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It almost sounds like "poo poo-that-didn't-happen" but DM's can be a special kind of horrible. Where were their spot checks? Where was whacking the drat thing with a sword? Chests are heavy. They shouldn't just crumble under a single fireball.
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Nov 14, 2013 17:54
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Dr_Amazing posted:Mimics. Didn't know Kafka played 2nd edition.
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Nov 14, 2013 17:54
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Is there no way to detect or check if a chest is a mimic before actually awakening it?
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Nov 14, 2013 17:59
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No man, mimics get like +30 to disguise as a normal chest. They're good enough actors to ignore getting poked with swords or sticks. The players definitely had no choice but to have all the fun sucked out of their night.
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Nov 14, 2013 18:12
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Why wouldn't the mimics all attack at once?
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Nov 14, 2013 18:19
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They're really serious about their method acting.
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Nov 14, 2013 18:22
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A loooong-rear end post that took forever to write up, but it feels good to get out. The worst player I ever played an entire session with Our Alchemist/Gunslinger's 19 year old cousin was home from college for the summer, and his family was coming to visit her mother for a month. Apparently, he was really into D&D, and played with his friends back home all the time. The Gunslinger asked the DM if it would be cool for her cousin to join the game for a month, and he said sure. We were already in the middle of an adventure, halfway through a dragon's lair, fighting our way past his goblin and Tiefling minions. It was just as well, because the Cousin showed up about half an hour late (The Gunslinger's player had her own apartment, the cousin was staying with her parents). He introduced himself, and he seemed superficially okay, clean shaven, a bit wiry, a bit too much hair gel, and he asked to speak to the DM in private about his character/ backstory etc. They went off into the other room for a few minutes, and, when they came back, the DM said that he's just going to make the Cousin's character the Gunslinger's cousin in game. She says she's fine with that. So, the Cousin has heard that the gunslinger is off fighting a dragon and may be in danger. He got ferried out by a wizard, who dropped him off at the entrance to the dungeon, and teleported away. He's able to catch up with us without too much trouble. We were at a lull between fights, and the Gunslinger recognized her Cousin in character. Gunslinger: “Cousin! It's been so long since I've seen you, what brings you all the way out to this forsaken cave?” Cousin: (seeming completely uninterested): “I heard you were fighting a dragon. I'm here to help.” Gunslinger: “Great! So, how goes your training? What was it you were studying again?” Cousin: What? Gunslinger: What do you do? Cousin: I fight... I have a sword. Gunslinger: Is that it? Cousin: I'm a fighter. The gunslinger asked him OC if he knew it was a gestalt campaign. He seemed a little cagey, and said he knew, and he was fine. He was keeping his character sheet hidden inside a book whenever he wasn't looking at it himself. The Paladin looked at him, sighed, and asked “So you're really not gonna tell anybody what you're playing?” Cousin: I told the DM, it's none of your business! He seemed really defensive, and he moved the book with his character sheet closer to him, keeping it on his bag. Paladin: “That's fine.” (to DM) “I Detect Evil.” DM: You don't detect any evil. Paladin: “Okay” (in character) “Well, it should be fine to have another sword-arm! Are you and (gunslinger) close? Cousin: “I don't know... whatever” Other players tried to engage him in a bit of roleplay as we moved on, but he didn't seem terribly interested, and mostly kept his eyes down on his books. When he did talk, he mostly asked about people's class combinations and builds, criticized them, and never said anything about his own. Pretty soon he took out his phone, and we could all hear game music playing. DM looked up from his laptop, and told the Cousin to turn the phone down/off, while giving him an exasperated sort of look. He turned the sound off, but he hardly ever put his phone down. He talked a little bit about how much he was into paintball, and said once he'd shot one of his friends in the ear, and that his friend was still deaf on that side. He talked about it like it was a funny story he was proud of. The dungeon went well enough for a bit, with the party fighting through the goblins and Tiefling that made up the dragon's minions, despite the Cousin staying both as far away from combat and the party as possible, and hardly ever contributing much. The Dragon's minions were wearing us down with more summoned monsters, and unaccounted spells than seemed reasonable, but we were managing. One of the Tieflings was in a room by himself, and surrendered when he saw us. It turned out that he'd recognized us by description, from an earlier adventure when we spared his sister. In exchange for letting him leave, and a promise to mend his ways, he told us about a secret route that was trapped, but would take us to the dragon's lair through one of the dragon's own treasure vaults. Sense motive, and even Suggestion made his story check out, so we took his directions. The route let us avoid more ambushes and combat, but had lots of deadly traps. This was where things started to go south. As party rogue, trap-springing was up to me, but, as I was disarming a poison arrow trap, a badger suddenly appeared, and set it off. The badger got splattered, but I ended up taking 4 con damage before the druid could neutralize the poison. We checked for hidden ambushes, and couldn't find any; we checked for additional traps, and couldn't find any. We decided to be more cautious going forward, but it didn't help. The same thing happened three more times, with various traps that damaged the party, and the Wizard and Bard fell down a pit trap that the DM said I'd bypassed, with the wizard quickly being hit by an invisible poison arrow that took out almost half of his constitution before we could get them out. The Cousin got set on fire by something, and immediately said that the dungeon was bullshit, and that he hated our “loving killer DM”. The DM glared at him, and the cousin started to go on about all the ways that DMs can set up traps so that they cant be disarmed, and how it was bullshit. The DM said we should get on with the game, and had us make more perception rolls as we went, but we still got hit by a glitterdust trap that I missed, and the Wizard took another invisible poisoned arrow, bringing him down to only a few constitution. The Cousin never puts down his phone, game music starts again, and the DM tells him to turn it off again, all while giving him the most “gently caress you” look I've ever seen him give anyone. The Gunslinger uses a potion to restore some of the wizard's con, but only brings him back up by one point. We come into one of the Dragon's vaults through a hidden back entrance, and the party is trying to come up with a strategy, and remain quiet, while I pick the lock/ disable the door from the inside (it wasn't designed to open that way). Halfway through my disarming some traps, and picking multiple locks, an alarm spell I hadn't found earlier goes off. Everyone groans. Even over the noise of the alarm, we can hear the dragon and its forces getting ready for us. Thinking fast, we use a combination of invisibility, illusions, and concealment spells/ smoke bombs to avoid getting mulched by readied actions from the dragon and its minions. Cousin is the last to come out of the smoke, and the dragon actually focuses its attention on him. This gets him back into the game a bit, at least until the rest of the party starts hampering the Dragon, and Cousin starts going out of his way to put party members between himself and any danger. Between the dragon, a Tiefling wizard, two goblin rogues, more summoned monsters and some other assorted trash minions, the party has its hands full. The Fighter/Bard has to devote himself almost entirely to protecting the wizard, as most of the summons seem to be targeting him. Meanwhile, the Gunslinger's Cousin spends almost the entirety of the fight either getting cover, hiding, or readying actions to run away if anything comes after him. Gunslinger: (OC) Are you just gonna run around and not do anything? Cousin: Don't tell me how to play my character, your build sucks anyway. He goes back to playing with his phone. Gunslinger: Alright, whatever. Throughout the fight, the Cousin takes a couple of swings at minions, and throws a bead from a Necklace of Fireballs at the Red Dragon... and its two Rogue minions... and half the party... including the Wizard. This, of course, does nothing to the Fire dragon, or the Rogues (evasion ability), but the wizard only barely survives due to resist energy. Wizard: Dude, what the hell? Cousin: I was trying to get the enemies. Wizard: I told you it was immune to fire, and weak against cold (earlier knowledge arcana check), and a necklace of fireballs isn’t going to do anything to rogues. Cousin: Man, whatever. We finally take down the dragon, and then the lieutenants without too much more fuss. The minions from the rest of the cave seem to have scattered and run away. The hoard was extremely sizable, including a pile of treasure in the main room, and four sub-vaults, including the one we'd come through. We were dividing up some of the treasure, and deciding what needed to be appraised or identified first. The Cousin immediately started haggling, first saying that he called first dibs on jewelery, and, when that didn't work, saying he should be reimbursed for his Necklace of Fireballs  . Finally, he tried to haggle over the split.Cousin: “We should take off half of Dr. Jamming's share for missing all those traps, and we should take off half of the Wizard's share for making us have to heal him.” Me: “Really? First, we're not doing that, and second, if we did do that, we'd cut your whole share, for being useless. You hardly even fought, fighter.” Paladin: “Now Dr. Jamming, be fair. Our friend here is a remarkable fighter... remarkably incompetent and cowardly.” The cousin stood up from his chair, both angry, and defensive. Cousin: Don't call me a loving coward! Paladin: (OC) Calm down! I thought you were playing your character as a coward on purpose. Gunslinger: (OC) Yeah, I also thought you were playing your character as a coward on purpose. Otherwise, why aren't you doing anything? Cousin: I'm playing my character! Gunslinger: and she's playing hers. Sit down. The Paladin laid right back into him as soon as he sat down. Paladin: “Your actions have been cowardly, and have endangered my friends, your own blood among them. Your greed is unsuitable. If you're unsatisfied with your share, then I propose you wager it against mine in a duel to first blood. What say you, coward?” The Cousin turned to the DM. Cousin: She can't call me a coward! DM: Your actions have been exceptionally cowardly, and you have put the party in danger. She has every right to call you out. Cousin: Man... Paladin: I poke him in the chest and call him a coward again. Cousin: No you don't! I don't let her touch me. DM: Roll to touch. Paladin: Ugh... I only got a 16? DM: That more than touches. Paladin: Really? Okay. *poke* Cousin: I loving slap her! DM: Roll to hit. The cousin rolled somewhere in the low twenties, and missed. It's worth noting that the Paladin's sorcerer+monk / paladin build focused on high saves, resistances, and really, really high AC. Paladin: Not even close. “Did you mean to strike me, or was that a jest?” *rolls* I poke him again. “Now... shall we duel, or do you admit that you are a coward?” Cousin: Fine, loving whatever. He took out his longsword, and the Paladin let him swing at her. He missed, of course. She poked him with her finger again, before she even bothered drawing her sword. She let him have a few more swings, and then started deliberately provoking attacks of opportunity. Paladin: I dance coquettishly around him, moving in and out of his threatened area. He took more swings, getting more frustrated, and hardly coming within 10 points of her AC. Eventually, he rolled a natural 20. Paladin: Crane wing. (auto deflects a melee attack) I casually deflect his sword. The DM held up his hand. DM: No, here's how it goes. Cousin swings, and lunges clumsily, obviously a poor fighter, over-matched by a far superior opponent. He quickly becomes sweaty and disheveled, as Paladin evades his every oafish attack. By pure chance alone, he thinks he sees an opening, and rushes for it like an ox. Paladin turns his blade aside with the back of one finger, leaving him tripping over his own feet and overextended, looking like an idiot. It was obvious that DM had been waiting the fight to use that description. Paladin: Okay... wow. Cousin: What? No I don't! DM: Roll charisma. Cousin: 9 DM: You look dumb as poo poo, like a total jackass. All the girls laugh at you. (he gestured toward the players) female pcs: Paladin: “Well, best to end this before you run entirely out of dignity.” I gently poke him with my rapier, for minimum damage. *rolls, hits* Poke. “You lose.” Cousin: This is bullshit! Paladin: “Well, if you will admit that you've been a coward, then I'll consider it satisfactory, and you may keep your share of the treasure.” DM: Do you admit that you're a coward? You have to tell her, and the whole party that you're a coward. Druid: Take the money dude, it seems to be all you care about anyway. Cousin: Man, gently caress it, just take it. Paladin: “Very well, the rest of the party may have my additional share of gold; I don't require more than any of them.” Gunslinger: You probably should have taken the money, or roleplayed your character or something. Cousin: Don't tell me how to play my character! I'm not gonna stand up in front of everyone and say “Durr I'm a coward!” this is loving bullshit. He kept sulkily playing with his phone while the rest of us packed up the treasure, and dealt with some quest items and inscriptions that we'd actually come to the cave for. He keeps glaring at the Paladin, and making immature peanut-gallery style comments whenever anyone roleplays, especially her. Paladin went tête-à-tête with him, being especially biting, which, when she felt like taking the gloves off, turned out to be pretty loving biting. It culminated with her offering to make daiquiris for everyone, then stopping and asking if she should get him a frozen Capri Sun, or a juice box or something. DM, who didn't even normally drink, said that that would be awesome. For context, Paladin and her husband hosted the group about 1/4th-1/3rd of the time, whenever DM's parents/family made it inconvenient to game at his house. Everyone else in the group was living in lovely apartments/dorms/with parents. Gunslinger had only turned 21 recently, and Paladin herself was only 22 or 23, I think her husband was a year or two older. No one ever gave Gunslinger any poo poo about her age, least of all Paladin. Even when she and her husband were hosting, drinks almost never came out unless game night fell on a special occasion, like a holiday, or someone's birthday. But, she did make daiquiris, and she did bring out a Capri Sun for cousin. She put it down next to him, and he smacked it off of the table. Paladin: I don't care what DM says; pick that up, or I am kicking you out of my house. He sat there, and didn't say anything. Paladin: Pick. It. Up. He mumbled something, got up and picked it up, then sat back down, flipped up his hoodie, and went back to his phone. Paladin: (sweetly) Thank youuuu! Getting back to the game, we started to head the few days back towards town. As we were going around a bend, the Wizard and cousin, who were just out of sight, get attacked. The wizard was silenced, and immediately paralyzed. The cousin got set on fire. The next round, the wizard got covered in green slime, and the Cousin was trapped in a resilient sphere. The DM has us start rolling perception checks. After a couple of rounds, we noticed that the Wizard and Cousin had fallen behind us a little bit, and that the versions of them that we could see, weren't making any noise with their footsteps. They were Silent Images. Meanwhile, with his weakened Con, the wizard has rapidly expired, and the Cousin was still trapped in a sphere. We couldn't find any evidence of attackers. Killer, grudge encounters weren't DM's style, and people were a bit upset, but Bard went ahead and pulled out the party's emergency scroll of True Resurrection and handed it to me, to try to activate with Use Magic Device. The Cousin totally flips his poo poo. First, he's upset about how some random party member could just have that, and when we tell him that we all chipped in on it for an emergency, he starts carrying on about how that's some stupid bullshit. Finally, he flips out about how it's like we're just giving him money for being dead, and how he (Cousin) should get a cut if we're just giving away huge expensive loot. DM tells him that the party can do what it wants with its money, but the Cousin won't shut up about it, and throws in some complaints about our killer DM. The Druid, who is normally laid back, eventually just tells him to shut the gently caress up, and that nobody gives a poo poo. The Gunslinger (his own cousin) tells him to calm down, and stop being a douchebag. The scroll is a tough check for me, but almost out of reach for the Bard. I eventually manage to raise the Wizard without rolling a 1 first. The Wizard is at least happy to have his CON back. We make a bit more progress back toward the city, and decide to set up camp. We still weren't sure what was hunting us, and thought that maybe we weren't playing paranoid enough, so we went well off the path, and used a scroll of Hidden Shelter, with the female characters sleeping in a Rope Trick inside the shelter. A few hours into our rest, the Wizard feels a stabbing pain, and awakens, blind, to something attacking him. When he can't hear any of the other characters, other than the Cousin screaming about being on fire and trapped again, he starts throwing around AOEs. DM has the characters in the Rope Trick roll perception tests to wake up. We noticed flashes of light coming from the cabin, and characters with Evasion (Paladin and me) hop out to see the wizard flinging around AOEs at a Mephit attacking him with an oversized scythe. The Gunslinger and Bard's heads are both cut off, and the Cousin is on fire, in a Resilient Sphere again. The Gunslinger and Bard are, understandably, pretty pissed off. The remaining PCs smack the Mephit, and dispel the spells on the Wizard and Cousin. The Mephit had coup de graced two of the PCs, and the Wizard had only survived due to rolling a natural 20. The Wizard was also blinded, other spells were obviously cast, and detect magic reveals teleportation magic. We decided to just stay up the rest of the night. Druid: I'm going to pray for spells now, and I've got 3,000gp worth of expensive druid components, so I'm gonna grab a couple of Reincarnates. The cousin started flipping out again, about how the two of them were dead, and how we should just split up their loot. No one feels like arguing with him, and everyone just tells him to lay off of it, and keep his hands to himself. He drops it for a while, but when the Druid gets ready to cast, the Cousin starts talking about how the Gunslinger and Bard should get smaller shares of the loot for being lower level. Gunslinger: Can we get rid of the negative levels if we roll for sex? DM: Okay, sounds fine. Cousin: What? That's dumb bullshit! That poo poo's broken! The cousin starts to argue for a few more minutes about how they should have to take the negative levels, and pay to get them removed, and that it's broken, and that DM might as well just let them choose whatever race they want. Paladin: Actually, that sounds like fun! What if, if they roll for sex, they can choose their own result? DM: If they roll for sex, No negative levels, an they can adjust their result by plus or minus 10. Gunslinger: Cool. Bard: Cool. Paladin: That was a great idea, Cousin. Thank you! The Cousin just sank down in his chair, and pulled his hood further down over his eyes. So, the Gunslinger rolled, and her male, human, alchemist/gunslinger became a female, elven, alchemist/gunslinger; great. The Bard rolled, and his male, human, fighter/bard became a male, human, fighter/bard, so at least that was easy. Gunslinger (to cousin): You were the only one who could see what was going on down here, what the hell happened? Cousin: I don't know. At this point, the DM suddenly perked up enough that everyone turned to look at him, before he even said anything. DM: What did you say? Cousin: I said I don't know! The DM had a look on his face like 'you are so hosed now', the kind of look that a Gygaxian DM gets whenever a PC does anything. DM: Dr. Jamming and Bard, roll sense motive! Cousin: What? No! I have a spell! DM: No you don't. It ran out while the Druid was preparing spells. Cousin: I said I was using the wand when it ran out! DM: You don't have the wand. You handed it off. Cousin: I have a scroll! DM: That is inconsistent! Cousin: I would have used the scroll! DM: Did you even mark off a scroll? Because you didn't say you used it. Cousin: I have a... DM: Can you show me where you marked off a scroll, right this moment? Cousin: I don't have it marked down bu... DM:  Then I guess you didn't use it. Dr. Jamming and Bard, roll Sense Motive,We rolled Sense Motive. DM: Yeah, he's lying. Totally lying. Me: I'm gonna use suggestion, “You should tell us what's going on, in detail, right now. It's the best thing to do.” The DM rolled a die. DM: Yeah, he tells you about how he did everything. He's been attacking the party from the start to try to steal your loot. He did all of the summons. He set off/faked traps. He's been conspiring against you with devils. He stole from the horde, and he stole from the Gunslinger, and he killed everyone. He's totally an evil rear end in a top hat. Gunslinger: God drat, Cousin. Paladin: “Well, friends, it seems we should kill him!” (to DM) is that fine with my code? DM: Yes! He's an evil murderer, and you should kill him. Paladin: Great! He tried to escape, but he lost initiative to the party, got locked down, and was slaughtered unmercifully. Once he was dead, the DM showed us IM chat logs of what he had been doing. He'd been trying to knock off party members from the start, to increase his share of the treasure. He stepped it up even more when we got close to the dragon horde. In the campaign world, magic items weren't always commonly available. PCs could craft them, or have them crafted by NPCs, or the DM would roll randomly to see what sorts of items were available from local shops, adventurers, etc. There was, however, a special Planar Emporium that you could teleport to, if you had a special token. The Emporium had pretty much anything out of the books. The tokens were usually given away as story rewards, and, as a matter of RP, the party usually made an occasion of a visit. The Cousin had found out that the Gunslinger had a token, while we were trying to get him to RP, and had Pickpocketed it. He then stole a bunch of loot from the first vault we passed through, and used his Imp familiar, a planar bound devil, and a hireling to buy a ton of PVP gear. His plan was to knock everyone off, so that he could have septuple loot+dragon horde -expenses, and become the boss of the party when everyone else had to re-roll. He was trying to kill us all off before we could get back to town to spend the money, and was especially galled when we were spending his loot on dead party members. His build, equipment, and tactics were all optimized for stealth PVP, and he'd been pissing off the DM, both for derailing the session, and for trying to make the DM take the rap for being a killer Dungeon Master. He'd been IMing the DM with his phone the whole time, and avoiding talking in character or doing too much around me and the Bard, because we had the only Sense Motive / Perception modifiers with a chance of catching him. Both times the game music had been playing on his phone, he'd been doing it on purpose so that people would think he was playing video games, instead of IMing the DM. He'd been setting himself on fire/ trapping himself to allay suspicion. Cousin had been using Sleight of Hand to touch people without their noticing, and silent/still spells, accomplices, and wands. He'd tried getting the Paladin with Bestow Curse and Blindness, but he couldn't beat her saves. He was focusing on the Wizard due to his low fort saves making him the softest dangerous target. The DM was entirely sick of him, and had been waiting vigilantly for him to gently caress up. He said that he would have kicked him out earlier if he hadn't been Gunslinger's cousin. In their conversations, the Cousin made it sound like their relationship was closer than it was (they hardly knew each other). DM wanted him gone, and everyone, including Gunslinger, was more or less sick of him, but Gunslinger knew that her aunt and mother thought it was a big deal for them to try to get along, so DM, grudgingly, said that Cousin could have a second chance, but would be limited to making a good character for next session. Next session rolls around, and Cousin is late again, but it's just as well, because DM has a plan. He starts up the game, and it turns out that the Tiefling we let go is going straight, and he's met up in the city with his sister, who wants to go straight as well. When we last saw her, she was working for a devil who was trying to corrupt members of a royal household/ court with promises of power. Now, he was going to try to tempt a hero with promises of wealth, and the Tiefling was supposed to deliver a message, and lead the likely erstwhile hero to the meeting. We told her to go ahead and deliver the message, and we set up a sting. The Cousin gets there, and the DM sends us all out of the room, with the knowledge that we're free to listen at the door. He vaguely looked over the Cousin's character sheet, and told him that a comely Tiefling sorceress approaches him. She shows him a bag of platinum, and offers to lead him to her employer, who has a most lucrative task. She takes him to a warehouse, and the image of a Devil appears before him. Fiend: “Greetings 'hero' if you will pledge your life and soul to me, and perform for me a simple task, I will reward you richly. Cousin: “What do you want me to do?” Fiend: “Agree to slay the band of heroes led by the Maiden of Desna!(The Paladin) Do this for me and I will reward you with these coins carried by my servant, and a Ring of Three Wishes! I understand that you may have to think about this undertaking, but, be warned, the rewards I offer will not be so rich tomorrow!” DM: “A contract, and a cup of blood appear on a table before you. What do you do?” Cousin: I'll take the money and wishes. DM:  Seriously?Cousin: gently caress yeah. DM: Do you sign the contract? Cousin: Okay. DM: Do you drink the blood? Cousin: Okay. DM: Change your alignment to evil. Cousin: Okay. The DM took his character sheet. DM: Okay everybody! Come back in! He's evil and still an rear end in a top hat. Cousin: What? DM: They were listening, it was a sting. Everybody roll initiative. The Cousin started cursing at the party, and at the DM, and throughout the (short) fight, he accused us all of not knowing how to play D&D, and said that the game was pussy rear end bullshit. Once he fell, the Paladin lead the party in looting his body as ostentatiously as possible, calling out the value of every item, and ooing and ahhing over how much his loot would fetch. The Cousin slammed his chair against the wall, called the assembled group a bunch of faggots, then singled out the DM as a “spergelord pussy”, and the Paladin as a “loving dyke”. I'll note here, that the Paladin was the only one there sitting next to her heterosexual partner, and that the Gunslinger, his cousin, was a lesbian; I don't assume he knew, I don't assume it would have mattered; she didn't bring it up at that moment. He stormed out. DM: Good riddance... Sorry Gunslinger, I hope it's cool. Gunslinger: Don't worry about it, he's an rear end in a top hat.  We got on with the session, and it turned out that the bag of coins he'd been offered contained an Emporium token, and exactly as much money as Cousin had stolen, and spent trying to kill us last session. It was a much better game without him. Things I found out second/third hand from Gunslinger: Cousin spent most of the next couple of weeks hanging around his aunts house, playing COD on Xbox Live, shouting racial and sexual epithets at, and generally being a douchebag to people on line. He stayed pissy at her, but they were never close anyway. The aunt and mother seemed to want him out of the house because they were tired of having him hang around, as much as anything else. Apparently, cousin has a group of 3-4 friends he plays D&D with back home, and in his group, all communication of consequence is done in secret, through note passing, IMs, or private conferences that can last half a session. This goes for player-player communication as well as for player-DM. Players constantly back-stab each other for loot, to stay ahead of the curve on backstabbing each other for loot. They don't keep many new players. Postscript: DM doesn't normally place hard restrictions on alignment, even with a Paladin in the party. Gunslinger herself actually started off as a Chaotic Evil hitman/bandit, and, through interactions with the party, roleplayed transitioning to a Chaotic Good hero. This was probably why DM gave her cousin a chance. DM also normally used his laptop to take session notes, and to track what the party was doing, and what consequences might come up/ how it interacted with NPCs. It was normal for him to be typing at any given time. He was typing more that session, but rules arguments with Cousin were interfering with his note taking. Other party members had used IMs or emails before, to communicate secret actions, especially when we thought we might need to hide something from the Paladin. We found out pretty quickly though that she was in no hurry to find out if the other party members did something unlawful/ evil to advance the plot, and insofar as she'd metagame it, it would be so that she didn't find out, so secret messages were a lot less important. Paladin is normally a lot more friendly/ forgiving with new players/guests, and never resorted to outright antagonism and belittling. Druid asked her what the deal was with Cousin, as Paladin normally reserves that level of antagonism for NPCs that need to be goaded into a fight. Paladin said that, in addition to his giving off douche vibes, she could tell he was pissing off DM, but she knew DM wouldn't want to offend Gunslinger's family... so she decided to gently caress with him.  This is why we like her. She was the only one who could have pulled it off, and it got us free daiquiris and a show. She said she was sure she could have gotten him to kick himself out by the middle of the second session, if not sooner, she was sure he almost walked when she gave him the Capri Sun.She was right. DM wanted to kick out Cousin less than a quarter of the way through the first session, but didn't want to cause friction with Gunslinger, and knew Cousin would only be around for 3-4 sessions, so he decided to stick it out. Gunslinger couldn't give less of a gently caress about cousin. He was not fat, he was not bearded (probably couldn't have been if he tried), he did not smell like cat-piss (he smelled vaguely of Axe), but Cousin, indeed, had the cat-piss. So, that is the worst player I've ever played an entire session with, and why PVP suuuuuuks.
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Nov 14, 2013 18:45
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Dr_Amazing posted:Mimics
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Nov 14, 2013 19:00
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Dr. Jamming posted:Horrible Relative I figured something was up around the time of the Badger appearing out of nowhere. And part of me is amazed at his capacity for duplicity and was hoping that the douchebag persona was all just an act like the game music and the texting and at the end he'd be like "hah sorry guys I just wanted to try something new." But nope, he was an rear end in a top hat. Why would you even care about the amount of loot you take home if you're only going to be there temporarily? Did he expect you to not give yourselves his loot as he walked out of your lives forever as the 'winner' of the campaign?
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Nov 14, 2013 19:13
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Interesting question. Was he one of those people who brings their same character to every game and insists on them persisting through campaigns that are completely unconnected?
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Nov 14, 2013 19:26
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He plays DnD like it was a CODBLOPS death match. This I the saddest gaming thing I've read in a while. It's like he never learned how to have cooperative fun with others. 
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Nov 14, 2013 20:04
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Dr. Jamming posted:Terrible session made amusing. Jesus, what a little poo poo-stain, do you know if there's anything behind Gunslinger's mom making her bring Cousin to the session? Also, I will say his little scheme would have made for a pretty fun session if it wasn't for the fact he was doing it because he's a greedy, controlling rear end in a top hat who needed to be the alpha-badass of the game. Love how you guys got back at him in the following session.
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Nov 14, 2013 20:14
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Kurieg posted:I figured something was up around the time of the Badger appearing out of nowhere. And part of me is amazed at his capacity for duplicity and was hoping that the douchebag persona was all just an act like the game music and the texting and at the end he'd be like "hah sorry guys I just wanted to try something new." I'm confused why the DM let ANY of that stupid poo poo fly. If your group doesn't want to do PVP, don't do it. All that passive aggressive bullshit in the game was only one step removed from what the cousin was doing. You could save a lot of time and effort next time by talking to the problem player and explaining why his character or idea doesn't fit. Like, in their private talk before the game, how did the DM not kibosh a PC designed around PVP then and there?
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Nov 14, 2013 20:15
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CaptCommy posted:I'm confused why the DM let ANY of that stupid poo poo fly. If your group doesn't want to do PVP, don't do it. All that passive aggressive bullshit in the game was only one step removed from what the cousin was doing. You could save a lot of time and effort next time by talking to the problem player and explaining why his character or idea doesn't fit. Like, in their private talk before the game, how did the DM not kibosh a PC designed around PVP then and there? I feel the same way. Don't jerk a dude around if it's obvious he's not fitting in. If he doesn't listen after you talk to him, then jerk him around.
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Nov 14, 2013 20:31
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Dr. Jamming posted:lovely Player Was this by any chance the same DM who let himself be drawn into an awkward sex-scene between a paladin and a serial rapist?
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Nov 14, 2013 20:35
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Man, when I got to the part where his whole big cell-phone magic murder act was revealed, I thought, "drat, your GM is pretty ballsy. And a good actor. I hope you guys managed t-ohmygodhedidn'tactuallywantanyofthattohappen?" I just can't fathom Cousin explaining his character to your GM in private and not immediately getting told, "gently caress no." Also, to go back to the mimics - who uses a fireball on a single target?
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Nov 14, 2013 20:39
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VanSandman posted:I feel the same way. Don't jerk a dude around if it's obvious he's not fitting in. If he doesn't listen after you talk to him, That was a great retelling of a story and a tribute to you guys for being a cohesive group. Sounds like you guys have some history together. That said, the DM should have put the kabosh on the PvP plot if he wasn't into it. And while the merciless mocking was awesome (Capri sun, holy poo poo!  ), it's passive aggressive and time wasting for everyone involved.And good on the DM for replacing all the poo poo that was used\wasted/broken during that session. It was the right thing to do. I want to play with your group, though. You guys sound pretty tight.
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Nov 14, 2013 21:04
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Doomsayer posted:I'd start a new club, but Jim is about to graduate, and I'm a grad student. I shouldn't even be devoting this much time to elfgames in the first place, let alone running the club. I'd like to, and would if this was undergrad, but c'est la vie. A quick update: Jim's actually got one semester left, the club leaders continue to be shitheads, so we probably are indeed just going to start a new club in January  Now we just need to think of a better name than Dedicated Roleplayers Association for Gaming On Nights... Edit: I'm thinking Good Roleplayers Out Gallivanting Near Absolutely Righteous Dragons. Or something. Doomsayer fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Nov 14, 2013 |
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Nov 14, 2013 21:19
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Doomsayer posted:A quick update: Jim's actually got one semester left, the club leaders continue to be shitheads, so we probably are indeed just going to start a new club in January Brothers United Taking Turns Haunting University Roleplaying Tables
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Nov 14, 2013 21:36
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Doomsayer posted:A quick update: Jim's actually got one semester left, the club leaders continue to be shitheads, so we probably are indeed just going to start a new club in January Honest and Outrageous Tabletop Sessions Including New Games Like Every Saturday
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Nov 14, 2013 21:36
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VanSandman posted:I feel the same way. Don't jerk a dude around if it's obvious he's not fitting in. If he doesn't listen after you talk to him, then jerk him around. To play Devil's Advocate here, I can only imagine the kind of hissyfit this cousin would have thrown had his character gotten rejected.
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Nov 14, 2013 21:40
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Doomsayer posted:A quick update: Jim's actually got one semester left, the club leaders continue to be shitheads, so we probably are indeed just going to start a new club in January "We Aren't Inviting Jim"
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Nov 14, 2013 21:41
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YggiDee posted:"We Aren't Inviting Jim" Jim's cool though, me and Jim are bros 
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Nov 14, 2013 22:07
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Doomsayer posted:Jim's cool though, me and Jim are bros Who's the lame one then? If he shows up ask him to leave.
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Nov 14, 2013 22:11
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Doomsayer posted:Jim's cool though, me and Jim are bros Sorry, I got Jim confused with the Grognard not-President. I've known a lot of rear end in a top hat Jims.
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Nov 14, 2013 22:15
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That "Killer Cousin" story was bizarre, because it mixed the worst aspects of hostile GMing and hostile PVP. Deal with game stuff in game, and out of game stuff out of game.
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Nov 14, 2013 22:15
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VanSandman posted:Who's the lame one then? If he shows up ask him to leave. Oh, the now-president of the current club. I don't actually know his name. Dave, I think? And why wouldn't he be allowed? He's more than welcome to come play 4e  Actually he wouldn't, we'll be meeting at the same time as Dragon 
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Nov 14, 2013 22:17
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Dr. Jamming posted:DM: You look dumb as poo poo, like a total jackass. All the girls laugh at you.
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Nov 14, 2013 22:58
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Writer Cath posted:To play Devil's Advocate here, I can only imagine the kind of hissyfit this cousin would have thrown had his character gotten rejected. Possibly, but it would have been done and over with, without subjecting the rest of the group to unannounced PVP bullshit (seriously, what the hell was that?) or the aftermath where everyone turned into shitlords. A brief explosion of profanity is better than hours of half-wasted time and tension that squeezes some really catty bullshit out of presumably level-headed people.
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Nov 14, 2013 23:05
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Grabba-Stikk OP, Not Jack Mambo-Approved So we had another combat session in our Rogue Trader game post-Luna, and it went about as well as could be expected out of a second big combat encounter in a row with little downtime in between. Luna's player started using his old Ork Kommando again, and the rest of the crew (Missionary, Genetor w/ implanted Tyranid-genes, Ork Weirdboy) was present except for our Seneschal whose player was busy at the university for most of the session. At the end of the last session we'd been told to expect an incoming attack by Fel and his minions, and so we prepared by setting up choke points and explosives everywhere in the hope that we could take most of his troops out by guile. As is always the case with our group the combat was a mix of bad decisions and incompetence on all sides. -Fel's personal household troops got exploded, stink bombed and finally murdered by Orks and they did absolutely nothing all combat except ensure that Fel only had to burn his fate point to escape at the last moment a few turns later than he would have otherwise had to -incompetence by a Naval troop that ran below a bunch of boxes that had several huge explosives hidden inside, which decimated them pretty badly. "Are you all idiots", was the comment from Fel's Explorator who was not incompetent (at that point) -blowing up a bomb when the only one it hit was a Sentinel, which was not even damaged by it -our Missionary was on fire for several consecutive rounds before anyone put the fire out. Then later on he caught on fire again. He also lost his leg and had to burn a fate point because he was unlucky as hell during the combat. People also kept kill-stealing his frags. -Grabba-Stikks were used by the Ork Weirdboy's minders to stun-lock big villains out of combat. Again. -Fel's Explorator had the worst possible time to get a mini-crit with his weapon when he knocked my Genetor on his rear end literally seconds before Jack Mambo, servant of Slaanesh and a disco-fan appeared with his entourage of daemonettes and... fake Jack Mambos through a series of portals. Said Jack Mambos were wearing latex Jack Mambo suits. Real Jack Mambo was also wearing one. Jack Mambo owns. Fel's Explorator shouted 'sorry' later and we promised not to attack each other since there was Chaos abound. Thankfully he didn't realize that the Genetor was a horrible affront against the Omnissiah. -my minion with Tyranid implantation was left behind for a round when I charged a Daemonete. It kept psychically screaming 'Mama!' in a panicked voice because it was out of the pseudo-Synapse range the Dm's ruled I have for controlling it. Nobody particularily noticed that I shouted at it to shut up. -One of the two Eldar Guardians aiding us was a lazy gently caress and didn't want to commit in to fights or anything and generally stood around being useless until there was literally only one Daemonette left and he charged that because he couldn't pretend that there was nothing to do. Guardians are incompetent Eldar mooks, now and always. -Speaking of Eldar, their Autarch kill-stealed two boss monsters (a Daemon (Pseudo-Daemon maybe?) with wings, tail with stinger and horrible claws and Fel's Navigator) and got a fate point for his troubles. Missionary was a bit pissed since he burned two fates from the Navigator only for the Autarch to kill-steal -Weirdboy with Minders stunlocked Mambo at one point by hitting him 8! times in a single round, snaring him with Grabba-Stikks. Mambo had to burn a fate point and he swore revenge (again). Mambo does not like Grabba-stikks. The Daemon with wings almost got stun-locked by Grabba-Stikks but it managed to fly out of their reach, which frustrated the Orks a lot when they couldn't use their favourite tactic. -The fake Mambos were actually daemon possessed Eldar, and one of them gave a mental disorder to the Eldar Autarch. However, the disorder was Perfectionist so nobody really noticed. Not even him. Post-combat shenanigans included a battle of wills between the Ork Kommando and the Genetor, as both thought they were team's primary medic - the Ork because he was also a Pain Boy, the Genetor because he is literally one of the best surgeons in Koronus Expanse. The battle of wills was basically a wrestling competition, one that the Ork lost because the Genetor is horribly strong. It was probably for the best that I treated our Missionary instead of our Ork, especially since the Ork wanted to heal the Missionary's leg by putting it back on with a stapler. After getting thrown away from the Missionary the Kommando decided to try and help the other Orks! ...who would all have preferred to get healed by the Genetor since she was better at the job and far less likely to gently caress up the operation and replace their brain with a squiq. And the only Mad Dokkish thing she's done so far to the Orks has been sticking a scalpel into the Weirdboy's head and leaving it there, something all of the Orks think was good and proper. One of the Minders got healed by the Kommando, all the rest managed to run away and get healed by me instead. We also 'recruited' the sole surviving member of Fel's troops, a single Sentinel pilot. He got kinda scared when he was first healed by Genetor+Ork Kommando tag team and then torn free from the Sentinel's wreckage and asked whether he wants to come into the service of our dynasty or not. Rather wisely he said yes. Missionary also refused to be given a walking stick until his leg was replaced - he wanted us to carry him. New recruit tried to help support him, but apparantely mooks aren't strong enough to support people in power armour, who knew. The Autarch showed some considerable stupidity and arrogance when he basically shrugged at the fact that I'd implanted Tyranid genes into myself, he was certain that I was stupid and weak enough that I could not do any real harm to anything, especially not to Eldar. Perhaps the fact that for most of the fight I'd been completely useless caused him to misjudge matters a bit - and to be fair, he didn't see me one-shot two Daemonettes. Then again this particular Autarch was quite heavily an Eldar supremacist and he thought we were all idiots but useful idiots, and that Eldar can't do mistakes, especially not him. The jerk even commented that bandaging his wounds wasn't perfect (since I used a bandage). We were all congratulating each other on a job well done, since we'd managed to prevent hostile forces from getting to the giant vault door behind of which there was some ancient evil that threatened the galaxy and so on. Up until the point it just sorta opened by itself since apparantely the opening of several Warp portals and constant use of Ork psychic powers is something that attracted the attention of whatever was stuck behind the door. It was a bit railroady, but everyone wanted OOC to open it, but IC we couldn't justify it in any way. Still it would have been assholish to have another fight then (third in a row) so we essentially "cut to black" when we all blacked out because of weird poo poo. DM also stated that thankfully that was the end of the combat heavy parts of our grand endeavour which was a relief, since the last few sessions have been ridiculously combat heavy and it would be nice to have a breather session. Even if the next session is probably the end of Endeavour session, DM stated it won't necessarily have even a combat encounter, and even then it won't be a big one.
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Nov 14, 2013 23:17
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Golden Bee posted:That "Killer Cousin" story was bizarre But yeah, I've played those PVP style rogues before, but had way more fun trying to add things to other peoples inventory instead of taking things out. Got an extra shortsword? Just let the Paladin carry it around without their knowledge or consent! Even better when the you get the DM to start rolling Perception checks for no reason, and everyone gets really paranoid until the party wizard notices he's wearing a fancy new Ring of
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Nov 14, 2013 23:17
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Kurieg posted:I figured something was up around the time of the Badger appearing out of nowhere. And part of me is amazed at his capacity for duplicity and was hoping that the douchebag persona was all just an act like the game music and the texting and at the end he'd be like "hah sorry guys I just wanted to try something new." It seems like the only way he plays/ what he thinks RPGs are about goatface posted:Interesting question. Was he one of those people who brings their same character to every game and insists on them persisting through campaigns that are completely unconnected? The characters he made for DM were both new, but, as to whether he expected to go home and bring in characters with 9x wealth to his home game, I couldn't say. Green Intern posted:He plays DnD like it was a CODBLOPS death match. This I the saddest gaming thing I've read in a while. It's like he never learned how to have cooperative fun with others. From what I've heard from Gunslinger, Cousin's group's campaigns are all about killing off the other PCs, hoarding all of the loot, becoming unassailable, and thereby being the boss of the party. Such that, regardless of what their DM is running, it's ultimately Dead Money / Treasure of the Sierra Madre, except that those are both at least interesting. If Cousin was any example of his group, then its probably a huge shitshow of: You go to sleep in your room? You die. Make a new character. As you walk down the street, something brushes past you; you don't see what it was. Roll fortitude. You die. Make a new character. As you leave town, you are assaulted by an invisible assailant. You find that you can't fight back, because you are affected by multiple curses. You die. Make a new character. No one lets anyone know anything about their character, or what loot they're carrying, or even where they sleep, so everyone is nobody, the nothing, from nowhere. Frequently, one of these mysterious people dies mysteriously, and is mysteriously looted. Like a murder mystery night where everyone is the murderer, and no one talks to anyone, last one alive wins, except that that would probably, somehow, be more fun than Cousin. It's not surprising they can't keep new players, I'd hate to wander into that, and I'd probably be mincemeat for making a rookie mistake like mentioning my class. MizPiz posted:Jesus, what a little poo poo-stain, do you know if there's anything behind Gunslinger's mom making her bring Cousin to the session? Well, her aunt and mother are close, as sisters, so there probably isn't much more to it than thinking it would be nice if their own similarly-aged kids hung out and got along.  Oh! You Play dungeons and Dragons? Cousin plays that all the time! And he's just sitting around bored, here at your mother's house. Why not have him along? ...Oh... Okay.is much easier to say than: Cousin is a douchebag and plays like a douchebag; I do not want to play with him. Also, my friends don't like him, and he's rude.He was literally planning to wait, until after we made new characters, to spend most of the loot, so that he could find out what we were playing, and kill us again / not be killable. CaptCommy posted:I'm confused why the DM let ANY of that stupid poo poo fly. If your group doesn't want to do PVP, don't do it. All that passive aggressive bullshit in the game was only one step removed from what the cousin was doing. You could save a lot of time and effort next time by talking to the problem player and explaining why his character or idea doesn't fit. Like, in their private talk before the game, how did the DM not kibosh a PC designed around PVP then and there? I don't know, but he probably used high pressure / made it seem like a big deal to Gunslinger, or made it sound like she told him it was okay. I know that DM only let him play because he was Gunslinger's cousin, and was temporary, otherwise he'd have been rejected from the start, or kicked early. Gazetteer posted:Was this by any chance the same DM who let himself be drawn into an awkward sex-scene between a paladin and a serial rapist? Yes, actually. Same DM, same campaign. And to put in context what it takes to piss him off, after the incident at the brewery he apologized to her, and was relieved that she wasn't offended, though he may not have fully grasped the situation. Cousin, on the other hand, was pissing him right off as soon as the PVP started. The Crotch posted:Man, when I got to the part where his whole big cell-phone magic murder act was revealed, I thought, "drat, your GM is pretty ballsy. And a good actor. I hope you guys managed t-ohmygodhedidn'tactuallywantanyofthattohappen?" I just can't fathom Cousin explaining his character to your GM in private and not immediately getting told, "gently caress no." DM was obviously upset with Cousin, but was always very good about not tipping his hand regarding things behind the screen. With Cousin having his phone out the whole time, and constantly bitching about the "killer DM", we all figured that was a big part of the problem, but that was only half of it. Paladin could tell he was bothering DM even more than DM let on, so that's why she started loving with him, and angling to get him to kick himself /get kicked out by her. DM later let on that he appreciated that. Agrikk posted:That was a great retelling of a story and a tribute to you guys for being a cohesive group. Sounds like you guys have some history together. Thanks!  You might think that you don't care about frozen novelty drinks, and you might even think that you don't like rum, but then, suddenly, the absence of a daiquiri stings like a thousand hornets. Such is the way of the WASP; fear it. DM was willing to, just barely, give Cousin a second chance, but not if he was going to turn on the other PCs at the first whiff of money and power. Cousin did, and then got pissed off. DM apologized for letting Cousin poo poo up the previous session, and was glad to drop some replacement loot. Gunslinger apologized for inviting cousin in the first place, but he was family so what are you gonna do? Golden Bee posted:That "Killer Cousin" story was bizarre, because it mixed the worst aspects of hostile GMing and hostile PVP. Deal with game stuff in game, and out of game stuff out of game. DM probably should have rejected him from the start, but once Cousin was in the game as a player, DM decided to uphold fairness, and just apply RAW (house-rules notwithstanding), and to apply strict scrutiny to his actions until he hosed up. Cousin was actually in a lot of arguments with DM over IM, trying to rules lawyer/ shortcut/ cheat himself more effective than he was, but DM shut that down. If he hadn't been family of an established player, he'd have been out the door many time over. Yawgmoth posted:This is so goddamned amazing it almost makes it worth it, but seriously if I had a player say "I wanna pvp like a shithead" I would just say "absolutely not, also, sorry guy but your cousin can't play. Tell your relative I've banned him from playing. They can blame me." So would I, and I'm certain Paladin would have, but I'm not as averse about non game/rules-related arguments/ ill will as DM was. Dr. Jamming fucked around with this message at 00:18 on Nov 15, 2013 |
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Nov 14, 2013 23:29
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Dr. Jamming posted:It seems like the only way he plays/ what he thinks RPGs are about I still don't understand this mentality (and I've been thinking about this throughout a day of server building). I mean, ultimately this whole thing is imaginary poo poo represented by stuff written down on a piece of paper. Player killing in an imaginary world that exists only within the context of a specific group of people, just to add to things written down on a piece of paper that will get thrown away after a month is up seems bizarre. Why not just sit at home and build a fiftieth level triple gestalt character with all the magical gear you could possibly fap over? Save yourself some time and grief, bub.
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Nov 14, 2013 23:47
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Agrikk posted:I still don't understand this mentality (and I've been thinking about this throughout a day of server building).
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Nov 15, 2013 00:30
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I've seen people turn down the offer of joining a game because they weren't interested in role-playing and preferred games where they could just flat out min-max and abuse their system mastery.
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Nov 15, 2013 00:59
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He's a PvPer. You see them in MMO circles more often, I think, but the general vibe seems to be that it's not enough to 'win' enjoyment, someone else has to lose. The types who call any game without forced open-world PvP carebear bullshit. Gunslinger should introduce Cousin to Eve.
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Nov 15, 2013 01:41
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Eve wouldn't work, it's really a game about screwing people over in groups. Unless you have a bunch of dudes you can trust and rely on, and who trust they can rely on you, you're going to get nowhere. Eve mindset players probably would have killed the guy the first time he refused to explain his entire character background in meticulous detail.
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Nov 15, 2013 01:53
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That's the point. Throw him in a big pond, make him realize he's a small fish.
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Nov 15, 2013 02:12
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He's not a PvP'er. A PvP'er plays Starcraft or something and has fun fighting/winning. He's a fun vampire who steals enjoyment from others. Content: My Black Crusade group has sort-of managed to stay unnoticed by the authorities and thus temporarily free to make allies with the subjects of local ghost stories in preparation for their uprisins. One thing they haven't managed to disguise is the fact that they're troublemakers from out of town so when they went to visit the ruins of a prior, Chaos worshipping civilization that got bombed when the Imperium arrived to colonize the world, they got locked into a ruined tower by a pair of enforcer deputies looking for defenseless extortion victims. The deputies talk menacingly of police brutality and unlawful detainment and most of the party is halfway through submitting and confessing before one of the Psykers realizes that they are being mistaken for easy marks and says: "There's two of them, there's four of us, they have batons, we have chainswords and to top it off they just told us that nobody knows they're here so why exactly are we surrendering to these clowns again?" Followed by a stunned silence from the rest of the party. Eventually the Heretek asks me, very cautiously: "can we try to fight them?". I say that they can and the Psyker blasts the first deputy through the locked door and across half the courtyard with a 01 from his Mind Over Matter while the Heretek carves the other into a camp-fire made out of gibs with his power sword+axe before the other two party members even get to their turn. The other Psyker then says "thought for a minute there that we had to start planning a prison break, good call, Psyker 1". Then the Heretek comes up with "Any volunteers for rerolling Apostate? I think we just got our social encounter asses kicked by the window dressing" I'm a bit worried as to how they'll fare against the Tzeentchian demons they're trying to contact .
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Nov 15, 2013 02:51
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Dr. Jamming posted:
I gotta be honest, the cousin may be the cat-piss but this DM seems pretty bad, what with the rapist NPCs and the being complicit in secret PVP crap and whatnot.
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Nov 15, 2013 03:12
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