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Trivial Fursuit posted:The first time my (four years old) son saw me in contacts, he looked at me for a long time, before saying "daddy, you're not wearing your glasses... have you LOST them?!" in a very accusatory voice. Kids get very sassy when you lose something. I broke my phone once by dropping it and my niece said "well, sounds like she should have been paying more attention". When my sister dropped her phone in the toilet her daughter ran around telling everyone, "mommy pooped her phone".
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Dec 23, 2013 21:11
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omnibobb posted:Was it to the tune of what does the fox say? Yep it was 
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Dec 23, 2013 21:20
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My 8-year-old figured out a while back that Santa Claus isn't real, because magic isn't real. So he came to the logical conclusion that the presents in the stockings must be left there by guys dressed in Santa costumes, just like the mall Santa. I haven't yet been willing to disabuse him of the idea that random dudes in Santa outfits break into our house every Christmas and leave him presents. My 6-year-old, who is on the autism spectrum and learned to read at 2, but struggles with social skills, once came home from school with a note saying that he had called another student a bad word. The teacher had referenced the word as "B _ _ _ _." My kid couldn't understand why the teacher had left the letters blank, so he had helpfully filled in "B-I-T-C-H" for me.
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Dec 24, 2013 06:18
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My 5 and a half year old nephew used to blame the bad things he did on his brain. As in, "My brain told me to hit that kid" and "I want to be good but my brain tells me to be naughty". My sister finally snapped and told him that he IS his brain and his brain is him. And he looked at her like she was crazy. I told her that we are going to feel like total shits if we find out some day that he's schizophrenic and has been hearing voices this entire time.
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Dec 24, 2013 06:24
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Shath Hole posted:Yep it was I was going to ask the same thing and am now in tears in the office from laughing. Everyone I work with hates that song worse than poison, but because the students know all the words and they're in English, we're compelled to keep playing the loving thing. detectivemonkey posted:Are there enough ESL goons to make a separate thread? I have a few things that are less poo poo kids say (because they're adults) and more funny/insanely observant things ESL students say. There are a lot. Like, most of the Asia-specific threads in T&T have a majority of ESL teachers as posters, I think. Also, not mine, but a friend's facebook status: ME: What do you get in your stocking if you're bad? STUDENT: A Justin Bieber
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Dec 24, 2013 07:39
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detectivemonkey posted:Are there enough ESL goons to make a separate thread? I have a few things that are less poo poo kids say (because they're adults) and more funny/insanely observant things ESL students say. A couple threads like this have gotten goldmined over the years, please make a new one.
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Dec 24, 2013 08:44
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AATREK CURES KIDS posted:A couple threads like this have gotten goldmined over the years, please make a new one. Okay. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3597154 I'll be posting in there from now on.
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Dec 24, 2013 09:54
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bringmyfishback posted:I was going to ask the same thing and am now in tears in the office from laughing. Sorry, I should have probably came out with that bit of info in my original post. I hate that song as well, but her version brought a new level of appreciation for it
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Dec 24, 2013 15:47
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My little nephew just said that Dale from Rescue Rangers is not a chipmunk, he's a dalemunk 
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Dec 24, 2013 17:44
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bringmyfishback posted:There are a lot. Like, most of the Asia-specific threads in T&T have a majority of ESL teachers as posters, I think. It really does sound like it would make for an interesting thread. I don't even speak English, but I've always been interested in this sort of thing. e: should have scrolled down before replying
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Dec 24, 2013 18:25
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Lipumira posted:My 5 and a half year old nephew used to blame the bad things he did on his brain. As in, "My brain told me to hit that kid" and "I want to be good but my brain tells me to be naughty". My sister finally snapped and told him that he IS his brain and his brain is him. And he looked at her like she was crazy. My 5.5 year old does this too, and I have told him the same thing. He is his brain. I have gotten a "hmph" in response.
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Dec 24, 2013 21:03
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This conversation with my 9 year old boy happened the other day: Cannon: "Hey dad, when you were my age, did you just have Angry Birds Star Wars episode 1?" Me: "Pfft Angry Birds didn't even exist when I was little. . .unless you count some barn swallows if you were around their nests. We didn't even have computers at home or computer games like that" Cannon: "Oh. Well, at least you still had TV right?" Me: "Yep. Guess how many channels we had" Cannon: "Hmmm. . .about 200?" Me: "Nope we only had FIVE!" Cannon: "Whoa, what?!" Me: "Yep" Cannon: ". . .and you STILL liked your childhood?!?
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Dec 24, 2013 21:05
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AlistairCookie posted:My 5.5 year old does this too, and I have told him the same thing. He is his brain. I have gotten a "hmph" in response. This is actually interesting, because I started making that distinction when I was that age. It was sort of how I conceptualized my impulsive/bad thoughts, like when you're standing at the top of a cliff and you sort of want to jump but you really don't want to, but that thought is there just because of morbid curiosity or something? I think it shows great self-awareness and it's a good thing that he's trying to "other" the bad thoughts, like, I'm not having those bad thoughts, they're just something happening to me.
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Dec 24, 2013 21:34
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When my nephew was 8, he told his grandfather during tantrum; "You may go to church, but you're still going to hell."
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Dec 24, 2013 21:55
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Phlegmish posted:It really does sound like it would make for an interesting thread. I don't even speak English, but I've always been interested in this sort of thing. What? You type well enough that most people would assume it was your first language. Do you have trouble making the sounds of it or do you not associate the text with spoken word?
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Dec 24, 2013 23:06
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it's totally possible to write in a language and not speak it.
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Dec 25, 2013 00:34
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Pile of Kittens posted:This is actually interesting, because I started making that distinction when I was that age. It was sort of how I conceptualized my impulsive/bad thoughts, like when you're standing at the top of a cliff and you sort of want to jump but you really don't want to, but that thought is there just because of morbid curiosity or something? I think it shows great self-awareness and it's a good thing that he's trying to "other" the bad thoughts, like, I'm not having those bad thoughts, they're just something happening to me. Interesting.. I will have to see how he grows out of/through it. I don't remember having that same thought development.
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Dec 25, 2013 06:20
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Shath Hole posted:Yep it was My 3 year old nephew's daycare has been teaching the kids that song, apparently. I guess for the animal sounds? Anyway, he slurs the X and S sound together so he'll randomly yell out, usually in public, "WHAT THE gently caress SAY?!"
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Dec 26, 2013 00:44
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On vacation in Mexico, swimming in the hotel's pool. A family with very strong Texan accents shows up at the pool, children in tow. At some point, one of the kids tries to get out of the pool, at which point another kid screams "Border Patrol!" and shoves him back in. They get started so young... There's another kid here who has been trying to enlist his cousins in saving the planet. "There is only one tree left on the entire world, and we need it. That's sad. The good thing is we have more sunlight and water than any one tree needs. Let's get to work!" So far he has no takers.
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Dec 26, 2013 23:58
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While at a crowded restaurant showing soccer on TV:  Who's playing? : It looks like British teams. I HATE BRITISH PEOPLE! What? Why? THEY TRIED TO TAKE OUR FREEDOM AND FOUGHT A WAR WITH US!It's fun when a person is really smart and pays attention in school and doesn't really have a gasp of timeframes.
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Dec 27, 2013 06:20
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detectivemonkey posted:While at a crowded restaurant showing soccer on TV: In England we got that a lot too except we hate Germans because of WW2.
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Dec 28, 2013 11:55
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Every time I poop (like right now!), I sing "what does my poop say? Plop plop plop plop pa plop"
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Dec 28, 2013 15:43
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Mom loves to tell the story of when I was trying to wrestle a pillow from my uncle when I was around 3 years old. He asked me "What are you going to do when you get it?" My reply?  "I don't think I'm going to get it."
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Dec 28, 2013 18:21
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Earlier this week, from my 5-year-old son: "Daddy, your car is as clean as a butt!" I am unsure if this is an insult or a compliment. Also from my son: "I don't believe in Santa anymore" "Oh no, why's that?" "Because then I can be naughty and still get presents" Kid's got it figured out. Although he woke me up Christmas morning screaming about how Santa came, so he must still be a believer after all.
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Dec 28, 2013 19:31
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It came from imgur: (I don't care if it's stdh.txt or not, it sounds about right to me.)
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Dec 29, 2013 08:35
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When my baby brother was in kindergarten (2012) , I was helping him with his homework. There was a picture of a nurse and I was trying to encourage him to think of the word. I got the idea to ask him, "C'mon, who else do you see in the hospital??" His response? "Grandpa!"  Grandpa passed away in 2011 in a nursing home which is where my brother last saw him. 
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Dec 31, 2013 23:00
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The other day, my kid found some dog pee with his foot. He freaked out about it being yucky and I cleaned him off. The next day he went to get his chair for his little table and started freaking out about stepping in pee again. I went over and looked and there was no pee so I showed him there was no pee and he was freaking out over nothing. He looks at the floor and then back at me and says "it was ghost pee daddy!"
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Jan 2, 2014 19:36
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A couple of months ago I was out talking with some clients at their home. They had a son around 3 or 4 that was basically doing kid stuff and asking "Mister" all kinds of questions and being told to let the grown ups talk etc. Suddenly an airplane comes flying over and the kid gets really excited about it and talking about the big plane and how all the people were going somewhere. I said "yup that sure is a big plane! I wonder where its going?" Without missing a beat the kid says, "To the airport." Well yes, I guess it is. Kid 1, Me 0
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Jan 2, 2014 20:07
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My sister-in-law was playing with her son (my nephew who is 3) at the new years party we had. They were playing hide and seek and after giving him time to hide himself, she walked around saying "hmmmm I wonder where Ryan is...." "Is he....HERE?!" (we could hear giggling in the other room) "nope.... (she moved a little closer)is he.....HERE!!(giggling nearby) ...hmmmm Now where did Ryan go?" At which point he came out into the middle of the room saying "Here I am mommy! Right here!" She had to explain that's not how you're supposed to hide.
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Jan 3, 2014 17:06
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I'm looking after my five year old nephew while his mother, my sister in law, gives birth to her second child. I asked him "what are you going to say when you meet your new baby brother?" He replies "eBay" We then go shopping and he whispers to me "I'm the first Jew born since Jesus" He then asks my wife "why is that man wearing a wizards cloak?!" In reference to a man in Islamic robes. The kid is pure comedy gold.
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Jan 3, 2014 17:54
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Over the holidays: Eldest niece (7): I want a soda! My Mom: Well, I want a million dollars. Youngest niece (5): My daddy wants to kill you.  Youngest niece: Mommy! Why did the bull cross the road? Sister-in-law: To get to the other side? Youngest niece: Um... no. It was... to... to say moo to all the people in their cars! 
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Jan 3, 2014 21:30
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My favourite non sequitur kid joke (coutesy of The Sneeze) is forever this: What did the meatball say to the spoon? GIVE ME BACK MY FACE!
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Jan 4, 2014 23:11
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My youngest brother had an amazing selection of kidtalk when he was a toddler. When he wanted to take a poo poo he would say he wanted to "make a chicken". Caused some misunderstandings during arts-and-crafts sessions around eastertime. When asked where he wanted to go for the day, he would say "wahkee". No one knew what a wahkee was. Eventually my parents discovered that a wahkee was the automatic barrier in multistorey car parks.  For a while he called butter "cootikah". You just don't question it at that point. Then again by all accounts I had a few good ones when I was tiny. I called squirrels "doosh", ladybirds "beewish", swings "deedee". Helicopters were "agahgah". The ice cream truck became "ice cream man cream van". (first brother had that better: ice cream trucks were "IGGY!") Apparently once when I was around three I heard a flood warning siren and started talking about aeroplanes and bombs and going underground, but who knows how true that one is. I work with toddlers and was playing in a sandpit with one, there were a bunch of plastic plates and cups and other eating utensils lying around, so when she handed me a plate of sand I enthusiastically pretended to chow the gently caress down, as you do. Then I said, "Yummy! What is it?" "Sand  "
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Jan 6, 2014 22:22
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The other day we got our first heavy snowfall of the year. My son and I just got in the car from where we were shopping and as I was pulling out he said "Daddy, my mouth is sick." "What do you mean your mouth is sick?" I asked. "I ate dirty shoe snow." 
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Jan 6, 2014 22:26
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One of the (few) great things about getting older is that you get two part poo poo Kids Say stories. When I was young, my cousin couldn't pronounce 'L' sounds - not that uncommon. He also wanted 'Rincoln Rogs' in a bad way. My aunt says that our grandmother (her mother) bribed him. "I tell you what, when you can say 'Lincoln Logs' to me, we'll go right out and get some, okay?" So my cousin practiced and practiced, and when the whole family got together, he was SO EXCITED!  GRAMMA, GRAMMA! What? What? LLLLLLLLLLLLINCOLN LLLLLLLLLOGS!She took him to the store ON THE SPOT. ....years pass, the story is told and retold the way Cute Family Stories are, and my cousin grows up and goes to Law School.... ....My cousin is about 26, and has flown in for Christmas for the first time in a few years. My cousin waits until everyone's sitting around the dinner table, and busts out with: HEY! GRAMMA, GRAMMA! What? What? LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLexus!
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Jan 7, 2014 00:12
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I had to share this here rather than in the ESL students thread (I just posted there and don't want to be THAT GUY posting constantly in my own thread). ME: "Who can name an endangered species?" STUDENT: "African babies!" ME: "Uh, that's not a species." STUDENT: "Yes, but they die a lot." My fifth graders are sensitive.
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Jan 7, 2014 08:27
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My 6-year-old is still having issues with potty training (again, autism) and my 8-year-old decided to try to offer him some helpful advice: Him: You know how you can tell when you need to pee? When your penis gets all STRAIGHT. Me: Uh, yeah. That happens to boys sometimes. Him: No, Mommy. It happens ALL THE TIME. Uh, thanks for that information, kid.
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Jan 8, 2014 06:33
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pookel posted:My 6-year-old is still having issues with potty training (again, autism) and my 8-year-old decided to try to offer him some helpful advice: This is correct.
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Jan 8, 2014 08:58
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Playing with my friend's 3 year old over the holidays: "You'll never catch me, I'm a flying monster truck!" [I pick up his Godzilla toy] Well what if I send Godzilla after you? "Godzilla can't fly! He can't catch me!" [I pick up his Batman toy] Well what if I send Batman after you? "No way, I'm the KING of Batman!" The King of Batman lets me play with his toys. Eat it, losers. 
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Jan 8, 2014 09:11
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| # ? Apr 30, 2024 04:41 |
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My three year old after grocery shopping with his dad. "Ugh papa, I can't wait to get home. I have to relax in my room". My friend's four year old: mama, are trolls real? no, they are just pretend oh. Ok. Are witches real? no, witches aren't real either. ok. How about foxes? Do they really exist? Well, yes. Yes, they do actually.Another one: my kids got a play kitchen for christmas. My three year old was busy preparing me a "meal". He handed me a bowl. Thanks, buddy. What is it? it's porridge! mmm, that's delicious! and the meat from a rabbit. And a frog.
bilabial trill has a new favorite as of 14:10 on Jan 8, 2014 |
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Jan 8, 2014 14:03
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