GPF posted:

I was hoping like hell it'd be as fast as that.

Shame it took so long.

Leovinus posted:

The MLP thing is kind of interesting, because it’s pretty much proof that Internet perverts don’t just develop weird tastes from how they were raised or whatever, but rather that they’re genuinely just loving morons who will decide to have a fetish for something because it has a girl’s voice. I mean, two years ago, before Friendship Is Magic was a thing, nobody was into ponies except actual get-out-there-and-do-something-about-it horsefuckers. My Little Pony was already a thing, but it was toys without voices and there hadn’t been a cartoon about it since before the Internet. So I can kind of see where they’re coming from with the “not bestiality” thing. They don’t want to gently caress horses, specifically. They’re just so hard up for any sexual experience at all that anything with a feminine voice will do them just fine. They’re still obviously pedophiles though, I’m not gonna dispute that. I mean, I don’t want to side with this guy so much as I want to engineer repeated misfortune for him and maybe sell it as a TV show.

Or maybe it’s just that you could only really do a pony from behind and that means you wouldn’t have to see the pony’s grimaces of self-loathing and/or disappointment. Or smell its breath, because I don’t know if you’ve ever been near an actual real-life pony but they smell like they’ve been carved out of a million assholes.

Adaptive Systems posted:

There is a reason that all the world’s religions have insisted on dragging down the possibility of love between humans and made it subordinate to the love of an Other that is perfect, precisely because that Other is beyond our reach. The best of lovers is the one that is far, far away, to whom you write love letters in fervent anticipation, and who is not besmirched by the endless disappointing humiliation of contact. And that is why it is those who truly love best, the forsaken soldiers dying in distant lands, suffer the most, for they love the most, and most sincerely. That perfect lover, the one that patiently dries all of your tears, that knows all of your fears without thinking less of you, that comforts you in the long nights that precede those most desperate of trials, cannot, and does not survive contact. That is precisely why the greatest lover cannot, must not, be met. And that is why the most desperate of lovers call their beloved “God” and say to themselves that were He to be seen, were merely His name to be spoken, it should mean certain death. And that is why for the lovers of God heartbreak is always merely a prelude to an even more passionate reconciliation, because their beloved always takes them back, always accepts them back into its bosom, for that beloved which those penitent lovers seek to draw near is permitted one ultimate, unconquerable strength denied to all other things of which we can have thoughts. It does not exist. And in not existing, it does not suffer as a lover does, when the pain of its beloved is inflicted upon it. And it does not become frightened, when it sees how much its beloved has to fear. And it is not wounded by the infidelities of those who swear eternal love, for it has no heart, and no mind, and no presence, and no existence, and no way to hurt, and no way to suffer, and it cannot lie awake at night in your arms, thinking about how foolish it once was to believe in your perfection, and feel those first timid thoughts of escape into the arms of another, one that shall remedy your failings. As the perfect lover does not exist, so the perfect love is that of what does not exist. And that is why, unlike the soldiers abandoned by those that sealed their treachery with solemn kisses, the priests suffer not at all, for they love nothing at all, and are not kissed, not by any, forever, for all time.

Sex Hobbit posted:

satin666 posted:

an does satin666 actually support gamergate or is he dtrolling?

gamers are literal urine—toddlers who need to take nap. . Honestly? not me thouhg.... Im just here, a normal person, with fifty thousand twitter posts who writes in the style of ten years ago fyad posts' lingo to make upward punchiing jokes that make a difference in this world and honestly? the audience that plays video games .i ..Sorry my friend just put a very 3spooky pumpkin skeleavatar on their page and im losing my poo poo her flmffahahmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiIiFoZ_Wr8

troller or real  ?

Palpek posted:

writers are massive creeps

there's a whole chapter in godfather about one woman's giant vagina and how she could only enjoy sex with huge cocks, a whole sub-story revolving only around that, it somehow didn't make it to the movie adaptation

Kenny Logins posted:

sorry your mom's character arc didn't make it to the big screen

EMILY BLUNTS posted:

the screen wasent big enough

prefect posted:

He recently drew a plane (he loves drawing planes) with Obama's campaign logo on the side dropping a bomb labeled "ebola". Great job, Mikey!

fool_of_sound posted:

The plane was labeled 'Ebola Gay'.

SaltyJesus posted:

Ebola Gay

natetimm posted:

Okay, then.

Having just recently dropped out of college in 1998 for being a drunken e-tard I was 19, living with my parents, unemployed, no car, and generally just living the true loser lifestyle. I smoked cigarettes bought with money from my dad's change drawer, drank his beer and booze, and played lots of Starcraft. Slept from about 8am-4pm every day, this was during a real winning phase in my life if you can't tell.

So anyway my one social outlet at this time was to unsuccessfully troll for chicks in the "San Diego" chat rooms on yahoo and AOL. It's kind of hard to explain what the internet was like back in those days. Digital cameras and webcams still weren't very common at all so there was a lot of anonymous chatting and reading of profiles being done in chat rooms populated by complete idiots. Imagine youtube comments but in a chat room format where almost everyone lives in your town. People liked to distinguish themselves with fonts and colors. We had cable internet but still paid for AOL access. It was a dark time.

I was getting squirrely being at home and vegging out so much so I found some nerdy guy with an old Cadillac who had a thing for this rather homely exotic dancer who both frequented that chat room. On the promise of liquor I got him to agree to pick us both up and we would hang out. He came and got me and I took the only bottle of booze my dad currently had on-hand: an unopened bottle of Bacardi 151.

We were all so poor that we couldn't afford a chaser and had to share cigarettes. Drinking 151 straight is an experience, let me tell you. I'm surprised I didn't light my face on fire. I don't consider myself a violent man typically but after an hour on the beach in Coronado I had already consumed enough fire water that I was getting aggressive. The cadillac dude had said something disparaging to me and in the ensuing argument I ended up flicking a cigarette in his face. Somehow cooler heads prevailed and we didn't fight, and I ended up apologizing. In our drunken haze we decided to go back to his place (a dorm at UCSD) and all 3 of us sit there and alternate talking in the chat room.

Yes, that's right. Two male nerds in full estrus in the company of a stripper whose attitude on life seemed to consist of "gently caress it" decided that instead of drinking free booze at the beach we should go to his house and chat on the internet instead.

So, we get there and alternate taking turns typing from the girl's account. She's getting rather abusive PMs from some guy I had recognized from being a known rear end in a top hat in the chat room before. Messages are shared, poo poo is talked, and before I know it, I have volunteered to kick this guy's rear end if he was man enough to meet the three of us at a place of his choosing. To make this even more retro, the place of his choosing to meet and fight was Tower Records. Are we in the 90s yet?

There's not much to say after that. We went at the allotted time and stood in the new releases section drunk while he probably sat home and laughed at us. They eventually asked us to leave because we were drunken retards in Tower Records scaring the hippies. He of course claimed he was there the whole time and the question of who the best defender of a stripper's honor in the San Diego 3 chat room on yahoo was left unanswered for the ages.

mr.capps posted:

this is like the opposite of a coming of age movie

CampingCarl posted:

Dr.Zeppelin posted:

Animorphs has gotten weird.

Nutcase on Abovetopsecret posted:

No thanks. Here I am trying to discuss Navy submarine bases under the Nevada Desert and you're trying to talk about aliens. Can we possibly keep this on a realistic level?

Tuxedo Catfish posted:

I wouldn't be too hard on him, not everybody is cut out for reading. I mean, he doesn't want to read literary classics, you evidently didn't want to read the 30 pages between his post and the end of the thread. vv

Windows 98 posted:

Ok seriously though guys STOP SENDING ME EMAILS ABOUT WANTING TO gently caress/HAVING hosed/FANTASIZING loving/RAPING/OR ANYTHING RELATED TO loving CHILDREN . I will not post it per admin's rules. I'm getting such a disturbing amount of these that I am kind of concerned that I post online in a forum populated exclusively with pedophiles.

Kleen_TheRowdyDog posted:

Can I get arrested for letting the air out of someone's car tires?

I ask because recently quite a few homeless people have taken to living in their cars on my street in a quiet, peaceful residential family neighborhood. I don't know how it happened - like some sort of homeless underground railroad or whatever - but there's probably 5 cars at any given time packed to the brim with poo poo. And they sit in their cars drinking and doing drugs and throw their trash on the sidewalk and piss in the alleys between homes. The cops are useless, naturally.

Anyway, I want to send them a message. The message being: It is NOT okay to live in your car on my street. I don't want to get in a ton of trouble, so I figured letting the air out of their tires would send the message loud and clear, but not get me in trouble. But, I want to know if I could be arrested for doing so. Thanks.

blarzgh posted:

Yes, Don't do it.

Aristotle Animes posted:

If you say so but that's not very helpful. At least give him some legal advice on how to terrorize a homeless person.

Carbon dioxide posted:

Dead livestock costs the farmer money. A dead human doesn't. Vets have more financial reasons to deliver good work. That's why vets are the best doctors and you should let them cure human illnesses as well.

Ambrose Burnside posted:

i stopped being shod by my cobbler and started seeing a farrier instead and i never looked back

Thirst Mutilator posted:

Keven. Just. Keven posted:

The Hearth Stone Thread, a short play by Keven (DO NOT STEAL.)

1: I don't like playing against bots. It ruins the game.

2: The bots are easy to beat... are you... BAD?????????

1: I don't enjoy playing against bots, the experience is not fun and they play very limited decks over and over. Regardless of win rate, the game is less enjoyable with bots.

2: Undertaker is fine. It's fine. Learn to play.

(Both 1 and 2 turn and stare out a large window. There, we see Ragnaros the Fire Lord repeatedly striking a 1/1 spider with his hammer. The scene fades to black)

ZeroCount posted:

Darth123123 posted:

Idgi

WilltheMagicAsian posted:

it was called double dick panic in Japan

Kopijeger posted:

I am genuinely curious: which others find it acceptable to spend money on travelling to distant countries in order to beg from the locals instead of working?

Smerdyakov posted:

Peace Corps volunteers.

AltruisticNemesis posted:

Him- 29yo male, daddy issues, mental issues (depression, mild narcissism, anxiety), abandonment issues. Raised in a smothering, very tea party, fundamentalist Christian household. He is in a well paying, cushy job- though the subject matter he has to review is NWS/NMS in order to prevent that material from getting to the masses on the internet, with him unable at times to "shrug it off". He was handpicked to be a supervisor by his superiors for this job, though supervising is new to him and he is having problems. He is in therapy now, after me suggesting multiple times, and goes every 1-2 weeks. He is having major family problems regarding money, a store his father owns and embezzlement by his sister of his entire trust fund ($100k.)

We are in a semi-open relationship - where flings are okay if approved beforehand, and ideally the extra person will be played with by both of us simultaneously (threesomes, etc.) At any time either person can say no, stop, etc. at any moment and everything will stop (yay consent culture.)

He has broken trust a few times during our "openness escapades"-- Example: after I had said no regarding a specific girl he let himself be tricked into breaking the rules in a BDSM scene. Then recently, after I was released from the hospital (chronic autoimmune disorders) and still sick in bed, I discovered he had emailed casual encounters on craigslist, wanting to "play with them" and sending pictures of himself. He has also struggled with compulsive masturbation, even taking breaks at work upwards of 3 times a day to jerk it in a stall. As far as I know he has not slept with anyone without permission outside the relationship.

When he is not depressed and riddled with issues from work and family he is trustworthy, open, communicative... Happy. And we are happy.
We have discussed his problems. I understand his issues and he described his masturbation as "something he can control" and a "distraction from the pain"... something I understand as an ex-cutter. He has admitted he has a problem. And he is talking to his therapist about it. I am also trying to help and be understanding.

Is there a way I can assist him during his recovery without being naggy, motherly, bitchy? Is there something I can tell myself to help with coping and not blame myself?

After I discovered the emails I was livid. But eventually I switched from pissed and screaming to identifying his problem and being more supportive - while still being like "nah son, you done hosed up- but we are going to get through this problem - but I'm still pissed like hella."
After I talked to him about it and we had a long discussion regarding it, he seemed softer. He cried and apologized and told me he wants to be better. I'm new to sexual addiction, but have helped others with chemical addiction. It's harder for me with sexual addiction/compulsion because its so easy to doubt yourself, your worth and the relationship when he cant control his dick. He seems willing to work on it.

If anyone has any tips from when they went through this or anything like that....anything I can use to help both of us through this, it would be greatly appreciated.

(sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I'm still on the mend from the hospital and on medications so please excuse my lack of eloquence.)

Triticum Guzzler posted:

I wanna be the very best, like noone ever was
To catch AIDS is my real quest, to spread it is my cause

I will travel across craigslist, searching far and wide
For gay men I want to gently caress, I'm scared to go outside

SAD GAY MAN (gotta catch em all!) it's H I V
I know it's my destiny!

SAD GAY MAN, ooooh he lost 100gs
We're both in therapy

SAD GAY MAN, a tale so true
Just released from ICU

You cheat on me and I'll cheat on you

SAAAAAD GAAAAAY MAAAAN

InvisibleMonkey posted:

Does your imitation of 'porno titties' involve shoving two balloons down your shirt and going "oooOOooh, look at these porno titties! assume the dog position!"

AA is for Quitters posted:

I wish i had pictures of it, but my brother in law used to do HVAC and kick carpets (And now manages a home depot...giving others all sorts of not-up-to-code advice) and likes to reno things without permits, like his entire basement, which made getting a refi on their home signed off on...difficult as there wasn't a single permit pulled for the thing.

But they used to live outside of Philly in NJ, in a home on the historic registry. And decided to put in central air. and redo the carpets. and the wiring. And while it was all done well...that was like a six figure fine they had to eat for doing that. Oops.

canyoneer posted:

Well, you can't have archaic and heat it too

Triticum Guzzler posted:

metal terminator endoskeletons stomp across the eternal night of the future battlefield, skulls cracking beneath the weight of their pitiless march

KYLE REESE: [v.o] The Reddit web site loving sucks. It's much less good than the functionally and demographically identical web sites that I read. Additionally, the paedophiles on my web site are much cooler, it's like the subs vs dubs of loving children, basically.

Starter Wiggin posted:

Ms Boods posted:

When in the hell did Penthouse authorise a sequel to Flowers for Algernon?

Ninjasaurus posted:

Every goon deserves his chance in the sun.

Jerry Manderbilt posted:

Did you just put "goon" and "in the sun" in the same sentence?

bunnyofdoom posted:

Who is Jon Pop?

Eschers Basement posted:

Jesus Christ, this better not lead to a seventy-page speech on the irrationality of Katy Perry and how individualism must be the new foundation of our music.

Kansas City Royals posted:

*eurythmics voice* some of them want to rape you, the other ones want to rape you too, some of them want to use you, we usually call the users jews

no they will not posted:

Welcome to Let's Play Peek-a-boo!

So, what is this?

This is SSLP (Screenshot let's play, for you forum noobs!) of the popular game, peek-a-boo. Despite being initially targeted at toddlers, today the game has a great deal of adult fans, myself included. I have a great deal of nostalgia for this game; it was one of the first games I ever played, and I still love it. I was actually pretty surprised to learn that a fairly substantial set of people have not only never played it themselves, but have no idea what it even is, so I thought: "What better way to share a game I love than via the medium of let's play?" and here we are.

So how will the LP work, then?

I'll try to get out fairly regular updates, with a few "turns" per post. Of course, some of you may know that peek-a-boo is a game for two players - this is where thread participation comes in. I'll be playing the part of the "peek-a-booer", while the thread [collectively] will be playing the part of the "observer". Text in bold indicates words spoken by the peek-a-booer, while text in italics indicates extra commentary on the game. So without further ado, let's get started!

Updates
Update 1

Hat Thoughts posted:

Not gonna quote all g0ms posts but everyone should definitely read all of them

Kthulhu5000 posted:

There is no life at Google or anywhere else in Silicon Valley. Everyone eventually flatlines into a state of typing code that is error-free but does nothing, interspersed with ever longer periods of sitting perfectly still neck-deep in the ball pit, staring at the wall until the bright colors of the balls blur together with the fluorescent lights into a perfect hollow nothing. The disruption of the disruptors, or rather, the folding-in - the brain death that inevitably follows the soul death that follows the personality death (with the caveat that both soul and personality were likely stillborn from the start).

No sign of life but caffeine-overdrive heartbeats, little to no stimulus response. One subject took a series Nerf arrows to the eye, each arriving at a higher velocity than the previous, with no response despite his (overwhelmingly hims) mortal injury. Others were shown a series of "doge" meme images, each getting ruder, viler, nastier, more real, and more violent than the last, culminating in finally just showing them a video of a dog being tortured to death in a Pusan restaurant kitchen. There was no response from most subjects, though some exhibited a slight grin at the moment when the dog exhibited a final pained yelp and died in a pool of its own blood.

It's why, despite all these lines of code and computer resources and networking connections and banks of data, there has been no inadvertent and spontaneous arising of a sentient AI. Because that which is dead, which seeks only that which is dead and dying, can only create more death.

Kthulhu5000 posted:

SQUARt iNBOUNd!

Walk by the nerd with the biggest Coke bottle glasses and inhale deeply through your mouth. That's cum, baby. Cum and the future. A future of eternal night, of nutrient drinks and chemicalized rod meat. A future where we walk around in darkness, seeing in infrared and UV through the scope of our surgically implanted "geegles", no light except dim holograms and the radioactive glow of our orifice tubes. It's just leaking coolant from the fission power source everyone carries in their abdominal cavity, that's all.

And we'll look up at the sky, and see the lights of spaceships moving around in the stars, spaceships we were never on, will never be on, because automation was deemed good enough. And we've forgotten why they're up there, but who gives a poo poo? I mean, who gives a squart? That's what it will all boil down to, squart bombardment through our direct visual hookup via the ocular nerves. People squarting jokes that have lost all meaning and no longer fit in any recognizable context, random images of the darkness (because what is really left to see or photograph?), music of memeglarge chants, guttural hoots, and orgasmic panting.

We'll be hairy, and squat, and soon cease to walk on two legs. It's too much trouble, much easier to crawl on four. The orifice tubes break open, can't stand up to the strain, and we leave glowing trails behind us as we shuffle around. We will look up at the remaining sliver of the moon, when we can see it, and bray like jackasses about how amazing our disruptive utopia has made everything. And then, clickering and clackering noisily and yet unheard, God's true chosen, the pollution mutated centipede people, will consume our flesh to fuel their deserved ascendancy.

We were only ever the means, never the end.

Fool and the World posted:

Why is byob or nite crew raiding pyf right now? God I hope you poo poo heads all get banned, not for your posting but just because you like anime

Valiantman posted:

That's the best LP I've ever read. Not even kidding.

Tamerlame posted:

When a heterosexual white male turns 18 he is sent a formal letter, inviting him to the patriarchal society. This gives him lots of small bonuses and he also gets a membership card that he can show to any male to receive extra privilege by for example cutting in line at the doctors office. Every month there is a meeting, these are local and are carried out around the world. There is free beer and good traditional food. Every August it's cultural appropriation day and some non-white food is consumed instead. At this meeting favours are given out freely, you can talk to future or current bosses and receive huge pay-check bonuses or just a job.

Rape, violence against women and similar acts works kind of like jury duty. There's a small council of highly intelligent males who calculates just how much rape and violence will be required this month to keep the women, non-whites and non-heterosexuals down. Then a letter is send to randomly picked males who attended the last meeting. They have to carry out this action within a month, or face severe consequences (they actually are forced to become trans).

This council holds a secret: The patriarchy is not an abstract concept, but rather a huge creature that lives within the planet and lives on inequality. The day that the world becomes too equal is the day that this beast dies, and the planet explodes.

boom boom boom posted:

The vast majority of men have a penis and the vast majority of women have a vagina. Like, 99 percent. It's totally reasonable to assume that a person you meet on the street is gonna have junk that matches their gender signifiers.

It's like if people on tumblr said that you shouldn't assume that someone you meet wearing a long coat is actually one adult instead of two kids trying to sneak into a theater. I mean, yeah, if you live in a big city you're probably gonna meet someone who's actually one kid sitting on the shoulders of another kid hidden under a trenchcoat, acting like an adult, maybe acting so well you don't even notice. And depending on your social circle, you might have a ton of friends that are two kids in a coat, but if you meet someone on the street in a coat, it's probably just a regular adult.