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Malloreon posted:How do you guys plot out your stories? Plan everything out before you start, or just play it by ear? Intuition and escalation, mostly. If you go with a character-driven story (and not a character-type driven story), the characters you write, they'll push things along nicely. After that, if you work toward the worst thing that can happen, you get the escalation that keeps the story interesting. Edit: If you're trying to write a short story for a lit mag, though, it's a different beast. In my experience, those kinds of editors care more about how you say what you say than what you have to say in the first place--they seem to look for second/third-draft poo poo like lyricism and symbolism and voice more than story and character. And don't get me wrong--those things are important; they're the shingles on your house--but depending on what you want to do with the things you write, you have to keep your potential audience in mind and focus on one thing over another. Asbury fucked around with this message at 01:30 on Feb 4, 2014 |
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Feb 3, 2014 22:31
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So uh, I've got this thing I've been working on. It's the first draft of the first part of the first chapter. First. Anyway, it's 1930 words and there are about 10k more where more characters are introduced. It's a mystery set in the future and I just wanted someone else to read it to see what they thought? --- Part One: One Nine Three She swirled the drink around in her mouth and winced when she finally swallowed the vodka. She wasn't accustomed to the cheap stuff, but there was some saying about ports in a storm. Not that she could complain- she had chosen the meeting point after all. A gust of air tinged with the smell of exhaust fumes and ozone blew into the bar along with the new arrival, and she tensed. Not him. She pulled out her phone to check the time, the paper thin opaque plastic told her that he was late. Again. She told the bar's net to order another drink- vodka, or what passed for it in the Port District, straight up. She normally held herself to just one, but these meetings were starting to take their toll. The dingy polyplas windows rattled with the takeoff of another freighter, masking the sound of the opening door. She sensed rather than saw a shadow fall over the table. "You really know how to keep a girl waiting." The shadow materialized into Damian Manfred's skinny, almost emaciated form as he flopped into the booth with a huff. "I was being followed, I had to be careful." The bartender arrived and replaced her drink, motioning at Manfred. He held up a finger. "Whatever she's got, thanks." She waited for the bartender to leave before replying, "You're being followed, I'm being followed. ‘We can't meet tonight, it's not safe'- Damian, this is the third meeting we've had, and I've still got nothing." She placed her hand atop his. It was shaking. "When are we going to get to it?" She gave him a concerned look and rubbed his fingers delicately. He shuddered softly and waited for the bartender to deposit his drink and leave. "Oh Julie..." It was dirty pool to string this guy along, but if he had the information he claimed, she wasn't above playing the game. A touch, and a little be-still-my-heart went a long way. The guy was just lonely and scared, and it's not like she wanted to beat it out of him, although if he kept loving around she just might. It wouldn't be the first time Juliette Fahria had to get rough. Manfred pulled a small black tube out of his jacket pocket and took a hit of mild sedatives. His eyes momentary glazed over and his hands stopped shaking. Over the course of her week and half in the city, he'd been using it more and more during these meetings. "Damian, sweetie, calm down." she cooed. "Just talk to me, okay?" He stared at her and eventually smiled. He swallowed the drink in one gulp and- whether it was the vodka, the sedatives, or both- seemed to level out. "The last time we met, you were telling me about this project that my grandfather was working on." "Yeah... Yeah okay so I told you what I do for YML, right?" "I'm not sure I understand it, but something to do with ships and engines?" she lied. "Yeah, I'm on the procurement team for this project, and money is just disappearing right?" His eyes looked past her into a faraway place. The words flowed out of him like a fire hose. "So the materials the engineers are ordering just don't make any sense. There's the normal stuff like ductwork, coolant, stuff like that- but we're spending huge amounts of money ordering classified goods from the UNC." he waved his hands, vaguely motioning to the sky. "I mean, we're running 5 ships a day to and from The Maze- big ones too, Panama class freighters." his eyes became unfocused again and he trailed off. "How much money are we talking?" she asked. "Huh? Oh... billions. I mean, the size of the purchase orders are obscene. Three weeks ago, I cut an order for $3 billion credit's worth of something." Juliette squinted at him. "Something? You don't know what you're ordering?" "That's what I'm trying to tell you, it's classified." "Well, what does it list on the manifest? BOL? Come on, you can't just have blank paperwork." she said incredulously. She knew first hand that the quickest way to seeing the inside of a customs inspection station was incorrect paperwork. He was getting more agitated with every word. "You keep focusing on this... this little poo poo!" He let short, ragged breaths out of his flaring nostrils. In her previous meetings with Manfred, she had never seen him get angry, much less swear. He must be hitting harder drugs than she thought. She backed off a little- holding her hands up in surrender. "Okay. Okayyyy... I'm sorry. Please go on." she took his hand again and interlaced her fingers with his. "I started looking through the files in my off time at home. I-I-I don't have much going on, you know? So I started looking and I've only been on this project for 8 months, but it goes back years." "You never mentioned the specifics- just that it has something to do with engines." Juliette said. He nodded, "Yeah, engines, but that's it. They keep the other working groups compartmentalized." she felt his hand flex in hers, subconsciously counting. "I'm in Charlie. I've got some other friends in Alpha and India group. But there must be more because of the letters right? ABC? So there has to at least be nine groups." she was losing him again. She tried coaching him back on the rails. "Sure, sweetie; nine groups. What do they have to do with us?" he looked sheepishly at her, the signs of a blush creeping up his neck. "Well, all this money has been going down a hole, so I thought I would gather information, and turn it over to my boss." He smiled proudly, "I'm smarter than they think I am, you know. I managed to break into the project archives. There's not much there, but there are a bunch of names from way back in some corrupted files, some contractors from 15 years ago." Juliette nodded, urging him forward. For the first time, she felt that he was finally getting somewhere. "Yeah, so these names, one of them is Duke Fahria, A salvage specialist out of Florida." Her heart skipped a beat. Manfred leaned closer, closing the gap over the scarred, dirty table. "I did some research and found out that's your grandfather. I was really surprised to learn that Fahria Salvage is still around." he shrugged, "I called around, and they said you don't do any day to day stuff with the company anymore, but they gave me your Wave address." A piece of the puzzle snapped into place. Juliette said, "Which is why you called me and wanted to meet. You said that you had something profitable to talk about." Manfred nodded vigorously, pulled the tube out, and took another shot. A thin scent of cinnamon and chemicals wafted out of his mouth. "I figured since your grandfather worked on the project, you could tell me if you knew anything to help out. YML is a big company, and we could save them billions by blowing the lid off this thing." Juliette let a confused mumble croak out of her throat. "Damian- I don't know how good your data is, but my grandfather never had a con-" he looked as he had been sucker punched. "I thought you would want to get back at them." he said quietly. He paled at the thought that Juliette didn't want to work with him. "I mean, the accident and everything. I thought you wanted to get back at them." Juliette retracted her hand and spoke very slowly, and very clearly as to be understood. "Damian. Look at me." his eyes slowly rose to hers. Any pretense of affection between them evaporated. "Damian, my grandfather died when I was 14. In a boating accident in the South China Sea. On a dive with the company. His company... is this some idea of a sick joke?" he looked like she had just kicked his puppy. "N-no! Jules of course not! I-I-I would-- but the files! The One Ninety Three!" A cloud darkened her face. "gently caress the files. Is this what you do for fun? Screw with people?" she spat. Manfred's bottom lip shook ever so slightly, and his voice quavered, "Julie, I swear to you that-" He was interrupted by a soft trilling coming from his pocket. He pulled out his phone, looked at the info, and mouthed the word wait. He tapped a point just below his ear, taking the call on his SubAural. "Th-" he cleared his throat, "This is Damian Manfred... yes... now? ... Yeah, but... Oka- ... Okay! Yes, I'll be there." he tapped the spot below his ear again. "That was my office- there's a last minute department head meeting and I've got to go... Jules-" he looked apologetically at her. She was always going to crush him. It was inevitable; she played at false feelings trying to coax information out of him, but the look on his face was more than she bargained for. Juliette kept her face an unflinching mask of... It wasn't anger but... pity. She pitied the poor, confused, engineer that concocted this whole story. It turned out to be a miasma of loneliness, drugs, and too many James Bond neurodramas that led her here, and she played into the fantasy for the potential profit. She steeled her ice blue eyes. "Go Damian. Now. Don't call me. Don't write me- just go." "But Jules." he whispered. After a moment of thick silence, he stood up, buttoned his jacket, and walked out of the bar with one long, sad look back at her. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and groaned. Her drink, untouched until now, was warm and cloying as she swallowed it. She was in the middle of sending a message to her nearby hotel to check out and send her bags to the airport when a muffled boom thundered in the distance, rattling the walls. Glasses suspended above the bar tinkled together and the lights flashed momentarily. Another freighter lifting off, but... she paused, waiting for the telltale whump of the ship ripping past the sound barrier, but there was only the rising sound of voices outside the bar. She pocketed the phone and dashed toward the door. Pulling it open, she was met with the panicked shouting of a hundred voices. Outstretched arms of passers-by pointed skyward. Hanging in the sky was the freighter that had just lifted off, a trail of black smoke wrongly arching downward toward the earth. The behemoth was horizontal and descending at an impossible rate. The synapses in her brain fired and tried desperately to get her legs to engage, but the spectacle held her firmly planted in front of the bar. It's funny what the brain remembers in times of crisis. Juliette stood watching 200 yards of metal and fire screaming to the ground and could only think of how it sounded like a bomb increasing in pitch as it whistled to its target. The ship disappeared from view behind the tall apartments of the waterfront; the explosion delayed a half second or more from the distance. A geyser of water and burning debris cascaded down on the buildings around her. Finally, her legs responded and she allowed herself to be swept away by the stampeding crowd; a cloud of super heated steam chasing her out of the hell that had opened up and threatened to swallow the world whole. ---- I don't have any experience writing fiction. Thanks for your help.
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Feb 3, 2014 22:39
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General Battuta posted:If any of you are planning to vote I want to encourage you to check out Benjanun Sriduangkaew and Brooke Bolander. I'd also encourage you to look at me, but my first pub was December 29 2011 so I'm ineligible by three days. Bless.  You'd have MY vote, if not for the three days thing.  I feel a little, how to put it, motherfucking strongly about making sure to vote on the Campbell Award, after missing the ballot by three votes last year. That's the sort of poo poo you chew on like a big ol' pair of wax lips until it's a wad of colourless, flavourless mush gumming up your teeth. "TOP OF THE LONGLIST!!!" is great and all, except when it isn't. Pick a handful of people out of that anthology that you like and make your say. It really does make a difference.
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Feb 5, 2014 18:39
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Malloreon posted:How do you guys plot out your stories? Plan everything out before you start, or just play it by ear? Erogenous Beef posted:(Character) wants (a thing). (Character) cannot have (a thing) because of (a reason - preferably a character trait or flaw). Ultimately, (character) (does/does not) get (a thing), because (character) grappled with (reason/trait/flaw) and (made a choice/decision) which led to (victory/downfall).
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Feb 5, 2014 20:21
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quote:Let’s talk inspiration… From the ever awesome Robert Brockway.
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Feb 6, 2014 23:09
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sebmojo posted:From the ever awesome Robert Brockway. I am printing this out and sticking it on my wall.
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Feb 6, 2014 23:45
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I have this idea that if you can't "just sit down and write" then you may not be a writer.
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Feb 7, 2014 00:16
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Martello posted:I have this idea that if you can't "just sit down and write" then you may not be a writer. I disagree with this, because I find it hard to just sit down and write :P That said, sitting down and writing is a skill you can build with practice. Start by sitting down with a pen in your hand and staring at a piece of paper for 30 minutes.
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Feb 7, 2014 03:22
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And get a calendar you can X each day you write. Since I started doing that two weeks ago, I've grown from writing most days for 45min-1hour to every day sometimes over 2.
blue squares fucked around with this message at 16:36 on Feb 7, 2014 |
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Feb 7, 2014 04:56
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Martello posted:I have this idea that if you can't "just sit down and write" then you may not be a writer. I suggest that not being able to just sit down and write is a problem more commonly had by writers than by any other group of people.
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Feb 7, 2014 11:37
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Eh, I'm sick and tired of those polemics that go ''if you can't poo poo out 10k words a day you're not a writer.'' Not everyone works the same way. Writing a lot is important to get better, but it's been proven again and again that a hobo can come out of nowhere and write a first novel that will blow people's minds. You're probably not that guy, but nobody should be knocking you down because you can only crank out 5k words a month or 5k words a week.
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Feb 7, 2014 12:27
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blue squares posted:And get a calendar you can X each day you write. Since I started doing that two weeks ago, I've grown from writing most days for 45min-1hour to sometimes over 2. I also like giving myself little gold stars. I'm serious.
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Feb 7, 2014 16:11
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Dr. Kloctopussy posted:I disagree with this, because I find it hard to just sit down and write :P I'm self taught. I started out with a few lessons from my dad. I never practiced, but did a ton of research: listening to records, reading guitar magazines, talking to musicians, drawing band logos. And not playing guitar. When I finally learned a few songs, I'd play for 15 minutes and then give up because it wasn't easy. But I'd still imagine I could be Hendrix one day; he just made it sound so easy. Writing Analogy: All those times I started to write the greatest Steven King horror story in the world, then stopped because it wasn't as easy as it looked. It wasn't until I kept a guitar by my bed, (and the sofa, and the toilet, and in my car), that I started noodling every spare minute I had. Not practicing, just making noise. I built up callouses that made it easier to play longer, I built up muscle memory so I didn't have to spend every second staring at my fingers. I started to hear how notes and chords related to each other, and get an idea of how it all worked together. Sure lessons could've done that in 3 months, but I chose to blow 3 years at it instead. Writing Analogy: Write for 30 minutes every day about anything: the lady you passed on the elevator, or the first memory you have, or your car. Anything. ANYTHING.I still don't do this. At some point it all clicked, and I could play what I heard in my head. I wrote songs on a 4-track. One out of 10 wasn't godawful. The songs sounded a lot like my idols because that's all I ever listened to. Writing Analogy: I started writing and completing stories. I wrote a 50k-word manuscript, and I posted stories in ThunderDome. Horror was easiest to write and didn't get as crucified in the 'Dome, probably because that's all I ever read. Today, I play guitar every day, every spare minute, even when I'd rather be writing. I love my stupid guitars and my lovely songs. At some point, playing guitar went from a thing I did to a thing I can't stop doing long enough to learn another craft. Writing Analogy: Write 3K words a day because I can't imagine not doing it. magnificent7 fucked around with this message at 17:04 on Feb 7, 2014 |
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Feb 7, 2014 17:01
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Dr. Kloctopussy posted:I disagree with this, because I find it hard to just sit down and write :P Point proven.  For real though, this is true: Dr. Kloctopussy posted:That said, sitting down and writing is a skill you can build with practice. Start by sitting down with a pen in your hand and staring at a piece of paper for 30 minutes. And for ravenkult and anyone else getting butthurt, I was half joking. I go through stretches where I don't write anything either, though that's usually because I'm too busy with other stuff. But there are times where I sit down, look at the screen, and nothing comes. I know we all write differently, I've said as much in this thread more than once. What I mean is, if you have to use all these systems and psych yourself up and read books and buy Scrivener and blah de blah blah, you may not be cut out for it.
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Feb 7, 2014 18:21
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i hope what does and does not constitute a writer takes up three pages of internet arguing. hey, at least we're getting words down 
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Feb 7, 2014 19:35
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^^^^^ lol Crabrock :/Martello posted:Point proven. If those systems work, then I don't see the problem. You don't have to write everything in notepad or on napkins to be a "real" writer. You don't have to avoid everything that will make your life easier or give you added motivation in the name of "just doing it." I have to psyche myself up to do a lot of things, but I do them. I don't discount them because it took effort to get going. It took me like a year to psyche myself up to climb Kilimanjaro, but I still climbed that drat mountain. If writing makes you miserable, you're probably doing something wrong, but that doesn't mean the only answer is to throw up your hands and give up. The idea that only certain people "are" writers, and that writing comes easy to "real" writers is pretty silly in my opinion. And unnecessarily discouraging. Writing is a skill, not only the mechanics of writing well, but actually figuring out how to get your butt in the chair/words on the page. That part might come easier for some people, but those aren't the only people who can or should write. I do think that too many people are looking for a magic bullet--something they can buy (Scrivener! Fountain Pens!) or some trick to make butt-in-chair/words-on-page effortless. It's better to just start making the effort. Lots and lots of effort. But trying different things isn't going to hurt anyone, as long as they don't lose sight of the fact that ultimately they have to write. That's the bottom line. I don't think it's useful to say "if x you're a writer," or "if y you're not a writer." Writing is something you do. Don't worry about your (or anyone's) identity as a writer; write stuff. Dr. Kloctopussy fucked around with this message at 19:42 on Feb 7, 2014 |
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Feb 7, 2014 19:40
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I'm not talking about identity. I'm saying, if writing is like pulling your own teeth maybe you should consider a different hobby. That's pretty much it.
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Feb 7, 2014 20:01
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Martello posted:I'm not talking about identity. I'm saying, if writing is like pulling your own teeth maybe you should consider a different hobby. That's pretty much it. Unless... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfOImc1tDmg
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Feb 7, 2014 20:02
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Feb 7, 2014 20:32
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I suspect it's a contentious work, but Steven Pressfield's The War Of Art did a lot for me. The thesis is fairly simple, as I read it: "Being a professional writer is no different from being a professional plumber: you turn up over and over again, and something will happen. The problem with 'art' is this weird exceptionalism which means that its practitioners set their sights too high, take everything personally, think it's about the fulfilment soul and just generally overromanticise the task until it becomes something nobody could ever match up to. If you get over all that and get on, things have to happen because they can't not." I like it. It feels simple. My favourite quotation: "the muse favours working stiffs."
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Feb 7, 2014 21:40
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I like Jack London's take on inspiration:quote:Jack London advises authors not to wait for inspiration but to "go after it with a club." Brave! It is not intended, of course, to lay violent hands on the Happy Idea or to knock it over with a bludgeon. Mr. London realizes that, nine times out of ten, Happy Ideas are drawn toward industry as iron filings toward a magnet. The real secret lies in making a start, even though it promises to get you nowhere, and inspiration will take care of itself. For myself, the hardest part is that first couple hundred words. After that you can psych yourself up thinking "this much more and I'll be that much closer to blah blah blah." I also start to feel really guilty/depressed/anxious if I don't write so there's that as a prime motivator too.
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Feb 7, 2014 21:55
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I write a lot and have a hectic schedule and was apparently born under the sign of Crazy Bullshit that Sucks All the Time and I have some thoughts about writing. A lot of this has come to me over the past couple months where I haven't been producing as much in terms of quality and quantity. The most important thing is to be flexible in your approach. If I need to stand on my head for 777 seconds while chanting a power mantra one day and then flagellate myself the next, I'll do it. If today I can ONLY write in a coffee shop with western facing windows that capture the last dying rays of the setting sun then I'll do it. If you're a laptop user or have an easy-to-move desktop, sometimes all you need to do is make your writing space different than your casual internetting space. There is one huge caveat to the above though, and it is....... Figure out when you are procrastinating! If I notice I've spent 20 minutes browsing Yelp looking for the perfect laptop friendly spot, I know that I need to just buckle down and work. If I know it's a day where I won't get much of a chance to sit down and write for a solid block of time, I try to leave my document open and work on it here and there throughout the day. This works best if you have a writing friendly job and use google docs or skydrive or another writing app. Finally, it's important to compartmentalize what I call 'ideas time'. I personally think it's great to play around with your story in your brain, where it can exist as pictures and feelings, basically distilled story essence. I do this ONLY when I am riding the bus/walking somewhere/otherwise in transition and physically unable to write. Basically, save your brainstorming for when you really really can't be writing. I find that when I do it that way, by the time I get to my computer I am bursting at the seams with words. Keep in mind I'm not published yet, so who knows if this is good advice. But I think of writing as like, a second significant other. What writing wants, I bend over backward to give it. I feel guilty when I don't write for a while, like I'm neglecting someone. So that is a strong impetus as well. YMMV
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Feb 8, 2014 00:02
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Sitting Here posted:A bunch of good advice, including: I would add to this: figure out WHY you are procrastinating. Chances are it's because you don't know what to write or you aren't that excited about the next thing you are about to write. That means you need to fix those problems. Pick up your pen (put your hands on your keyboard) and write down what you don't know. Write down what happens in your next scene and why you don't like it. Figure out what you need to know (keep writing/typing) or what needs to change to make the scene exciting. Now try writing again. You can also jump ahead and write that scene that is bursting out of your head and you are trying to hold it in because you aren't there yet. Or the witty line of dialogue that won't get out of your head. There's no rules about writing things in order.
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Feb 8, 2014 00:49
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Sitting Here posted:If you're a laptop user or have an easy-to-move desktop, sometimes all you need to do is make your writing space different than your casual internetting space.
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Feb 8, 2014 01:01
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Soulcleaver posted:I thought of getting one of these or something similar since I apparently don't have the willpower to avoid screwing around on the internet when I should be working on my novel. Has anyone here used a portable word processor before? Yeah! Get the Alphasmart Neo. It's super awesome. I don't use it as much anymore since I have an office, but it is nice to mix it up every once in a while. Battery lasts for ages and when you plug it into your computer it emulates the keyboard strokes. So it formats to whatever your document is set to, easy peasy. Edit: Here are some for a good price. http://www.ebay.com/itm/ALPHASMART-NEO-PORTABLE-WORD-PROCESSOR-/231143948963
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Feb 8, 2014 03:14
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That looks rad, thank you.
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Feb 8, 2014 03:28
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Your Dead Gay Son posted:Yeah! Get the Alphasmart Neo. It's super awesome. I don't use it as much anymore since I have an office, but it is nice to mix it up every once in a while. Chiming in with support for the Alphasmart; I used (and then bought) one in grade school because my hands hurt really quickly after writing manually (and were illegible because of shaky hands), and the Alphasmart was a godsend, one of the best investments my parents ever made into my education. I've been using the same one for nearly 8 years now, and it's fantastic.
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Feb 9, 2014 08:16
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Ghostwoods posted:Very true; in that instance, the omniscient narrator becomes your disembodied viewpoint character, and his/her/its personality will give the writing its tone. Trying to shift writing tone to each viewpoint in omniscient very quickly becomes an unreadable mess. Confessional narratives, where one narrator is 'telling' the story onto paper, work much the same way. My previous attempts at taking a stab at writing fiction have always utilized limited third person. It just seemed the right way about telling stories. I still like the form, and I have an ongoing project where I am using the third person narrative. However, inspiration (!) struck me not too long ago with a core idea for a story and a framework in which to tell it, and it has been incredibly successful in the sense that I am putting a lot of words on paper and things are happening. However, the narration is a first person confessional. I have no idea why that is how the story came out, but it is and I like it. That said, I would like to avoid the pitfalls of the form. What should I avoid, or at least be wary of, when using a first person confessional narrative?
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Feb 12, 2014 02:13
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Confessing feelings too much always turns me off. You can't really have the narrator tell us how they felt too much, or it gets whiny. Use selectivity of details, and colour the experience they're having, to clue us into how their feeling. Chuck Pahluniuk wrote a good piece about trying to cut out "he/she thought" and phrases like it, which helped me a lot.
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Feb 12, 2014 11:50
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Green Crayons posted:What should I avoid, or at least be wary of, when using a first person confessional narrative? Well, the big risk with the form is that it can become very dry, and therefore boring. The best way to avoid that is to make sure that your narrator has plenty of personality. Not so much that every sentence becomes drowned in his/her voice, but enough to provide some colour and charm to the piece. It also helps to slip from confession into third or first for conversations, action scenes, etc.
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Feb 12, 2014 13:46
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Read Lolita.
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Feb 12, 2014 15:05
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Sitting Here posted:Mr_Wolf Being called a Peep Show hack is my greatest moment in my short time in the Thunderdome. When you say " a bit borrowed" do you mean heavily influenced by something (Peep Show) or actually i'm a disgusting little coward who ripped the story from somewhere? If it's the former: then yes. If it's the latter: while i am a disgusting little coward, the story is my own. Thanks for the crit too.
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Feb 12, 2014 17:50
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Just got two offers from agents on my first novel and an interview at Bungie Studios for a writer position. To everyone mired in the loneliest, bleakest parts of writing, there is hope in this world 
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Feb 12, 2014 17:52
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congrats! That is super good news. I am jealous, and still hoping to publish literally anything. So many rejections
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Feb 12, 2014 18:16
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General Battuta posted:Just got two offers from agents on my first novel and an interview at Bungie Studios for a writer position. To everyone mired in the loneliest, bleakest parts of writing, there is hope in this world Congrats! That is fantastic!
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Feb 12, 2014 18:19
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Nice work General Battuta, that is very impressive.Mr_Wolf posted:Being called a Peep Show hack is my greatest moment in my short time in the Thunderdome. Yeah any comparison to Peep Show is high praise in my opinion. I especially like how its one of the few examples from television or film where you actually get inside the characters heads and see the difference between what they're saying or doing and what they're thinking. Normally that's very hard to find outside of fiction. I actually looked up and read your story after reading that this critique and while it was a little rough around the edges it was a fun read. Congratulations.
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Feb 12, 2014 19:10
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Mr_Wolf posted:Being called a Peep Show hack is my greatest moment in my short time in the Thunderdome. As far as I know you didn't directly lift any plot, It was just the narrator's inner monologue, and then when your narrator tries to kiss his date with the ashes of a dead woman in his pocket. I guess I'll say that it felt "inspired", but I wouldn't call you a hack. Even if you had lifted content from the show, you apparently have decent enough observation skills to figure out which bits are entertaining. I wasn't bored reading this, is the important thing, regardless of its origins. Work on having more variation in your sentences, less "I did this. I did that." Read about commas and poo poo. You could do worse for examples of character-driven story than Peep Show, though. afterthought edit: There are problems with it too though, in that no one should realistically want be around the two main characters; TV shows can get away with a little more in terms of implausibility because they have to go on for a season or more. That's been my AM ramble, time to find some coffee... Sitting Here fucked around with this message at 19:41 on Feb 12, 2014 |
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Feb 12, 2014 19:24
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Helsing posted:Nice work General Battuta, that is very impressive. I thought this was a nice piece too, btw; hit the want/can't have/why do we care trifecta very precisely.
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Feb 12, 2014 19:41
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I'm glad you liked it. I know my basic writing is very sloppy. I'm trying hard to rectify that by reading as much as i can. Thunderdome is definitely helping too i think.
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Feb 12, 2014 21:53
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If I can be forgiven for plugging myself, I'd really appreciate feedback on a story I just posted. Its an updated version of one of my thunderdome entry's and I got some great feedback on it from some of this thread's regulars, so it'd be especially cool if someone who has read the old draft wanted to comment on it now that I've hopefully integrated some of the suggestions that were made.
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Feb 13, 2014 00:02
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