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GNU Order posted:Like once a month I think about buying an N64 and a bunch of games and living the childhood I could never have, but then I realize that's really dumb and I just go spend that money on pears and weed
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 04:22 |
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# ? Jun 10, 2024 13:24 |
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Kavak posted:In honor of Thanksgiving, could someone please post or link that story about a package deliveryman or something who got attacked and chased by a turkey for a whole block? It ended with the bird attacking everything else at the intersection he stopped at and the words "gently caress that turkey". I found it on the first page of the previous quotes thread, dunno who the OP is, though: quote:ASSAULTED BY A TURKEY IN SUBURBIA
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 06:37 |
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THere's a Creative Convention review that has the line "Put a shotgun under your chin and pull the trigger" any one got it?
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 06:50 |
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Volume posted:THere's a Creative Convention review that has the line "Put a shotgun under your chin and pull the trigger" any one got it? It wasn't by Pantsfish, was it? If it's not, well, it needs to be posted again anyway: Pantsfish posted:Dear Kantaris,
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 08:03 |
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Anyone with archives want to post the story that inspired that? Because it's gotta be something. Edit: Thank you! That explains a lot. Thinky Whale has a new favorite as of 08:26 on Nov 30, 2014 |
# ? Nov 30, 2014 08:06 |
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Farts posted: I was sitting at work, and one of my co-workers mentioned they were bored, I asked if I ever told them the story about how I met the Gortons Fisherman, they in turn mentioned that they didn't and could use a story right now. So from normal - to fantasy - to cliched Vin Diesel joke - to insane. Enjoy I guess...this is untitled and I know it's written poorly, I did no brainstorming and just started typing nonstop for about a half an hour. It was a chilly afternoon in November, I had just gotten out of school for the day. My days always ended with gym, so I was usually stinky and sweaty at the end of the day on the trip home, however, today was different, today the air was brisk, the leaves were on the ground, and I had a goal. I was going to meet the Gortons Fisherman. The old scruffy sailor who is on the boxes of all the Gortons frozen seafood products, he's always pictured at the wheel on his ship, in his yellow raincoat, the man is known in supermarkets everywhere. I was on my way to the schools football field, where the yearly 'Civil War' battle was being held. I should go on to say that I went to Toms River High School North, and the Civil War battle was aptly named that for when we would fight Toms River High School South. During the game, I saw him, dressed in the yellow raincoat and the beard, my eyes lighted up with excitement, my pulse quickened, all these years of hating seafood and now I get to yell at this old man. I ran down the bleachers, tackled the scruffy old man, and ripped off his hat. I should go on to say that I had no intention of actually harming this old fellow, it was just that I tripped on my way down and he broke my fall. Anyway, back to the story at hand, I had realized my error, the fisherman was not anyone famous, nor was he old. He was Brian Callahan, and he was the mascot for our team. Our schools mascot was "The Mariner" a scruffy old man in a yellow raincoat. My plans were foiled, I needed a quick escape, so I took the tiny whistle out of my pocket and blew it as hard as I could, and waited. As I was waiting for my ride to appear, half of the faculty there was making an attempt to capture me, and just as one of the burly gym teachers was about to make a grab for me, the sky darkened, and a loud roar was heard from the heavens. As everyone froze at the dreaded roar and looked upwards, they noticed my magnificent dragon flying over the field, making a divebomb towards me. My ride has arrived. The dragon had a wingspan of roughly the football field, lengthwise, he was medium sized, with hard scaly lizardlike skin, and his color was that of a deep stony brown. His eyes, as red as the devil himself, and the fire he breathed from his mouth was so hot, it was pure white. The dragon flew down and lowered his neck, allowing me to mount properly and make my retreat. At this time, most of the people had run away, screaming in terror, little do they know that they wouldn't be harmed, unless I wished it to be so. The dragons magnificent wings spread out as he prepared to lift off the ground, and then we were up in the air. When we got back to my house, and he dropped me off, there was a police car in front of my house, naturally, I figured that they saw the dragon and needed to detain me, or get me into custody to ask a few questions. I let the dragon go back to his cave, as I waited for the officer to emerge from his vehicle. The door to the cruiser swung open and … The officer that stepped out was no ordinary officer of the law. He stood like a statue made out of stone, with a bald head that gleamed so brightly, it seemed to contain the power of the sun. After I regained my vision, I realized that this was Vin Diesel, a man worthy of a good fight. I had to act quickly, because he was already running towards me, I had no time to think, and I brandished the only weapon I had. My fists. He came at me like a hurricane, swift and deadly, I managed to dodge some of his blows, but the he hit me with a shot to the gut, and then a swift uppercut that launched me thirty feet in the air. Now that I had some downtime to think, I thought of a plan. When I hit the ground, I rolled, as to avoid any injury, and bolted into my house as fast as I could. Try as I might, he caught up to me as I reached to open my front door and punched me through it, I tumbled down the hallway, and luckily for me, my bedroom was at the end of the hall. I opened up my dresser, and took out my laser gun, and promptly fired six shots into his chest. They all bounced off and he was undamaged. The laugh that he emitted was evil, and at that moment, I knew I was going to die. So I did the only thing I could... I grabbed my phone and called Sean Paul, he could get busy with Vin Diesel while I went and got my ultimate weapon. As I kept Vin Diesel busy, Sean Paul drove into my living room and got out of his escalade, he grabbed a microphone and started to speak the incomprehensive babble that he speaks, and it made Vin Diesels ears bleed. He clutched his ears and fell to the ground. Now was my chance! I made my bed levitate and went down the hidden stairway to the center of the earth, there, inside a box, was the ultimate weapon. I took the box up the long flight of stairs, and at this point, Vin Diesel had killed Sean Paul and drank his blood, gaining his power. Vin Diesel was now on par with the power of any god in existence. The crate was thrown on the ground, and dust came up from it. “Do you know what’s inside the box Diesel?” Vin Diesel laughed, and bellowed in an unholy voice, “It matters not, for your end is nigh! Prepare to die fool!” He made a lightning quick jab at me, and I flew through the wall into the garage, what luck, I needed a crowbar to open the crate with, I grabbed one off the wall, and knew what was coming, so I held the steel bar in front of me, and waited. Vin Diesel flew in through the wall, and hit headfirst into the crowbar, making him hit the ground with a dull thud. Now I knew my time was limited, because I had just made him angrier, so I ran through the downed walls took out my crowbar, which seemed to glow with power at this point…and opened up the crate. Inside the box was a weapon is immeasurable evil. The one thing on earth that God himself feared. An old man walked out of the box, clean shaven, but he had a thick white moustache, a tophat, and a cane of immeasurable power. He thrust the cane straight into Vin Diesels chest and yelled out "DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT TWO-HUNDRED DOLLARS, BITCH!" Vin diesel shot backwards about fifty feet until he stopped himself. "Uncle Pennybags (Editors note, that's the name of the monopoly man as per Monopoly Jr.), I've never expected to see you ever again. Prepare to die old man!" "You just landed on my hotel...on BOARDWALK!" Uncle Pennybags took off his tophat, revealing his bald head, even brighter than Vin Diesels head, and shone the light down into his eyes, blinding him. Pennybags then threw the tophat at Vin Diesel and it seemed to devour him. "Welcome to Baltic Ave....bitch." Vin Diesel had been defeated, and all thanks to my rich Uncle Pennybags. "Hey uncle, want to play a round of Monopoly?" "Sure!" We played Monopoly into the long hours of the night, and at about 4AM I landed on his hotel on Park Place, cursed him out, and threw the board against the wall! "YOU SUCK, THE BANKER ALWAYS CHEATS, WHERE DID THOSE ONE HUNDREDS COME FROM!" The End I'm sure if I had given it some thought and brainstorming, it could have stayed along the lines of sane.
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 08:21 |
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muscles like this? posted:More like "The Invisible Rapist" Hector Beerlioz posted:I already posted Ghost Dad.
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 12:22 |
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SASS there to remind us who's he real victim when racists catch poo poo for the racist things they sayGAPO posted:There have been no rape, death or any other kinds of threats from SASS. All we have done is start a counter-tumblr that seeks to expose yellowxperil for being sexist and racist. Unlike her tumblr, ours does not call for real life harassment. Jesus, you people will believe anything. GAPO posted:There have been no rape, death or any other kinds of threats from SASS. All we have done is start a counter-tumblr that seeks to expose yellowxperil for being sexist and racist. Unlike her tumblr, ours does not call for real life harassment. Jesus, you people will believe anything.
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 20:02 |
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Plafop posted:Actually it's about harm reduction in recreational drugs
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 21:14 |
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Whatev posted:I'm cool with adding a clause to my marriage contract that reads "if either party cookie monsters drugs till they transforms themselves into a retarded potato of a human being, they will be found in breach of contract and ceremoniously released into a bayou, swamp, bog, or other body of wetlands"
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# ? Nov 30, 2014 21:22 |
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On schoolkids abusing nutmegparanoid randroid posted:parents are so uptight. sometimes you just want to get hosed up on spices like a mccormick mentat ok
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 00:05 |
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Suspicious Dish posted:The Wikimedia Foundation has over 50 million in the bank. They do not need your money FYI. univbee posted:this pile of money is a stub. you can help by expanding it
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 01:15 |
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BKPR posted:Request: that thread where Haomo critiques a dude's fantasy story line by line and talks about making GBS threads himself. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3524589
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 07:07 |
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The like 5 Creative Convention regulars are very embarassing
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 07:23 |
Zippy the Bummer posted:the other night i almost got into a combined 80+ mph head on collision with a pickup because he was trying to pass another car and was in my lane heading at me on a two lane highway and coming through a curve. I saw two pairs of headlights and because they had different levels of brightness it was not immediately obvious that he was not simply following the other car very closely through the curve. i hit the brakes and the pickup threaded the needle between the two cars so narrowly i could have reached out my window and touched his driver side door. this happens relatively often around here, at least several times a year it seems. gnarlyhotep posted:I think it's time to move away from the racetrack
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 11:49 |
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Ruddha posted:i will accept 40k /yr to set up fake forums for you guys to do the week end web, about lots of messed up junk, toilet seat fashions, dog medicine, boat sex, library sleeping, melting candles together to make one candle with many wicks, etc and i wont tell nobody that im faking so you get some serious content on the go if you know what i mean
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 13:37 |
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I started reading the griefing thread again. Most of it is still boring crap, but there's still some funny posts there tomanton posted:We were playing on a TTT server. Like most terrible servers the moderators were power-tripping, their sycophants were insufferable, and they also had a really badly-coded admin addon wuat exploited to permaban all of the above. Anyone not a rankless, make-believe title-less user was shown the door, leaving us and the pubbies to enjoy TTT as it was meant to be played. tomanton posted:That was probably the best one, there were a few more because after they banned wuat and unbanned his victims he got on an alternate account and banned them all over again, also at the same time he was propkilling everyone which I guess added to the chaos. Their forums weren't too worked up about it but again that moderator was the life of the party.
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# ? Dec 1, 2014 22:14 |
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Your Dead Gay Son posted:Reminder that Britain is the country that rear end hosed India so hard they still have aftershock gang rapes
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# ? Dec 2, 2014 13:01 |
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mysterious frankie posted:No one should get into drugs, but goons especially shouldn't get into drugs. Almost every forum centered around recreational activities is populated by a core of angry, bitter burnouts who have eschewed normal life goals so that they can better concentrate on binging on- and despising- video games, movies, tv, whatever. Goons are, if nothing else, efficient to the point of rendering themselves anhedonic, at overindulging in hedonistic activities. gnarlyhotep posted:tell me about it, some of them can't even play video games for fun mysterious frankie posted:My favorites are the ones who show up in a thread the same day a game launched to bitch about how much the ending sucked. No poo poo. Forcing an entire rotisserie chicken down your throat in one go would also be unpleasant, I imagine, but that's why you're not supposed to do that. Now imagine that guy getting into exotic Soviet lab chemicals. What would take a normal junkie a lifetime to destroy he could knock out in a week. They'll need to carve the associated cheevo on his pauper's grave.
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# ? Dec 2, 2014 18:13 |
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shiksa posted:lmao "hey did anyone happen to ever take a picture of chewbacca? i should have asked before i started working on this sculpture, this one looks like a mongoloid." Aesop Poprock posted:truly, they captured chewies trademark look of "rapist early 1900s Italian stereotype" to a T
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# ? Dec 3, 2014 10:14 |
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prefect posted:when we took a high-school class trip to paris, some of us ran into a group of german soldiers out at the bars -- they were a riot. fun guys maniacdevnull posted:dude how old are you?
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# ? Dec 3, 2014 12:09 |
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Suspicious Lump posted:Woke up this morning to a loving husky around my chicken pen with feathers everywhere. It killed 3 of my 4 chickens. gently caress. A bit sad about the whole thing because they laid eggs every day. Now the last one is a bit traumatised. IrvingWashington posted:Now you just have to get a turkey to eat the husky and you get a turdogen.
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# ? Dec 3, 2014 15:35 |
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Mans posted:I started reading the griefing thread again. I think the Danuke guy has a point
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# ? Dec 3, 2014 17:30 |
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Have an oldie:
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# ? Dec 3, 2014 17:57 |
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TVIV.txt:Phylodox posted:I love how this thread becomes nigh unreadable within an hour of the episode ending.
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# ? Dec 4, 2014 06:06 |
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slomomofo posted:Are there any recent games that you could do a porn parody of? I'm not much of a gamer and can't think of anything more recent than (maybe?) Zelda. Treebeh posted:The Last of Us Suicide Sam E. posted:The Last of Us
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# ? Dec 4, 2014 10:08 |
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From the Akward/Ugly thread:Funky See Funky Do posted:What does DSS stand for in this context? bringmyfishback posted:Dom/Sub/Slave?
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# ? Dec 4, 2014 17:53 |
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On a DeviantArt image of a pregnant Prius:corn in the bible posted:I'm surprised Priuses can get pregnant. Aren't hybrids usually sterile?
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# ? Dec 4, 2014 20:31 |
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Suzuran posted:
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# ? Dec 4, 2014 21:07 |
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For foreigner context: the St. Louis Rams are from Missouri, the state where Ferguson happened.Silly Burrito posted:32 NFL Teams as 80s/90s Nickelodeon Shows korrandark posted:Bengals : Are you afraid of the dark? Chilichimp posted:Pretty sure that's gonna be the Rams.
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# ? Dec 4, 2014 23:51 |
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Intoluene posted:For some reason, the sound of 5 pounds of gummy bears exploding out of a man's rear end is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:50 |
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d3c0y2 posted:Obama growing huge and impassive gives me a real strong 100 years of solitude vibe.José Arcadio Buendía's withdrawel springs to mind.
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 04:10 |
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It's a weird book but I thought it was pretty great. loving weird though.
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 06:00 |
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Let's play guess that autist!Desideratus posted:So in light of the recent arguing I decided to look at GOKU and GOON qualitatively for comparison; You could say, to harness my incredibly and overwhelming autism for a greater purpose. I was comparing the two in a few metrics and measuring the percent difference between stats [For those unaware, it's not just dividing one number by another, that presents issues in a way I won't sperg about here; Percent difference = ( | ΔV |/ ( ∑V/2) ) * 100 = ( | (V1 - V2) | / ((V1 + V2)/2) ) * 100], and I think we can pretty conclusively retire the dickwaving. Desideratus posted:Nobody has ever been kicked from GOKU for bad stats, we only occasionally purge inactive (60 or more days without login); GOON actually has more active members, and only a bit more inactives. Keep moving the goalposts brah I'm unemployed, I can prove you wrong all day B] I think this is my favourite summary of goons Desideratus posted:Keep moving the goalposts brah I'm unemployed, I can prove you wrong all day B]
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 07:55 |
Lanky Coconut Tree posted:Let's play guess that autist! We're not all unemployed, bru. I've got a lot of free time on my hands to prove this to you. Your choice.
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 09:47 |
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Camel Pimp posted:
the original gif from the game is throwing around a sword. That sword belongs to a dead ally so the the bad guys can prove his deadness. But apparently in the first draft of the script durning development of the game it was his arm. So camel pimp wanted us to see what that version of the script would look like.
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 11:05 |
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GWBBQ posted:I just started reading the thread and this is from 3 months ago but I just bought the book based on this post and I hope it's worth it. You reminded me of Marquez and now i'm sad
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 16:09 |
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quite the fucker posted:i like when the tuba honks to help the black guy startle you
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 16:55 |
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Jordan7hm posted:Pretty sure your friend is referring to the Fire of God church, not the cult of the fire god. I don't know anything about it beyond a cursury google search, but I'm pretty sure I've seen them around downtown handing out pamphlets. Kenny Logins posted:Disappointed in the paucity on their position on the length of the night, and its present capacity vis-a-vis terrors.
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# ? Dec 5, 2014 23:21 |
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# ? Jun 10, 2024 13:24 |
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Decrepus posted:Place your fully delitized girlfriend into the tub and massage her ham and cheese breasts.
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# ? Dec 6, 2014 02:09 |