Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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new friend from school: May 19, 2008; by Azathoth

# ? Mar 19, 2015 22:59

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# ? May 16, 2024 07:20

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

Left handed guns are the work of the devil. Would not vote for.

# ? Mar 19, 2015 23:16

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

safetyStanddown posted:

I'm so glad he didnt get elected, but the chick that won the next election is a retired AF Colonel so Im sure its just as awful for us

# ? Mar 19, 2015 23:16

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

safetyStanddown posted:

cant trust a guy who has two girls first names as his full name

# ? Mar 20, 2015 00:13

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Cotton is a great senator

# ? Mar 20, 2015 00:29

jaegerx: Sep 10, 2012; Maybe this post will get me on your ignore list!

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

cant trust a guy who has two girls first names as his full name

What's his middle name. 3 first name people are always killers.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 01:03

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

jaegerx posted:

What's his middle name. 3 first name people are always killers.

Nolan.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 02:27

jaegerx: Sep 10, 2012; Maybe this post will get me on your ignore list!

joat mon posted:

Nolan.

3 first names. He's probably gonna try to kill the president.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 02:55

bulletsponge13: Apr 28, 2010

LeoMarr posted:

Wasn't he constantly bragging about his football career and poo poo

Not really, but he did act holier than thou a bit and was just a general cock knocker overall. Being older and dealing with a bunch of motarded kids didn't help.

He did get made fun of by one of our Drills (same platoon, not just company) for not getting a 300 on the first PT test.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 03:18

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

Booblord Zagats posted:

Thats not entirely true. He turned down an almost league minimum contract iirc.

$3.6mil/3years. It depends on how the contract was structured.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 05:50

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

safetyStanddown posted:

Whenever someone describes themselves as US MARINE COMBAT VETERAN you just know they're a fuckup at everything in their life.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 08:50

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

The cleanest uniform I've ever seen.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 09:11

Fart Sandwiches: Apr 4, 2006; i never asked for this

Wild T posted:

Whenever someone describes themselves as US MARINE COMBAT VETERAN you just know they're a fuckup at everything in their life.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 11:24

somewhatpathetic: Oct 21, 2012

Become a linguist, get a lovely back tat, gently caress a 14 year old and kill her mom in front of her because she didn't approve. This guy had plans.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/soldier-kills-14-year-old-girlfriend-mom-pa-police-article-1.2154012

Honestly surprised this isn't more common.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 12:58

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

somewhatpathetic posted:

Become a linguist, get a lovely back tat, gently caress a 14 year old and kill her mom in front of her because she didn't approve. This guy had plans.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/soldier-kills-14-year-old-girlfriend-mom-pa-police-article-1.2154012

Honestly surprised this isn't more common.

Goddamn, that's brutal as gently caress.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 13:02

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

somewhatpathetic posted:

Become a linguist, get a lovely back tat, gently caress a 14 year old and kill her mom in front of her because she didn't approve. This guy had plans.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/soldier-kills-14-year-old-girlfriend-mom-pa-police-article-1.2154012

Honestly surprised this isn't more common.

Androies posted:

So I woke up today with a great message on my phone. Apparently this guy I went to Language school and AIT with killed somebody while on weekend pass.

Dude was always kind of odd, actually pretty damned disturbed. He got caught drinking underage and legit got sent to a rehab facility during language school. If you think that's enough to make him lose his clearance or at least his job since he wasn't out of AIT, think again. He had already graduated with a +2/3 and had a 300 pt score so the Army still wanted him.

Some months after that, he got caught drinking underage again at a drinking establishment on post. The cops came and he threatened to kill himself with a knife. He was eventually tazed and put in a sleeper hold. If you think that's enough to make him lose his clearance or at least his job since he wasn't out of AIT, think again! Army really needs them decent Persian speakers who can run fast apparently cause he still went to AIT with me.

(his knife collection)
This dude was obsessed with knives. Like he always had at least 3 on him at all times. During room inspections at language school they found his collection and confiscated them, but nothing was said after that.
Which brings me to this weekend:

Homeboy apparently fell in love with a 14 year old girl. Her mom didn't like the idea of her 14 year old daughter being the slam piece for a 20 year old Neo wanna-be so tried to brake them up. His response was to stab her in the neck multiple times, then drive with said 14 year old slam piece to a site to burn the body and bury it and then half-heartedly push the murder vehicle into a pond before walking back to the girl's house to have wild murderer sex before getting caught by the police. All I'm saying is that I'm glad I'm not stationed at Fort Meade right now cause holy poo poo will there be safety briefs.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 15:30

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

quote:

All I'm saying is that I'm glad I'm not stationed at Fort Meade

# ? Mar 20, 2015 15:41

Larry Parrish: Jul 9, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

It's so epic how many unbelievably hosed up people manage to get kept around

# ? Mar 20, 2015 16:04

Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

$3.6mil/3years. It depends on how the contract was structured.

In 2000 I thought the league minimum was lower than that. huh

# ? Mar 20, 2015 16:10

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

Kung Fu Fist gently caress posted:

there will be safety briefs

# ? Mar 20, 2015 16:24

Internet Wizard: Aug 9, 2009; BANDAIDS DON'T FIX BULLET HOLES

Word is that reporters have already started cold-calling any DLI number they can find for scandalous details about the guy.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 16:42

vains: May 26, 2004; A Big Ten institution offering distance education catering to adult learners

cool guy who looks like neo

Booblord Zagats posted:

In 2000 I thought the league minimum was lower than that. huh

It was. He didn't sign a league minimum contract.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 17:26

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

She didn't just call the police, then gets in a car with a deranged pedophile at 2 am?! This is some pure strain white trash we're dealing with here.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 18:01

chemosh6969

Jul 3, 2004

code:
cat /dev/null > /etc/professionalism

_{_{I am in fact a massive asswagon.

Do not let me touch computer.}}

Casimir Radon posted:

This is some pure strain white trash we're dealing with here.

In what world can a white 14 year old date a 20 year old and not be white trash?

# ? Mar 20, 2015 18:22

Stultus Maximus: Dec 21, 2009; USPOL May

chemosh6969 posted:

In what world can a white 14 year old date a 20 year old and not be white trash?

Emotionally vulnerable cutters?

# ? Mar 20, 2015 18:31

Professor Bling: Nov 12, 2008; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Still counts

# ? Mar 20, 2015 18:36

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

People from all walks of life are pretty stupid at that age, some or just far stupider than others.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 18:51

USMC503: Jan 15, 2012; For satisfactory performance while under the effects of hostile enemy alcohol.

Well I mean, from the girl's perspective, "I'm dating a soldier who is 20, has a car and :smug:

"

Like, I remember girls claiming to be dating college boys in high school n poo poo as a bragging point.

But yeah holy poo poo guys. Clearly he was just freeing her from the matrix.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 18:58

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

It's really skeezy when they're in high school, but middle school is a special kind of low.

My dad was just telling me about an incident that happened at Whiteman back in the late 80s. Somebody went into the post office and found a package that had "This is a bomb" scrawled on it. The LtCol in charge of security police being concerned about the building had a couple of single stripe policeman pick it up, put it in the back of a truck, and drive it away. Somehow he managed to keep his job after this, in spite of the fact that EOD confirmed that it had in fact been an incendiary device. Had the trigger not failed it could have gone off. This same guy was telling my dad about his pistol one time, in particular that it was really safe because it didn't chamber a round until he pulled the trigger.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 19:22

USMC503: Jan 15, 2012; For satisfactory performance while under the effects of hostile enemy alcohol.

Casimir Radon posted:

It's really skeezy when they're in high school, but middle school is a special kind of low.

My dad was just telling me about an incident that happened at Whiteman back in the late 80s. Somebody went into the post office and found a package that had "This is a bomb" scrawled on it. The LtCol in charge of security police being concerned about the building had a couple of single stripe policeman pick it up, put it in the back of a truck, and drive it away. Somehow he managed to keep his job after this, in spite of the fact that EOD confirmed that it had in fact been an incendiary device. Had the trigger not failed it could have gone off. This same guy was telling my dad about his pistol one time, in particular that it was really safe because it didn't chamber a round until he pulled the trigger.

That last line wtf. What gun even operates that way?

# ? Mar 20, 2015 21:07

LunarShadow: Aug 15, 2013

USMC503 posted:

That last line wtf. What gun even operates that way?

Literaly only a double action revolver on an empty cylinder. Which I assume it was not.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 21:13

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Casimir Radon posted:

It's really skeezy when they're in high school, but middle school is a special kind of low.

My dad was just telling me about an incident that happened at Whiteman back in the late 80s. Somebody went into the post office and found a package that had "This is a bomb" scrawled on it. The LtCol in charge of security police being concerned about the building had a couple of single stripe policeman pick it up, put it in the back of a truck, and drive it away. Somehow he managed to keep his job after this, in spite of the fact that EOD confirmed that it had in fact been an incendiary device. Had the trigger not failed it could have gone off. This same guy was telling my dad about his pistol one time, in particular that it was really safe because it didn't chamber a round until he pulled the trigger.

Oops.

I was thinking he may have gotten int confused with a HK p7 since its got a pretty unique way of cocking.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heckler_%26_Koch_P7

Crab Dad fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Mar 20, 2015

# ? Mar 20, 2015 21:52

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

MassivelyBuckNegro posted:

A brother who will literally deglover your mother
And make your sister think he loves her

# ? Mar 20, 2015 21:59

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

LunarShadow posted:

Literaly only a double action revolver on an empty cylinder. Which I assume it was not.

It was some S&W 9 mil, as he remembers it. He knew the guy was dead wrong but didn't think getting in an argument with a colonel over something stupid was a good idea, so he just went with it.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 23:04

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

Can't spell colonel without cole.

# ? Mar 20, 2015 23:36

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

A guy I worked with was just sentenced to life in prison for murdering a coworker. Said guy was loving victims wife and they came up with a plan to kill the victim and get that sgli money.

# ? Mar 21, 2015 01:04

Fart Sandwiches: Apr 4, 2006; i never asked for this

Jody taking it to the next level.

Got a link?

# ? Mar 21, 2015 01:20

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Soulex posted:

A guy I worked with was just sentenced to life in prison for murdering a coworker. Said guy was loving victims wife and they came up with a plan to kill the victim and get that sgli money.

In CONUS? There should be an online cert for this.

# ? Mar 21, 2015 01:38

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

Happened in Germany.

http://www.kpbs.org/news/2014/apr/28/chilling-new-details-killing-navy-dmitry-chepusov/

I worked with the guy and partied a bunch with Oliver. He was always kinda drunk creepy, but I'd never guess he'd murder someone.

The sentencing was done not too long ago. Life with possibility of parole. The odd thing too was that German authorities originally withheld information on the autopsy because they thought we would seek the death penalty.

# ? Mar 21, 2015 06:24

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# ? May 16, 2024 07:20

iyaayas01: Feb 19, 2010; Perry'd

Booblord Zagats posted:

I'm so glad he didnt get elected, but the chick that won the next election is a retired AF Colonel so Im sure its just as awful for us

lol McBlinky?

LunarShadow posted:

Literaly only a double action revolver on an empty cylinder. Which I assume it was not.

AF SP's in the '80s its actually entirely possible that they were rolling with S&W Combat Masterpieces (M15s).

Still dumb though (and apparently it was a DA/SA semi-auto so yeah super dumb)

# ? Mar 21, 2015 08:05

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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