Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

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Throatwarbler: Nov 17, 2008; by vyelkin

They really need to bring out a supercharged V model this time, since the Chevy and GMC are going to have the exact same drivetrains(available) right out of the gate.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 02:16

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:01

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Those tail lights look great, haters vacate :911:

# ? Oct 8, 2013 02:27

Nodoze: Aug 17, 2006; If it's only for a night I can live without you

I think the Escalade looks huge and ugly, but that's just me

# ? Oct 8, 2013 03:06

Seizure Meat: Jul 23, 2008; by Smythe

Nodoze posted:

I think the Escalade looks huge and ugly, but that's just me

I think we're all framing it from a "SUV's are inherently huge and ugly" perspective.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 03:16

Throatwarbler: Nov 17, 2008; by vyelkin

Nodoze posted:

I think the Escalade looks huge and ugly, but that's just me

It looks huge because it is huge? You're wrong and you hate America.

Oh no, Acura ZDX, Honda Crosstour, BMW X6 and 5 series GT sales have collapsed!

http://www.autonews.com/article/20131007/OEM03/310079955/sporty-crossover-coupes-a-niche-going-nowhere#axzz2h5odDIyc

quote:

Mark Rechtin Twitter RSS feed
Automotive News
October 7, 2013 - 12:01 am ET -- UPDATED: 10/7/13 1:22 pm ET
LOS ANGELES -- They are hard to categorize -- not quite crossovers, wagons, hatchbacks or five-door coupes -- and they are proving even harder to sell.

Indeed, sales of crossovers with sharply tapered, coupelike rooflines fell dramatically in September, continuing a yearlong decline.

These crossover-coupes were intended to be a design statement, but styling has been controversial for some of them. And dealers say poor rear visibility, awkward ingress and egress, and limited back-seat headroom also have turned off shoppers.

The Toyota Venza.

Sales of five of the six players in this arena -- the Infiniti FX/QX70, Acura ZDX, Toyota Venza, Honda Crosstour, BMW X6 and BMW 5-series GT -- plummeted in September. Year-on-year declines last month ranged from 39 percent to 80 percent and most were down sharply for the first nine months.

By contrast, sales in the luxury-crossover segment were off just 4 percent for September and up 10 percent for nine months. Sales of all crossover vehicles were flat for September but rose 15 percent for nine months.

The Crosstour, essentially a crossover-coupe version of the Accord, peaked at 28,251 units in 2010, although Honda had hoped to sell 40,000 annually. Sales this year look like they will barely top 15,000 units.

BMW planned to build 40,000 X6s a year for global demand, with the United States being the volume leader.

Meanwhile, Acura had expected to sell 5,000 units of the ZDX annually, but sales peaked at 3,259 in 2010. Shoppers balked at the price ($51,815, with shipping, compared with the MDX's $43,185 starting price) and lack of rear headroom. The assembly-line sibling of the MDX crossover was killed at the end of the 2013 model year.

For Honda, it helped that the ZDX and Crosstour shared much of their platform and components with the MDX and Accord. It was relatively easy to switch production to the mass-appeal vehicles.

"Customers who bought [the Crosstour and ZDX] are extremely satisfied with their vehicles" said Art St. Cyr, head of product planning and logistics at American Honda Motor Co. "The line between these unique vehicles and [crossovers] has been blurred to the point that the market is gravitating towards more traditional utility, especially in the luxury segment.

"With Crosstour," he said, "we were looking for white space in the market and found incremental volume in this niche market."

The Infiniti QX70

BMW had planned to build 40,000 X6s a year for global demand, with the United States being the volume leader. Last year, BMW sold 6,749 units in the United States. BMW declined to provide a breakout for the 5-series GT, but reports are that sales are below 5,000 a year.

BMW spokesman Julian Arguelles admitted that X6 volumes have never measured up to those of the X5 crossover but said it has "performed better than expected in the U.S. market" as it approaches the end of its life cycle.

With a redesigned X5 platform just launched, a redesigned X6 could be on the way after the current X6 concludes in the 2014 model year.

BMW takes solace in that the 5-series GT outsold its predecessor 5-series wagon in this market. Arguelles said: "It fits the needs of a niche, even if it is a very small niche."

# ? Oct 8, 2013 03:21

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Nodoze posted:

I think the Escalade looks huge and ugly, but that's just me

Dunno, it's a giant box, and I think it owns that very well. I prefer it to giant SUVs that pretend to not be giant and/or boxes. If you want/need a giant car, I'd say this is on the short list.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 03:28

Keyser_Soze: May 5, 2009; Pillbug

Do any of the full size 'Murican* SUV's handle, brake, or go 0-60 any better than my old 2002 5.3 Chevy Tahoe did? Obviously the Denali/Escalade will but they are even heavier so whats the point.

Also, are they all still 5,500 lbs with no plans to ever cut weight like LR/Porsche/BMW are doing?

^{*Forged in TEXAS with 110% mexican parts!}

# ? Oct 8, 2013 03:41

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

Keyser S0ze posted:

Do any of the full size 'Murican* SUV's handle, brake, or go 0-60 any better than my old 2002 5.3 Chevy Tahoe did? Obviously the Denali/Escalade will but they are even heavier so whats the point.

Also, are they all still 5,500 lbs with no plans to ever cut weight like LR/Porsche/BMW are doing?

^{*Forged in TEXAS with 110% mexican parts!}

GM is working to drop ~500lbs of weight with the half ton pick-ups in the interest of fuel economy, that will likely carry over to the SUVs. That would still only bring the weight down to 5500lbs for the AWD version.

Nobody is buying these for the handling, braking, or 0-60 times, and neither the handling nor braking of any of these would ever be deemed unsafe. You have more to worry about with the mitsubishi mirage than you do an escalade or suburban as far as the vehicles capablities go.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 03:52

Keyser_Soze: May 5, 2009; Pillbug

They are still 145+ feet to stop from 60 mph. So when some xanax'd out SUV soccer mom driving a Denali full of screaming kids is tailgating me - I always need to know proper escape routes in case someone stacks up ahead of us. I seriously considered adding some bigger brakes to the Tahoe when I had it - and it seems they haven't gotten any better.

In comparison, my 4,100 lb BMW 535 stops in under 115 feet from 60 mph, which is drat good considering my other older but much lighter 2002 330 only could do it in 124 feet. Obviously, GM can give a poo poo about brakes because the units they put on the Corvettes are insane.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 04:13

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Keyser S0ze posted:

Do any of the full size 'Murican* SUV's handle, brake, or go 0-60 any better than my old 2002 5.3 Chevy Tahoe did? Obviously the Denali/Escalade will but they are even heavier so whats the point.

Also, are they all still 5,500 lbs with no plans to ever cut weight like LR/Porsche/BMW are doing?

^{*Forged in TEXAS with 110% mexican parts!}

The old Grand Cherokee SRT8 was legitimately fast, and I hear the newer one is decent, too. And isn't the Explorer still technically a full-size? I think they got curb weight on those down to 4500 lbs.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 04:28

Q_res: Oct 29, 2005; We're fucking built for this shit!

The old Explorer was never full-size, and the new one is car-based.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 04:37

Mental Hospitality: Jan 5, 2011

Keyser S0ze posted:

They are still 145+ feet to stop from 60 mph. So when some xanax'd out SUV soccer mom driving a Denali full of screaming kids is tailgating me - I always need to know proper escape routes in case someone stacks up ahead of us. I seriously considered adding some bigger brakes to the Tahoe when I had it - and it seems they haven't gotten any better.

In comparison, my 4,100 lb BMW 535 stops in under 115 feet from 60 mph, which is drat good considering my other older but much lighter 2002 330 only could do it in 124 feet. Obviously, GM can give a poo poo about brakes because the units they put on the Corvettes are insane.

The 5,200lb Silverado that Edmunds has in their long term fleet stopped from 60 in 128ft, which is definitely not bad. It also got to 60 in six and a half seconds which would probably embarrass most of the cars I've owned.

Also, there's a 2015 Colorado/Canyon coming which should bring hope to those that don't want to settle for a full size pickup. I'd imagine it will probably come with the newer Gen3 ecotec 2.5 4 cylinder as well as the 3.6V6.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 05:34

asmallrabbit: Dec 15, 2005

All I'm seeing in that new Escalade is a truck with a box cover. I think it looks terrible personally.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 05:36

Throatwarbler: Nov 17, 2008; by vyelkin

SouthLAnd posted:

The 5,200lb Silverado that Edmunds has in their long term fleet stopped from 60 in 128ft, which is definitely not bad. It also got to 60 in six and a half seconds which would probably embarrass most of the cars I've owned.

Also, there's a 2015 Colorado/Canyon coming which should bring hope to those that don't want to settle for a full size pickup. I'd imagine it will probably come with the newer Gen3 ecotec 2.5 4 cylinder as well as the 3.6V6.

The trucks come from the factory with those knobby mud tires. The SUVs with more performance oriented rubber should do better.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 06:18

dissss: Nov 10, 2007; I'm a terrible forums poster with terrible opinions.

Here's a cat fucking a squid.

Looks worse than that awful Infiniti everyone was complaining about to

# ? Oct 8, 2013 06:19

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

Speaking of big murican SUVs, the 2014 Durango is probably the best looking of the whole bunch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTHriC6qA0U

I'd say it's one of the few cars that does gray well.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 06:39

Samu: Jan 11, 2010; The only thing I hate more than hippie neo-liberal fascists and anarchists are the hypocrite fat cat suits they grow up to become.

The Ron Burgundy adds are pretty funny too. The glove box can hold 50 packs of gum!

# ? Oct 8, 2013 06:42

Tekne: Feb 15, 2012; It's-a me, motherfucker

"GUM FOR DAYS!"

I see that the horse one has already rustled some jimmies going by the comments.

With Fiat purchasing the rest of VM Motori, they should really put the diesel V6 in the Durango. That would make its best in class MPG untouchable while simultaneous boosting its towing ability.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 07:00

Snowdens Secret: Dec 29, 2008; Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.

For what it is the Escalade doesn't look bad. On the other hand the rear quarter / tail treatment with the tall taillights etc make it look more like a big station wagon than a converted truck. Which may have been the point, but I wonder how that's going to market to people picking one over an import for the butch factor.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 07:12

Throatwarbler: Nov 17, 2008; by vyelkin

welp here's a new diesel engine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFx0H3L_1cE

# ? Oct 8, 2013 08:21

Kia Soul Enthusias: May 9, 2004; zoom-zoom; Toilet Rascal

Throatwarbler posted:

Oh no, Acura ZDX, Honda Crosstour, BMW X6 and 5 series GT sales have collapsed!

http://www.autonews.com/article/20131007/OEM03/310079955/sporty-crossover-coupes-a-niche-going-nowhere#axzz2h5odDIyc

Oh yeah collapsed from 5 to 3. I like quirky vehicles and AWD wagons actually but the Crosstour / ZDX, meh.

Hopefully we see some OEMs pick up that diesel engine.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 10:58

Mr. Apollo: Nov 8, 2000

CharlesM posted:

Hopefully we see some OEMs pick up that diesel engine.

Nissan is using it in the next gen Titan.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 13:57

The Midniter: Jul 9, 2001

I love the front end of the new Escalade but the back end looks like a Volvo and I'm not particularly a fan of those deeply vertical taillights.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 14:54

Throatwarbler: Nov 17, 2008; by vyelkin

Mr. Apollo posted:

Nissan is using it in the next gen Titan.

I don't really care about the new Titan because there's a plethora of large diesel trucks already on the market to choose from, but it would be interesting if they put this engine into a Titan based Armada SUV, since everyone seems to have stopped making large diesel SUVs after the demise of the 7.3l diesel Excursion. The 3.0l VM V6 seems too small for a large 3 row.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 15:07

DJ Commie: Feb 29, 2004; Stupid drivers always breaking car, Gronk fix car...

Throatwarbler posted:

welp here's a new diesel engine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFx0H3L_1cE

Cool turbo design.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 16:00

fknlo: Jul 6, 2009; Fun Shoe

Tekne posted:

Speaking of big murican SUVs, the 2014 Durango is probably the best looking of the whole bunch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTHriC6qA0U

I'd say it's one of the few cars that does gray well.

Since they brought the Durango back a few years ago I've literally seen two of them on the road.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 16:08

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

has

Keyser S0ze posted:

They are still 145+ feet to stop from 60 mph. So when some xanax'd out SUV soccer mom driving a Denali full of screaming kids is tailgating me - I always need to know proper escape routes in case someone stacks up ahead of us. I seriously considered adding some bigger brakes to the Tahoe when I had it - and it seems they haven't gotten any better.

In comparison, my 4,100 lb BMW 535 stops in under 115 feet from 60 mph, which is drat good considering my other older but much lighter 2002 330 only could do it in 124 feet. Obviously, GM can give a poo poo about brakes because the units they put on the Corvettes are insane.

The 6129lb 150 Harley Davidson pulled off a117ft stop in a motor trend test a while back. In the days of 14+inch rotors and 275mm stock tires, braking distance isn't an issue.

http://m.motortrend.com/roadtests/trucks/1110_2011_ford_f_150_full_line_test/

Powershift fucked around with this message at 16:23 on Oct 8, 2013

# ? Oct 8, 2013 16:16

totalnewbie: Nov 13, 2005; I was born and raised in China, lived in Japan, and now hold a US passport.

I am wrong in every way, all the damn time.

Ask me about my tattoos.

The Escalade's rear half reminds me of a hearse.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 16:20

Keyser_Soze: May 5, 2009; Pillbug

Powershift posted:

has
The 6129lb 150 Harley Davidson pulled off a117ft stop in a motor trend test a while back. In the days of 14+inch rotors and 275mm stock tires, braking distance isn't an issue.
http://m.motortrend.com/roadtests/trucks/1110_2011_ford_f_150_full_line_test/

Sure, 150 HD gonzo is great but I bet it can only hit that number only the very first time (and will fade quickly) and only accounts for a small percentage of the actual trucks out there tailgating everyone. Similar to the SRT-8 Grand Cherokee 0-60 arguments. Also most consumers will put the cheapest, shittiest all season tires from Walmart on their rigs and if GM/Ford is still including crap like the Firestone Wilderness/Destination LE or Goodyear Wranglers on new trucks then those things are awful too.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 16:37

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

Keyser S0ze posted:

Sure, 150 HD gonzo is great but I bet it can only hit that number only the very first time (and will fade quickly) and only accounts for a small percentage of the actual trucks out there tailgating everyone. Similar to the SRT-8 Grand Cherokee 0-60 arguments. Also most consumers will put the cheapest, shittiest all season tires from Walmart on their rigs and if GM/Ford is still including crap like the Firestone Wilderness/Destination LE or Goodyear Wranglers on new trucks then those things are awful too.

It's not a loving track day. If you have to panic brake from 60 to 0 twice in less than 5 minutes, yot are going to kill somebody no matter what you are driving. The only advantage the 117 foot hd has over the others is massive rubber which most esclades and such will obviously have.

While we are judging here, why did you get a5 series. The 3 series is lighter and brakes quicker. Why are you risking my safety with your poor life choices. Everybody knows bmw drivers always do 30 over the speed limit, we would be better off you were doing that in a lighter car that could do less damage.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 17:15

OXBALLS DOT COM: Sep 11, 2005; by FactsAreUseless; Young Orc

Yeah, panic stops with cold brakes come almost entirely down to tires, weight, suspension, and ABS system tuning considering you can almost instantly lock up the brakes on any modern truck just fine.

Fade-resistance is its own thing, but it really has zero relevance for boring everyday drivers short of "I'm going down an enormous hill and I'm sloooooowly pressing the brakes the entire time", which honestly is arguably still more user error than anything else.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 17:22

Snowdens Secret: Dec 29, 2008; Someone got you a obnoxiously racist av.

It is perfectly valid to say that test braking distances done with new OEM tires don't necessarily reflect on real world conditions with whatever underinflated bald mismatches someone has thrown on oversized and heavy wheels onto their style truck. Knowing that a pro driver on a test track got a Leviathan SUV to crank to a halt only a few feet past where my motorcycle can stop is cold comfort in the real world when the posterboy for distracted driving is riding my rear end in traffic. This is basically the same argument going on in the terrible car stuff thread.

However, that's true of all cars, and this is the new car thread, where those numbers are as meaningful as they'll ever be. The car makers can only do so much if the eventual owners neglect to keep their vehicles in proper condition.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 17:32

Keyser_Soze: May 5, 2009; Pillbug

Powershift posted:

It's not a loving track day. If you have to panic brake from 60 to 0 twice in less than 5 minutes, yot are going to kill somebody no matter what you are driving. The only advantage the 117 foot hd has over the others is massive rubber which most esclades and such will obviously have.

While we are judging here, why did you get a5 series. The 3 series is lighter and brakes quicker. Why are you risking my safety with your poor life choices. Everybody knows bmw drivers always do 30 over the speed limit, we would be better off you were doing that in a lighter car that could do less damage.

They are driving 30 mph faster to get away from the mouffbreathers in the pickup trucks/suv's tailgating everyone. :swoon:

# ? Oct 8, 2013 17:41

Mental Hospitality: Jan 5, 2011

Autoblog spent some time with the S60's new powertrain. A 300hp twincharged 2.0L 4cyl that Volvo is hoping will get around 40mpg on the highway.
http://www.autoblog.com/2013/10/08/2015-volvo-s60-t6-drive-e-review-first-drive-video/

The new motors are called Drive-E, which should confuse enough people into thinking they're hybrids.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 17:53

The Midniter: Jul 9, 2001

SouthLAnd posted:

Autoblog spent some time with the S60's new powertrain. A 300hp twincharged 2.0L 4cyl that Volvo is hoping will get around 40mpg on the highway.
http://www.autoblog.com/2013/10/08/2015-volvo-s60-t6-drive-e-review-first-drive-video/

The new motors are called Drive-E, which should confuse enough people into thinking they're hybrids.

Still better than Earth Dreams.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 18:46

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

The Midniter posted:

Still better than Earth Dreams.

EarthDreams is so childishly aloof and pretentious that I like it.

# ? Oct 8, 2013 21:17

Literally Lewis Hamilton: Feb 22, 2005

SouthLAnd posted:

Autoblog spent some time with the S60's new powertrain. A 300hp twincharged 2.0L 4cyl that Volvo is hoping will get around 40mpg on the highway.
http://www.autoblog.com/2013/10/08/2015-volvo-s60-t6-drive-e-review-first-drive-video/

The new motors are called Drive-E, which should confuse enough people into thinking they're hybrids.

300hp and 40mpg on the highway seems impossible with current technology.

# ? Oct 9, 2013 01:53

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Bovril Delight posted:

300hp and 40mpg on the highway seems impossible with current technology.

Gearing and engine management could possibly do it.

# ? Oct 9, 2013 02:05

Nidhg00670000: Mar 26, 2010; We're in the pipe, five by five.; Grimey Drawer

I bet you don't believe there are robots living among us either? :colbert:

E: The swedish edition of Auto Motor & Sport did a mileage race last year, where they drove some cars as far as possible on one tank in regular traffic, and they had to keep a certain average speed so as to not skew the numbers, and the 150hp Volvo V60 T3 got 58.81 MPG US. Sure, that ain't 300hp but it's not too shabby for a turbo petrol car.

Nidhg00670000 fucked around with this message at 02:30 on Oct 9, 2013

# ? Oct 9, 2013 02:20

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# ? May 10, 2024 14:01

angryhampster: Oct 21, 2005

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

Gearing and engine management could possibly do it.

The current Mustang V6 gets what, 32MPG highway? It's got over 300hp.

# ? Oct 9, 2013 12:13

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

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