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Where does a 5% salary bump compare at a big company?
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Feb 21, 2015 05:14
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Kim Jong Il posted:Where does a 5% salary bump compare at a big company? If that's an annual raise, it's pretty high. My company's annual raises are usually around 3-4%, depending on performance reviews and the company's financials. Hell, a lot of companies don't give regular raises every year, or at all. Last place I worked at never gave raises (not even cost-of-living adjustments), and salary increases for promotions were capped at 10% regardless of the market rate for the position you were moving to; I'd worked my way up to sysadmin from an entry level tech support position and my salary when I left wasn't even on the bell curve for that job at any of the salary survey sites.
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Feb 21, 2015 06:39
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Sundae posted:nobody wants to put in the work to make their systems truly compliant...so instead we get bullshit half-measures like 100% cell-by-cell manual audits on any export or conversion of data, complete with a signature trail and locking down electronic files where you have to manually request them from a department. Sundae posted:the only thing I like doing in the industry is going the way of the dinosaurs (actual lab-scale R&D) Although my mom says that dropping out and going to a consulting role is great for someone with experience, because everyone assumes that since they're paying you three times as much then you're the solution to the problem rather than the cause. Sundae posted:"Sundae did a fantastic job and saved the company's bacon in November and December last year. However, all end-of-year calibration meetings were held in October, so these accomplishments cannot be counted for performance. Ranking: Met Expectations." Sundae posted:Our Investigations group has a metric of "have no more than 30 open investigations at any time" which is stupid for similar reasons: lack of input into the generation process. They don't create manufacturing errors - they just investigate the causes and recommend corrections. If 30+ mistakes happen in a week (this has happened several times), the Investigations group gets dinged for their metric because they have more than 30 open.
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Feb 21, 2015 07:37
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Got an e-mail from boss man. Management is now starting to track ticket create times for something that tends to be notoriously out of our control. If there is a large discrepancy, we have received permission to change the ticket time to allow us to...basically sweep it under the rug. I ask my boss to "please define a 'large discrepancy'" and am met with "Use your judgement". Um, my judgement says that anything over our SLA is a large discrepancy  I love this place sometimes. Management puts in place some nonsensical rule, then gives us permission and tools to undermine it to make the numbers look better so that the very people who created the rule can be pleased with the results. If you're going to actively allow us to cut corners to meet some metric, just do away with the metric. Nobody's actually using it for anything other than for some self masturbatory fantasy. Of course, I know the reasoning for this is just so our management has some way to make themselves look better for their end of year bonuses. edit: And after working on this all day today, it looks like a bug was introduced that causes a 33 minute time discrepancy on every single ticket. That means we are set up for failure before we even try since our SLA is 30 minutes. Of course I can't say this without hurting someone's feelings and getting in trouble. I'm going to say it anyway. Then update my resume. For clarification, I work a NOC, so it's my job to find broken poo poo and escalate it to appropriate groups. Basically what's happening is that at 12:30, an alert will pop up for me saying "hey, poo poo broke at 12:00", then boss man comes out and complains that it took me 30 minutes to make the ticket even though I acted on it immediately. For some reason nobody's actually noticed this and instead assumed we were all lazy and incompetent. (which is also true  )
Renegret fucked around with this message at 19:26 on Feb 22, 2015 |
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Feb 22, 2015 15:36
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I have a meeting on my calendar today with the following subject: HUDDLE TO PATHFIND THE APPROVAL GLIDEPATH Assignment: Create an MSPaint rendition of what this phrase means to you. I'm just astounded at the number of bullshit corporatisms the guy threw into a six-word subject.
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Feb 23, 2015 14:49
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Sundae posted:I have a meeting on my calendar today with the following subject: HUDDLE TO PATHFIND THE APPROVAL GLIDEPATH What the hell does this even mean? 
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Feb 23, 2015 15:09
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Apparently it means "Group meeting to figure out the best approach to getting a document approved in a timely fashion."
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Feb 23, 2015 15:11
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MSPaint yourself deleting MSPaint from every computer in the company.
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Feb 23, 2015 15:21
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Sundae posted:I have a meeting on my calendar today with the following subject: HUDDLE TO PATHFIND THE APPROVAL GLIDEPATH this is considered a good use of company time and money?
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Feb 23, 2015 15:28
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quote:MSPaint yourself deleting MSPaint from every computer in the company. Nail Rat posted:
No, the MSPaint part was me jokingly asking the thread what it interpreted that subject to mean. The rest of the actual e-mail was gobbledygook about approval timelines.
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Feb 23, 2015 15:35
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Sundae posted:No, the MSPaint part was me jokingly asking the thread what it interpreted that subject to mean. The rest of the actual e-mail was gobbledygook about approval timelines. It says a lot about your work that everyone in the thread just assumed that was something your office would actually ask you to do.
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Feb 23, 2015 15:44
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Sundae posted:No, the MSPaint part was me jokingly asking the thread what it interpreted that subject to mean. The rest of the actual e-mail was gobbledygook about approval timelines. I think it means that you could have all of your future email communication handled by a decent Markov text generator, as that seems to be what others are doing.
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Feb 23, 2015 15:45
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SubjectVerbObject posted:I think it means that you could have all of your future email communication handled by a decent Markov text generator, as that seems to be what others are doing. I'm no programmer, but I'm confident a shell script could be written to sample terms for appropriate data fields from pre-defined word pools, then assemble them into the Subject line of an e-mail and add itself (and recipients) to the Outlook calendar, something kinda like this one. The sample the site generated for me was efficiently transition functionalized materials, which translates to...hell, I dunno. Work with what you have, perhaps? Schedule yourself and a few office friends for the "meeting" at mid-day each Friday, then head off to a bar for a jump-start on the weekend.
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Feb 23, 2015 16:25
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Ashcans posted:It says a lot about your work that everyone in the thread just assumed that was something your office would actually ask you to do. I just assumed that MSPaint was the only analytical program they were still allowed to use.
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Feb 23, 2015 17:23
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SubjectVerbObject posted:I think it means that you could have all of your future email communication handled by a decent Markov text generator, as that seems to be what others are doing. I think it's time y'all started reading ErowidRecruiter. It's a twitter bot that mashes Tech industry recruiting emails with Erowid trip reports. quote:moaning, holding ourselves to quell the inner pain: we are experiencing incredible growth. quote:Solid knowledge of web applications, specializing in the world, whispering in my sheets. quote:my friend’s father asked me to connect with you to have constant fits and hallucinations for three months of active probing quote:Engineer opportunity at Shutterstock: let me know if you might begin to see auras. I dare someone to add something from that feed as part of their email signature.
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Feb 23, 2015 21:25
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Holy poo poo. That thing blows Horse eBooks out of the water.  "A startup player who can rise to the psychosis."
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Feb 23, 2015 21:48
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quote:Another friend of mine had tears in her eyes when she told me that one flower was more than 32,000 mobile games. Holy poo poo
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Feb 23, 2015 22:40
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quote:tried to scream, my tongue shot out as a focus on performance and scalability Holy poo poo, I'm dying.
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Feb 23, 2015 23:14
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Welp, there went my afternoon.
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Feb 23, 2015 23:26
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quote:To entice you further, here’s some clipart of a billion holes, each one a passage leading to overall experiences that can scale. This sounds suspiciously like the recruitment emails I keep getting, actually.
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Feb 23, 2015 23:42
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quote:moaning, holding ourselves to quell the inner pain: we are experiencing incredible growth. 
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Feb 24, 2015 02:04
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Man I love the cynicism in how companies sell the CDHP. My new employer framed it as punishing freeloaders because you only pay for what you use with a low (20/mo) premium unlike a traditional PPO with a ton of welfare queens who use all the medical care that you're paying for. Given how selfish Americans are I wouldn't be surprised if this was effective.
CAPS LOCK BROKEN fucked around with this message at 04:42 on Feb 24, 2015 |
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Feb 24, 2015 04:38
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Peven Stan posted:Man I love the cynicism in how companies sell the CDHP. My new employer framed it as punishing freeloaders because you only pay for what you use with a low (20/mo) premium unlike a traditional PPO with a ton of welfare queens who use all the medical care that you're paying for. Given how selfish Americans are I wouldn't be surprised if this was effective. The funny part is that it is really low usage and high usage folks punishing medium usage folks. The CDHP I am on has a deductable and out of pocket max. If you use a lot of medical resources, like my family, you hit your out of pocket max some time in March and the rest of the year is almost free. Not much motivation then to save health costs.
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Feb 24, 2015 05:19
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My CDHP covered $800 of your deductible then it was on you to pay out of pocket till you hit your $2000 out of pocket max then you only paid a 10% copay after that. Guess who needed an MRI in that sweet spot where they cover absolutely nothing? 
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Feb 24, 2015 13:33
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 My manager, who is firmly of the belief that initiative is a pestilence that must be eradicated at all costs, gave me a new task. The state has stopped sending us 'cleaned' spreadsheets for one of the things we do with them, and instead is just sending us raw text files to deal with ourselves. So my new daily task is to take the current file and convert it to an Excel spreadsheet that gets sent to the Membership department. These files take around 30 minutes to convert, as each line can have different import specifications depending on the type of record it is (based on the first three letters in the line). I have 42 of these files to convert, then another one arrives every other day or so. So 21 hour backlog, plus another 2.5 hours per week, going on indefinitely. Mind you, 95% of the time is just spent manually breaking each line into fields via Excel's import wizard, with varying numbers of characters per field (based on a guide the state provided); for example, the detail (i.e. - new person) lines have characters 1-3 indicating record type, 4-15 give the claim number involved, 16-24 is the SSN for the person involved, 25-32 is their DOB, 33 is their sex, 34-39 is a code indicating the type of file this is, 40 indicates what we're doing with the claim, and 41-1100 are unused. Other line types may use the entire 1100 characters available per line, and will have a completely different field layout. I started to spend what would have been 2-3 hours modifying an already-existing import tool I wrote for a different but similar process about a year ago, which, when complete, should drop processing time for each spreadsheet from 30 minutes to under 5. My boss saw me doing that and ripped me a new one, informing me that it was a complete waste of time and it's more important to just convert the files than to waste my time writing some tool. Doesn't matter whether I use C++, VB, or Access - automating it is verboten, because they need the backlog cleared as soon as possible, which to her mind means 'no wasting time creating automated tools'. You'd think, based on the SQL, VB, and VBA grilling I received while being interviewed for this place that I would allowed to use those skills, but nope. Mind you, this is the woman in charge of the department that not only handles all data transmission but also includes 5 STAFF PROGRAMMERS. Oh, and this is one of the 5 largest employers in my state. Edit: Mee spel guud! Taliesyn fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Feb 24, 2015 |
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Feb 24, 2015 23:14
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I read the first paragraph and was like "you know, you should really look into automating this" and then read the second paragraph and became horrified.
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Feb 24, 2015 23:29
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She considers you a direct threat to her headcount, since if she doesn't need a bunch of people for data entry why does she need the budget for them?
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Feb 24, 2015 23:31
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My boss is finally being let go and I'm not even there to see it since I had to leave early today. I am receiving updates as they come in.
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Feb 25, 2015 00:07
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When my old project manager got sacked after I left I got texts from almost everyone I worked with gleefully telling me about it.
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Feb 25, 2015 01:20
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:When my old project manager got sacked after I left I got texts from almost everyone I worked with gleefully telling me about it. You know, the same thing happened when a VP at the last place I worked got fired. Probably ten different people told me before the day was out. (As just one example, said VP asked me on three different occasions to falsify data being returned to clients. Data that could be confirmed as wrong by simply looking at the dates on letters we automatically sent out. And yes, I said HELL NO - I wasn't about to be thrown under the bus for his numbers. Or commit fraud, for that matter.)
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Feb 25, 2015 01:28
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Taliesyn posted:You know, the same thing happened when a VP at the last place I worked got fired. Probably ten different people told me before the day was out. This guy would exclude me (the designer) from business trips citing "the budget", change the design of stuff, find an engineer I didn't interact with to re-eingineer it to keep me in the dark, then when the customer was like WTF IS THIS he'd point back at me because I'm the designer you see. I only found out he hosed with one of my designs when the engineer came to find me with a question on it and I was like  He also literally yelled at me for not doing something that wasn't even my responsibility to start with (QA, I don't have a QA stamp, I am literally NOT AUTHORIZED to do quality control) and was his fuckup. My dislike of him was well known by the time I left.
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Feb 25, 2015 01:36
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Taliesyn posted:
Do what I did. Automate it anyway and keep it a secret. Take the time you would have spent converting those documents and just slack off on the internet. When the time is right and the backlog is clear, whip out your automation and look like a hero. The difference is that my boss loves when people take initiative, I was just looking for an excuse to slack off. The only reason I released it to the masses was because I couldn't hide it anymore. Allegedly I'm going to get a nice big raise in March for it but...I'll believe that when I see it.
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Feb 25, 2015 01:42
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Renegret posted:Do what I did. Yeah, I did that once before with a different process, and got caught, yelled at for a half hour, and nearly got let go (for doing the automation, not the internet). I wasn't kidding when I said my boss loathes initiative with a burning passion. *ANY* exercise of personal initiative, no matter how small, brings down the Wrath of Boss upon the offender's head, so now I make convenience tools for my own personal use when I can get away with it (I have a couple), and research and study new things when I am caught up (which can be up to 6 hours a day). I can't get carried away, though, as process audits are a regular part of the industry this company is in, and it's important that everything appear the way it should. That's probably a large part of the reasoning behind "We can't change the processes because they're processes and processes cannot be changed! No matter what, we can't change the processes!" (Note - I get this even when I'm the person who WROTE the process.) On the bright side, I've got one interview Thursday and another next week. With any luck, I won't have to put up with this poo poo much longer.
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Feb 25, 2015 01:48
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Taliesyn posted:Yeah, I did that once before with a different process, and got caught, yelled at for a half hour, and nearly got let go (for doing the automation, not the internet). I wasn't kidding when I said my boss loathes initiative with a burning passion. *ANY* exercise of personal initiative, no matter how small, brings down the Wrath of Boss upon the offender's head, so now I make convenience tools for my own personal use when I can get away with it (I have a couple), and research and study new things when I am caught up (which can be up to 6 hours a day). I can't get carried away, though, as process audits are a regular part of the industry this company is in, and it's important that everything appear the way it should. That's probably a large part of the reasoning behind "We can't change the processes because they're processes and processes cannot be changed! No matter what, we can't change the processes!" (Note - I get this even when I'm the person who WROTE the process.)  Your boss is a jerk.
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Feb 25, 2015 01:58
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Renegret posted:
I keep telling people I work for a female Sheldon Cooper, but no one ever believes me.
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Feb 25, 2015 02:03
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Had my first Sundae-style story today. It was as a contractor, though, so I'm free from the heads-rolling as a result of both extreme internal secrecy and pay-first, sign-contracts-never methodologies.
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Feb 25, 2015 02:50
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Taliesyn posted:I keep telling people I work for a female Sheldon Cooper, but no one ever believes me. You sure your boss doesn't just have an inferiority complex?
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Feb 25, 2015 14:16
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Taliesyn posted:You'd think, based on the SQL, VB, and VBA grilling I received while being interviewed for this place that I would allowed to use those skills, but nope. A company has a list of nearly impossible skills, after months or years, finally bags their unicorn, then it becomes clear to the hire that none of those skills are used or necessary.
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Feb 25, 2015 15:38
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Cheesus posted:I'm morbidly curious how often this occurs in today's job market. My job has a huge list of completely irrelevant skills that not a single person in the 26 person department actually meet. Once they do meet most of them, they get whisked off to a different department where they could make better use of those skills. I'm not sure if it's an attempt to keep outside applicants out and only hire internal to the company, or if management is just dumb and disconnected to what goes on in the deparment. I'm going with option b.
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Feb 25, 2015 15:46
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Cheesus posted:I'm morbidly curious how often this occurs in today's job market. This is kind of a reverse-unicorn thing here, but I was supposed to have a firm knowledge of organic chemistry and calculus. I'm not even allowed to use Excel, let alone anything more complicated than the base unit operations. Should've seen the look of horror on the Site QA Lead's face when I showed him a simple CUSUM plot.
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Feb 25, 2015 15:57
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