Awful Quotes 6: "pee poo butt fart" said the guy

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Machai: Feb 21, 2013

If anyone missed the drama about ArcheAge (a korean mmo), basically a known pedo from EVE (Bobfrommarketing) was a key player in beta and the beginning of release until it was publicly pointed out that he was a pedo. There was a huge shitstorm about this during which several iterations of the AA thread in mmohmo got gassed and some of the posters from imp zone and others trolled all the pedo defenders.

My favorite part of all this is the tale of Tokaii, the oldest goon and an ex cop/teacher, who was banned for splitting hairs like an idiot. He came back, was harassed some more for being an idiot and then tried to get banned again but failed.

Here is his original ban:

Tokaii posted:

First, I am 72 and on so many medications that no woman, man or child could turn me on so I have no monkey in this circus.

But if people are going to act like hysterical housewives over the BFM thing at least get some facts right.

Assuming what has been posted so far is correct and this girl was 14-15 and lived in Iceland:

1. This makes him at worst a hebephile not a pedophile. It is a not insignificant difference as this is a lesser mental aberration. If she was 15 she may, depending on development have passed out of hebephile range and this would be no aberration at all

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hebephilia

2. In America, for example, we incorrectly use the word pedophile for a man having sex with a 17 year old girl. Psychologists know that study after study (brain imaging, etc)show that men of all ages find females most attractive around age 16. But we have decided to protect these girls just as we have decided to protect many things by law. So that man with the 17 year old is breaking the law, but is not mentally aberrant.

3. The age of consent in Iceland is, indeed 15. So this BFM person was either legal or one year below legal and either non-aberrant or barely a hebephile.

So, in my opinion, BFM was a jerk back then and may be a jerk now, I don't know. Kicking him out was fine. But those of you acting like he was a baby-raper-murderer and SCT can never be forgiven for even giving him the benefit of the doubt for a few days are being ridiculously over-righteous.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Europe

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Here is a nice comic BBG made about the post

WORST FORUMS GUY posted:

Hello Pedophile thread, I made an image for Tokaii, if he still lurks (he does)

Tokaii responds to the trolls even though he knows it is a dumb thing to do.

Tokaii posted:

"Based on" the way movies are "based on" a true story. The true story is there was nothing in that thread about me being a pedo and only a mod's bizarre interpretation of my words could have me supporting pedo's. The true story is that I despise pedo's and am probably the only one here who has ever put a pedo in prison. The true storry is a bunch of childish trolls taking over a thread and seeking their pvp here rather than in the game.

I know the smart thing to not respond to trolls, but anyone who has read my cop threads knows it is not in my nature to accept attacks meekly. When things like this persist new goons or those not in these threads will hear "Tokaii the pedo" and assume there is some truth there.

I know honor and reputation are joke words on the internet, but not to me.I wish even a few of those who have sent me private messages of support would have the courage to speak publically.

Have at it.

Tokaii posted:

I do understand this. But the fact that they want me to reply and will mock me when I do does not change my reluctance to let them define who I am.

I despise these keyboard cowards almost as much as I do pedo's. It's the same mentality.

I guess I can't be so much older without having different attitudes.

Finally, he gives up. Those horrible trolls have won and Kewpuh has some sort of secret agenda.

Tokaii posted:

I guess they win. I can't wallow in this sewer any longer.

I remember when mods banned people for making GBS threads up the intended purpose of a thread.

This mod has a different agenda.

He then makes a thread to say goodbye and attempt to be banned, and someone replies with the quote about hebephilia

Tokaii posted:

I don't want to waste the time of anyone who doesn't know me here on SA. If you do know me it may be from one of my threads which were favorably received over the 10 years I"ve been a member such as:

Memories of an old Chicago Cop http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=1588985

Ask me about being an old fart http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3443011&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Oldest Goon Turns 70 http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3498530&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

Now 72 I've often been asked what I was doing on a forum of people much younger than I and also in the mmo games I play with other goons. Until this last week or so I always felt that, while different in age, I still could fit in well enough.

A mod in the Games Forum and the trolls he chooses not to control have convinced me otherwise. I am not fit for a culture which encourages lies and character assassination in what is supposed to be a discussion of a game while saying, 'Don't respond, it only makes it worse."

I'm not foolish enough to expect SA or the internet to change for me so I'm just going to leave now.

To those of you who have enjoyed my threads and comments over the years and told me so, thank you and goodbye.

To those who don't know me and read this anyway, sorry to have taken up your time.

Edit: Several of those trolls from that thread have already shown up in the first few replies in this thread. And yes, this is a ban me request. I can't seem to find a "Quit SA" option.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

The next morning, he finally figures out how to autoban.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 15:46

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 14:24

Brasseye: Feb 13, 2009

SplitSoul posted:

My favourite part about this, although I might be misremembering, was that their tree puller got stolen because they had chained it... to a tree.

haha holy poo poo how did I forget about that? I miss all of these doomed goon projects and the fyad threads they used to generate.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 16:00

Centripetal Horse: Nov 22, 2009; Fuck money, get GBS

This could have bought you a half a tank of gas, lmfao -
Love, gromdul

Tokaii posted:

I am not fit for a culture which encourages lies and character assassination

Just a reminder that this man admitted to carrying a pistol to put in the hands of any unarmed minority he might accidentally murder in the course of his job as a Chicago cop. Also a reminder that Goons rushed to defend this action.

Edit: vv See? There they go. "It's totally unreasonable to hold a man accountable for his actions." "He only participated in those gross violations of the law and peoples' civil rights for the four years it took him to find another job. Don't be so judgy."

Tokaii posted:

In a worse situation all of us carried either a drop knife or a drop gun to place beside the body.

"Just sprinkle some crack on him."

Bitching about lies and character assassination on an internet forum is pretty loving rich when you were prepared to assassinate the character of human beings after actually assassinating them, all in the name of upholding the law.

Also, it's OK to perform an illegal search, then break out a tail-light and commit perjury to justify the search, because "there was no doubt about their guilt."

Centripetal Horse has a new favorite as of 17:37 on Oct 13, 2014

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:09

ravenkult: Feb 3, 2011

There's no way that guy is 72 years old.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:16

Arsonist Daria: Feb 27, 2011; ^{Requiescat in pace.}

Tokaii is proof that "gently caress the police" is a ageless sentiment.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:16

Blade_of_tyshalle: Jul 12, 2009; If you think that, along the way, you're not going to fail... you're blind.

There's no one I've ever met, no matter how successful they are, who hasn't said they had their failures along the way.

He also wound up quitting the force because of all that corrupt poo poo, remember.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:19

Hat Thoughts: Jul 27, 2012

Tokaii seemed alright, but we eat our old here

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:30

spog: Aug 7, 2004; It's your own bloody fault.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

He also wound up quitting the force because of all that corrupt poo poo, remember.

Yeah, it is very disingenious to blame him for that: that was the state of the Chicago PD, which he joined at a young age. He had the courage to quit a job that he wanted, because he couldn't stand the corruption.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:33

zoux: Apr 28, 2006

And then he said "oh ahem actually it's epebephilia" which undid all the good things he did in his life.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:34

Stroop There It Is: Mar 11, 2012

Hat Thoughts posted:

Tokaii seemed alright

Among many other things, you should probably be insulted by this:

Tokaii posted:

Psychologists know that study after study (brain imaging, etc)show that men of all ages find females most attractive around age 16.

all men are ~ephebophiles~, "science" says so!!

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

Tokaii is proof that "gently caress the police" is a ageless sentiment.

Ew.

Don't gently caress the police.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 17:40

theflyingorc: Jun 28, 2008; ANY GOOD OPINIONS THIS POSTER CLAIMS TO HAVE ARE JUST PROOF THAT BULLYING WORKS; Young Orc

That guy might want to understand that "It's a bit weird that we treat people the same who molest 3-year-olds as people who sleep with 17-year-olds" doesn't mean that we need to say "It's OK to sleep with 17-year-olds". Both can be wrong to do.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 18:16

Bad Bromance: May 20, 2010; Sorry, guys, I actually do still suck dick! Also my mom only lets me spend five bucks a month to get my cool gaga avatars back so I guess I'm stuck with this one for a while.

theflyingorc posted:

That guy might want to understand that "It's a bit weird that we treat people the same who molest 3-year-olds as people who sleep with 17-year-olds" doesn't mean that we need to say "It's OK to sleep with 17-year-olds". Both can be wrong to do.

In this case it was a 14 year old IIRC

# ? Oct 13, 2014 18:49

theflyingorc: Jun 28, 2008; ANY GOOD OPINIONS THIS POSTER CLAIMS TO HAVE ARE JUST PROOF THAT BULLYING WORKS; Young Orc

Bad Bromance posted:

In this case it was a 14 year old IIRC

That's fine, that just makes him more wrong than in my example.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 18:55

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

Tokaii is proof that "gently caress the police" is a ageless sentiment.

Do not give this advice to minors however.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 19:08

That Works: Jul 22, 2006; Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy

I dont think he condoned either pedo or ephebophilia in either case. It was a very poorly timed attempt to distinguish between both pathologies and he was unaware that it was a typical Reddit style defense of disgusting things.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 19:11

scary ghost dog: Aug 5, 2007

op.... op, op, oppa reddit style defense of disgusting things

# ? Oct 13, 2014 19:13

Hat Thoughts: Jul 27, 2012

Stroop There It Is posted:

Among many other things, you should probably be insulted by this:

all men are ~ephebophiles~, "science" says so!!

I'd give him leeway because he's an old dude and if one of your grandparents hasn't said something insanely offensive your grandparents are poo poo. At the same time I don't really care either way because who wants grandparents stinking up the joint

# ? Oct 13, 2014 19:38

Doctor Bishop: Oct 22, 2013; To understand what happened at the diner, we use Mr. Papaya. This is upsetting because he is the friendliest of fruits.

Drone_Fragger posted:

Saying "Eggs" (huevos) in spain is usually used to refer to your balls as a slang term. You would have to be really really exact with your phrasing to actually use that word in spain in any sentence.

dijon du jour posted:

Is that why when I ordered huevos rancheros a cowboy came and put his balls in my mouth.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 20:06

Xander77: Apr 6, 2009; Fuck it then. For another pit sandwich and some 'tater salad, I'll post a few more.

theflyingorc posted:

That guy might want to understand that "It's a bit weird that we treat people the same who molest 3-year-olds as people who sleep with 17-year-olds" doesn't mean that we need to say "It's OK to sleep with 17-year-olds". Both can be wrong to do.

I believe you'll find it's perfectly ok to sleep with 17-year-olds in Iceland, because that's the age of consent there. Please refer to the post at the top of the page for further information.

# ? Oct 13, 2014 20:25

Neddy Seagoon: Oct 12, 2012; "Hi Everybody!"

Azhais posted:

Three-Phase posted:

That guy is nuts!

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

Nah, he's just in love.

That's a moray.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 05:33

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

He also wound up quitting the force because of all that corrupt poo poo, remember.

He was actually one of the least corrupt, by his own words. The problem was primarily the 20-30% of cops who were corrupt as gently caress, and the rest of them who saw but didn't report it because of the "thin blue line", and anyone who did try to report was harassed like crazy and put into serious danger to teach them not to be a narc.

I think he said he saw a lot of really shady stuff, but in his day there wasn't really anything a non-corrupt cop could do besides stand up to it, ruin his career, and possibly die on the job when your back-up fucks off to teach you a lesson.

I'm pretty sure he quit well sooner then he needed to keep his pension because he couldn't stand it anymore, and took up teaching.

Again, this is all his own words, and the only thing I remember as proof was when he went undercover in the KKK/Neo-Nazis and his picture ran in the front page of the local papers, causing old friends to think he was a white supremacist for years.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 05:54

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Big Anime Fan Here posted:

hey i wasn't around for the thing where Ralp made cool parallels between irl crimes and their harsh consequences and forums indiscretions and punishments or whatever, but the real comparison to draw from the forums is that every time one of the gbs mods or admins kirks out and starts banning a bunch of people for calling them names it is the manifestation of every time they did not have the courage to shoot up the school.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 12:00

Skrill.exe: Oct 3, 2007; "Bitcoin is a new financial concept entirely without precedent."

pentyne posted:

Again, this is all his own words, and the only thing I remember as proof was when he went undercover in the KKK/Neo-Nazis and his picture ran in the front page of the local papers, causing old friends to think he was a white supremacist for years.

I have to remember this excuse.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 12:33

Brasseye: Feb 13, 2009

pentyne posted:

He was actually one of the least corrupt, by his own words. The problem was primarily the 20-30% of cops who were corrupt as gently caress, and the rest of them who saw but didn't report it because of the "thin blue line", and anyone who did try to report was harassed like crazy and put into serious danger to teach them not to be a narc.

I think he said he saw a lot of really shady stuff, but in his day there wasn't really anything a non-corrupt cop could do besides stand up to it, ruin his career, and possibly die on the job when your back-up fucks off to teach you a lesson.

I'm pretty sure he quit well sooner then he needed to keep his pension because he couldn't stand it anymore, and took up teaching.

Again, this is all his own words, and the only thing I remember as proof was when he went undercover in the KKK/Neo-Nazis and his picture ran in the front page of the local papers, causing old friends to think he was a white supremacist for years.

He sounds like a 50 foot ant bullshit guy to me.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 14:23

Pope Guilty: Nov 6, 2006; The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty.

If you thought you were supposed to believe 50 foot ant you have problems.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 14:26

swampland: Oct 16, 2007; Dear Mr Cave, if you do not release the bats we will be forced to take legal action

pentyne posted:

He was actually one of the least corrupt, by his own words. The problem was primarily the 20-30% of cops who were corrupt as gently caress, and the rest of them who saw but didn't report it because of the "thin blue line", and anyone who did try to report was harassed like crazy and put into serious danger to teach them not to be a narc.

I think he said he saw a lot of really shady stuff, but in his day there wasn't really anything a non-corrupt cop could do besides stand up to it, ruin his career, and possibly die on the job when your back-up fucks off to teach you a lesson.

I'm pretty sure he quit well sooner then he needed to keep his pension because he couldn't stand it anymore, and took up teaching.

Again, this is all his own words, and the only thing I remember as proof was when he went undercover in the KKK/Neo-Nazis and his picture ran in the front page of the local papers, causing old friends to think he was a white supremacist for years.

the reason serpico is a good movie is that it ends and doesn't just keep going and going until serpico becomes a defender of pedos

# ? Oct 14, 2014 14:37

I Killed GBS: Jun 2, 2011; by Lowtax

Serpico was a real guy
Good joke though

# ? Oct 14, 2014 15:43

HaB: Jan 5, 2001; What are the odds?

This just in from the Schadenfreude thread:

Context here was someone was talking about how Australia is known for dangerous critters, but America has bears and cougars. And someone's counter argument was that you could at least see bears and cougars coming, unlike spiders and snakes and small poo poo that KILLS you.

M.C. McMic posted:

You probably wouldn't see a cougar coming.

Pierzak posted:

I'm sorry she faked it with you.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 17:11

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Keg posted:

g0m: instead of being bad and strange about modding gbs, I'm gonna try to be good and funny instead as an experiment

Ralp and Franco in unison: *confused Home Improvement grunt*

# ? Oct 14, 2014 19:58

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

HaB posted:

This just in from the Schadenfreude thread:

Context here was someone was talking about how Australia is known for dangerous critters, but America has bears and cougars. And someone's counter argument was that you could at least see bears and cougars coming, unlike spiders and snakes and small poo poo that KILLS you.

Continued...

M.C. McMic posted:

Can one the people who's so excited about this joke explain to me what it means exactly? I'm not getting it.

M.C. McMic posted:

I'm aware. I'm just not putting two and two together when it comes to me not "seeing her coming" and her faking an orgasm. Or is it just the cougar pun people are excited about?

If she faked an orgasm, wouldn't I have seen her coming? I don't get it.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 20:47

LITERALLY A BIRD: Sep 27, 2008; I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Not a gamechanging quote by any means but it gave me a smile.

Jedit posted:

Groundhog Day is on TV so often here that it's practically immersive.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 21:26

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

quote:

You probably wouldn't see a cougar coming.

quote:

If she faked an orgasm, wouldn't I have seen her coming? I don't get it.

Ahahahahaha, he's having such a hard time getting it because he can't even remember if he said "you" or "I" in the original post.

# ? Oct 14, 2014 22:13

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Pope Guilty posted:

If you thought you were supposed to believe 50 foot ant you have problems.

I was reading this horrible grotesque post about a child war victim and it was kind of getting to me in a bad way but about half way through something in my head said "50 foot ant". I scrolled up to check and sure enough it was his post. I felt so much better knowing none of that poo poo was true.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:35

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Volume posted:

I was reading this horrible grotesque post about a child war victim and it was kind of getting to me in a bad way but about half way through something in my head said "50 foot ant". I scrolled up to check and sure enough it was his post. I felt so much better knowing none of that poo poo was true.

It probably is totally true and by coincidence he also wrote about it. Hope this helps you sleep tonight.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 03:32

Mans: Sep 14, 2011; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Continued...

Some extra "goons can't comprehend sex" quotes.

(about men who think women orgasms are a myth\rarity)

LingcodKilla posted:

Can you prove it one way or the other?

LingcodKilla posted:

Yeah none of that is proof. Did the orangutan tell you personally that she wasn't just faking it to make her partner feel like a stud? I got it on good authority that study feeling orangutan give you 100% durans.

A puddle of cum dripping out of a penis is proof.

Go watch "when Harry met Sally" that seminal movie on the subject.

LingcodKilla posted:

Oh right I got this....

Not as much as your mom?( tell her I said hi)

Back on subject and the point of the whole thing is the data would be skewed pretty hard because of the nature of the female orgasm it's really her just her word.

LingcodKilla posted:

I'm saying it's hard for a layman to prove compared to a man orgasming. I'm sure a scientist in a lab with all sorts of sensors could prove it for an individual woman.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:00

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

Mans posted:

Some extra "goons can't comprehend sex" quotes.

Never change, goons. :allears:

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:09

Machai: Feb 21, 2013

Mans posted:

(about men who think women orgasms are a myth\rarity)

tbf it probably is rare when your partner is a goon

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:09

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Mans posted:

Some extra "goons can't comprehend sex" quotes.

(about men who think women orgasms are a myth\rarity)

Is this dork a time-traveler from a hundred years ago? :psyduck:

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:25

Jedit: Dec 10, 2011; Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Is this dork a time-traveler from a hundred years ago?

No, it's a goon from the Sex Questions thread. Which may be the same thing. Mans beat me to the post on that one, because it's solid gold comprehension failure.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:46

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 14:24

Lunchmeat Larry: Nov 3, 2012

Xander77 posted:

I believe you'll find it's perfectly ok to sleep with 17-year-olds in Iceland, because that's the age of consent there. Please refer to the post at the top of the page for further information.

It's really gross and uncomfortable when a 72-year-old man talks about how sexy 16-year-olds are but it's the age of consent in the UK, Canada, most of Europe and like 30 US states so I don't really see where it makes you a pedo. Weird and kind of creepy though, yes.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 22:47

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Awful Quotes 6: "pee poo butt fart" said the guy

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