quote:

Cashier: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Excuse me, but you gay?”

Cashier: “Um…I mean…yeah, but I don’t see what that—”

Paladinus posted:

Customer: I hate black people, gay people, atheists, young people, and people and general. Furthermore, I despise fast food industry workers.
Me: Sir, you are very wrong. All those people are, in fact, good people.
Customer: Wha-a-a? *explodes into fireworks that spell [My Name]*
Everyone in the world together: We are the world, we are the children
Albert Einstein: Will you marry me?

WaltherFeng posted:

That customer was a goddamn mentalist or a psychic.

Facepalm Ranger posted:

Found some STDH over at Kotaku UK


Then everyone clapped and he got married to the woman, that argos employee? Albert Einstein.

seriously though;
Strawman character who sees the light through the story teller's calm, superior reasoning, check.
Extensive use of the term "Madam" (especially in the UK, what the gently caress.), Check.

Almost believable if it wasn't for the fact PSP games are never 'hanging' in ANY store ever.

KiddieGrinder posted:

*menacing*


I assume because in stdh-land the cashier in question looked like this:



Which is funny because this stdh is written to build up our hero as a homophobe-bashing gay avenger, but using that stereotype in the first place sort of undoes it.

Kugyou no Tenshi posted:

...but why male models?

CannonFodder posted:

*really wants to slap you, but hands are encased in protective glass*

Das Boo posted:

Is it really a thing that a parent can't buy adult media for a child while accompanying that child? 'Cause I went to a poo poo-ton of horror movies with my sisters as a kid.

Zaphod42 posted:

In which Country? In the US you can take a minor to a rated R film (But not a rated NC-17 film, but none ever are really) and you can buy M rated games for your kid but in other countries its probably different.

Farmland Park posted:

Customer: “I ain’t leavin ’til I get my here IMMIGRANT food from a good Christian!”

Loopyface posted:

Those aren't laws, they're suggestions from an organization that has no real power to enforce them.

Loopyface posted:

Those aren't laws, they're suggestions from an organization that has no real power to enforce them.

It's not racist because I said Spanish instead of Mexican! posted:

Obligatory "This didn't happen today, but quite a while back". Before I continue, I just want to make clear that I LOVE MY MOM..anyways
So, my mother is a Spanish immigrant (from Spain people, so no Mexican jokes) and she learned English in her later years. As we all know, languages are harder to learn when we are older and this was definitely true for my mom. Apart from the regular dropping of the letter "j" for "y" (Mr. Yenkins instead of Jenkins), Spanglish, and confusing "sheep" with "ship", she was learning pretty fast. But the ONE thing she could never master were sayings. TO THIS DAY, she is horrible with them. During my brother's graduation, lets call him bobo, she would shouted:

Mom - Give me a B!
Friends and family - B!
Mom- Give me an O!
Friends and family - O!
Mom- Give me an B!
Friends and family - B!
Mom- Give me an O!
Friends and family - O!
Mom - What's that smell?!
Friends and family-....huh?

Or the time that she was at a dinner party with her husband's (my stepfather's) boss and made the reference "Once you go black, you never go back" thinking is was about chocolate.

But I digress. When I was younger, my mother would always tell me "Make sure to dress up. It's suppose to be 20 degrees outside with a 10 degree windshield factor". Yes...windshield. So, I went on most of my life thinking that instead of wind chill factor it was windshield factor. Fast forward to high school where me and some friends were just shooting the poo poo and the conversation somehow go to the weather and I said "Yea, tomorrow's supposed to be freezing and that loving windshield factor is gonna make it worse". All of my friends looked at me as if I had just told them that my family collects dead squirrels and gerbils. Once they realized what I had said, they began to try and reason with me that it's not windSHIELD factor but that it was windCHILL factor. As we began to argue I just began to get more and more heated because once I told them that they were wrong because my "mom told me so" poo poo just hit the fan.

Fast forward to the principle's office, my mom finally arrives to see what kind of trouble I got into this time. Once the principle gives my mom a mini TedTalk about how it's not the windshield factor she then begins to laugh at says how funny it is. I didn't think it was funny..not one bit. For the rest of the year I felt like an idiot around my friends and anytime I would say something about something I read or knew my friends would go "Oh yea? Did your mom tell you that?"

I later asked her why she thought it was windshield factor and she told me that she though it was the temperature of how cold the windshield got after driving in the cold with the wind...huh?

TL;DR - Mom told me it was windshield factor instead of windchill factor; fought kids and got suspended from school for defending it

Boris Galerkin posted:

How did this whole Einstein thing start? Was it a fake STDH?

ibntumart posted:

Avenging Mikon is *way* overreaching, but that said, the MPAA does wield indirect economic power. A movie that doesn't go through their rating process is often going to have a hard time finding mainstream distribution in US movie theatres because theatres are reluctant to show unrated movies. So they do have some control over what filmmakers create, or at least, can present to the general viewing public.

But that has zip to do with what DVDs Walmart allows a teenager to buy. That comes down to store policy. And filmmakers can still flout the MPAA's rating scheme and do all right with their NR films anyway.

Content:

Das Boo posted:

I certainly understand something like cigarettes or alcohol, but the media thing seems strange to me. It never came up for me in the 90's.

sweeperbravo posted:

Like I thought it was supposed to imply B.O. for body odor, making "What's that smell?" a funnier question to follow up.

sweeperbravo posted:

The fake name of the brother is weird because that makes the "joke" way make more sense. Like I thought it was supposed to imply B.O. for body odor, making "What's that smell?" a funnier question to follow up. If that's just the made up name, then the actual one is less funny and therefore the whole thing is even stupiderrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ibntumart posted:

Avenging Mikon is *way* overreaching, but that said, the MPAA does wield indirect economic power. A movie that doesn't go through their rating process is often going to have a hard time finding mainstream distribution in US movie theatres because theatres are reluctant to show unrated movies. So they do have some control over what filmmakers create, or at least, can present to the general viewing public.

But that has zip to do with what DVDs Walmart allows a teenager to buy. That comes down to store policy. And filmmakers can still flout the MPAA's rating scheme and do all right with their NR films anyway.

Content:

Reddit TIFU posted:

It was Halloween at Western University in London, Ontario, and my friends and I were hitting up an amazing burger join just outside of the bar we'd been drinking at.

I go for a piss after ordering my food and find an apparently very drunk girl lying on the bathroom floor. I sit her up and try to get her talking, but all she keeps saying is "I hardly had anything to drink." She's pretty much incapacitated.

So I help her to her feet and get her out of the bathroom and sit her down at a table, then return to my friends and ask them what I should do. The logical choice was to help her into a cab, so I helped her back up again, walked to the street corner with her, and flagged down a cab.

Cab comes, but the girl is too far gone to even remotely remember where she lives and the cabbie refuses to take her. She manages to communicate to me that her house is on the road we're standing on and that she can point it out, but the cab driver still refuses to take her alone.

A bit pissed, I get in the cab with her. She starts slurring about how she barely drank anything again, and then starts trying to kiss me, at which point it clicks that she's probably been drugged. I push her off me and she tells the cab driver to stop and that her house is right here. Cab pulls over, I go to pay him, and she bolts from the door and begins running down the sidewalk. "Ok awesome," I think. "I did my best." Nope. She stumbles and face-plants right into the concrete.

So I pick her rear end up again, pretty frustrated with the whole situation at this point. She's bleeding from her forehead and yammering incoherently, but says her house is "right there." We get to the door and there's a party still going on inside. Her housemate answers the door, I tell him I "found her like this" and she loving belts: "HE ROOFIED ME." Housemate clocks me in the nose before I can respond, sending me down the flight of stairs leading up to the door. Bang my head on the concrete. Housemate kicks me in the stomach, lays on a few more punches, and leaves me there.

Now drunk, concussed and bleeding from my nose, I make my way back to my res, find my resident advisor and go to the hospital.

I've never hated a slutty nurse so much in my goddamn life.

david... posted:

This is one of those stories where the guy is fishing for praise for not doing a rape right?

bringmyfishback posted:

Paladinus posted:

Cool meme, imo.

bringmyfishback posted:

For the record, that kid is straight-up blue.

Sentient Data posted:

Duh - she can't be white since she doesn't have any gold

rejected comedy screenplay posted:

Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics
Restaurant | ID, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I’m waitressing at a small restaurant when a young mother with a toddler walks in accompanied by the mother’s grandfather. I seat them and they order. The grandfather orders the chicken fried steak which is soft enough that a knife isn’t necessary so one normally isn’t given with the meal. This happens as I drop off their plates.)

Grandfather: *looks at his plate then up at me angrily* “WHERE THE F*** IS MY KNIFE? HUH? HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS—”

(Suddenly the mother slaps her hand onto the table hard enough that all the dishware jumps, the toddler yelps, and the grandfather is startled into silence.)

Toddler: “Uh oh. Mama MAD. Not me did it!”

Mother: *looks at the grandfather with a look of pure fury* “You do NOT speak to people that way! Do you understand? Now, I told you, if I’m going to take you out to eat then you WILL be on your best behavior. Now you will either apologize to this young lady or you can go sit in the car by yourself and be hungry. Everyone else in the family might be willing to put up with your attitude but not me! So you got two options: apologize or leave.”

Grandfather: *crosses his arms and sulks*

Mother: “Apologize or car. NOW.”

Grandfather: *sighs* I’m sorry for saying those things to you.”

Me: “Thank you for apologizing, sir. Now, that was a steak knife you needed?”

Grandfather: “Yes.”

Mother: *crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows at him*

Grandfather: *looking like he bit into a lemon* “Please.”

(The mother smiles and I turn my attention to her.)

Me: “And anything for you, ma’am?”

Mother: “More napkins, please.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll be right out with those.”

(The rest of the meal passes by in complete silence with the grandfather sulking the whole time. I drop off their check, the mother tucks it under her arm, drops a tip on the table, then turns around and helps her son put on his jacket. While her back is turned the grandfather quickly picks up the tip, stuffs it in his jacket pocket, and scurries out. Finishing with her child the mother leads him over to the counter and places the check on the counter. I’m struggling with myself on whether or not I should tell her about what her grandfather did.)

Mother: *watches me for a minute* “Well, you obviously want to say something so say it! I’m sorry for the way my grandpa acted. I’m working on teaching him manners. But, if you have something to say feel free to speak up. So long as it’s said respectfully I can listen.*

Me: “It’s… um… just that your… um, grandfather took the tip money while your back was turned.”

Mother: “HE WHAT?!”

(Leaving her son there the mother storms off back to the table, audibly gasps when she sees the lack of money, practically runs back to the register, scoops up her child, and leaves. Through the window I see her walk to the passenger side of the car, point to the grandfather, mouth the words ‘big trouble,’ and open the back-seat passenger door. The grandfather moves down in his seat a little bit, the mother calmly buckles her kid into the car, closes the door, then opens the grandfather’s door. I can’t hear what’s being said but it’s obvious that whatever she’s screaming has the grandfather shrinking in his seat until he is literally hiding his head in his jacket. The mother suddenly reaches forward, snatches something from him, slams the car door, and comes back inside.)

Mother: “The nerve of some people! My goodness! I am so so sorry for my grandfather’s antics. Thank you. though. for being honest. *I ring up her transaction* I was going to give you a bit for being so patient with him but I think you deserve a bit extra. As for him, well, he can stay home eating cold ham and cheeses sandwiches for a few days. We’ll see how well he likes that!”

(The mother tipped me generously then left. They did come in the following week but this time the grandfather was much better behaved!)

quote:

Well, you obviously want to say something so say it! I’m sorry for the way my grandpa acted. I’m working on teaching him manners. But, if you have something to say feel free to speak up. So long as it’s said respectfully I can listen.

quote:

So long as it’s said respectfully I can listen.