Hat Thoughts posted:

What else would it be?

cock hero flux posted:

Maybe, it was pretty dark.

cynic posted:

Gandalf: Hmm gunna give these retard midgets the most powerful, evil thing ever, hope for the best *takes huge toke and blows out a smoke ring in the shape of a big ganja leaf*

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Monstrous Dooklord posted:

finish your pussy you wimp, there's horny kids in e/n

Zweihander01 posted:

Does anyone have the quote that's an edit of the Marine Todd thing, but the professor is an actual Old Testament angel that does battle with Dawkins the Antichrist?

Some Internet Guy posted:

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am God. I’m still waiting.” It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and lifted up his arm to strike him.

At that moment the professor was transformed into a 7-foot grizzly, wreathed in a halo of holy fire. The bear spoke: "Blasphemer thou art, thou thinkst to take the place of God? Those who deny me face eternal fire, but you who knows my work and yet commits the sin of Satan I curse a hundred times over!" The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently picking at his boils. Then Richard Dawkins burst into the room, wielding a copy of The Selfish Gene and crying "Leave that boy alone, you pathetic atavism!" As the holy bear whirled around, terrible light flashing in its eyes, Dawkins shed his mortal form, raised each of his seven horned heads, and hissed. "It'ssss me you want!". And then the Lord and the Antichrist joined in the final battle.

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

Raskolnikov38 posted:

The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

haveblue posted:

I don't have the specific quote but it's probably in here somewhere: http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2870098

ANIME MONSTROSITY posted:

Zeroisanumber posted:

It's like the hoverhand's creepier cousin.

Slime posted:

Hooterhand?

swickles posted:

Large joint spaces don't have a lot of flow, so infections can go hog wild. Its like an abcess then, which needs draining and direct injection of antibiotics. You can also examine and remove any vegetation that has grown. Fun fact the most common cause of infectious arthritis is gonarrhea.

Volkerball posted:

Either "vegetable" is a technical term that doctors use, or old people grow kentucky bluegrass under their kneecap. Both of these are cool.

Volkerball posted:

Mrs. Stephens. The test results are back. The accident resulted in severe spinal damage to your son. His injuries will leave him as what we in the medical field refer to as a "vegetable." He's got vegetation all up in his poo poo.

football fuckerman posted:

Mr and Mrs Johnson, we do recommend partial sun for your daughter, and you're going to want to water at least three times a week

quote:

Possible Formulas

Formula 1: Man 1 (Good) + Woman 1 (Good)

Result: A happy marriage in the making. Hallelujah!

Formula 2: Man 1 (Good) + Woman 2 (Bad)

Result: Called "Friendzone." Woman is willfully dishonest that she prefers Man 1, even while being single, or dating or being in a relationship with Man 2, and tries to get as much as she can from him without the commitment. She may be also in denial about Man 2, and therefore preys on Man 1 to receive the things that matter in life while using Man 2 for other ends.

By relying on the fact that 93% of communication is nonverbal, she can say he is a 'friend' while leading him on with the rest of her rhetoric. Anyone who willfully engages in this behavior is a predator, and an awful waste of life. Any woman who does this, even after a man tells her how she feels, still calls him a friend, and then threatens him with harassment when he spots deceit, is a monster (*ahem*, I am a man and I have recent experience, but I won't say who).

Formula 2: Woman 1 (Good) + Man 2 (Bad)

Result: Should also be called "Friendzone". The responsible woman wants to help Man 2 change, but he never will, because he's receiving everything he needs without ever having to commit to being like Man 1. Man 2 is leading Woman 1 on. Man 2 may use baiting tactics such as flirting, flattery, and other subversive means to prey on Woman 1's compassion and get things from her that don't belong to him. Anyone who willfully engages in this is a predator, and an awful waste of life.

Formula 2: Woman 2 (Bad) + Man 2 (Bad)

Result: A travesty.

Horking Delight posted:

> Talk about manifesto

Adar posted:

This time, you're not going to beat around the bush. It's time to play the game your way.

"Sure, but just so you know, this interaction isn't going to be successful unless we wind up married at the end of it. I'm not getting friendzoned again. It took six years to get over the last one!"

Nicky laughs. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were flirting with me. Too bad my boyf-"

You don't know what she was going to say because you immediately put down the phone, feeling cheated. Ugh, women. Time to refine the document again.

>

CowOnCrack posted:

A key point of this story is that:


She admitted to me in person and in emails that this is a recurring issue for her and that her 'aromanticism' makes it difficult to understand romantic cues. She has had many 'friends' who developed feelings for her that she didn't reciprocate and said she didn't know her own feelings. She is someone who has issues discussing and defending her romantic feelings. This has happened to her a bunch of times, but this might be the most 'egregious' case yet. She took personal responsibility on more than one occasion.


Now, admittedly she went back on it at some point in another email and flipped the gently caress out and blamed me and threw a big tantrum and tried to create a scandal. But keep in mind the fact that VERBALLY she admitted fault, which in the context of what I've written and argued so far is key. I also have the documentation to prove everything I'm saying in my defense. That is why there has been no formal complaint against me and I have one ready to go in my own defense.

My psychoanalyst/psychiatrist agrees that she is crazy and recommends I file a complaint immediately in my own defense because of the potential for people to come out of the woodwork later and threaten your livelihood an reputation, but out of compassion for this person I won't because I recognize it's a two-way street. Our family retained a lawyer to read the documentation, and out of compassion I gave the documentation to her instead so she could understand my point of view. It seems this thread is mostly about what happened anyway, as if anyone here really knows the whole story, so I might as well share some more relevant details while people egg me on indefinitely.

pentyne posted:

There's something magical going on over in D&D.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3690075


That's not the best part. Inbetween the OP's complete insanity getting shredded by everyone Adar is running a CYOA text adventure game based on the OP. It's pretty good.



And here's the money shot

nopantsjack posted:

Does your therapist think this thread is a good idea or is he running around somewhere firing tranquilliser darts into bushes?

Red_October_7000 posted:

Partly because there is a fundamental problem with chest tattoos on women -women's clothing has a huge variety of necklines, so a tattoo that is a complete image in one top is cropped awkwardly by another. This isn't exclusive to big breastbone pieces like the one in the picture, basically anything in any place that is routinely covered in part is troublesome, but it stands out especially with breastbone tattooing on women. This chick in particular has a friggin' ring through her nose like a bull and is wearing birth control glasses; her sense of style is, perhaps, a little confused. All that aside, I can't recall ever seeing a tattoo in that location that looked good on a woman. I'm not against tattooing in general at all; my Ex had something like seven and I've seen girls with full "sleeve" tattoos or pieces that go from ankle to hip which are quite pleasing to look upon indeed, it's just that particular location that is troublesome in my eye.

pentyne posted:

There's something magical going on over in D&D.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3690075


That's not the best part. Inbetween the OP's complete insanity getting shredded by everyone Adar is running a CYOA text adventure game based on the OP. It's pretty good.



And here's the money shot

BlitzkriegOfColour posted:

It's awful in the bible, but yes it is.

Realistically, morally, we should allow people to have multiple husbands and multiple wives. I know my wife and I would get a huge kick out of having another man around the house.

AllanGordon posted:

Hahahahhah someone comes out of nowhere to talk about how much he wants to get cucked. What the gently caress hahahahah.

Volkerball posted:

Goons on the Middle East

BlitzkriegOfColour posted:

And for the other commentariat: it's not cucking if you're all loving. My wife loves DP, so do a lot of people I know in Sydney. You need to, I don't know, get out more or something.

Sheep-Goats posted:

Pubbie means not a goon, it's like goy.

Arbite posted:

Speaking of Vic and Armadillo:

Dear E.N.

I was watching the end of season 2 episode 2 on the train and loving it, it hit credits, I look over and see that a 7 or so year old girl was rubbernecking me. So she saw in short order a burned out corpse, a dude in a thong, a dude getting his teeth knocked out with a book, and a dude getting his face severely burned, all with plenty of blood.

Have I ruined this girls childhood?

Love,

Arbite.

Fetus Tree posted:

Its not the worst thing a tviv poster has done to a 7 year old, i wouldnt sweat it.

prefect posted:

wrestling is comic books for people who can't read

Mans posted:

Sheep-Goats posted:
Pubbie means not a goon, it's like goy.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

InequalityGodzilla posted:

poo poo, that's...that's actually a really, really good way of explaining it. It's kind of brilliant in it's simplicity. Plus it also implies pubbies are beneath us which is usually true in terms of video games.

Accretionist posted:

What gets me is that McCafe. That hashbrown. That's a breakfast hotdog. What do they think they know that we do not?

You fly too close to the sun, China!

InequalityGodzilla posted:

Plus it also implies pubbies are beneath us which is usually true in terms of video games.

InequalityGodzilla posted:

poo poo, that's...that's actually a really, really good way of explaining it. It's kind of brilliant in it's simplicity. Plus it also implies pubbies are beneath us which is usually true in terms of video games.

InequalityGodzilla posted:

My shoes are beneath me

IslamoNazi posted:

I think you'll find that you're actually upside down and your shoes are actually on top of you.

Mans posted:

What is the meaning of the word pubbie?

Slow Motion posted:

I realized that I'm not going to pay off the 401k loan by EOY.

So rather that estimate high and potentially carry forward negative accrual I estimated low to carry forward a positive accrual. And hell; if I get married again in 2015 the tax burden will be less on the carry forward than it would have been if taxed in 2014.

81 billed in December as of this morning.

Sardonik posted:

I'm at a net operating loss for words.

Slow Motion posted:

Well the debt is a thing where I have to give it money and I don't get anything for that money. Income is money that people give to me for various reasons. My idea with this thread is to use the income to pay the debt, see?

Centripetal Horse posted:

Slow Motion steps into the foyer of his penthouse suite and hands his bespoke Zegna suit jacket to his manservant, Jeeves. Jeeves isn't really the guy's name. Slow motion thinks Jeeves' name might be Hector, but that's not a very baller name. Crossing to the massive open-plan kitchen, Slow Motion reaches for the bottle of Macallan 1939 sitting on the shelf of his solid ebony bar. The 1939 is good, but Slow Motion feels that he has outgrown it. He's probably going to upgrade, soon, perhaps to a bottle of Glenfiddich 50-year-old. Maybe he'll give the rest of the 1939 to Horace, or whatever his name is. Giving away $10,000 bottles of liquor is pretty baller.

Slow Motion is feeling good. He's been feeling good a lot, lately, ever since he got his finances under control with the help of BFC. Slow Motion has been rocketing through his career, rocketing through tax brackets, and rocketing through life. He is billing hours like crazy, his investments are running wild, and he just got a glowing review at work, with a big raise, and the promise of rapid advancement in the coming year. He owes the posters of BFC a debt of gratitude he knows he can never repay. So many people on that forum shared their advice, their knowledge, and their experiences, and asked nothing in return. Beyond mere finance, they addressed emotional and interpersonal issues that Slow Motion hadn't even been aware of. He knows that without the people of BFC, his life would have continued to spiral into a quagmire of debt, stress, and failure. Figuratively, and maybe literally, BFC saved his life. Yet, where gratitude should be, Slow Motion finds only contempt. More and more, as the trappings of success begin to ring hollow, Slow Motion's only real joy in life comes from trolling and manipulating those ants in BFC. Slow Motion isn't sure why this is, but there's no space for "introspection" on his emotional budget, so he just accepts it and enjoys the game.

Stopping at the end of his kitchen island, Slow Motion sees six laser-straight rails of coke gleaming white against the dark zinc countertop. Good old Jeeves. Picking up the gold straw from next to the lines, Slow Motion snorts only three of them. Moderation is one of the lessons BFC has taught him. Slomo needs the pick-me-up, because today's the day. According to his calculations, he has allowed the perfect amount of time to pass since the "hobby" incident. It's time to throw some more chum in the water. Walking toward his media room, Slow Motion stops in the middle of his living area and does a little pirouette, admiring the feeling of the Pyrolave flooring under his Ferragamo loafers. The floor is literally lava. How loving baller is that?

In his media room, Slow Motion settles into his plush leather recliner. On his stainless steel Lamberti Onda C desk, Slow Motion jiggles his mouse. The massive 4k monitor springs to life. The thing cost him $15k, but it has a brightness of 500 cd/m^2, whatever that means. Slow Motion finds himself staring at the familiar layout of BFC, and scrolls to his own thread. For over a year, he has been under-reporting his billed hours, over-reporting his opera expenses, and doing his best to keep everyone believing that maybe, just maybe, he's on the verge of a breakthrough. Those tactics are getting stale, though, and Slow Motion doesn't want to take a step back after the runaway success of the hobby line-item. It took him a while, but he's pretty sure he's got the perfect way to up the ante. As he's catching up on the latest from the poindexters in BFC, Slomo catches movement from the corner of his eye. Standing in the doorway is a statuesque brunette. Six feet tall and stacked, her name is Linda, or maybe Lola. She's his favorite escort from the high-end shop downtown. He'd been wasting time and money having her come and go nearly every day, so now he just pays the weekly rate. Putting Lucy on retainer was both baller and budget-friendly. BFC would definitely approve.

It takes only a few minutes of cocaine-enhanced skimming to absorb all the frustration and anger he's generated since his last visit. Post counts don't lie. They pretend they don't care, but Slow Motion knows better. He's played his part beautifully, and he knows many of the BFCers are emotionally invested. He can prey on that investment. Investment is another thing BFC has taught him the value of, but not in the way they thought. Hitting reply, Slow Motion types: "Well the debt is a thing where I have to give it money and I don't get anything for that money."

Leaning back, Slow Motion mumbles, "The Jedi are gonna feel that one." The brunette moves to his side, and Slow Motion accepts the Gurkha Black Dragon she proffers. Looking up at her, Slow Motion smiles broadly, revealing a platinum grill with "DEBT FREE" spelled out in diamonds. Reaching into the bowl next to his recliner, Slow Motion grabs a handful of $5 bills which he ignites with his 18k gold Zippo, and uses to light the cigar. A year ago, he was using $20 bills. Thank God for BFC.

moana posted:

infernal machines posted:

americans: consistently amazed the rest of the world isn't taking it up the rear end without lube

duTrieux. posted:

without lube like a man. and we don't kowtow to no queen, either.

duTrieux. posted:

"oh, look at me! i'm a girly-man who needs to lube up my rear end in a top hat because it's so delicate and soft!"

a kitten posted:

RideTheSpiral posted:

This is no place to post your mother's speed dating evening.

Erenthal posted:

crusader_complex posted:

ten years from now, mark walhberg is cast in the rolling stones biopic