Taeke posted:She's totally right, what the gently caress? Not only did you get her hopes up, you also got the hopes up of those poor critters. Emptyquoting this forever, what the hell were you thinking? That's darkly hilarious though, like do you just troll the poo poo out of your daughter 24/7 like this? Please continue doing so if that's your thinking, the trauma and permanent trust issues are def worth the forums outrage and comedy.
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Jun 8, 2014 20:51
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Yeah dude, your daughter and those dogs are probably permanently scarred for life now.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:07
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Kevyn posted:She has a point. Is that actually a thing people do, visit the shelter just to pet the animals like its a zoo? Usually you go with the intention of possibly taking one home with you. I was a volunteer at a shelter for a few years, this did happen occasionally. It's really aggravating to have to waste your time supervising some random child when there are people who actually want to adopt one of the animals and would like to go pick one out.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:12
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My local shelter has open houses and brush and fluffs for everyone to come and check out the animals/facility and to donate money. I'm not even sure if they do adoptions that day.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:19
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Personally I think it's a great idea to take your kids to the Animal Shelter to volunteer as animal caregivers. It gives the animals there the affection they need and helps teach kids to nurture and sympathize with other beings. However it's also vital that you tell the kid BEFORE you take them that you want to go just to volunteer some affection, not take one with you. My kids all volunteered at some point, and never bitched about going because they knew what they were going for. It made the day we surprised them by actually picking one out all the better. But seriously, you didn't tell her you weren't getting her a dog? The gently caress is wrong with you?
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Jun 8, 2014 21:19
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Tweet Me Balls posted:Yeah dude, your daughter and those dogs are probably permanently scarred for life now. I know you're being facetious and most of those dogs a probably dead two weeks from now (and those that aren't still got their happy ending, so yay from them I guess), but yeah, this probably is one of those moments a kid remembers for the rest of their lives, depending on how old they are now. I mean, goddamn, I hope that kid wasn't old enough to realise that all those animals she met and had fun with are pretty much doomed, expecting to be able to save at least one of them, and having that taken away from them.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:20
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My nephew: "hey aunt Katie, are you gonna put your parents in a home soon? Me: dude! Theyre only in their sixties, no. Nephew: ok, but youre going to eventually, right? BecAuse when you do I wanna live downstairs and turn it into my bachelor pad and you can visit and play Skyrim with me. Kid is ruthless. He said that after only spending a single day living with me.
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Jun 8, 2014 21:57
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It reminds me of one of those Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
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Jun 8, 2014 23:11
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When I was like 5 or so my mom woke me up on April Fools Day and told me we were gonna go to Seaworld, before telling me "April Fools!" But I was only 5, so I didn't get the joke, and she felt so bad for making me cry that she let me eat ice cream for breakfast. That's my "don't trick children" story. E: I just made myself loving depressed by thinking about that story. Don't trick kids. Hummingbirds has a new favorite as of 00:06 on Jun 9, 2014 |
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Jun 8, 2014 23:49
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Taeke posted:She's totally right, what the gently caress? Not only did you get her hopes up, you also got the hopes up of those poor critters. heh. Yeah. In hindsight, it was pretty dumb. But that's just part of the story. In reality, we took her and her cousin out for a "secret/special excursion" which entailed a trip to the playground, lunch at a restaurant and then to Petsmart where they have those open adoption/foster family events. It's not like she's lacking in the pet department what with a dog, two horses and a donkey waiting for her at home. But yeah, that was probably pretty traumatic for her and I won't allow her to pick out our nursing home down the road cuz payback is a bitch. And real quick, another sleepwalking story that happened last night: she wandered into the kitchen and started throwing coasters at the wall. Then she shouted, "GET ME MY GUN!" Luckily a glass of water helped bring her back to the real world but it was amusing and haunting at the same time. Dr. Witherbone posted:
Planning on this for Halloween: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RK-oQfFToVg IAmNotYourRealDad has a new favorite as of 00:14 on Jun 9, 2014 |
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Jun 9, 2014 00:09
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can't wait until you buy your kid an sa account and tell them to look for you on it. "Don't worry, you'll know it's me"
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Jun 9, 2014 04:06
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Hummingbirds posted:When I was like 5 or so my mom woke me up on April Fools Day and told me we were gonna go to Seaworld, before telling me "April Fools!" The following year on April Fool's Day, she woke me up and said exactly the same thing. I wasn't going to fall for this again, so I told her in 4th grader terms to gently caress off and put my pillow over my head. She said, "No really, look out the window!" I did, and lo and behold, the snow was piled up past my windowsill. It actually was a loving snow day. My mother is either very lucky or a psychic.
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Jun 9, 2014 04:09
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I knew what year you were talking about before I even clicked on that link. That storm was the poo poo.
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Jun 9, 2014 04:27
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My mum promised we'd go to Disneyland paris when I was 8. Never happened. Then I went to Florida 14 years later and my friends promised we'd go to disneyworld. They were too busy waking up at 2pm and getting stoned (leaving me to just get drunk off my rear end). I loving hate Disneyland now and never want to go until I have children.
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Jun 10, 2014 14:14
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Facepalm Ranger posted:My mum promised we'd go to Disneyland paris when I was 8. Never happened. Disneyland sucks, Disney World is the tits!
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Jun 10, 2014 14:14
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bringmyfishback posted:Disneyland sucks, Disney World is the tits! Both suck! Until I have a child to take, no child in particular mind you...just...a child
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Jun 10, 2014 14:15
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My mum was talking to my 4 year old niece about smoking and how gross it is. Mum - Uncle AR smokes, and it's disgusting, isn't it? Niece - yes! Mum - And gran smokes too, and it's disgusting isn't it? Niece - Yep! Mum - And gramps smokes too. Niece - Yeah! But but he smokes out of a bottle!!! :-D I laughed my arse off, and I really wish I knew how to add smilies on my phone.
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Jun 10, 2014 14:44
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Me and the three year old were rubbing noses. Cute, right? He said we were sword fighting noses. Awesome. Ha ha buddy, en garde! Then he sticks out his tongue and says "Let's sword fight tongues Mommy!!" and proceeds to hold my face and poke it with his tongue, as I am peeling him off of me with my mouth and eyes firmly clamped shut. No, no sword fighting tongues.
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Jun 10, 2014 18:43
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AlistairCookie posted:Me and the three year old were rubbing noses. Cute, right? He said we were sword fighting noses. Awesome. Ha ha buddy, en garde! Then he sticks out his tongue and says "Let's sword fight tongues Mommy!!" and proceeds to hold my face and poke it with his tongue, as I am peeling him off of me with my mouth and eyes firmly clamped shut. There's a Kochalka Strip about this. It's pretty funny.
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Jun 11, 2014 04:20
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My 5 year old son was watching someone pretend their baby was doing pullups on one of those funny video shows. At the end the baby disappears beneath a table and he said to me in a deadpan voice: "and then he fell into the abyss." The other night he was falling asleep and we were telling stories, and I told him he was my favorite 5 year old boy on this Earth. He gasped and said incredulously, "There's another Earth?" He was really excited by the idea.
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Jun 11, 2014 07:20
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Today at work I was ringing up something for this kid and his Dad. As I was doing so, I noticed that the kid had a Google Nexus 7 tablet-the very same kind of tablet that we used to have before my one year old so viciously broke a few weeks ago. (Seriously, Baby T-Rex Arms, you're a demon in Huggies.) I mentioned that it was a great tablet and the kid asked me if I had Minecraft on my tablet before it broke. Nope but I had that Shark Attack game. His eyes just lit right up and we chatted about various things about the game. As he was walking away, he waves good bye to me and he was like "DON'T DOWNLOAD ANY APPS THAT HAVE MALWARE." ...I have no idea as to why that is so frickin' cute but goddamn, I love that kid.
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Jun 12, 2014 05:30
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Saw this on Twitter with the comment "she wrote what she thought was "I Come In Peace". edit: vvv Not sure if you're being sarcastic, but a thumb'd it anyway. MisterBibs has a new favorite as of 18:24 on Jun 13, 2014 |
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Jun 13, 2014 17:44
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its too big for the thread
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Jun 13, 2014 18:03
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My friend's been taking care of her youngest sister (11) since her mom has some health problems, so this summer she's been tagging along to places, which is fantastic because that kid is funny as hell. Mostly just innocuous stuff like "You are literally the hairiest guy I have ever seen." when we were at the lake, "Good, you need it." when I mentioned I was thinking of getting the salad bar, etc. But then one night we were at a restaurant and she asks me: "Did you see where the bathroom was?" "Uh, yeah, down that hall over there." "Ugh, good, because I am gonna drown this place."
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Jun 13, 2014 20:21
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My one year old is smiling, and my daughter says, "He's not happy. He's EVIL happy!"
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Jun 15, 2014 16:21
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Boyfriend's 6-year-old niece: "You two need to practice what you have to do to have a baby!" Turned out, she wanted me to clutch my stomach like I was going into labour and for us both to run like we were desperate to get to a hospital.
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Jun 15, 2014 19:45
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My 2 year old cousin and I were watching our other cousins playing football in my Dad's backyard. All of a sudden, she taps my arm, looks up and me and says, "They're being RIDICULOUS. I'm going to tell them." She then walked out there and started screaming at them that they're ridiculous, for what seemed like forever, but was probably only 30 seconds or so. It was a family party, and everyone there just died laughing. She's been picking up a lot of words lately, and trying to use them whenever she can. I'm almost 8 years older than my little brother, and he was always the best for silly kid sayings - luckily my uncle caught a lot of them on video. My favorite was when we were all down in my aunt's basement playing cops and robbers or something, and my sister and I were kidnappers. We kidnapped my little cousin's baby doll (she was not pleased). So my brother and boy cousin were the cops sent to rescue the baby. They found the baby and immediately started throwing it around and beating it, laughing maniacally. The 'mom' of the baby started screaming for someone to call the cops, and my brother looked right into her face and said, "We ARE the cops."
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Jun 15, 2014 19:56
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So this was a conversation I had with my 5-year-old son today: Him: Daddy, I have a joke for you for Father's Day! Me: Ok, buddy, shoot. Let's hear it. Him: Knock knock! Me: Who's there: Him: Lightbulb! Me: Lightbulb who? Him: (thinks for a moment) um.... Lightbulb microwave! Me: (bursts out laughing from the randomness of it) He is now telling everyone that joke, thinking he has discovered the pinnacle of humor.
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Jun 15, 2014 21:50
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The boyfriend and I went to a housewarming party this weekend and met a little boy with the same first name as the boyfriend. When I found out the boy's name, I pointed to the boyfriend and said "His name's [Name], too!" The little boy smiled, shook his head, and said "No" in a quiet voice.
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Jun 16, 2014 13:20
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I like telling my daughter basic science stories for bedtime, stuff like how plants grow, how stars work, that sort of thing. Usually bores her to sleep in about 5 minutes. So last night we were getting her ready for bed, and my wife said 'Maybe daddy can tell you how clouds are made?' She thought about it, then whispered back 'I know how clouds are made Mummy. You take some wool from a sheep, and glue it on the sky.'
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Jun 16, 2014 15:58
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Pththya-lyi posted:The boyfriend and I went to a housewarming party this weekend and met a little boy with the same first name as the boyfriend. When I found out the boy's name, I pointed to the boyfriend and said "His name's [Name], too!" The little boy smiled, shook his head, and said "No" in a quiet voice.
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Jun 16, 2014 18:48
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I'm showing an adorable four-year-old how in the new Pokemon she could pet Pikachu. Her eyes got as big as dinner plates and she yelled "What the WHAT?"
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Jun 22, 2014 03:06
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Kids are awesome. I'm BLACK?! My best friend has three kids - she is white, and the kids' father is black. When the oldest kid was 5, she learned about racial discrimination in kindergarten for Martin Luther King Day. (Kind of early to me, but they gotta learn sometime I suppose.) She came home from school and told her mom what she learned and "I can't BELIEVE how we used to treat black people!" My best friend informed her daughter, "your dad is black, that means you're black too."  "REALLY?! ...... That's AWESOME!"Then they had a discussion on what to do if her peers ever discriminated against her. All three of those kids are a wealth of incredible stuff. I'm sure I'll think of some other good ones. Child labor My boyfriend's best friend sometimes visits us, and brings along his girlfriend's son, J. We are not exactly a kid friendly household, but the first time they visited I dug my old Barbies out of the attic and J really likes to play with them  which reminds me, I gotta get more outfits for Ken because he likes to play Ken, naturally enough, and I have almost no extra clothes to play with. Anyway most of the time we play on the Playstation and one time after a couple hours he suddenly stopped and squinted at the TV. "Your TV is FILTHY!"I am a terrible housekeeper and yes, the screen is filthy. But then ... the 7-year-old boy asked me if he could clean it.  I got him a rag and Windex. He went to town, saying things like "you should keep your things nice! They're YOUR things!" which I can only assume he was parroting from his mother, and he seemed relieved after he had finished the task. In hindsight I hope I wasn't feeding some sort of OCD, but my kneejerk reaction was to get the kid some cleaning supplies. J rocks. "That word you keep using. I don't think it means, what you think it means." When I was in the 8th grade (about age 14) for a school project we had to teach these 4th graders about what life was like in the 1700s. We had to dress up in special clothes and we were set up around the historic part of town, with groups of us from all different schools teaching groups of the younger kids from all different schools. There were different "stations" set up, one for blacksmith, one for candlemaking, that kind of thing. (At our station we taught (bad) calligraphy.) The 4th graders traveled between the different stations to learn something new, and the group that was before ours was apparently serving lemonade. Every single group of kids we got complained how horrible the lemonade was. Group after group of little kids all with sour faces. I don't know what was wrong with the beverage but apparently it was funky. One little boy - aged 10 - declared "yeah! Don't drink the lemonade, or else you'll get um ... you'll get a yeast infection!"  Somehow I doubt he knew what a yeast infection actually was - hell, at 14 I barely knew what it was - but that sure as hell got the point across.(Side note: incidentally that was the first time I had ever seen a cell phone. It was 1994 and my teacher had one. It was a really giant brick with a big antenna and it was strapped to his belt. Ah, the good old days of landlines.)
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Jun 22, 2014 05:15
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I was grocery shopping with my aunt and cousin who was probably 4 or 5 at the time and we're at the checkout line and there's a black guy in front of us. Which leads my cousin to exclaim "Look mommy that man is made out of chocolate!". Dude just kinda shrugged it off. In her defense there wasn't a black person in sight in the neighborhood she grew up in.
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Jun 22, 2014 06:50
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Ok Fella posted:I was grocery shopping with my aunt and cousin who was probably 4 or 5 at the time and we're at the checkout line and there's a black guy in front of us. Which leads my cousin to exclaim "Look mommy that man is made out of chocolate!". Dude just kinda shrugged it off. As a child, I used to refer to black people as "chocolate people" and whites as "vanilla people." And I knew several black people at that age, so I have no excuse. Thank God I stopped.
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Jun 22, 2014 08:06
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Ottoman posted:In hindsight I hope I wasn't feeding some sort of OCD, but my kneejerk reaction was to get the kid some cleaning supplies.
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Jun 22, 2014 10:35
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A Buttery Pastry posted:I liked/didn't mind cleaning the TV when I was a kid, where I hated every other kind of cleaning up, so I wouldn't worry. It's a delightfully limited task where you get to use a spray bottle, and there's an actual point to it, as opposed to any other kind of cleaning up. (From the perspective of a 7 year old at least.) Cool, I feel better. Maybe it's a good habit for a kid to get into anyway: Somethin' dirty? Clean it! I read an article somewhere talking about children and race and how racism a learned thing. Their sample story of natural reactions to experiencing a new race: two little kids (2 years old?) who met for the first time, one was black and one was white. The white kid licked the black kid's face. When asked why she did that, "because she's chocolate!" much like the other examples above. I think it's pretty awesome that our natural reaction to "someone's a different color than me?" is really "that just means they're a different delicious dessert flavor!"
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Jun 22, 2014 18:11
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My 2 1/2 year old nephew has two obsessions in life: firetrucks, and Belle, my Great Dane. We had a party in our garden yesterday, and he heard the sirens. So I whisked him up and we went to the sidewalk, getting there just in time to see the truck go by. After that, we head back to the party. The first thing he sees is the dog.  BELLE, I SAW A FIRETRUCK!Belle was very excited by the news. 
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Jun 22, 2014 20:16
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The three year old has been full of it lately. This weekend, he lets out a huge burp. I ask, "What do you do when you burp?" to prompt an "excuse me". He turns around and high fives his dad, much to dad's delight. Just a little while ago, he requests music. The coughing song. The one with the beat. Um...okay. Can you sing it for me, buddy? "Cough, cough, CLAP!" "Cough, cough, CLAP!" He's even more in love with it now that I explained those are foot stomps, not coughs. 
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Jul 7, 2014 17:36
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My nephew is kind of a dick for a 6 year-old. Yesterday we went to a BBQ and at the end I asked him: Hey, do you have any fireworks left over? Yeah! Only sparklers but I have a lot! Cool, we should use them when it gets dark No, uncle Inzombiac, we should use them when it gets dark Uhh, yeah, that's what I said. Nooooooooo. It was my idea, stupid!He does this poo poo ALL THE TIME. Hey, I'm going to the store, do you want any popsicles? No, I AM GOING TO THE STORE TO GET POPSICLES! Oh? I thought I would drive there and- No, I'm driving there and getting popsicles and ice cream and LEGO was my idea!
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Jul 7, 2014 18:58
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