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CLARA Doctor. Is that...? THE DOCTOR No. CLARA My god - oh my god, it is, isn't it? CLARA (OS) (CONT'D) You found him. You actually found Robin Hood. THE DOCTOR That is not Robin Hood! ROBIN Well then who, sir, is about to relieve you of your magic box. ROBIN draws his sword. On THE DOCTOR - his yes flash. Now it's personal. He leaps up on the log, confronting ROBIN. THE DOCTOR Nobody, sir! Not in this universe, or the next! ROBIN Well then draw your sword, and prove your words. THE DOCTOR I don't have a sword. I don't need a sword. THE DOCTOR, with great ceremony, produces something from his coat. A gauntlet. THE DOCTOR has slipped on the gauntlet, now fishes something else from his pocket. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) Because I'm the Doctor. And this is my spoon!! He advances to the middle of the log bridge. THE DOCTOR (CONT'D) En garde! ROBIN laughs - and they set to. Clang! Clang! Clang! Sword hits spoon. Back and forth they go over the log bridge. ROBIN lunges, THE DOCTOR parries. He's coolly, casually absolutely brilliant at it. ---------- Haha, this is terrible fan fiction. Wait. What? Unrelated: http://imgur.com/wf2WqQv
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Jul 7, 2014 20:56
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marktheando posted:Moffat really should just not attempt to write comedy. He is bad at it. 
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Jul 7, 2014 20:56
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Yes, exactly. Coupling is poo poo.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:00
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Reading the first episode and its loving awful. Clara crying over the Doctor having regenerated makes no tucking sense at all.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:05
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Coupling owned. At least it did until Jeff left the show.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:06
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egon_beeblebrox posted:CLARA Holy poo poo that's bad. I mean even allowing for the fact that performances, staging, and direction might be able to make it bearable it just reads as everything critics of Doctor Who rail on the series for. It reads like exactly what the Tina Belchers of the world want and that is not a good thing.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:09
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Hahaha! The joke about Vastra eating a child killer for dinner is loving horrible. Especially because Jenny, her human lover warns Clara to stay out of the kitchen as it will get noisy. What the gently caress?
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Jul 7, 2014 21:17
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Ahahahaha spoons will be the new fez. They must be trolling the idiots. Inside the Dalek is a solid C/C+
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Jul 7, 2014 21:21
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PriorMarcus posted:Hahaha! The joke about Vastra eating a child killer for dinner is loving horrible. Especially because Jenny, her human lover warns Clara to stay out of the kitchen as it will get noisy. Was it ever even established that Silurians eat people? They always seemed relatively civilized up to this point. I mean with another nastier character I could see that joke maybe working but with Vastra I just don't see it. Then again everything with her, Jenny, and Strax does feel like a weird mish-mash of half-baked ideas and wasted potential.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:24
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mind the walrus posted:Was it ever even established that Silurians eat people? They always seemed relatively civilized up to this point. I mean with another nastier character I could see that joke maybe working but with Vastra I just don't see it. Then again everything with her, Jenny, and Strax does feel like a weird mish-mash of half-baked ideas and wasted potential. Vastra eating people is not new At some point before she's alluded to eating Jack the Ripper, and she had a big jug of blood ("this is not red wine") when she was talking to Clara in Snowmen.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:32
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mind the walrus posted:Holy poo poo that's bad. I mean even allowing for the fact that performances, staging, and direction might be able to make it bearable it just reads as everything critics of Doctor Who rail on the series for. It reads like exactly what the Tina Belchers of the world want and that is not a good thing. If it was Pertwee or Baker doing it half this thread would be jerking off right now. Doesn't make it any less stupid but it's true.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:36
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Huh. The Doctor wears a humans sliced off face as a disguise.
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Jul 7, 2014 21:44
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PantsOptional posted:If it was Pertwee or Baker doing it half this thread would be jerking off right now. Doesn't make it any less stupid but it's true. Agreed, it would mean Pertwee wasn't dead and could potentially go on to make some episodes that aren't trash
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Jul 7, 2014 21:54
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PriorMarcus posted:Huh. The Doctor wears a humans sliced off face as a disguise. The Doctor's real name is Doctor Hannibal Lector, calling it now
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Jul 7, 2014 21:56
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PriorMarcus posted:Huh. The Doctor wears a humans sliced off face as a disguise. Did Clara tell him about the how the lambs were screaming? Also, reading the Doctor pulling out a spoon against Robin hood made me want to watch prince of thieves again.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:05
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wins.
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Rita Repulsa posted:Vastra eating people is not new That really casts her relationship with Jenny in an especially uncomfortable light. PantsOptional posted:If it was Pertwee or Baker doing it half this thread would be jerking off right now. Doesn't make it any less stupid but it's true. True, but I'd like to think it wouldn't be done so "lol purple monkey dishwasher" random as it appears written there.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:09
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Ohh boy, this thread is not filling me with much hope.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:15
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Barry Foster posted:Ohh boy, this thread is not filling me with much hope. Missy, the main villain of the series, is basically female River Song. She's obsessed with the Doctor, calls him her boyfriend and has a catch phrase. Also, the second episode has everyone shrunk down and exploring the inside of a Dalek. It's loving poo poo and reads like an awful parody of Moffat's tenure.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:23
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According to others, apparently the episodes themselves were on the same open server in .mp4 format. No word on if those were also grabbed. Either way, somebody hosed uuuppp. I read a few. Listen is another Blink/Midnight and it could be better than either of those. Time Heist sounds like it will be 45 minutes of pure loving fun.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:26
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Noxville posted:The Doctor's real name is Doctor Hannibal Lector, calling it now
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Jul 7, 2014 22:28
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PriorMarcus posted:Missy, the main villain of the series, is basically female River Song. But River is female...I know people don't really like Alex Kingston, but no need to call her a man.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:30
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TheBigBudgetSequel posted:But River is female...I know people don't really like Alex Kingston, but no need to call her a man. That was meant to be 'evil'. Oops. Also, there's a lot of body horror in these first two episodes.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:33
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PriorMarcus posted:That was meant to be 'evil'. Oops. I chalked that up in a large part to Ben Wheatley being the director.
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Jul 7, 2014 22:35
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egon_beeblebrox posted:THE DOCTOR  Honestly, Capaldi's going to have to be an acting talent on the level of Olivier to pull that poo poo off. PantsOptional posted:If it was Pertwee or Baker doing it half this thread would be jerking off right now. Doesn't make it any less stupid but it's true. Yes, because nobody here has ever talked about the terrible or more embarrassing episodes from the classic series' run. 
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Jul 7, 2014 22:37
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PriorMarcus posted:That was meant to be 'evil'. Oops. PRIORMARCUS THINKS ALL WOMEN ARE EVIL!!!!!/brooklynbruiser
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Jul 7, 2014 22:37
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Zaggitz posted:PRIORMARCUS THINKS ALL WOMEN ARE EVIL!!!!!/brooklynbruiser MAYBE HE WILL JOIN IN MY RAPE FANTASIES!!!!/brooklynbruiser
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Jul 7, 2014 22:55
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Oh man, I check this thread, and it has 100+ new posts. I knew some poo poo went down. Now I'm sad. It really pisses me off that Moffat is coming back for series 9.
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Jul 7, 2014 23:11
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PriorMarcus posted:Missy, the main villain of the series, is basically female River Song. She's obsessed with the Doctor, calls him her boyfriend and has a catch phrase. Also, the second episode has everyone shrunk down and exploring the inside of a Dalek. It's loving poo poo and reads like an awful parody of Moffat's tenure. Here's to hoping she ends up an inversion and a direct "calm your tits please" rebuke to all the fans who would not stop gushing over Tennant and to a lesser extent Smith's sex appeal and appear to like Doctor Who only insofar as it gives them fanfiction fantasy boyfriend fodder. Here's to hoping at least.
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Jul 7, 2014 23:16
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mind the walrus posted:Here's to hoping she ends up an inversion and a direct "calm your tits please" rebuke to all the fans who would not stop gushing over Tennant and to a lesser extent Smith's sex appeal and appear to like Doctor Who only insofar as it gives them fanfiction fantasy boyfriend fodder. Here's to hoping at least. By the end of the Fifth episode the Doctor is said to be 'competing' with Danny for Clara's affections.
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Jul 7, 2014 23:29
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Capaldi is a one series Doctor, regenerates to a baby face to win Clara over
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Jul 7, 2014 23:31
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People told me it was gonna get worse before it gets better, but wooooooooow.
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Jul 7, 2014 23:35
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PriorMarcus posted:By the end of the Fifth episode the Doctor is said to be 'competing' with Danny for Clara's affections. GODDAMMIT MOFFAT LET ME HAVE A SENSE OF OPTIMISM DIDN'T WE PUT THIS KIND-OF poo poo TO BED WITH "AMY'S CHOICE"?
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Jul 7, 2014 23:43
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mind the walrus posted:GODDAMMIT MOFFAT LET ME HAVE A SENSE OF OPTIMISM DIDN'T WE PUT THIS KIND-OF poo poo TO BED WITH "AMY'S CHOICE"? Jenny is naked for an entire pivotal scene, because Vastra is painting her. Her modesty is covered only by a single piece of cloth. EXCEPT, hahaha, she's not painting her at all, just making her sit around naked for her own pleasure! It doesn't serve a single purpose except getting the actress to be scantily clad. In the script she's described as a nymph. Later that episode both Vastra and Jenny are in sexy black cat suits fighting the clock work robots from the SS Marie Antoinette ( it's the Madame Pompadors sister ship! Hahahaha!) and the Doctor has another sonic screw driver = erection joke. "Oh, the symbolism!" The Doctor actually says.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:21
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mind the walrus posted:GODDAMMIT MOFFAT LET ME HAVE A SENSE OF OPTIMISM DIDN'T WE PUT THIS KIND-OF poo poo TO BED WITH "AMY'S CHOICE"? The shipping crowed is the most 'enthusiastic' fandom out there, so in an age of instant gratification and feedback, pander to the people with the most online presence.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:24
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PriorMarcus posted:Jenny is naked for an entire pivotal scene, because Vastra is painting her. Her modesty is covered only by a single piece of cloth. EXCEPT, hahaha, she's not painting her at all, just making her sit around naked for her own pleasure! It doesn't serve a single purpose except getting the actress to be scantily clad. In the script she's described as a nymph. I honestly cannot tell if you're just loving with me or not.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:24
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mind the walrus posted:I honestly cannot tell if you're just loving with me or not. To be fair, that description of the catsuit scene omitted the two of them twirling silk ribbons around for no reason.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:32
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mind the walrus posted:I honestly cannot tell if you're just loving with me or not. In the episode Into the Dalek the Doctor and some human soldiers are miniaturized to perform keyhole surgery on a Dalek who has turned good because of broken circuitry. While inside the are attacked by floating orbs that serve as Dalek antibodies (like the robot Hitler episode!), fall into a waist high vat of human remains that the Dalek feeds on (the Doctor jokes about someone he just allowed to be murdered "Top layer if you want to say some kind words") and repair the damage only to turn the Dalek evil. The Doctor joins his mind with the mutant, trying to turn it good, but instead all the Dalek sees is his hatred for it. "You would make a good Dalek!" it's screams, calling back to a better episode and hinging the entire emotional denouncement of the episode on a copy and pasted line from a better script. In the end the now good Dalek kills itself and takes a Dalek ship with it. Also, a T-Rex vomits up the TARDIS and the Doctor flirts with it. He speaks T-Rex.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:33
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You know I'm actually someone who really liked the back half of Series 7 even if I thought it was rushed and Clara wasn't well-drawn enough for her climax. I even enjoyed The Day of the Doctor because I'm not above some good fanwanking. This though. This just reads like hot garbage. I hope Capaldi gets some better scripts because our first aged Doctor in literally decades deserves better than what you're describing. Also I want to know more. Keep it coming.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:37
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Clara accidentally visits the Doctor in his childhood and finds out that he cried a lot and was generally kind of wussy. She realizes that he's afraid of the dark even now, which somehow explains the monster we've seen on screen. She also does some other "accidentally becoming a formative part of her boyfriend's childhood" poo poo which echoes Father's Day only somehow worse.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:41
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mind the walrus posted:You know I'm actually someone who really liked the back half of Series 7 even if I thought it was rushed and Clara wasn't well-drawn enough for her climax. I even enjoyed The Day of the Doctor because I'm not above some good fanwanking. This though. This just reads like hot garbage. I hope Capaldi gets some better scripts because our first aged Doctor in literally decades deserves better than what you're describing. The T-Rex flirting is the very first thing the new Doctor gets to do. It's the very first scene of the first episode. It also goes loving nowhere as the T-Rex is dead within a few minutes. The clockwork robots are back, this time with a menacing leader whose replacing his own faltering parts with human parts. At one point the Doctor tears a humans face off to reveal its robot head underneath, throws the face to Clara and then tells her it's real and used to belong to someone. When they are about to be captured the Doctor leaves Clara to die and she breaks down crying, getting the robots to reveal their entire plan. BUT really the Doctor is there all along, just wearing the human skin as a mask to hide. "5 foot 7 and pretty. I knew you couldn't stop yourself once she started crying." Hahaha! Dont worry kids, he wasn't really going to let her die, he just made her believe he was so he could wear the remains of a cadaver and extract information from the clockwork robots. Missy, the villain who calls herself the Doctors girlfriend lives in a place she calls heaven, and every episode features at least one person (good or bad) "die" and end up there. She's the woman who gave Clara the Doctors number way, way, way back. Clara and Danny fancy each other, but the Doctor hasn't met him yet, though he's jealous of Clara dating. Clara hates one of the students at Coal Hill, a chav called Chelsea (she's coming along for an adventure in a later episode, though so far all we know about her is she hates Clara for having a "wide face." One of the future soldiers is called Journey Blue. Danny Pink is a mystery. Also, in the first episode the Doctor wonders aloud why he's got an old face, and why he recognizes himself. "Maybe I'm trying to tell myself something." The script notes that he looks like an old Roman man. Hahahaha! More mysterious mysteries.
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Jul 8, 2014 00:50
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