Whiskey A Go Go! posted:

Also someone who is isn't getting sex.

nucleicmaxid posted:

Patton Oswalt?

canyoneer posted:

Non sex-havers have more time to think up silly names for it


Yeah, that was really funny. I think she said she was punished by having to live in a dog kennel for like 4 days or something. And of course, like always, there were a few people calling her out on it but twice as many people saying "QUIT RUINING THE THREAD YOU WET BLANKETS, OF COURSE IT'S REAL!"

sweeperbravo posted:

This is so low effort I'm pretty sure a 13 year old wrote it

Inspector_666 posted:

I dunno, I could see myself being that dad. Cranberry sauce is really goddamn important.

Khazar-khum posted:

But shouldn't stepgrandma have a full attack of the vapors instead of simply saying 'did you hear what she said'?

Judge Tesla posted:

No, Grandma should have stood up and clapped, and Dad should get married to the Cranberry sauce.

Baron von der Loon posted:

quote:

Not Stranger Danger - Daddy Danger!! Come on folks, the writer here had too much dope to smoke and woke up behind deadline lying in a pile of moldy old Penthouse FORUM journals. Do I believe relatives get is on without recrimination? Sure. But this goes beyond the pale. Editors - Check his sources right away!!! Either way, my wife and I had a hoot laughing our butts off at this outrageous story - it ought to be a TV sitcom on the CW right after 'Jane the Virgin'.

Baron von der Loon posted:

ZenMaster posted:

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/01/what-its-like-to-date-your-dad.html

Creepy fetishistic nonsense.




I hope...

Astro Panda posted:

Are you kidding me that's literally two posts up, dude.

ZenMaster posted:

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/01/what-its-like-to-date-your-dad.html

Creepy fetishistic nonsense.




I hope...

quote:

Hi everyone, I work at a big box retail store that charges people a membership fee in order to shop at our store. Due to this fee some customers act very entitled which is to be expected I guess. Here is an interaction I had last week with an entitled bi**h aka EB.

I get a call on the walkie saying that there is a problem in one of our healthy food isles. I quickly make my way there and hear EB yelling at a fellow employee who I will refer to as Ryan.

EB: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT HAVE ANY MORE QUINOA!!??!"

Ryan: "Sorry mam I've checked the computer and its showing we do not have any more in stock."

EB: "You people are so useless. What's the point of paying to shop here if you people are good for nothing?"

This is where I cut in.

Me: "Hi there. As Ryan already told you there is no more quinoa is there anythjng else I can help you with?"

EB: "Yes get me some drat quinoa."

Me: "Sorry mam there isnt any in the isle and someone's already checked to see if its in stock if you come back tomo..."

EB: "I OWN YOU. I DEMAND THAT YOU BRING ME QUINOA NOW. I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED TO GO TO ANOTHER STORE TO GET IT! I WANT MY QUINOA AND I WANT IT NOW. I PAY THE PRICE YOU'RE NO MORE THAN MY MAID!!!!!"

The amount of anger going through me was incredible. I've never dealt with someone this hostile and ridiculous in my life. I'm usually a pretty calm person but after being mistreated like this something inside me snapped.

Me: "Just because you pay to shop here does not give you the right to act like a stuck up bitch."

She was stunned. Her jaw dropped and she turned completely white. This didnt last more than 5 seconds because she immediately started to turn bright red.

EB: "I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU FIRED. I'M GOING TO FIRE YOU. YOU CANT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!"

I walked away and expected to be fired. But I didn't care I felt so relieved. About 15 minutes later I find out my manager had heard the whole thing, revoked her membership and banned her from the store. Ah sweet justice.

Ms Happy Wednesday posted:

My one lung is from a punctured lung I suffered in a motorcycle accident. It is not gone but it is not fully functional. House at 14 was purchased with part of the sale of a wholesale business I couldn't run anymore. I still have the house!

quote:

I just bought it and the title was put under my name. That was it. It cost me $20,000 or so which was about half of what the business' client list was sold for.

quote:

Augh more business questions. Er, employees were 2 in stocks, 1 in shipping, and a secretary to take in orders and keep a proper record. Annual revenue? It varied from anywhere between $20,000 to a maximum of $350,000 which I only achieved one year. I sold silver jewelry. I sold it so I could keep traveling!

quote:

It did support 5 people, and could've supported at least 10 more. That was the selling point, with my ample client list, and my stock providers, it was just up to someone with more time and money to expand the business.

quote:

I had 5 employees, their salaries were not that big. How does my business fit into all this? What can you do if I'm lying or if I am telling the truth? Unless you have experience with a wholesale business, I doubt you can be a good judge of where the money goes, what type of salary to expect, and what is the appropriate revenue for that type of business.

All it will ever amount to will be my word against yours. If you are curious, I can answer, but if you are going "Oh bullshit, I was dumb and busy with video games as a 14 year old, and so must you be! Unacceptable!"

It was the family trade, I was toddling around warehouses, casting at the furnace when I was 6, and talking to foreigner traders who came to our workshops for most of my life.

quote:

Pfft, you might want to read more carefully. I don't support my travel with that business, I sold it off. I so something similar, but for a bigger company that I do not own, of course.

Don't know about your parents, but mine taught me my trade since I was a babe, and I'm glad for it because I've never had to have a job I did not enjoy. You've never traveled abroad? It's easier than you might think.

Get your passport, and some money, not too much is needed, but it depends to where you want to visit. The only country that has ever given me poo poo about traveling in and out of has been the US. And sometimes Argentina, but not as much as the US.

Singapore is a shipping port, anything from eastern producers goes through Singapore. Or is the fact that I got the boxes from there strange? How? I've seen my parents order gemstones from Singapore all the time, I knew who to go to.

I did not start traveling until I was 16, and we know clients in most countries, which always welcomed me for a visit if I felt like it. There's lots of countries very much different than your own, try visiting them.

I think it is hard for you to accept it because you probably never got to at least try to start a business yourself. It's never too late, independent business is hard, but satisfying.

quote:

How did I support myself? Silver, my friend. It knows how to sing in all languages. Once I went to Delhi, and I had about $500 worth of silver jewelry, which I traded for $500 worth of faceted gemstones. Then I sold them to jewelers in Buenos Aires for $2000. Sorry I don't do everything through Walmart and the mighty American government like you.

Unlike you, I don't just tourist around and try to badly speak their language.

Numerical Anxiety posted:

This is old now, but it's been bothering me. How is that trade remotely profitable? Sure you made $1500 there, most if not more than that would be eaten up by your expenses, assuming you went to Buenos Aires, which you've implied that you would have. Throw in paying employees and everything else, and while silver might be able to sing, I have to consider the possibility that it can't do math.

hyperhazard posted:

Found it!

hyperhazard posted:

She also had a previous thread about being a bounty hunter in Mexico.

ZenMaster posted:

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/01/what-its-like-to-date-your-dad.html

Creepy fetishistic nonsense.




I hope...

quote:

My parents had me when they were 18 — they met in high school and I was conceived on prom night

quote:

Did you date when you were a teenager?
I didn’t really have a social life. I stayed home a lot because my mom didn’t trust me, and most of the kids my age were hooked on heroin,

Astro Panda posted:

Are you kidding me that's literally two posts up, dude.

Rudager posted:

What loving shithole of a place do you have to live in where the majority of teenagers are hooked on heroin?

PUGGERNAUT posted:

hyperhazard posted:

Found it!

canyoneer posted:

Yeah, that was really funny. I think she said she was punished by having to live in a dog kennel for like 4 days or something. And of course, like always, there were a few people calling her out on it but twice as many people saying "QUIT RUINING THE THREAD YOU WET BLANKETS, OF COURSE IT'S REAL!"

ibntumart posted:

Thanks for digging this up again! It's even dumber/crazier than I remembered.


Ah, you're talking about Callietron, who effortlessly balanced honors and extracurricular activities with being tossed into dog cages for ten-day stretches and stealth assassinating enemies with poisoned syringes! She hijacked someone else's AT thread on Asian gangs (she starts about halfway through the second page). I remember someone eventually found out she was just lifting poo poo wholesale from her crappy Mary Sue gangland fiction.

hyperhazard posted:

Found it!

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3496293

It started off as an angry letter to her ex, including the bit about the stand mixer he wouldn't buy her. When people called her out on some of the things in the letter, it spiraled from there.

Highlights:








And the best response.


She also had a previous thread about being a bounty hunter in Mexico.

Zaphod42 posted:

What the gently caress

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way...ontent=20150114






The Bride from Kill Bill married a Race Car Driver?

Kimmalah posted:

A little late, but you'd be surprised how often people do the "I'm a top secret trained assassin" thing and how many people honestly believe it without question. I watch a lot of true crime shows and this poo poo comes up all the time.

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

Maybe so, but I'm more inclined to believe that Kurt Busch is completely batshit insane.

Regrettable posted:

A week late, but drat, that totally ruins one of the best Simpson's jokes ever. In the episode where Mr Burns has to learn to do things for himself because Smithers went on vacation there's a part where he's in a grocery store looking at bottles of ketchup saying, "ketchup, catsup" a few times looking like a crazy old man. Man, I miss that show, but not enough to watch new episodes.

Kimmalah posted:

Well I tend to think that anyone who says "Oh OK sure that makes perfect sense" when their spouse says they're a trained assassin for the CIA or whatever is at least a little batshit.

Penny Paper posted:

That wasn't from when Smithers went on vacation (season seven's "Homer the Smithers"). That was from "The Old Man and the Lisa" (season eight) when Mr. Burns went broke because his accountants didn't have the courage to tell him that he lost all his money and Mr. Burns pesters Lisa to make him rich again (it had the Lisa slurry made from sea animals and the episode ended with Homer having a heart attack because Lisa turned down the money Mr. Burns offered her).

AlbieQuirky posted:

Did she actually say that? Or was it all his delusion?

corn in the bible posted:

EZipperelli posted:

Wasn't this guy like, an amazingly huge shitbag IRL? I've heard he was a dick, pulling guns on people at gas stations, starting fights in bars and acting like he was God's gift to the US military. Also, that his actual confirmed kill number may be significantly lower than he claims?