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Tyrannosaurus posted:What are the odds Benny didn't actually work on that campaign? One day Benny wandered in with a shopping cart, and no one had the heart to tell him to go away.
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Mar 15, 2014 02:15
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I'm not allowed to post the word "lol," but I've clicked on this thread 3x today, and each time I've gotten a full belly chuckle. Oh my god. Benny, I behaved exactly like you are behaving now, except it was 5 years ago I was 16, and there was meth involved. You HAVE to be doing drugs to be this bad a liar. Turtlicious fucked around with this message at 03:31 on Mar 15, 2014 |
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Mar 15, 2014 03:27
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When I last checked this thread several months ago, I was sure it would just sputter and die. But holy poo poo, it keeps on giving. I've been having a lovely couple of weeks, but y'all have cheered me up somewhat. Benny, keep writing. It's clear that you don't have it in you to spend 8 hours a day looking for jobs, so in that non-job-hunting chunk, it's much better to be working on writing than whatever else it is that you do. You may not be able to monetize your creative fiction anytime soon, but improving one's writing is a good idea for anyone trying to become any sort of professional; even getting into the habit of writing clear and succinct emails is pretty useful and can make you stand out a little. Many jobs also have writing as a side component, especially office assistant jobs and such. In any case, your Thunderdome entries provide entertainment to a lot of people, so think of it as a handwritten thank you note to the thread for trying (past the point of reason) to help you over the last year. And if you ever get really good at it, you can point at your earlier stuff and be the best damned motivational speaker for aspiring writers anywhere.
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Mar 15, 2014 04:08
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This thread hit over 1000 new posts so I decided to check out the last few pages. Holy poo poo, I didn't expect him to still not have a job, plus still be lying about stupid little things or not writing, his apparent life passion. I've always thought I was never good enough to make a living off my art but it turns out if you work hard, network, and keep working even if you feel like you'll never make it you will. Now I can afford to build a nice new computer after all my bills are paid. I mean, sure, I could understand not wanting a retail job and hating the minimum wage stuff but cmon. You can make enough to live off and eventually work your way up to being able to afford your own apartment.
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Mar 15, 2014 04:23
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Benny, are you still taking your brain drugs? Because you need to be taking your brain drugs and regularly working with a therapist or this will NEVER get better. Seriously.
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Mar 15, 2014 04:44
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Benny the Snake posted:
This seemed applicable to recent events.
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Mar 15, 2014 04:54
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Ahahaha, you emailed your professors to help you in an internet forum competition? Oh my God.
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Mar 15, 2014 05:01
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My favorite part of this thread is Benny saying he's not a habitual liar because he 'knows when to lie" and now saying he's a habitual liar who doesn't know when to lie. This thread is gold. I can't wait until Benny tells us his fight with his parents wasn't as bad as it seemed, that he was watching anime porn instead of Chicago fire, that his mom politely asked him to stop and never yelled, and that 'oh, my mom brushed past my brother in the hallway, never hit him!' This story has more plot holes than the poo poo you submit to Thunderdome, Benny.
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Mar 15, 2014 06:30
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OMG JC a Bomb! posted:Ahahaha, you emailed your professors to help you in an internet forum competition? Oh my God. Oh jeez, this didn't even hit me until you mentioned it. For crying out loud, it's like pulling teeth to get my advisor to read my MA thesis chapters, which is literally her job. What in the hell makes you think your professors have time to look over your hobby fiction writing?
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Mar 15, 2014 07:32
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OMG JC a Bomb! posted:Ahahaha, you emailed your professors to help you in an internet forum competition? Oh my God. To be fair these are the people who gave Benny a degree. Perhaps this is a just comeuppance.
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Mar 15, 2014 08:28
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Xenocides posted:To be fair these are the people who gave Benny a degree. Perhaps this is a just comeuppance. Penance, rather; a perpetual reminder of what has been wrought on the world with their blessing, so that they won't make the same mistake twice. Every night before they go to bed, they whip themselves over the back with tassels made from the shredded remnants of Benny's latest movie reviews.
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Mar 15, 2014 09:09
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Ursine Asylum posted:Penance, rather; a perpetual reminder of what has been wrought on the world with their blessing, so that they won't make the same mistake twice. You're forgetting that Benny got a 3.0 in college, which is presumably about an average GPA. So about half the students performed worse than Benny.
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Mar 15, 2014 10:33
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Saw over a hundred new posts on this thread and for one crazy, delusional moment I believed that Benny had got the job at Sears. Then I read the thread. Oh Benny.
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Mar 15, 2014 12:36
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laplace posted:My favorite part of this thread is Benny saying he's not a habitual liar because he 'knows when to lie" and now saying he's a habitual liar who doesn't know when to lie. Benny never had a mother. 
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Mar 15, 2014 13:23
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Benny never had a mother. Or Benny's mother is... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWHYmNrAFlI
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Mar 15, 2014 13:29
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You silly butts. He doesn't feel remotely ashamed, he is an absolute moron that tells stupid lies, but everyone that's patting him on the back for coming clean (after getting caught!) is bordering on being as stupid as him. This kid is a professional loser, who says whatever he needs to say to get by whatever temporary thing is in front of him with no inkling for planning for the future. Seriously, find a way to AIM chat this motherfucker (because he is still stupid enough to keep talking to goons this way) and just sit and listen to the stuff he says. That's how you get stories like him convincing some 50 year-old cougar off OKCupid to take his virginity but failing because he refused to pay for the taxi fare even though it was a guarantee lay for him. But he was taking a moral stand you see! Why should he have to pay?! This is the dude we're dealing with here.
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Mar 15, 2014 13:54
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There have to be a myriad of lies interwoven in all the poo poo Benny has told this thread. The applications, interviews, thank you cards, at least half of those stories have to be bullshit. Waiting on the district manager to decide who gets hired? Sure, kid. That's totally how it works. Also, ha loving ha at Benny not wanting to pay for a taxi ride to get laid. Whether or not that's a real story, it's utterly pathetic either way. Either he lied about a 50 year old wanting to gently caress him, or he refused to shell out a pittance to a taxi driver to cease being a virgin.
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Mar 15, 2014 14:03
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This entire thread had been swindled into that stupid loving thunderdome distraction. Meanwhile, in the real world, he's supposed to be applying for 20 jobs a week or something and checking in with the employment office. gently caress off with the Thunderdome poo poo already. Benny isn't a writer nor will he ever be. Go read his blog for a laugh. I want more job search parodies.
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Mar 15, 2014 16:18
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cname posted:This entire thread had been swindled into that stupid loving thunderdome distraction. Don't think you can be swindled into laughing about how pathetic Benny is. I'm a fan of whatever form it takes.
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Mar 15, 2014 18:29
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Anonymous Zebra posted:everyone that's patting him on the back for coming clean (after getting caught!) is bordering on being as stupid as him. No one did that though?
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Mar 15, 2014 19:28
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Fugue Stater posted:You're forgetting that Benny got a 3.0 in college, which is presumably about an average GPA. So about half the students performed worse than Benny. Yeah, I'm starting to wonder if that might also have been another lie.
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Mar 15, 2014 19:37
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Hey Benny, nice try on the sympathy play, "I just keep lying, I can't help myself" enjoy jerking off to another wave of sympathy you sick gently caress. I would like to remind you again that one day your parents will die, there will be no one to take care of your lazy rear end and you will end up a homeless virgin.
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Mar 15, 2014 20:24
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4th Asclepiadean posted:Yeah, I'm starting to wonder if that might also have been another lie. Oh sorry guys honest mistake I moved the decimal. .30 GPA
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Mar 15, 2014 21:05
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Well, tomorrow I'm gonna email my professor. That's my plan.
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Mar 15, 2014 21:14
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Cyberball 2072 posted:I would like to remind you again that one day your parents will die, there will be no one to take care of your lazy rear end and you will end up a homeless virgin. He'll no doubt guilt his younger sister - who seems to be be the only person he actually likes - into letting him live with her.
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Mar 15, 2014 21:23
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Anonymous Zebra posted:Seriously, find a way to AIM chat this motherfucker (because he is still stupid enough to keep talking to goons this way) and just sit and listen to the stuff he says. That's how you get stories like him convincing some 50 year-old cougar off OKCupid to take his virginity but failing because he refused to pay for the taxi fare even though it was a guarantee lay for him. But he was taking a moral stand you see! Why should he have to pay?! Real or not, Benny the Snake needs to be made into a movie. This material is amazing.
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Mar 15, 2014 22:04
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Benny the Snake posted:Oh and the "perfectionist" answer was a lie. I had to think of a good answer and perfectionist was what popped up. Benny the Snake posted:...But in the spirit of reaching out for help, I'm gonna confess to you guys a whole lot of things. It's one thing to lie, but withholding information is just as bad... Benny the Snake posted:Yes it was. Well, I did leave out how I played dumb when they asked me if I remembered hitting a car. Benny the Snake posted:I've got nothing to gain by lying to goons, I just want to get that out of the way. Benny the Snake posted:I might not look like it here on this thread, but I'm fairly able to tell when somebody's lying to me. I'm an honest person and as much as I'd like other people to be honest with me back, I'm very much aware that people aren't honest as I am. I might be naive but I am by no means stupid. Benny the Snake posted:And like I said, I've got nothing to gain by lying to you goons. What I've told you is honest and what I haven't told you I consider especially private. Benny the Snake posted:There's plenty that I've been holding back from you guys because it's in my best interests to do so. It just works out better that way. Benny the Snake posted:I obviously have issues with integrity. But the way I see it, it's better to not say anything than to lie in the first place. Benny the Snake posted:I'm a liar by nature. Lying is as easy as breathing to me and it should be: I'm trying to be a writer, after all. But I'm glad that I'm not a habitual liar. I'm smart enough to know when to lie and when to tell the truth. In almost all cases, I'm honest and forthright. I've been honest with you guys because what would I get by lying to you? Nothing but bad things. Lying always manages to bite me in the rear end so I try to be careful about it. Benny the Snake posted:I'm ashamed in myself. I lied over nothing. ... But what bothers me the most is the fact that Benny the Snake posted:I learned to lie to get out of trouble at a young age and it became a habit to the point where I lied to that manager at Target. I told her "I don't remember" when she asked me if I hit that car and it didn't occur to me that the parking lot was monitored by security cameras while I was lying. It was an automatic reaction: I trained myself to do so. And now instead of coming clean to the TD judge that I read past the rule about asking for help from other Thunderdomers, I lied automatically. I didn't think about the consequences: I just thought about getting myself out of trouble. I can't take it back so I bowed out in order to avoid loving up further. You know, it's kind of interesting to see the ping-pong of Benny's lie-or-no-lie pattern that's been ongoing throughout this thread. Good job, Benny. You're either a liar or a honest person or a chronic liar or totally not lying or That Damn Satyr fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Mar 15, 2014 |
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Mar 15, 2014 22:21
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Anonymous Zebra posted:You silly butts. He doesn't feel remotely ashamed, he is an absolute moron that tells stupid lies, but everyone that's patting him on the back for coming clean (after getting caught!) is bordering on being as stupid as him. This kid is a professional loser, who says whatever he needs to say to get by whatever temporary thing is in front of him with no inkling for planning for the future. Seriously, find a way to AIM chat this motherfucker (because he is still stupid enough to keep talking to goons this way) and just sit and listen to the stuff he says. That's how you get stories like him convincing some 50 year-old cougar off OKCupid to take his virginity but failing because he refused to pay for the taxi fare even though it was a guarantee lay for him. But he was taking a moral stand you see! Why should he have to pay?! This is the dude we're dealing with here. This didn't happen. The cougar going after him, the taxi, none of it. And in the MINISCULE chance that it did -- LOL! If Benny really wanted it, he would have came up with the cab fare. Truthfully, though, I don't think he's anywhere near ready to have sex at all yet. He may know this and the whole "principle of the cab fare" thing is a way to try to save face, despite the fact that nobody would necessarily blame someone for not wanting their first time to be with a random older woman they met on OkCupid. Benny: NO woman in the world wants a guy with no job, no drivers license, no money, no real hobbies, and who still lives at home with his parents. They don't exist. Even if you were to somehow land a woman, they'd ditch you quick due to your combination of compulsive lying and being a loser. A drummer with a 1986 Ford Escort comes along, and goodbye girlfriend. This doesn't mean you have to be perfect to get a woman, but you have to have SOMETHING to offer. What exactly, Benny, do you have to offer?
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Mar 15, 2014 22:36
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blackmet posted:What exactly, Benny, do you have to offer? He's going to get rich being a bestselling mystery novelist. Gosh, can't you read?
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Mar 15, 2014 22:45
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That drat Satyr posted:You know, it's kind of interesting to see the ping-pong of Benny's lie-or-no-lie pattern that's been ongoing throughout this thread. Good job, Benny. You're either a liar or a honest person or a chronic liar or totally not lying or P1: P2 and P3 are liars. P2: I am honest if P1 is a liar. P3: I am honest if P1 and P2 are not both honest or both liars. Benny: Hey guys that's not how you play, that's boring. I'm an honest person but also a habitual liar because lying is as natural to me as breathing. But I didn't say I was good at lying, but I figure there's no point in lying to you guys. I mean, I wasn't really trying that time I lied, I was just playing dumb because everyone knew I was lying anyway. But don't worry about it, tomorrow I have a plan I'm going to be the best liar, but I'm gonna be honest about it, because you have to come clean. P1: I so don't quit. Fugue Stater fucked around with this message at 22:49 on Mar 15, 2014 |
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Mar 15, 2014 22:46
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blackmet posted:Benny: NO woman in the world wants a guy with no job, no drivers license, no money, no real hobbies, and who still lives at home with his parents. They don't exist. Even if you were to somehow land a woman, they'd ditch you quick due to your combination of compulsive lying and being a loser. A drummer with a 1986 Ford Escort comes along, and goodbye girlfriend. No *healthy* woman wants a guy who has nothing to offer. Unfortunately, there's a subset of women who are "rescuers" who always seem to find "fixer-upper" guys with whom to have extremely hosed up relationships. Dysfunctional people are often surprisingly good at finding other dysfunctional people with whom to live dysfunctional lives.
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Mar 15, 2014 23:38
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Yeah, thanks for putting that idea in Benny's head.
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Mar 16, 2014 01:41
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The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. The last time was after I was fired from Target, and I swore to myself that this wouldn't happen again and that I wouldn't lie when I was caught doing something wrong. I just hope this time I can finally kick the habit. If I expect to find work and keep it, I have to squash this habit now.
Benny the Snake fucked around with this message at 02:17 on Mar 16, 2014 |
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Mar 16, 2014 02:12
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Benny the Snake posted:The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. I don't have a degree in English but I don't think you can come to terms with something more than once.
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Mar 16, 2014 02:30
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Benny the Snake posted:The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. The last time was after I was fired from Target, and I swore to myself that this wouldn't happen again and that I wouldn't lie when I was caught doing something wrong. I just hope this time I can finally kick the habit. If I expect to find work and keep it, I have to squash this habit now. Less tell more show please.
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Mar 16, 2014 02:31
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Benny the Snake posted:The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. The last time was after I was fired from Target, and I swore to myself that this wouldn't happen again and that I wouldn't lie when I was caught doing something wrong. I just hope this time I can finally kick the habit. If I expect to find work and keep it, I have to squash this habit now. I love this thread.
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Mar 16, 2014 02:42
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Benny the Snake posted:The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. The last time was after I was fired from Target, and I swore to myself that this wouldn't happen again and that I wouldn't lie when I was caught doing something wrong. I just hope this time I can finally kick the habit. If I expect to find work and keep it, I have to squash this habit now. Back in my day there was a comic book called Weird War Tales. Eerie Twilight Zone-like stories, but all war related. One of them was about a WW II German U-Boat commander who torpedoes an allied ship which then rams his sub while sinking. The commander wakes up as a prisoner, only to find that it is on the very ship he just sank, which is about to be sunk by him again. He tries to warn the captain, who ignores him. When his sub inevitably torpedoes the ship again he blacks out while drowning, and wakes up back on the sub, about to target...the same ship yet again. He is locked for eternity in this cycle. That's you and lying Benny. You'll lie, promise never to do it again, promptly lie again, get caught up in some resulting shenanigans, and find yourself right back at the start, promising not to lie again. Enjoy your eternal cycle of hell, Herr Kapitan.
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Mar 16, 2014 02:44
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Benny the Snake posted:The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. You realize, of course, that if you had ever "come to terms" with it before, you'd not still be doing it, right?
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Mar 16, 2014 03:45
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I came to terms with my last breakup every day for three months while crying in the shower
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Mar 16, 2014 03:53
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Benny the Snake posted:The TD incident made me come to terms for the umpteenth time about my habitual lying. The last time was after I was fired from Target, and I swore to myself that this wouldn't happen again and that I wouldn't lie when I was caught doing something wrong. I just hope this time I can finally kick the habit. If I expect to find work and keep it, I have to squash this habit now. Yet again you've ignored several questions about what's happening with therapy. It seems especially relevant as habitual lying is one of those habits I'd expect your therapist to be helping you break. So once again, are you still going to therapy and if so what things are you currently working on with your therapist? Hell, are you even honest with your therapist and your prescribing doctor or do you just make up bullshit and expect them to magically work out what's really going on with you and fix it? Therapy should be a pretty big part of your life at the moment (because you're not going to learn to manage your disorders and become a functional adult without considerable help), yet what we're hearing about is your writing and your job hunting. Why aren't we hearing anything about therapy, Benny?
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Mar 16, 2014 03:58
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