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TKIY posted:Holy poo poo that sounds so much like my (autistic, highly verbal) 9-year-old.   I have gotten sentences starting with "P.S." too. He also took offense when his teacher told the class that there are three states of matter, and tried to stand up and give his 2nd-grade class a lecture on plasma.
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Mar 17, 2015 21:53
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pookel posted:
Just wait until he learns about Einstein-Bose condensate, Fermionic condensate, Quantum Hall state... Still, sounds like something I would've done in 2nd grade, except what I did was try and teach my fellow classmates division.
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Mar 17, 2015 22:19
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Autistic, highly verbal son here too. One time coloring with him, I had this conversation. Me: Here, why don't you use the orange crayon? Him: *the most scathing look I've ever gotten* That's apricot. Dripping with condescension, too.
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Mar 17, 2015 22:29
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My three-year-old niece once said to me, "Auntie, you're so beautiful. You're a hot piece of white chocolate!" We are both extremely white and extremely middle-class.
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Mar 17, 2015 22:36
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AngryRobotsInc posted:Autistic, highly verbal son here too. One time coloring with him, I had this conversation. Oh this reminds me of something I did when I was little. I loved my Crayola box more than anything in the world, and I also grew up in a racially diverse area. So I categorized people by what color Crayola crayon they most represented. And told them to their faces what crayon they were.
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Mar 17, 2015 22:38
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Sunday, I was out with my mom, sister, and 5 year old niece. My niece had already spent about the last ten minutes trying to convince us to go to McDonalds for lunch. Instead, we stop at Steak n Shake, and go in to ask how long the wait is. Mom decides that her knee can't handle standing up for the 20 minute wait, so we leave to go somewhere else. As we're walking back to the car, my niece turns to my mom and says, "Grandma, I love you....how about we go to McDonalds?"
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Mar 18, 2015 04:21
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AngryRobotsInc posted:Autistic, highly verbal son here too. One time coloring with him, I had this conversation. As an autistic, highly verbal 27-year-old, I remember a few times like that. My dad tried to make a joke one time when I was sick, I guess to cheer me up because I was miserable and pukey, and I responded in the most withering tone I could manage (being a little kid who just threw up), "Dad, I'm not in the mood." Naturally, he thought that was even funnier than his own joke.
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Mar 18, 2015 09:12
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I took my 2 year old son to the zoo last weekend and he wanted to see the elephants. At the time we went, the elephants were in their pen. My son noticed that it was a small space and they looked like they were waiting to get let outside. So he looked at me and said "daddy! The elephants are trapped inside with their giant poops!" This same kid also says "mommy and daddy are happy i used the potty!" Every time he manages to pee in the potty.
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Mar 26, 2015 17:53
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Colton posted:I took my 2 year old son to the zoo last weekend and he wanted to see the elephants. At the time we went, the elephants were in their pen. My son noticed that it was a small space and they looked like they were waiting to get let outside. So he looked at me and said "daddy! The elephants are trapped inside with their giant poops!" Toddlers are the best. My pregnant friend has a 3-year-old who really, really wants the new baby to be a girl, not a boy. He overheard us discussing this and informed me, "I need a sister. I need a sister RIGHT NOW! But sister stuck in her tummy!" He frowned and pointed accusingly at his mom's belly. Like if mom would just cooperate and get the baby out already, he'd have the sister he wants. He's got six more months to wait, poor little dude.
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Mar 26, 2015 18:50
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Colton posted:This same kid also says "mommy and daddy are happy i used the potty!" Every time he manages to pee in the potty. I work at a Lego Store, and occasionally children around that age will proudly announce to me about their bathroom successes and how they get to pick out a toy as a reward.
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Mar 27, 2015 00:27
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4 year old puts on Daddy's shoes and parades around: "I'm Daddy! I go to work and do computers." Yes, that's right; you're very cute. He puts on my shoes and parades around: "I'm Mommy! I have a purse!" Then he bellows, "IT'S TIME TO GO--GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW!!" Just like Mommy does. 
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Mar 27, 2015 13:54
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A friend's daughter had chicken wings for the first time the other day. She said she didn't like the crusty part on the outside, but the ham inside was good.
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Mar 27, 2015 18:44
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AlistairCookie posted:Then he bellows, "IT'S TIME TO GO--GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW!!" Just like Mommy does. Absolutely adorable. I work at a little Museum and today I was asked "how many things could survive if we dropped them into the sun" and "If you split the sun in two would you then have to use both halves for things?"
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Mar 27, 2015 18:57
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This is more of what my kid DOES as he's not quite two and isn't very verbal. He keeps leaving small blocks and toys RIGHT in front of the litter box which is very close to the bathroom. I never notice these drat toys. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom(sans my very much needed glasses) my sleepy brain thinks it's a turd and I get pissed. Every. Time. My twenty two month old is trolling me and doing a very good job of it.
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Mar 29, 2015 12:11
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This isn't really something a kid said, but I thought it was pretty cute. I was at the farmer's market yesterday, and one of the vendors, who was selling goat cheese, had brought a couple of adorable little goats (which I must say, is extremely effective marketing. I don't even like goat cheese that much, but I felt compelled to buy some after petting one of those little guys  ). While I was at the stand, a couple came by with their baby girl. For whatever reason, the little girl thought the goats were the most HILARIOUS thing she had ever seen in her life. She was pointing at them, throwing back her head and just howling with laughter, despite the fact that they weren't really doing anything except standing around being goats. Like, I seriously don't remember the last time I found anything as funny as that baby found those goats. She was still there, just cackling away, when I walked by again about five minutes later. The goats were beginning to look a little self-conscious.Kids and kids are a pretty fun combination, I guess.
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Mar 29, 2015 13:59
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My little cousin was obsessed with Bob the Builder and construction in general. All his favorite toys were tools, but since he was a little kid he got the names wrong. For instance his hammer was a "hambra." One of his favorite toys was his tow strap. One night, with a bunch of the extended family hanging out, he comes busting into the room all angry and shouts: "where are my black hookers!?!" It was stunning. One from my mother-in-law: My mother-in-law was a resource teacher. One year she was giving a kindergarten entrance test to kid. One of the questions was "what do a cow, a pig, a sheep, and a horse have in common?" After the question was asked the little girl taking the test leans into my mother-in-law and whispers "do... do cows poop?" My mother-in-law whispers back "yes, cows poop." Loudly and confidently the girl declares"good! Then they all poop!" alpha_destroy has a new favorite as of 15:27 on Mar 29, 2015 |
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Mar 29, 2015 14:22
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Okay what do they all have in common 
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Mar 29, 2015 15:14
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TKIY posted:Okay what do they all have in common That was perfectly correct. The point was to see if kids could come up with any acceptable answer. They are mammals. They have four legs. Old McDonald has all of them. Whatever. gently caress! Horse, not house. My bad. Phoneposting and all.
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Mar 29, 2015 15:26
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I take garbage out of the back door of my house. Is that not my house pooping?
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Mar 29, 2015 15:32
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alpha_destroy posted:
You broke my brain there for a moment...
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Mar 29, 2015 17:18
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My 4 year old had always had her own way about her. Confident, pushy, etc. She knows what she wants and she tells you straight out. Here are some select quotes from my darling first born. Me: "Zoe, please put your clothes back in the drawers" -gesturing to all the clothes she dragged out to dress herself for the day- Zoe: "hmmmm" Me: "Zoe?" Zoe: "Hold on..." Me: "we gotta get moving sweethe-" Zoe: "how 'bout you put my clothes away, Dad" Her preschool has a green,yellow,red light system for behavior management. If your good you're stay on green, if you're bad you go on yellow as a warning, so forth... Wife: "Zo no more iPad time" Zoe: "No, I'm playing it!" Me: "Listen to your mother and put it down now" Zoe: "NO! Mommy is on Redlight! Daddy go to time out!" She then throws herself on top of the iPad and looks up at the two of us and says: "I'm going to play Ninja Turtles..."
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Mar 29, 2015 23:13
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I just heard this from my sister. Her daughter is three. Yesterday they're watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier and the whole time she's asking her mom why he's not wearing his mask. When the Cap finally puts on his mask and walks out my niece goes, “Wow.“
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Mar 30, 2015 15:02
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Just remembered this conversation with my autistic kid soon after he turned 3: Me: You're getting so tall! Him: I came out your tummy! Me: That's right. Him: Now I fwee! Me: Yes, now you're three. Him: I level up? The best part of this? I'm pretty sure this was a lightbulb moment for him. He hadn't really understood birthdays, or aging, or the passage of time, before then.
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Mar 31, 2015 15:25
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pookel posted:Just remembered this conversation with my autistic kid soon after he turned 3: lol
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Mar 31, 2015 18:57
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pookel posted:Just remembered this conversation with my autistic kid soon after he turned 3: My son would run laps around the background and after each lap he'd come inside and tell me leveled up and tell me what new power he got. Him: daddy! I can fire rockets out of my mouth now! Then he'd run another lap Daddy I leveled up again! I can shoot lasers from my eyes! Then he'd run another lap Daddy i can shoot bombs out of my butt now!
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Mar 31, 2015 19:26
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My Dad told me that he and my 4 year old niece let the helium balloons from his birthday go. As they were floating away she asked: "Where abouts are they?" "Oh I'd say they're above Uncle Tea Bone's house." "Good. I want them back... He can reach them" (I'm 6'7" and she believes me to be a giant)
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Mar 31, 2015 20:41
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omnibobb posted:I turned on the car one time and there was an Eminem song on and he says "gently caress" very loudly and clearly before I can turn it down. I read this and then a few minutes later had to scrill back up to see if I had posted it. I'm still not sure you're not me. I was at store with my wife and daughter and my wife walked off to get something. Daughter : Where did mom go? Me : i dont know, i guess shes gone? Daughter : ok, we can just get a new one at the store! Me : oh yeah, what kind of mommy would you like to get? Daughter : lets get a black one! Me : im willing to try if you are! Also my son told me the other day that on of the girls at his preschool is really sweet because she always sleeps with him. I answered "she sounds really sweet son!"
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Apr 1, 2015 21:31
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We once had one of my wife's coworkers babysit our kids and this lady is really, really pretty. We were moving from off base housing to on base and I had turned on the internet the day before and brought over stuff so she and the kids could watch Netflix. After a long day of moving we come to the new home and the babysitter is getting ready to leave. Son: can Ms Jessica live with us? Me: no buddy she has to go back to her dorm room. Son: please daddy? I really want ms jessica to stay! Me: no buddy, she has no where to sleep here. Son: she can sleep in my bed with me daddy. Homeboy has good taste.
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Apr 2, 2015 13:01
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With 1.5 year old niece at the zoo: Me: Look Audj, it's a goat! Her:....no. Pony. Me: No Audj it's a goat Her: pony Me: ...it's a goat... Her: PONY Me: Alright alright! It's a pony! She is so friggin cute I want to smoosh her. Her older sister is almost 5 and says some loving amazing things, but I can't remember any right now.
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Apr 3, 2015 04:53
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My husband was out walking the dog, and passed by one house which has two very nice dogs. The dogs were in the back yard, jumping and barking at my husband and our dog, and apparently that alerted a tiny little girl in the house. The front door SLAMMED open, a tiny little girl ran out wielding a plastic sword, and hit my husband in the knee with it, shouting, "I'M the kendo master!" Then she ran back inside and slammed the door shut.
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Apr 3, 2015 23:48
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A couple had an adorable 3ish year-old little girl in their cart today. I had just rang them up and they were leaving when all of a sudden the girl yells "I'M POOPIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!!!!" at the top of her lungs. I cracked up. I couldn't help it. The parents remained calm and were like "all right, lets go to the bathroom" and took her in. It must have happened before. BigBallChunkyTime has a new favorite as of 01:18 on Apr 4, 2015 |
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Apr 4, 2015 01:15
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My kids have said and done some strange stuff, like I guess all kids do. One time, my boys were watching a parade, and there were a couple of horses, which they thought had to be massive dogs, so they started making "woof!" sounds. Probably the best one is my youngest girl, who was found in her room having broken a whole box of eggs on her wall. She was absolutely distraught, and once my wife had finished taking in the eggy carnage, she asked what was wrong. Tiny looked up, tears streaming down her face, and mournfully said "no baby chickens." Poor thing. My wife makes simple cartoons of the weird stuff they've all said over the years. I can't wait for all the chances we'll have to pull these out on big occasions. Yep, you just married a girl who once asked for an x-ray machine as a birthday present so she could "see what the inside of the cat looks like." That was my oldest girl, who for a long time would wake up in the middle of the night, and walk to our room, standing silently in the doorway, waiting for us to notice... IrvingWashington has a new favorite as of 04:03 on Apr 4, 2015 |
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Apr 4, 2015 04:01
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I was in a thrift store the other day and another customer's about, I dunno, 5-year-old girl was running around grabbing things, loudly narrating what she was doing in a really precocious way. As in, "THIS RIGHT HERE is a pretty sandal." and, "THIS RIGHT HERE is a book. Look at that." She ran up to me and we had this conversation: Girl: Hello! Who are you? Me: Hi, I'm (angelfishing). Girl: You're a pretty pretty lady. What do pretty ladies do? Me: ... Me: Well, thanks. That's a nice thing to say. I go to school and I make art. Do you do those things? Girl: Me too. I make pretty things. And I'm pretty too. (Points to man near me) And HE'S pretty. Cats are pretty. My mom is pretty. Bye now. (walks away)
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Apr 4, 2015 04:41
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My kids were playing in their room, and they broke this toy train set they have. Nothing serious, easily fixed, but an entire section came right off, looking much worse than it really was. I was alerted to the incident when, I was in the lounge and our youngest (2) ran out and tugged at my knee. "Dad! Dad! Look! Come look! Dad! Look!" I leaned over and asked "What's up bud? What happened?" He put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes, and with the most serious expression he could muster, just said "Oooh poo poo." We all went shopping last week, and before we'd even set off, our 3 year old had asked if we were getting a "Toy Egg" at the shops. "Toy Eggs" are what he calls Kinder Surprises, which are basically little chocolate eggs with a capsule inside that contains a random toy of some sort. We said we'd think about it. After the shopping was done, he asked again. "I want a toy egg." They had been good kids all day, so we figured a treat would be good, but we wanted to teach proper manners. Please and Thank Yous, etc.. This followed: Son: I want a toy egg. Wife: What do you say? Son: I want a toy egg. Wife: Yes, but what word do you have to say if you want something? Son: I want a toy egg. Wife: What is the word that makes things happen? Son: Money? Kids got a better understanding of economics than some adults.
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Apr 5, 2015 11:29
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Culex posted:My husband was out walking the dog, and passed by one house which has two very nice dogs. The dogs were in the back yard, jumping and barking at my husband and our dog, and apparently that alerted a tiny little girl in the house. The front door SLAMMED open, a tiny little girl ran out wielding a plastic sword, and hit my husband in the knee with it, shouting, "I'M the kendo master!" Then she ran back inside and slammed the door shut.
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Apr 6, 2015 15:38
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Culex posted:My husband was out walking the dog, and passed by one house which has two very nice dogs. The dogs were in the back yard, jumping and barking at my husband and our dog, and apparently that alerted a tiny little girl in the house. The front door SLAMMED open, a tiny little girl ran out wielding a plastic sword, and hit my husband in the knee with it, shouting, "I'M the kendo master!" Then she ran back inside and slammed the door shut. Sounds like one of those Randy Beeman-kid sketches from Animaniacs. (God, I miss that show.)
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Apr 6, 2015 16:08
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Conversation with the 4 year old on the way home from nursery school yesterday: Did you have a good day at school? Yup! Mommy, can we eat a person? What? No, no we can't do that. Does a person not taste very good? No? I don't know; that's not why we don't eat people. Eating someone is sad, mean, and gross. Why do you want to eat a person? Because a person is full of meat. I like meat. Daddy can grill. The Hell, child, the Hell. Goddamnit, from the mouths of babes...
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Apr 9, 2015 18:53
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I remembered this just now: When my college history professor's daughter was in kindergarten, he came to her class to tell the kids the story of the Plymouth colony for Thanksgiving. Among other things, he shared William Bradford's anecdote of a "proud and very profane young man" on the crew of the Mayflower who enjoyed cursing and making fun of the Pilgrim passengers. The young sailor would even talk about how much he hoped half the Pilgrims would die so that he could have their belongings! But the sailor himself was the first to sicken and die. Bradford and his fellow Puritans concluded that the sailor's ironic death was a just punishment from God. After my professor finished sharing this and other stories of the colony, he asked the class, "So what did we learn?" A little girl said "I learned that when you curse God, you die."
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Apr 17, 2015 22:35
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AlistairCookie posted:
Best child.
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Apr 17, 2015 22:56
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My mom will never let me forget a couple from when I was about 2. She had a tape recorder that she used to record me singing and talking, and would let me play with it sometimes. One day, she hit rewind and the tape started unspooling and she said "Damnit!" under her breath. To me, this clearly meant that she had spoken the real name of the device and I would stand in the living room jumping up and down, pointing at the tape recorder on the top shelf where I couldn't get to it yelling "DAMNIT! DAMNIT!" at the top of my lungs. Then there was the second time my mom swore in front of me, also at age 2. We had some bad neighbors who trained their dogs to be aggressive, and would let them roam the neighborhood freely. I was outside playing and my mom reacted to seeing the doberman running our way. I immediately repeated it, in the stilted manner of a kid just learning to talk, and spoke my first full sentence, "poo poo, the doh-buh-man's out." It took her a couple of days to get me to stop.
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