|
We were at the pool yesterday which was insanely crowded as per usual when my 4 year old was standing really still with a weird look on her face in the shallow end of the pool. I'm thinking she added her own to the volume of the pool, but asked her anyway: Daughter: Why do those people speak backwards?Me: Backwards? Who? *daughter points at a family of Mexicans then proceeds to run over to them and ask quite loudly: "WHY ARE YOU ALL SPEAKING BACKWARDS I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!"Me:  The family laughed but yeah trying to explain Spanish to her was a bit easier when I reminded her that's how Dora talks. Then it clicked thankfully. Much like others, she's seen a black person and done the whole "LOOK MOMMY THAT MAN IS MADE OF CHOCOLATE IS HE GOING TO MELT OUTSIDE?" It's okay though, someday we'll embarrass her. We have plenty of pictures to show her future prom date.
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2014 20:11
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 02:16 |
|
|
I'm a fairly fit person, but poor summer eating choices that added a few pounds + a pair of jeans that sort of bunched me up in the middle had me not at my physical peak over the Fourth of July weekend. I was sitting at the kitchen table playing euchre with my family when the four-year-old nephew (whose head reaches about my chest level when I'm in that chair) wanders up. You have a really big tummy!He didn't quite understand why I immediately busted up to the point of tears. It was actually a really welcome non-sequitur, because the weekend started out pretty blue due to a friend's recent passing, but message received, kid. It's back to the gym today.
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2014 21:41
|
|
|
Fourth of July weekend is great for these. My 12 year old cousin, out of nowhere, took me off to the side and told me that "black women's vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich that was left out in the sun" Where the gently caress did he pick that up  Still debating if I should tell his parents about it
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2014 21:54
|
|
|
Garp Truther posted:Fourth of July weekend is great for these. My 12 year old cousin, out of nowhere, took me off to the side and told me that "black women's vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich that was left out in the sun" well its true
|
|
#
?
Jul 7, 2014 22:01
|
|
|
We were driving somewhere about 45 minutes away on the 4th and my 4 year old started whining about how long it's taking and how he just wants to go home. My wife told him if he didn't want to go out, she had plenty of work to do in the office. My son said "yes. Do that. Go to work."
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2014 02:54
|
|
|
My two year old calls a pair of Mickey Mouse ears he has "ear muffins" and sunscreen is "sun cream".
|
|
#
?
Jul 8, 2014 03:09
|
|
|
Just got back from a long weekend at the beach with family. My little 3-year-old niece has an insanely big attitude and she parrots all kinds of things that grown-ups say. One of the first things she said to me (and quite forcefully) after I arrived was "I get to go kayaking and you don't!" "I don't? Why?" "Because you have to stay home and do things all day!" Normally I have something somewhat rational to counter with when she is a jerk but I just said "... okay!" and ran away laughing to myself. She is hell on wheels. I also recently remembered a good one from my best friend's kids, at this time the older two girls were probably around 6 and 8. I am fat and my best friend is a stick-like waif (after three children, and I have none, the jealousy  ). The girls were looking at me kind of curiously, giggling, as I was sitting and then one of them shouted "you have a big butt!" Of course I was laughing to myself again, I forget what my response was aside from "well ... yes, I do!"Oh and when the younger girl was 5 she once was holding her behind and said to me "my butt feels good and I don't know why!" I really hope she doesn't turn into a slut. This is the same one who thought that their cat un-died and thought that all women had babies in their bellies when they had a boyfriend and asked when I was having mine. Those two items are probably just Kid Logic, I believe she has learned that those statements are not correct, although I'm guessing the butt thing still stands!
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 03:41
|
|
|
Ottoman posted:I really hope she doesn't turn into a slut. What the gently caress. Content : My 3 year old nephew had bite marks on his flip flop so I asked him what happened. His response? "I ate them. They were deewishus" Hope he doesn't become a human being
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 03:53
|
|
|
While tidying up the LEGO play table, I was talking with one of my coworkers about how I'm a little jealous of my younger brother's career, how he's making more than I, and how he has a much stabler job. Soon the conversation got to the point where I also brought up that my brother already started balding three years ago at age 22, and it's still progressing. At this point one of the kids playing at the table that overheard most of conversation pipes up and says, "You're clearly the winner -- you still have all your hair." I told him, "You know what, kid? You're alright." and gave him a high five. Made my day.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 04:09
|
|
|
Inudeku posted:What the gently caress.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 04:42
|
|
|
My SO has a big black long haired German Shepherd and the local off leash area has families cycling through it. A little girl on her bike YELLS to her dad: "DADDY DO YOU THINK THAT DOG LOOKS LIKE A WOLF I THINK IT LOOKS LIKE A WOLF." I have two huskies that I walk around and I get lots of kids asking why I have wolves.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 05:04
|
|
|
I've got a large gauge septum piercing and 8 eyebrow piercings. My friend's three and five year olds come up with reasons why I have the nose ring. "I think he has it so when he takes a drink it cools off water." "I think it's so he can hang his spoon on it if he gets tired when he's eating." I talked these kids into watching Corpse Bride one day and then had a big conversation with them about keeping your promises and not judging a book by it's cover. We've made lists of movies and at what age their dad will allow me to show them said movies. (I have to wait ten years to show the 5 year old Fight Club.)
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 05:49
|
|
|
The other week my parents hosted some relatives at their house, including my cousin's three-year-old daughter. I live far away, so I Skyped with them and got a sense of the person my little cousin is becoming. My parents got the idea to ask her if she knew where I lived and she said "In her house." When asked to elaborate, she pointed at the screen of my dad's laptop and said "In there!" She also showed me her Frozen toys and marveled at Kristoff's size ("He's so big. He's the biggest.")
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 06:00
|
|
|
My son has weird issues with peeing himself. I think it boils down to sometimes hes just having fun and has no time for a potty break. The other day i was playing with his younger sister, picking her up and making dumb noises, whatever. He runs up to is us yelling "i want to play. And i dont smell like pee!" And that is how i knew, he did in fact smell like pee.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 07:31
|
|
|
omnibobb posted:My son has weird issues with peeing himself. I think it boils down to sometimes hes just having fun and has no time for a potty break. When my nephew first met my newborn he was in the process of potty training and when he had an accident he told my sister that the baby pooped in his pull ups and put it back on him. Kids somehow make poo poo and Piss funny
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 11:10
|
|
|
Oh hells ya. Im currently fun employed and stay home with the kids. My daughter is 2 so we are working on potty training. I was making dinner and she told me she had to pee. I helped her pull down her diaper an sent her on her way. A couple minutes later she started yelling "wet! Wet!" So i went and looked and she had tried o pee standing up like her brother and I
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2014 17:01
|
|
|
Cool, poopchat jogged a great memory. We used to know a family whose youngest kid--who was far beyond the years of potty training--would chronically poo poo in places not meant to be poo poo in. In his pants. In the yard. By the dumpster. One time, he shat his pants in the living room and everyone smelled it instantly. When his mom asked if he pooped his pants, he said "no... ...The clown outside did it"
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2014 04:27
|
|
|
omnibobb posted:My son has weird issues with peeing himself. I think it boils down to sometimes hes just having fun and has no time for a potty break. Hahaha your kid is a puppy. PLAYPLAYPLAYPISS My friend's toddler used to grab my arm, marvel at my tattoos, and then lecture me about not drawing on skin("draw on paper! Not on skin!") every time she saw me for a while. Same kid, to my rather large chested friend: "I like your hair and I like your boobies! I like your hair and I like your boobies!!!" over and over again for several minutes. I miss that kid 
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2014 11:57
|
|
|
Friend's daughter wants to be the president's wife when she grows up. "But girls can be president too." "Yeah, but then you have to do all that boring work that nobody likes. I just want to have nice dresses and go to fundraising parties. Let the president do the boring part."
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2014 13:50
|
|
|
My son told me earlier that I was being a bad boy and mommy was going to give me a spanking. I tell him "alright dude, im down" He gets this really serious look on his face and looks at me right in they eye and says "Im the mommy now"
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2014 23:39
|
|
|
dino. posted:Friend's daughter wants to be the president's wife when she grows up. gently caress, I'm down for that, too. She's not dumb.
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2014 05:27
|
|
|
This thread made me think of an old story I posted in the Retail Thread in Ask/Tell I got a woman and her young son in my line. He was very excited about the cart-full of Scooby-Doo toys he was getting. He also was getting a package of Sea Monkeys (yes those are still a thing) and was asking me questions with wonder-filled eyes like: "Are some of the sea monkeys in here evil?" "Do they like water?" "Are they freshwater?" "So they don't like salt?" "Look it's a whole family on here, see?!" The mother laughing the whole time while he's barraging me with questions about this and that. While she's paying he gets distracted by some Sonic the Hedgehog stuff on the other side of my register and runs off behind me (but still in Mom's sight) to look at it. The receipt prints out and I hand it to the mom and I start passing over the bags. The mom asks her son to come help carry his new cart-full of toys. Instead of running past me to where his mom is, he makes a beeline straight for me and suddenly I am being bear hugged from behind. He yells "Thank you so muuuuuch!!  " and then runs to his mom grinning from ear to ear as he grabs some bags. I told him he was very welcome and to enjoy the stuff. His mom smiled at him and then at me and they left. I just stood there with this look of  on my face for like 20 minutes. Kids like that make running register at a toy store totally worth it. Buggiezor has a new favorite as of 21:35 on Jul 25, 2014 |
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2014 21:20
|
|
|
omnibobb posted:Im currently fun employed This is how I look at it. And for content, I'm sitting on the computer at my friends house and her cute as a button 9 year old daughter wanders out playing with some ball on a piece of elastic flawlessly humming the imperial march.
|
|
#
?
Jul 27, 2014 01:07
|
|
|
 Sometimes they're good 
|
|
#
?
Jul 27, 2014 06:17
|
|
|
I have my 7 year old for a couple more weeks this summer until he returns to his mom out of state. He has had his share of gems lately, both funny and remarkable, I tell you. Like one time in the car he starts doing the Macarena next to me. Me: Where did you learn that? Him: Music class. Me: Good to see they're still teaching the classics... Him: (directly in my face) Who let the dogs out? WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! Or another time we were talking about what Veganism was because of Lisa on the Simpsons. Him: Do vegans eat vegetables? Me: Well yeah, that's the point. Him: But they use manure on crops, so doesn't that count as "Animal Product"? Me: Uh...well...huh.
|
|
#
?
Jul 27, 2014 07:21
|
|
|
We had some lightstick bracelets and I made a necklace out of mine and sat it on top of my head instead of around my neck. "Look, I have a halo," I said. My 8-year-old brother looked at me scornfully. "Halo has a helmet." It took me a minute 
|
|
#
?
Jul 27, 2014 17:22
|
|
|
Three year old is in the other room right now, by himself, singing a song: "Butt, and butt, and buttandbuttandbutt and stupiiiiiiid! Butt, butt, butt, butt, stupid, stupid, stupid, buuuuuuuuutttt!"
|
|
#
?
Aug 2, 2014 19:29
|
|
|
AlistairCookie posted:Three year old is in the other room right now, by himself, singing a song: Settle down, Beavis. Today my kid explained potential energy to me while we biked up a hill, which was super cool. Right up until she said it was like when she wants to play games with me and it built up all this potential fun until we got to finally play because I wasn't too tired (I've been sick for a while). Like going up a bunch of big hills and then down a small one. 
|
|
#
?
Aug 3, 2014 06:11
|
|
|
My nephew draws his own little 2 page superhero comics, and his latest creation is called Sabretooth Man. He's basically Wolverine, but he has sabre teeth. He has never heard of the actual character Sabretooth. One day he brought one over where Sabretooth Man fights his nemesis, Pink Eye. Pink Eye is basically Cyclops, but since he drew his giant eye pink that's what he named him. He's never actually heard of pink eye before. I assume this was also Stan Lee's creative process.
|
|
#
?
Aug 3, 2014 06:16
|
|
|
From the schadenfreude thread: some little kids fight off a zombie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO9XQlNYrwY
|
|
#
?
Aug 5, 2014 11:32
|
|
|
AlistairCookie posted:Three year old is in the other room right now, by himself, singing a song: My cousin's four year old is very quick to inform me, his parents, and anyone around that "stupid" is a bad word when we say it, according to his preschool teacher apparently. Once, while petting my cat, the cat decided he'd had enough, and walked away, giving him an eyeful of cat anus. Lacking the vocabulary to describe it, he called it a diaper.
|
|
#
?
Aug 5, 2014 20:07
|
|
|
As a follow up to his smash hit, "Stupid Butt Butt", yesterday we had: "Poop and poop and poopoopoopoopoop poooooooooop Poop, poop, butt, buuuuuuutttttt, pooooooop butt" ad nauseum "Mommy, can poops have poops?" --Peels of hysterical laughter at his own cleverness-- He's singing songs using the "worst" words he knows. Because yes, "stupid" is a Bad Word. ("Mommy, don't say 'stupid', that's a no-no word.") Perhaps one day I'll have to contend with Die Motherfucker, Die, but today I'll take stupid poop butts.
|
|
#
?
Aug 7, 2014 19:55
|
|
|
Yesterday my 3-year-old cousin came with her dad to have dinner with us. The restaurant gave her a kids' placemat with crayons, and she kept soliciting suggestions from us as to what colors different parts of the picture should be. If we told her a color that didn't match what she was planning to use we'd get a 'Wrong answer!' until we guessed correctly.
|
|
#
?
Aug 8, 2014 04:35
|
|
|
"Why do people have passwords on their internet?" "Because more people using it at your house slows it down." "Do they know they have high speed internet? It's from Dish."
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2014 03:10
|
|
|
I was working a season at Seaworld and have plenty of quotes now from kids on vacation. I have no knowledge of the conversation all I heard as a child walked past was. "But Mommy that would make the Flamingos mad at the seagulls."Children say such interesting things to a man taking tickets. "I'm here to see whales not you" "I get to wear my bathing suit as undies today!" "Mom doesn't wanna be here." "Daddy missed my birthday so now I get to come here!" "You are my favorite person today."On a particular day that hit 105 degrees F I had this conversation with a little boy. "Mr do the bird lay their eggs in the trees around here?" "Yes they do, we have lots of bird eggs in the back too." "No! You gotta help them!" "Why? What's wrong?" "They're being cooked! The suns cooking them!"
|
|
#
?
Aug 16, 2014 08:51
|
|
|
My kid always seems to have some sort of electronic during car rides the seldom times she can't get her hands on my cell phone or her Nintendo DS, she will whine about it throughout the whole car ride. Of course this behavior leads me to initiate my ongoing rant about "...kids these days  We didn't have any of that when I was your age and we got along just fine." The last time we had this discussion, she snapped back "you're just jealous." And, yeah. I think she won that round.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple years ago we moved to a secluded place in the woods and my daughter kept having nightmares about scary men coming to take her away in the night. To ease her fears, I reassured her with some B.S. story about how it's actually a good thing we live in the woods because it's a private drive and nobody knows we're here and blah blah blah. That explanation seemed to work for a while. Fast forward to the other day when we were hosting a sleepover with her friend. Her friend came up to me in a panic pleading for me to bring her back home. When I asked her why she wanted to leave, she explained, "[Daughter] just told me that nobody knows we're here. My parents are going to be worried about me." It took me a minute to figure out what she was referring to and when it all clicked, it made me laugh really hard.
|
|
#
?
Aug 17, 2014 02:52
|
|
|
Yesterday I was watching my friend's two boys, who are 6 and 7. We got a pizza for dinner, and there was a huge air pocket in one of the slices. Neither of the boys wanted to eat it, so I went ahead and took it. This is the conversation that happened after: Kid: That's gross! Me: Why? It's made of the same stuff the rest of the pizza is. Kid: It looks like it fell on the ground! Me: Even if it did, it's all stuff from the earth, so it won't hurt me. Kid: LAVA is from the earth and it will hurt you.  I had to admit, the kid had a point. Lava really will hurt people.
|
|
#
?
Aug 30, 2014 18:15
|
|
|
Overheard a piece of a conversation at my Toy Store job. Kid:  "Mom's going to be SO MAD when I come home with another LEGO Set!!" Aunt:  "I hope not"Kid: "YEAH!!! Because I already have like One Hundred and FORTY already!!" 
|
|
#
?
Aug 30, 2014 18:56
|
|
|
Kindergartener comes out of bathroom and I remind him to wash his hands. Another kid shouts out,  "he needs to wash his hands cause he touched his wiener!"
|
|
#
?
Sep 18, 2014 22:31
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 02:16 |
|
|
My niece was Wednesday Addams last year for Halloween. She's 3. She was adorable. But she spent the entire evening (ok, she went around 3 blocks with my bro, so about 20 minutes actually) giving the candy back to people. She'd hold her bag out, get the candy, take it out, look at it confused, thank the person, and then hand it back and walk away. My brother made sure he took the candy so she would actually have some the next day, of course. But we're still not sure what planet she comes from...
|
|
#
?
Sep 19, 2014 00:12
|
|