it worked) with colours flying and not-Saddam saluting, with all the tanks and troops "co-incidentally" also deployed in assault echelons. . . and then we carried on rolling south down the superhighways linking up with the rest of the troops already in their assembly areas, shaking out into combat deployment as we approached the border, while swarms of helicopters buzzed overhead, already carrying the first wave to the initial maneuver objectives. . .

. . .At which point the Directing Staff called an exercise halt. Blue force had completely missed what we were doing, being so caught up in their staff planning, and had utterly missed the fact that we'd redeployed 50,000 elite troops, and they were bearing down on a single Brigade, before punching through into the undefended rear.

Had we been allowed to continue, the exercise would have collapsed in utter Blue Force defeat.

They were given the weekend (THEY had to work, we hit the town and lived it up) to rejig their deployments and plans, at which point they soundly thrashed our OMG using some bullshit unit teleportation antics, and a lot of helicopters, fighters, and MLRS. We didn't care, we'd already become hated and reviled.

Also

quote:

That Lieutenant was awesome btw. Called himself "von" on all his business cards, although he wasn't German and had no claim to the title. Mad as a hatter, which is why he was still a Lieutenant. I remember one quote from him back at the start of the exercise, when I was commenting on how bad the Iraqi plan was.

"Well, Sergeant, the Iraqis were just following Russian strategy." Deadpan. "Dig in, and wait for winter."

Which was the genesis of all these shenanigans.

Vib Rib
Jul 23, 2007

God damn this shit is
fuckin' re-dic-a-liss

🍖🍖😛🍖🍖
It just sounds like they were more interested in winning a purely hypothetical war than actually doing anything useful.

Dirk the Average
Feb 7, 2012

"This may have been a mistake."

Vib Rib posted:

It just sounds like they were more interested in winning a purely hypothetical war than actually doing anything useful.

I'd argue from the sounds of it that it's more the other way around. The side who is at a disadvantage comes up with crazy tactics and schemes that rely somewhat on quirks of the simulation (teleporting units, country size, etc.) to pull off crazy poo poo. It's amusing, clever, potentially useful in terms of what you might need to watch out for, but I highly doubt that a military parade like that would be ignored in reality. To me, it comes off as the sort of thing where one side somewhat jokingly says "hey, we're holding a military parade in the capital" and the other side ignores it as just some silly fluff, up until the point where the simulation lets them redeploy troops faster and further than otherwise possible and catches them with their pants down.

Vib Rib
Jul 23, 2007

God damn this shit is
fuckin' re-dic-a-liss

🍖🍖😛🍖🍖
My bad, I was talking about the other story. The one before it, with the teleporting motorcycles.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Vib Rib posted:

It just sounds like they were more interested in winning a purely hypothetical war than actually doing anything useful.

That is the useful part. The whole point is that the players attempt to win so that the hypothetical 'what might happen in a war' has intelligent agents involved and isn't just a bunch of dudes masturbating furiously about how awesome their plan is.

Anywho the point is that the Millennium Challenge was so poorly designed they may as well have just had a chess match.

Back to griefing (i'm reasonably sure i've posted some of these before but what the heck, i don't even recognize most of the people in this thread anymore.).

Enemy Territory: Quake Wars
was a bad game. My friend Gabe, the best griefer i've ever met, decided that he wanted to "encourage people to play better games." There's a few maps that have an objective vehicle - the attacking team has to drive it from point A to point B while the defense tries to stop them. Because QW is a bad game, it is actually straight up driven by a player, not just 'pushed' by having members of the attacking team near it. While you could just drive the thing into a terrain object so that it can't move, Gabe felt that was cowardly: you'd just look like a bad player. He wanted the players to know that this was intentional. So he got in the driver's seat, and instead of driving proceeded to type out the "I am John Galt" speech from Atlas Shrugged.

He also found out that if you kill yourself with a rocket launcher, anybody else who dies isn't counted as a team kill (except for scoring purposes).

My college buddies and i used to chill out, drinkin beers and playing video games, and one guy was completely intolerable to watch playing anything but he made Fallout 3 a special hell. He would quick save before every single shot fired, and if he didn't get a headshot critical he would say "Darn" and quick load. He did not use a single stimpack the entire game because that would mean he had a "less than perfect run." Gabe plugs a USB keyboard into one of the open slots on the tower and right after this guy sends the "fire" command but before he can find out if he missed, Gabe hits quicksave, turning Fallout 3 into a competitive multiplayer game.

Leaving aside his tabletop exploits (which i only barely remember), his greatest success was in Diablo II. Most of the time he played sorceress on Hardcore, and would be up with the other players killing tons of enemies with Hydra, a spell that summoned little turrets that shat out fireballs. "But Tulip, Hydra isn't the ultimate sorceress murder spell, why would he use it?" Well, because until they patched this out, Hydras would continue to fight if you teleported back to town. Normally great for your teammates because the DPS didn't fall off while you went to sell off poo poo or whatever. Really bad for your teammates when you went back to town and declared hostile, instantly gibbing them with no time to react.

Telekinesis used to pick up items, meaning that the real weakness of sorcs (not being right next to monsters when they die) wasn't a weakness at all. This got patched out. He was in a game on his sorc after that patch, and a guy was running around town taunting the sorceresses by dropping a...Wizardspike? i think, something expensive but gently caress if i'm going to figure it out - and then picking it up immediately. After a few minutes Gabe gets tired of this, walks to his stash, and picks up a ring he's got with charges of Iron Golem. Iron Golem isn't that impressive of a spell, it creates a Golem made of Iron to tank for you. Oh also it requires a reagent: a piece of metal equipment on the ground, that it destroys. Gabe said it was "a pretty loving good golem."

Turtlicious posted:


For content, on Space Station 13 I was playing a Staff ASsistant, which is basically what you get stuck as when the station runs out of roles, or you're extremely unlucky. So I run to the roboticist station to be a cyborg. Cyborgs are cool because they can choose their own modules, and can be interesting / useful when the AI get's hacked and everything goes to poo poo.

The Roboticist puts me on the table, saws my head open, Removes my brain. and then throws it in a mail chute. Once that is done he tells my ghost, "I wasn't the roboticist."

This is beautiful.

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

Tulip posted:

My college buddies and i used to chill out, drinkin beers and playing video games, and one guy was completely intolerable to watch playing anything but he made Fallout 3 a special hell. He would quick save before every single shot fired, and if he didn't get a headshot critical he would say "Darn" and quick load. He did not use a single stimpack the entire game because that would mean he had a "less than perfect run."

Good lord this is one of the most asinine things I've ever heard of (in gaming). Please tell me you griefed this guy with a whole lot more than just the keyboard trick. He is a man who truly deserves to be griefed like no one has ever been griefed before.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

yeah thats pretty good


Chomp8645 posted:

Good lord this is one of the most asinine things I've ever heard of (in gaming). Please tell me you griefed this guy with a whole lot more than just the keyboard trick. He is a man who truly deserves to be griefed like no one has ever been griefed before.

We have never ever ever stopped making fun of him, but razzing him constantly is hardly a 'grief.' His method of playing Brawl (only Sonic, refusing to start if Smash Balls aren't enabled) was absolutely intolerable, and when he played Odin Sphere he spent every single spirit on "Release Spirits" - which he then promptly reabsorbed because this slightly increased the amount of XP your weapon got (probably not as much as if he had just spent that time fighting). Overall a pretty good guy, just not to game with.

Fortunately nobody was there to witness him getting level 255 of every weapon in Disgaea.

Synthbuttrange
May 6, 2007

Tulip posted:

Fortunately nobody was there to witness him getting level 255 of every weapon in Disgaea.

There is nothing you can do that can harm this man worse than he has done to himself. :stare:

Galick
Nov 26, 2011

Why does Khajiit have to go to prison this time?

quote:

level 255 of every weapon in Disgaea.

This is...how the gently caress do you have this much spare time? :psyduck:

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free

Tulip posted:


Fortunately nobody was there to witness him getting level 255 of every weapon in Disgaea.

What. I've been playing Disgaea 3 on and off for months and I cannot imagine the sheer dedication this would take. :psyduck:

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

Code Jockey posted:

What. I've been playing Disgaea 3 on and off for months and I cannot imagine the sheer dedication this would take. :psyduck:

Seriously, I watched my mother collect matched legendary sets of equipment for every single unit in her max-capacity demon horde, and that's still giving me a psyduck.

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.


Tulip posted:

We have never ever ever stopped making fun of him, but razzing him constantly is hardly a 'grief.' His method of playing Brawl (only Sonic, refusing to start if Smash Balls aren't enabled) was absolutely intolerable, and when he played Odin Sphere he spent every single spirit on "Release Spirits" - which he then promptly reabsorbed because this slightly increased the amount of XP your weapon got (probably not as much as if he had just spent that time fighting). Overall a pretty good guy, just not to game with.

Fortunately nobody was there to witness him getting level 255 of every weapon in Disgaea.

It sounds like the best way to grief this guy would be to play something like Fallout 3, stand out in the open during a hail of gunfire, plinking away with lovely body shots and only surviving by abusing stimpacks. Or really playing any game in a way that's less than perfect or not completely rational - you know, by having FUN.

While they aren't quite as perfectionist, I've known people who game enough to pull off something like that Disgaea thing. For those wondering how, all you really have to do is work it out so you can literally do nothing else but play the game from the first waking moment until you (barely) sleep. Jobs? Social life? Family? Pfft :suicide:

Fil5000
Jun 23, 2003

HOLD ON GUYS I'M POSTING ABOUT INTERNET ROBOTS

Tulip posted:

My college buddies and i used to chill out, drinkin beers and playing video games, and one guy was completely intolerable to watch playing anything but he made Fallout 3 a special hell. He would quick save before every single shot fired, and if he didn't get a headshot critical he would say "Darn" and quick load.

This is the bit that makes it for me.

<bang>
"Darn."
<bang>
"Darn."
<bang>

<bang>
"Darn."



That Gabe came up with the keyboard response instead of yelling at him to knock it off is to his credit.

D34THROW
Jan 29, 2012

RETAIL RETAIL LISTEN TO ME BITCH ABOUT RETAIL
:rant:
I just don't get that poo poo. I mean, I quicksave before going into an engagement, usually, but if I'm trying to sneak and I get discovered, I loving ROLL with it. poo poo doesn't always go the way you want. Can you imagine if you could savescum real life? We'd still be in the Stone Ages. :psypop:

AkumaHokoru
Jul 20, 2007

Dareon posted:

Seriously, I watched my mother collect matched legendary sets of equipment for every single unit in her max-capacity demon horde, and that's still giving me a psyduck.

in d3 this was pretty easy actually. she could have saved time with a paw paw(about 1 hr per maxed set)

Ghostlight
Sep 25, 2009

maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me



Call of Duty's Gun Game was mentioned a while back - essentially, you start off at the bottom of the gun list and work your way up through the guns until you've killed someone with all of them. Not really all of them, but 20 of them - and they recently patched it so that you don't always start off at the bottom bottom, which is because right at the bottom you have a pistol with tactical knife - the tactical knife offers you a great lurch forward instant melee kill that also happens to set people back 2 guns/20 points.

Sometimes, you just want to watch the world desperately try to claw out 200 points alternatively threatening and begging you for an end to their misery.



Unfortunately, Black Ops 2's theatre mode being what it is, I lost the video and associated voice chatter to the ether. :smith:

deadly_pudding
May 13, 2009

who the fuck is scraeming
"LOG OFF" at my house.
show yourself, coward.
i will never log off

Tulip posted:

My college buddies and i used to chill out, drinkin beers and playing video games, and one guy was completely intolerable to watch playing anything but he made Fallout 3 a special hell. He would quick save before every single shot fired, and if he didn't get a headshot critical he would say "Darn" and quick load. He did not use a single stimpack the entire game because that would mean he had a "less than perfect run." Gabe plugs a USB keyboard into one of the open slots on the tower and right after this guy sends the "fire" command but before he can find out if he missed, Gabe hits quicksave, turning Fallout 3 into a competitive multiplayer game.

:staredog:

In middle school, I used to hang out with my friends and play Tony Hawk on the PSone. We mostly took turns doing random time trials, because under normal circumstances the game is super fun to watch. This one guy, though, was some kind of weird video game skateboarding perfectionist. If he did something that he perceived as a "fuckup," like missing a ramp or doing the wrong trick, in the first 15 seconds or so of a run, he would pause and RETRY. Sometimes he would do this like 10 times in a row. To this day, the first 10 seconds instrumental portion of "Superman" by Goldfinger is burnt into my mind.

BogDew
Jun 14, 2006

E:\FILES>quickfli clown.fli

deadly_pudding posted:

:staredog:
If he did something that he perceived as a "fuckup," like missing a ramp or doing the wrong trick, in the first 15 seconds or so of a run, he would pause and RETRY.
I had a friend who would do this on Diablo II. He had some odd parents who clamped down on him upgrading from a 386 (in 1998). His solution was to buy the game in secret and install it on various friends computers with the caveat it was never to be uninstalled. He would travel to whomever was free on the weekend, his characters kept on a floppy.
Of course it was infuriating to have to keep the drat game on your computer as the 2gb+ full installs of the game + expansion ate up a fair chunk back then.

He was obsessed with getting the perfect skill tree (ice specialist sorceress), to the point of if he didn't pick the right ones he would restart the character from scratch as it was somehow less of a bother than reverting to a backup character or, heaven forbid!, use a character editor to fix that misplaced point.

At one point he discovered how to make a one computer-two-players-mode. It transpired that creating a LAN session meant when you user swapped you could join the existing game. Each player would play up to a waypoint or die, then swap over.

That Fucking Sned
Oct 28, 2010

Slappy Moose posted:

No no, please keep posting these. They are fantastic, I'm even writing them down and saving them all in a "SS13 trolling stories" folder on my computer.

Could you upload these to Pastebin? They're really fun to read, but it can be tricky to search through the various griefing threads and SS13 threads to find them.

Megillah Gorilla
Sep 22, 2003

If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.



Bread Liar

That was beautiful. Powergamers always need a good kick in the arse and that was one for the record books.

The little line of Kroots along the entire edge of the table is great. Pity there aren't any photos of Shooter calmly walking up to his opponent's edge and putting them down one by one across the whole thing.

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.


D34THROW posted:

I just don't get that poo poo. I mean, I quicksave before going into an engagement, usually, but if I'm trying to sneak and I get discovered, I loving ROLL with it. poo poo doesn't always go the way you want. Can you imagine if you could savescum real life? We'd still be in the Stone Ages. :psypop:

I don't either. Like going back to Fallout 3, if you weren't meant to get hurt in that game why on earth would they even put so many drat healing items in the world? Between the number of stimpacks, food/water and mattresses you find you're practically invincible most of the time. And there's definitely no achievement for doing a perfect no injury/nothing but headshots run.* Getting a headshot in that game isn't even all that skillful when you have a mechanic like V.A.T.S. where you can just target "head head head" with all your action points and call it a day.

*(New Vegas would drive him insane with the "Stim-ply Amazing" achievement).

McScumbag
Jun 30, 2012
FRONT LINE SOLDIER IN THE FIGHT FOR MEN'S RIGHTS

reddit 4 eva
One more Warhammer 40K story I can remember for now.

The Enemy:

A few years ago Blood Angels had just received their new book. They were, as tends to happen, flavor of the month as I entered this tourny. Also as tends to happen, Codex Creep kicked in. They were just a LITTLE better than every other army if played to maximum cheesiness. This meant using a special kind of tank only they get. The Baal Predator.
A normal Predator tank can not move, and fire all its guns. It can move 6 inches and fire one weapon, or 12" and fire none. Same with the Rhino transports and the Razorbacks. A razorback is a transport that has given up 5 cargo slots for a single tank gun. This can get devastating when your opponent has turned their transport rhinos into 6 light tanks.
Blood Angels however pay a few points more, and get Baal Rhinos and Baal Predators and Baal Razorbacks. These instead move and fire as if they had moves one setting less. Meaning they can move and fire everything at 6", or 12" and fire the main gun and one other. This gives them amazing mobility, to be able to move for a better shot, without having to give up any volume of fire. Even worse, they can get three fast attacks they strip their jetpacks off for another three of these baal tanks, and then three elite units that ride in these. And you just dismount everyone. All these transports, yet not a single unit ever rides in them. They are just there as another tank. And in a large point tournament, I quickly realized as I went in, everyone had done this poo poo.

80% of the people I was playing this day had their models in trays, and they all contained three Baal Predators, and twelve of the Baal Razorbacks, all armed with assault cannons. Fifteen easily cracked open, but firepower heavy, fast tanks.

The Grief:
So I write up a list and quickly get my models ready, playing Space Marines today. Another 'Sub-Optimal' list. I had chosen to use Captain Shrike, and a odd marine army. No tanks. No heavy weapons other than the free missile launcher in each squad. However I took maximum amounts of Assault Marines, which move 12" a turn. And Terminators. Thirty of them. And not just normal ones. Assault Terminators, with a Thunder Hammer and a Storm Shield.

Why Assault Marines and Terminators are so annoying is that the Marines can move 6" more a turn then your normal marine. They then can all shoot, as they all have pistols. Then they can charge in, hitting guys for a bunch of attacks, or sticking bombs to tanks. When assaulting they get an extra 6" assault range check. But the real bastard is all those terminators. Each one saves from being hurt on a dice roll of 2+. The shield gives them a save that can not be taken away of 3+. And they hit slow (always last) but for 2-3 swings of a weapon that ignores armor and can kill most things, even tanks, in one to two swings.

So we set up, enemy in normal gunline with his tanks, when he realizes I forfeited setting up any of my terminators. I have Shrike, who is supposed to ride around with jetpack infantry, sneak in (did I forget to mention? He is some genius at sneaking people around) that squad of 10 terminators close to the enemy lines. Then I get a 6" move closer to him. Shrike also lets these guys give up shooting (They dont have guns anyway) to move d6 closer to the enemy. You now have a squad that can move 6 + d6 + 6 to chase down soldiers. Or in this case, tanks.

And its pretty easy to guess what happened. The terminator squads would just assault, running into multiple tanks in the gunline, hammer through their armor, blowing them up. The enemy then scattered moving his full 12" moves and losing most of his planned shooting. And he had nowhere to scatter to. Does he run into the terminators chasing him down from near where he started, or into the pack of bomb-toting jetpack men and terminators running at his tanks from my direction?

I just have a mental image of these guys in 800 lbs of armor, with a giant hammer, chasing down some turbo-charged light tank, and catching it, while Benny Hill music plays.

I have one more story that is probably the best so far. I'll post it below to break things up a bit.

Hello Sailor
May 3, 2006

we're all mad here

McScumbag posted:

And in a large point tournament, I quickly realized as I went in, everyone had done this poo poo.

A friend of mine once said, "I never play with a toy that I don't know how to break."

MadScientistWorking
Jun 23, 2010

"I was going through a time period where I was looking up weird stories involving necrophilia..."

thekimjong-illest posted:

Erhem, it's zellbrigen as far as the clans stupid one on one fighting is concerned and we in the word of lowtax salute you good sir. There is nothing like using e-bushido against an opponent and you are an examplar of that.
Aren't you expected to that? From what I've been told in regards to the clans stupider exploitation of the clans e-bushido rules have happened in the cannon game. I want to say that they actually lost a planet because someone challenged the clans to a duel involving a game of pacman.

Slappy Moose
Jan 23, 2010

THE FILTHY IMMIGRANT

That loving Sned posted:

Could you upload these to Pastebin? They're really fun to read, but it can be tricky to search through the various griefing threads and SS13 threads to find them.

If anyone has a particular store in mind, I'll repost it but frankly I'm lazy and really busy right now so I probably won't go and post all of them. I am, however, doing my best to organize my folder somewhat competently (with the author names and game title) so I can hopefully go and find relevant stories quickly. I also have a few screenshots of people's stories, mostly involving age of wushu or whatever (from before I started copying them into .txt files).

Slappy Moose fucked around with this message at 20:40 on Sep 20, 2013

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

McScumbag
Jun 30, 2012
FRONT LINE SOLDIER IN THE FIGHT FOR MEN'S RIGHTS

reddit 4 eva
Once again playing Grey Knights, I was in an Apocalypse game. Apocalypse games are a special kind of hell.

A normal 40K game takes about an hour to two hours. An apocalypse game can take up to a weekend. This is due to massive turns, usually having four or five players per team. Its also the game mode where you have five or six normal tables set up and pushed together, with some way to designate that they are connected, and room to walk between the tables to get to the middle. This is also the game mode where huge tanks like the Baneblade and Titans come into play.

So we're playing, one side Imperium, one side Chaos. Im using Grey Knights so Im playing Imperium. It was awesome and I wish I could find the pictures. Our side had Guardsmen in human wave formations of 100+ deep from one player, with entire battalions of Leman Russ tanks. Another guardsman player had brought entire squadrons of Valkyrie gunships and batteries of Artillery. A third had brought an entire force of nothing but command and control for all the guardsmen, not just his own, as well as transports to act as fighting vehicles to cross rivers with. The fourth player on our team? Generalized marine squad, to act as heavy muscle protecting the guardsmen from close combat. A normal human really doesn't handle fighting demons and 8 foot tall super soldiers well in close combat. And I brought the Grey Knights. We were fighting Chaos, so I brought a Anti-Chaos exclusive unit.

The opponents had much the same, in chaos form. One had a traitor legion of guardsmen. Same as ours, just all Chaos-y colored, with demon effigies on his tanks where ours had normal camo colors. Three legions of Chaos Marine players. The fifth however, was playing Chaos Demons. This made it pretty interesting, because you know, Demon Hunters and Demons meeting on the same battlefield.

The map we have set up is a building to building city fight in the middle table, that we (Imperium) have to defend. Dotted along the landscape are broken bridges and sheer cliffs at the edge, which are impassable terrain. The broken bridges are like broken with only the middle part and its supports still standing.

So we get to first turn, and its almost 30+ minutes of moving. In that time a few of the chaos players, including the demon player, goes to the bathroom. The other guys aren't paying much attention. I realize the demon guy went off while it was still our movement, nobody is paying much attention except one opponent, so I declare, once again, Warp Quake.

See the thing is, Demons have a quirk. They get half their army in on turn 1. But they all Deep Strike in, to represent them coming in through portals torn between here and hell. Being the demon player, he wanted to get into close combat as soon as possible with his first wave, kill a bunch of marines and grey knights, to soften up the numbers so that the chaos marines could easily get to the weaker in close combat guardsmen and their tanks. Except everyone forgot to tell him I had declared Warp Quake until he started setting models down, and just like in chess, once you move a piece, its set. And he had just placed all of his biggest, nastiest demons right next to my weak little marines. I was going to let him take it back, until even his own teammates who were there confirmed they had heard me declare my action, just they forgot to tell him...and this demon player was one of those 'strictly by the rules' types that made gaming hell.

So we roll mishap, and oh boy, its 'place this unit wherever the opponent wants to' multiple times. So I place his squads up on those impassable cliffs, uselessly on their own side, at the far corners of the map, over 30 feet from the rest of the battle. And that is where his big, bad, greater demons, and even named greater demons like Fateweaver sat, for the entire battle. Staring helplessly, until the artillery guy ran out of targets he could hit without hitting our guys, and started pelting them to death with shells.

  • Locked thread