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Retail Slave posted:My son: Millennials.txt
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Nov 29, 2014 00:28
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| # ? May 17, 2024 14:22 |
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Retail Slave posted:My son: One day we'll have this, I bet money on it. In the future we'll have cyborgs walking around with implants hooked up wirelessly to their smartphone, and one of the things we'll use it for is checking our piss levels.
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Nov 29, 2014 01:48
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Slime posted:One day we'll have this, I bet money on it. In the future we'll have cyborgs walking around with implants hooked up wirelessly to their smartphone, and one of the things we'll use it for is checking our piss levels. Of course. We'll also use it to check how much we've farted.
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Nov 29, 2014 02:02
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Slime posted:One day we'll have this, I bet money on it. In the future we'll have cyborgs walking around with implants hooked up wirelessly to their smartphone, and one of the things we'll use it for is checking our piss levels. This is a better idea than you realise. There are people out there that cannot feel anything. Like, they HAVE to go to the toilet every half hour because they never know when they need to do the business, etc.
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Nov 29, 2014 02:04
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Slime posted:One day we'll have this, I bet money on it. In the future we'll have cyborgs walking around with implants hooked up wirelessly to their smartphone, and one of the things we'll use it for is checking our piss levels. Bladder 56% full. Urination: recommended, but not required.
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Nov 29, 2014 09:22
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Retail Slave posted:My son: Kid's going places, I want to buy that.
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Nov 29, 2014 14:49
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Bladdr.
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Nov 29, 2014 22:42
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Of course. We'll also use it to check how much we've farted. Imagine a microtransaction-filled freemium game where you're given in-game money each time you fart, or alternatively you can just buy the in-game money. In a certain economic sense, you are literally purchasing your own farts.
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Nov 30, 2014 02:02
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Noctis Horrendae posted:Bladder 56% full. Urination: recommended, but not required. Pay $1.29 to reset your daily counter for urinations! $2.50 for unlimited urination attempts.
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Nov 30, 2014 04:34
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Kid's going to make a fortune with iPiss.
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Dec 1, 2014 04:47
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Dubh posted:Kid's going to make a fortune with iPiss. He told my wife tonight that he's going to make lightbulbs that run on farts. I think I have some sort of bodily function tech mogul on my hands.
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Dec 1, 2014 04:51
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Today was my niece's 3rd birthday, and the whole day had been chock full of cuteness. She started her day singing in her bed about how she was three now, followed by sincerely thanking and kissing everyone who said "Happy birthday" to her. She then got her cake with a single candle. When asked to make a wish, she leaned in, whispered "I love you little candle" then blew it out. She wished for pudding. When asked why, she said "it isnt a party without pudding!" At some point I ended up being put in time-out. She told me she loved me, but that i didnt listen to her mommy (about going after the frosting on her cake), and that i had to go to my room for twenty minutes. The kid is a constant joy.
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Dec 1, 2014 04:57
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From a kid getting off an airplane in cold weather, asked if he wanted to put on a coat. "I don't need a coat, I'm hardcore!"
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Dec 1, 2014 06:20
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Nekodoshi posted:"it isnt a party without pudding!" Your niece and I have similar views on life.
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Dec 1, 2014 08:27
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Nekodoshi posted:Today was my niece's 3rd birthday, and the whole day had been chock full of cuteness. She started her day singing in her bed about how she was three now, followed by sincerely thanking and kissing everyone who said "Happy birthday" to her. Your niece owns. I heard a kid in a supermarket whining for a cupcake or something and his mother told him no, to which he loudly protested, "But I love you!" 
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Dec 1, 2014 15:16
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Your niece owns. In a similar vein, but much more tantrumy, at the Lego store last night I witnessed a boy maybe about 5 years old throwing a fit because his dad would not buy him a set as they had only come in to browse. The tantrum ran the gamut from wailing "PLEASE" over and over, to falling to his knees and holding his hands up as if he was praying to his father. The golden moment came when he started punching his dad in the butt out of frustration and interspersing it with "I love you, daddy, PLEEEEASE!"
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Dec 1, 2014 20:57
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Reminds me of years ago when I saw a kid a the video store begging his dad for candy and the only reasoning he had for why they should buy it was "But I LIKE these!!" which he chanted over and over.
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Dec 1, 2014 22:22
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Your niece owns. "Teacher, give me candy." "Nope." "teacher, PLEASE give me candy." "Nope." "Teacher, please, please, please, you are so beautiful, I LOVE YOU, PLEASE I very very love you, give me a candy PLEASE I LOVE YOU!" "Still no." *Korean cussing* not really) ...it's still (mostly) kind of endearing.
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Dec 2, 2014 12:17
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There students I was substitute teaching for were telling me how they remembered me from the year before or earlier in the year and then one chimed in "I saw you in the Target bathroom!" It was true, but that caught me off guard.
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Dec 5, 2014 21:25
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Sometime last week one of the three-year-olds I teach came up to me, absolutely proud as punch, and we had the following exchange. Mr Ca'wexio? Yeah, buddy? I DIDDA POO INNA TOILET! YEAH!? YEH!Just so, so proud of himself. He is completely adorable pretty much all the time.
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Dec 5, 2014 22:08
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I was driving somewhere with my 10 year old nephew when out of nowhere he says: "There are boys your age who like My Little Pony. They're called bronies." And then very softly he says: "I just don't understand that..."
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Dec 9, 2014 22:31
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Kid's a genius
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Dec 9, 2014 23:29
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qerina posted:I was driving somewhere with my 10 year old nephew when out of nowhere he says: "There are boys your age who like My Little Pony. They're called bronies." And then very softly he says: "I just don't understand that..." He's seen too much.
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Dec 9, 2014 23:29
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I saw a little girl and her mom at Target the other day shopping in the toy section. Out of nowhere, this conversation happened: Girl: I'm going to freeze everyone! With my ICE POWERS! I can freeze EVERYONE IN THE WORLD! Mom: .... Are you being Elsa? Girl: Yeah! Disney princess movies aren't what they used to be. 
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Dec 11, 2014 16:05
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5 year old son: Tell Santa I want a driver license and a red Audi. A real one, not a toy! And a gold watch! I don't see where he gets this from. Champagne wishes on a potted meat budget.
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Dec 11, 2014 17:14
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My 5yo son is just full of WTF lately. After splashing water all over the floor while in the tub... Boy: Mommy, do you still love me? Wife: Of course. Boy: Would you love me no matter what? Wife: Yep. Boy: Even if I cut you into pieces? Wife: Uh... I guess so, but I'd rather you didn't. Boy (reassuringly): Don't worry, Mommy. I won't cut you into pieces. *pauses thoughtfully* I don't have anything sharp enough.
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Dec 11, 2014 17:35
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My son (he of the future bladder app): "I can't wait until I die." 
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Dec 11, 2014 19:05
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This thread got real dark
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Dec 11, 2014 22:04
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To contribute to the darkness: ME: So, what are you going to do this weekend? 5TH GRADER: Maybe my father will hit me. ME: Oh. Merry Christmas. 5TH GRADER: It's my very good Christmas present. I wish I could explain to him why that's not actually funny, but the beauty of this job is being allowed to laugh when the kids say off-color stuff.
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Dec 12, 2014 01:20
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bringmyfishback posted:To contribute to the darkness: Congrats on being lovely at your job! 
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Dec 12, 2014 01:44
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LaughMyselfTo posted:Congrats on being lovely at your job! How much Korean do you speak? He doesn't speak much English. I'm of the mind that I should be encouraging them to communicate in English as much as possible, even if what they say is rude or a little surprising. Also, that's not even close to the worst thing I've heard a kid say. Pick your battles, friend. And take further accusations to PM, please. Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 02:03 on Dec 12, 2014 |
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Dec 12, 2014 02:01
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Also I'm told it's socially acceptable for TEACHERS to hit kids in Korea, let alone their own parents.
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Dec 12, 2014 02:20
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Sex Hobbit posted:Also I'm told it's socially acceptable for TEACHERS to hit kids in Korea, let alone their own parents. Technically illegal, but that doesn't stop most of my coworkers. I actually had to ask a Korean co-teacher to leave the classroom last week because she snapped and started whaling on this kid with her pointer. She was most surprised by my reaction. In any case, if his parents were abusing him, I doubt he'd joke about it. But I know my students and you guys don't, so I could see how it might be a cause for concern if you don't know much about teaching here.
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Dec 12, 2014 02:27
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My girlfriend's nephew (age 5) sat next to me at lunch a few weeks ago. I mentioned that after lunch we were going home. He really wanted to come home with us, so I told him one weekend he could come to the city and stay with us. Nephew: ok, but do you know where I live? Me: yes... Nephew: ok, so can you drive me home? Then the next weekend he DID get to come home with us. We are boring and don't have a tv or video games, so he played on his Kindle Fire and watched a bunch of trailers for movies. Nephew: Have you heard of this guy Indiana Jones?
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Dec 12, 2014 03:38
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My friend posted this on Facebook this morning regarding her five year old son. Son: hey mom, there's your penis thing. Mom: uhh, what? Son: I mean, your vagina thing. (Pointing at a tampon that fell out of her bag) Mom: oh, thanks bud.
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Dec 12, 2014 04:13
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5 year old daughter had a weird look on her face while she was sniffing her towel after her shower. Me: What are you doing? Her: Smell this! So I do, doesn't smell like anything to me. Me: What does it smell like? Her: Wet towel!  She continued to sniff it for awhile after that. I have no idea what's going on.
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Dec 15, 2014 18:23
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When my youngest kid was given a piece of candy on a holiday for the first time (starburst; for those not familiar, think super soft taffy), she asked "juice cheese?" without any prompting. This was back when her vocabulary could probably be measured in the dozens of words, so it really blew my mind. I'd already decided to be one of those ultra liberal parents that just treats a kid as a mini adult instead of saying things like "I'll tell you when you're older" or "because I said so", and her just putting the words together like that really solidified the decision, it was sold proof that she was already really thinking and analyzing everything, I hate that I'm the only person in the family that remembers it
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Dec 16, 2014 02:27
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Sentient Data posted:When my youngest kid was given a piece of candy on a holiday for the first time (starburst; for those not familiar, think super soft taffy), she asked "juice cheese?" without any prompting. This was back when her vocabulary could probably be measured in the dozens of words, so it really blew my mind. Your kid is a frigging genius. That's the best thing I've heard in a long time.
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Dec 16, 2014 03:18
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Forgive me, but it reminds me of Koko the gorilla and her neologisms like "finger-bracelet" (for "ring"), "scratch-comb" (for "brush"), and "eye-hat" (for "mask"). That innovative way of creating new vocab from whatever words you have laying around is very cool. (This could also have been where German came from.)
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Dec 16, 2014 03:26
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The Germans do that too! Mittens? Nah. These are Hand-Shoes!
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Dec 16, 2014 03:33
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