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Avshalom posted:i'm so sorry, i've been holding this in all week and now it's friday night and i've just kind of fallen apart. i'm a mess irl right now but i'm not drunk, i promise it's ok, av. it's ok if you want to talk about it, don't feel ashamed. i'm sorry and i know what you're going through because my dad was abusive as well.
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Mar 28, 2014 10:39
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I know it's small comfort when you miss your mum but just so you know: It doesn't make you a bad person to stop visiting. She made the decision to stay with him, you didn't, and "but family" isn't a catch-all excuse for allowing terrible things into your life.
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Mar 28, 2014 10:48
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Avshalom posted:spoiled for gross: You know, I've been in the medical field since 2001 and I've seen, heard, and done a lot. With that said, congratulations, you have told a story that literally made me go  and physically lean back from the computer desk. That sounds horrifying.
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Mar 28, 2014 11:02
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sorry that poo poo sucks avshalom. you are loved
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Mar 28, 2014 11:05
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Kat Delacour posted:I know it's small comfort when you miss your mum but just so you know: It doesn't make you a bad person to stop visiting. She made the decision to stay with him, you didn't, and "but family" isn't a catch-all excuse for allowing terrible things into your life. Disclaimer: I have no experience of anything like this but at some point you need to start putting your own health first. It shouldn't be a kids responsibility to prop up their parents lovely relationship. Its a pile of balls you have to deal with Av, I hope you can have a good cry or something tonight and feel better tomorrow 
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Mar 28, 2014 11:12
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Avshalom posted:words The buses work both ways. I love your Vanya stories, he sounds like such a clever little guy  Edited on request of quoted party Thora fucked around with this message at 14:26 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 11:18
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Avshalom fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 11:28
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http://www.respect4women.org/what-is-abuse/the-cycle-of-abuse/ http://www.mass.gov/mova/safeplan/safety-planning/ Things aren't going to change until someone decides they've had enough. This person talked themself into a bunch of reasons for staying, while learning to cope with the unpleasant parts. You can't change anyone's behavior, just your reaction to their behavior. Some people are more comfortable in the hell they know vs the hell they don't know. The whole situation is maddening and frustrating
Thora fucked around with this message at 14:27 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 11:38
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Avshalom fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 11:38
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thanks so much to all of you for letting me rant here i'm so sorry to have brought down the chill atmosphere of the ladythread. i didn't want to go to e/n because i know they'd just tell me to sever (which is actually decent advice in this case, i see that, but it's just not possible.) i've never been able to say all this publically because i've had to worry about people i know finding it, and there's stuff in here i've never said to anyone, and i honestly feel a lot better now that i've said it
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Mar 28, 2014 11:42
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E: I'm glad you feel better after sharing. Sunlight kills vampires.
Thora fucked around with this message at 14:26 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 11:42
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Mundane rust and dust day to day stuff: I have to take my car in. Yay repair bill. I need a new car. I want an SUV, something that can handle the literal 9' of snow that we got this season.
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Mar 28, 2014 12:00
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i love you beautiful ladygoons  
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Mar 28, 2014 12:09
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Women's Rights? posted:Here's my fancy nails!  Meis posted:BarryM. Heard they were good and I like the colours. Crow Jane posted:The green polish is Sinful Colors Exotic Green, the gold topcoat is OPI for Sephora Only Gold for Me, and the blue holographic thing is NYX Girls, but it's in the bedroom and I have a cat on my lap, so I can't give specifics does look really good with gold glitter too Fabulist your hair is super pretty Aesop Poprock posted:my roommates butthole has been bleeding on and off for like two months and hes scared to talk about it so he talks to me about it like he killed a man sorry about your rear end in a top hat womb avvy and your rear end in a top hat stepfather is there anyone in your hometown you could ask to stay with, so that you can visit your mum and dog and then when the dickhead gets confrontational you can be all 'nope I'm outta here peace out' oh hon I'm sorry you gotta deal with that, life sucks sometimes  take a look at Captain Awkward, there's a lot of people dealing with similar situations and I don't know if it would help you to see people giving advice to look after yourself but it's a nice site and whether he's actually trying or not, he's still hurting you and your mum and your safety always comes first glad you feel better av, you can always come to ladythread when you're sad
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Mar 28, 2014 12:10
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Just a thought, if you do break down and go and he does it again, call the goddamn cops. Right now everyone is acting as if you're the problem, no matter where in the cycle everyone is, and having lawful authorities tell him and your mum that his behavior is unhealthy might get the attention of one of them, at least. It might also end up in him getting mandatory counselling. Totally understand if that's something you'd never do, ever. I've been in a similar spot, with someone who's abusive at times, but also someone I genuinely care about. It's a lovely spot to be in. You, by yourself, aren't likely to get anyone to change, it sounds like, so outside intervention is the only alternative to 'fukken deal with it.' I hope something changes eventually, even if it's just your mum finally understanding the situation. Thora made a good point, why can't she come visit you occasionally? -hugs- MY PALE GOTH SKIN fucked around with this message at 14:28 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 12:29
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A good morning to ladythread! Avvy, I am so sorry to hear about all of that. I have no idea what that must be like.. I give you all the hugs, all of them! Also fabulist, you said something about hair volumizing? I don't know anything about that, and I fear I won't be able to actually do anything about it practically because reasons, but I'm curious anyway.
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Mar 28, 2014 12:47
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Happy Friday  
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Mar 28, 2014 13:21
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Edit for reasons
Schmetterling fucked around with this message at 14:32 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 13:36
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For reals Av, if you need someone to talk to, I would be happy to email you my cell just to give you another avenue to talk through the situation. This is all correct though:Schmetterling posted:He won't change. He won't try to change. He has absolutely no reason to change at all. If your mum upsets him, he can get validation from you. Then when his home life is back the way he likes it, he can go back to ignoring you and dominating your mother. At all times he has someone to make him feel good about himself. He always has someone to point to and say "look, she loves me! I'm not bad at all! You're imagining things!" Until your mom decides to leave him, there's just not much that you can do on your end. It's so easy to objectively say "Oh the situation is bad let's go" but the reality of making that decision is so much harder. Also try not to play "other people have it worse so I shouldn't complain too much" with yourself. Yes there are some people who have families that come straight out of L&O:SVU where it would make you sick to hear the things that go on behind closed doors. But that doesn't diminish what an abusive cock your stepfather is, and it doesn't mean that you should feel like you have no room to say anything because he's not raping you or beating you senseless. Abuse is abuse, and you have every right to be concerned and want to help. vaguely posted:how do you make that happen? I'm just getting started with nail stuff and my go-to effect is 'bright base coat, glittery top coat' but I'd like to get fancier sometime The gradient is done with a makeup sponge. Lay out the colors on something (I use a paper plate) and press the sponge into the polish, then tap it over your nails. The swirls are a stamp, and it took me FOREVER to figure out how to do stamping.
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Mar 28, 2014 13:44
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^ oooh I hadn't thought to do it like that, thanks! fabulouser nails here I come  Schmetterling posted:Av, I'm so sorry to hear what you're dealing with. I know you care about him and you want him to be happy and you love the part of him that's around 75% of the time, but that 25% of misery is not worth it there are awesome people out there who will be nice to you 100% of the time and you'll never have to worry that they're going to snap and turn on you, seek them out and surround yourself with them, you deserve to be happy it's really tough and I'm sorry you're living with this, but you're worth so much more (and so is your mum) remember, his happiness is not your responsibility, he will try to make you feel like poo poo about leaving him but he did this to himself by treating you the way he did none of this is your fault vaguely fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 13:46
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I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said. Sometimes I do my makeup when I'm not going anywhere or even right before I have to wash it off and go to bed just because I feel like doo doo about my appearance
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Mar 28, 2014 13:57
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Hey I don't have the capacity for a long carepost atm because I'm on the buys, sadly, but avshalom I wanted to say that I know what that's like and I know how super hard it is. My situation was significantly nicer than that, since as a man myself there was less physical intimidation and we lived close to other people and places, but a really valuable thing to keep in mind is that the degree of your suffering is not lessened by the suffering of others. It's a kind of coping mechanism to go "of my situation isn't THAT bad..." But it's ultimately harmful to getting better. Try to take care of yourself.
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Mar 28, 2014 13:58
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Suzuki Method posted:I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said. same but showers on a lazy sunday playing guitar/videogames
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Mar 28, 2014 13:58
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Meis posted:Also fabulist, you said something about hair volumizing? I don't know anything about that, and I fear I won't be able to actually do anything about it practically because reasons, but I'm curious anyway. good morning, ladypants. Your hair is not very poofy up around your skull. This is a major sin to a lot of people. Right now, all the volume possible is 'in.' If you do want to try and get more volume, there are some really cheap products/easy ways to get more volume. My personal favorite is a powder you apply to roots, but I don't know if it's available over there. I just realized my Steam account has been signed out for a while, probably since I last restarted. I am The Worst Gamer. I'll be on there WHEN I'M NOT BUSY if you want to discuss it more. Seriously though, if you're fine with your hair, or specifically don't want more volume, don't worry about it. You've got enough natural volume that you don't have super-flat hair, and the volume-obsession will pass. Suzuki Method posted:I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said. Same. Although sometimes just to practice a thing, not always because I feel like doo doo. I've done this forever. I think it weirds out the pizza delivery people who occasionally come by at like midnight on weekdays. My kid woke up earlier than usual, I was in the living room, listening for him to wake up. I picked him up, he started wiggling and pushing, wanting to be let down. I put him down, he walked over to his kid-sized couch, and fwumped over onto it like the world was just too much to bear. :3 I know the feeling, kiddo.
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Mar 28, 2014 14:02
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Mar 28, 2014 14:05
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Fabulist posted:My kid woke up earlier than usual, I was in the living room, listening for him to wake up. I picked him up, he started wiggling and pushing, wanting to be let down. I put him down, he walked over to his kid-sized couch, and fwumped over onto it like the world was just too much to bear. :3 I know the feeling, kiddo. eeee my niece does that and it is officially the cutest thing. I'm like "you're 4 how miserable can you be? What do all them bills got you down?" and she doesn't appreciate it because her problems are super serious man you don't even knooooow
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Mar 28, 2014 14:05
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Avshalom fucked around with this message at 14:19 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 14:07
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Cats are floofy = cats are good for volumising hair. Today I've achieved zero useful things! Instead I stayed in bed in my underwear and read the entirety of Perdido St Station. drat that's a long book. Edit for reasons Schmetterling fucked around with this message at 14:33 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 14:08
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thats by china mieville right? the only thing ive read from him was 'the city and the city' and i thought it was really interesting
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Mar 28, 2014 14:10
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Schmetterling how did you get through that whole book in one day, it took me three loving months  I don't get a lot of time to read but still if I read it all in one sitting that would still be a couple of days of solid reading Women's Rights? posted:eeee my niece does that and it is officially the cutest thing. I'm like "you're 4 how miserable can you be? What do all them bills got you down?" and she doesn't appreciate it because her problems are super serious man you don't even knooooow "it's in the washing machine honey" "THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME" Avshalom posted:edited for secrecy that sounds like a good compromise, I hope you have a great time!
vaguely fucked around with this message at 14:23 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 14:10
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Avshalom posted:Not doing good. I'm sorry AV That sounds absolutely horrible. Have you suggested your mother come and visit you instead without your stepfather obviously. E: I see you thought of another good way to do it. Al Borland fucked around with this message at 15:01 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 14:11
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i am sorry for the shithouse person your mother married
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Mar 28, 2014 14:15
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vaguely posted:"this shirt is the wrong shade of pink I wanna wear the other one" The last time I was there she was in tears because I had to put my shoes and coat on before we went outside to play on her scooter. It's cold as poo poo niece, you're lucky I'm going out there at all, but damned if I'm not gonna encourage her to play outside all the time. She then came up to me later, VERY solemn, and said "Aunt WR, I am sorry I cried" and handed me a picture that she swore up and down would protect me from monsters. It works too, I have not been attacked by a single monster since she gave it to me.
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Mar 28, 2014 14:16
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Avshalom posted:i've accidentally found a space here where there's no connection at all with my rl life and i can talk about things happening in my family without fear of them finding out about it, which is not a freedom i've ever had before. there's always been someone rl who reads my posts, or someone online with the power to track me down, and honestly it's making me feel much better to be able to say all this stuff without having to panic about someone calling the cops on my parents or sending my stepfather abusive texts in the middle of the night.
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Mar 28, 2014 14:18
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Avshalom posted:thanks so much for being there for me, you are all good eggs That sounds like a great idea, good luck Edited it quote Jetsetlemming fucked around with this message at 14:29 on Mar 28, 2014 |
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Mar 28, 2014 14:18
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Women's Rights? posted:The last time I was there she was in tears because I had to put my shoes and coat on before we went outside to play on her scooter. It's cold as poo poo niece, you're lucky I'm going out there at all, but damned if I'm not gonna encourage her to play outside all the time. 
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Mar 28, 2014 14:18
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vaguely posted:"this shirt is the wrong shade of pink I wanna wear the other one" depending on the age of the kid this can be the reality of the situation
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Mar 28, 2014 14:18
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This fuckin cookie I bought for breakfast while waiting for the bus is 420 calories. Jesus Christ
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Mar 28, 2014 14:19
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50% of the daily recommended saturated fat value in a single goddamned cookie. It's like Wawa is intentionally trying to murder their customers.
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Mar 28, 2014 14:21
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Anne Whateley posted:It sounds like your situation sucks, and I feel really bad for you, but I think it's important for you to understand this part isn't really true. Your bosses and coworkers know about your account. Goons know your real name. This is all way more linked than you realize. I'm not saying this to be a bitch and I don't want to make you go away, but I feel like your situation would get even worse if these connections were allowed to sneak up and surprise you in a bad way. i'm editing out my posts. can anybody who quoted me please edit it too? tia
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Mar 28, 2014 14:22
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