YellerBill posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL6-XBtBigA I heard this noise and I went into the next room to find, well, this.

Vunterslaush posted:

When you gib as Regional Director or Inspector you will leave behind a clipboard that you never had. You can also turn this to gold with boosted midas touch.

Daeren posted:

Alright, so I went looking at this bug, got very confused, chatted with other coders, and figured out what was going on.

When items are added to people at the start of the round, they're literally inside of them. The code looks at the Jobs datum and stuffs everything it sees inside of them. After that, it calls for everything inside a mob that can be equipped to its assigned slot to be equipped. Clipboards are technically too big to fit in a pocket according to the checks it runs, so it stays implanted inside the person.

quote:

OOC: Haine: friends we have learned why the servers were sometimes failing to restart
OOC: Haine: as it turns out fridges were sometimes making infinite chicken nuggets
OOC: Haine: also yes, because I suck

Borg names can be URLs, which are clickable posted:

The http://bit.ly/IqT6zt screams!
Bob Robins screams!
That is Janitors Closet.
Sam Paine hits Map (Click somewhere in space to close) with the chainsaw!
Chance Stahl [145.9] says, "damnit janitor"
http://bit.ly/IqT6zt states, "I need a module change."
Discount Dan says, "lets hope this chimp is well bred"

Lack of limbs upon spawning posted:

Quite frequently I will find that I spawn without limbs. Could be an arm, could be a leg, could be both arms and both legs. As far as I know it only happens when I spawn in AFTER the round starts.

Though it has comedic value when the clown spawns as just a torso and head, it's a bit annoying.

RE: Server gets laggy when holes are dug posted:

So we managed to identify the problem, which was unrelated to digging, apparently a related loop had an NP-hilarious computational complexity and brilliant branching model.

Basically, it was bad.

And now it's still not particularly good.

But it's not bad.

CJacobs posted:

Speaking of GTA V, each of the player characters has a garage at their home where you can store cars for future use. Unfortunately because of the game's emphasis on realism instead of fun they don't become permanent occupants and if you lose them they stay gone

MacGyvers_Mullet posted:

This is wrong, if you lose a car you've stored in a garage you pay $250 to get them out of the impound.

Fathis Munk posted:

I still find myself longingly thinking of Saint's Row's "call a dude who brings you the car you need" feature.

MacGyvers_Mullet posted:

This is wrong, if you lose a car you've stored in a garage you pay $250 to get them out of the impound.

Dabir posted:

It's a hell of a game alright.

Daeren posted:

Someone made a fractal sandwich [note: a sandwich that contains a pizza which is topped with a cake which is made of a pie which was made containing a sandwich which contains a...etc etc] and animated it with Anima. Whenever your client tries to pull up the name of a gigantic object in its entirety it lags like crazy and sometimes crashes entirely. Anima objects make a message every time they charge, or hit something, or get hit, so any attempts to fight it will end with the person nearby having their client crash, and they'll log on to either crash again or find themselves beaten to death. The server lag was so crippling that commands to delete it simply were not going through, and the plug had to be pulled entirely.

Daeren posted:

SS13 is a relatively old chunk of frankencode with spotty-to-nonexistent commenting depending on the segments in question. While the infamous clown shoes call [note: a call that, instead of having clown shoes check to see if they trip the wearer when walking, was anchored to every single turf that checked to see if someone walking on them had clown shoes, THEN checked to see if they tripped if they did - at one point, this was one of the most significant hidden causes of lag in the code] was probably the worst single piece of ghetto coding I remember hearing about, the real problem is that there's enough bizarre, uncommented interaction and connected bits of code that changing something totally innocuous might make an entirely different system violently poo poo itself in a catastrophic manner until you dig up what's going on.

I've got two particular recent-ish bugs that I absolutely love, and sort of illustrate what I'm talking about. I'll be using layman's terms because I am pretty inexperienced with anything beyond extremely basic coding and it's been a while so the details escape me. [note: This was written well before I became a coder.]

The first bug happened was that, partway through the round, when people tried to join, BYOND crashed immediately, with no error message. A team of furious drunken hobbyists crack coders rooted through every debug command they could, until they realized that the job controller had deleted itself. This would be the chunk of code that brings up the window that lets you pick what job you are when you late-join. After more digging, the coders discovered that the jobs had been replaced by two kludged entries, "C" and "G."

Apparently, the controller, instead of going "oh hey, something is horribly wrong, maybe I should go back to a state that wasn't horribly wrong" or "hey, something is horribly wrong, maybe I should say something about this/crash the program along with me," grabbed the next available list in memory, which was a random-rear end chunk of the genetics code. Yes, it grabbed the code that defined chromosomes for space genetics and tried to mash it into the spot where the code for joining the game was, and despite the crash on join attempt, there weren't any other problems.

The second's simpler: we redid how explosions and deletion worked to put a lot less stress on the server and cause far, far less lag. Instead of trying to process a million Del() calls at once, affected stuff was teleported to 0,0,0 and deleted in a queue to space out the lag-inducing processes. Soon after, I got a few bizarre adminhelps from a guy who had been hurled into deep space by something while AFK, yet nothing in my logs showed him teleporting or being dragged to an airlock and thrown. He had, however, frozen solid shortly beforehand. A bit of and asking other admins later, and it turned out that the Del() call to get rid of the ice cube that replaces a person while they're frozen was working on the new code, but was also throwing the frozen person to 0,0,0, which promptly made the game freak the gently caress out and vomit them out into a random tile - which probability dictated was more than likely going to be deep space.

Of course, like any good admin, once armed with this knowledge I took cakes frosted with frozen yogurt, put some reinforced windows around them, and made a centcom announcement that the cake in escape was for Centcom's grandma and that nobody should eat it.

All six slices were gone within 45 seconds. All six people who ate them were dead in deep space shortly afterward.

I Said No posted:

SL the Pyro posted:

TopHatGenius posted:

There seems to be something very wrong with ores in general. My last round I played I started hearing explosions. Endless explosions for a good 10-15 minutes that completely bogged down the server.

Eventually an admin ended the round and it turns out that a Miner exploded some rock, and ALL the Molitz on the mining z-level exploded. The entire mining belt was annihilated by crystal glass.

According to AngriestIBM, he himself decided to spawn in that round as a bar of molitz and had himself scanned, and he apparently had plasmastone properties - plasmastone explodes if dug out incorrectly (i.e.: Pod digging tools or mining charges), which explains the mining field detonation. Apparently another test during the lag spike had the station windows and their shards exploding too.

This is only part of it.
What happened was there was a caching glitch in the system; you already know that when you make an alloy in the arc smelter, it will have the properties of both ores - meld cerenkite and erebite for example, and the resultant cerebite will be both explosive and radioactive. What you probably didn't know was that due to a small brain fart in the code, when you alloy two minerals, ALL minerals of that type from that point in the round onward are alloyed in that manner. Mix erebite and mauxite, and now all mauxite is highly explosive. This causes Problems when a miner decides to dig up some mauxite using blasting charges, understandably not realizing that all mauxite is now going to cook off like it's a loving ammo dump.

The glitch is fixed now, thank god.

Daeren posted:

Someone made a fractal sandwich and animated it with Anima. Whenever your client tries to pull up the name of a gigantic object in its entirety it lags like crazy and sometimes crashes entirely. Anima objects make a message every time they charge, or hit something, or get hit, so any attempts to fight it will end with the person nearby having their client crash, and they'll log on to either crash again or find themselves beaten to death. The server lag was so crippling that commands to delete it simply were not going through, and the plug had to be pulled entirely.

Fathis Munk posted:

I still find myself longingly thinking of Saint's Row's "call a dude who brings you the car you need" feature.

Daeren posted:

quote:

Haine updated:
Staples will no longer drain all your blood like some kind of horrific tiny metal vampire

quote:

Haine updated:
Fixed broken bottles so when you stab someone with them, it doesn't make, uh, YOU bleed and take damage. Whoops!!

quote:

Haine updated:
The Robotics operating computer will no longer tie itself to an operating table on Mars.

Alioen posted:

You can pee in a cup FOREVER as a ghost. I have a feeling this isn't a feature.

1. Drink a lot of poo poo
2. Click on a glass 100+ times and leave the pee menu up
3. Die
4. You can now pee in the cup from across the map while dead, it even refills it for your electrolytic needs

ISaidNo posted:

i will punch anyone who tries to fix this

scamtank posted:

For perspective, a stable everyday "good job Engineering, now our lights won't go out 15 minutes in" generator burn produces 1-2 MW.

Daeren posted:

Kennel posted:

And the Sun emits ~400 YW.

Vorpal Cat posted:

Or to put it another way the Tsar bomb, the largest nuke ever build had a peak power output of 34 YW. That isn't "then entire station should be blown to bits" levels of power, that's "the entire station should become a rapidly expanding ball of plasma that obliterates anything in its path" power levels.

Spaced God posted:

These SS13 stories make me want to play the game. But then the game is so shittily designed in terms of interface and explanations.
I guess it's one of those games that are better to read about.

Farecoal posted:

I recently started playing and I've spent most of the time at the bar, drinking mustard-ketchup-pepper-salt drinks and whatever the bartender serves up, then vomiting all over the loving place. And the interface isn't that bad, especially now that there's a WASD mode

neogeo0823 posted:

The Doom Peel

LordSaturn posted:

Is there an archive of SS13 stories someplace? Or do I need to ask you to explain The Doom Peel directly?

Angry Diplomat posted:

The Doom Peel

If a banana peel is left on the floor, anyone who steps on it will slip and fall down. There used to be a Clown job, which started with a banana and was mostly responsible for playing pranks, telling jokes, raising spirits, and getting brutally murdered by the psychotic crew. When my brother first started playing SS13, he chose Clown and spent the entire round slipping people with his banana peel, farting in their faces while they lay stunned, and then peeling out of there like a brightly coloured human rally car while furiously honking his bike horn. He did this so much and so competently that several people were actively trying to murder him, which of course led to more slipping, farting, and honking before he'd lie low in a locker somewhere until they gave up the search.

One particular victim seemed to have terrible luck, as he ran afoul of my brother over, and over, and over again through no apparent fault of his own. He must have spent a third of the round lying on the floor with fart in his face and a cheery HONK HONK HONK ringing in his ears. After pratfalling for the fourteenth or fifteenth time, he impotently screamed, "CLOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!" at his retreating assailant. This had no effect, aside from causing my brother to laugh so hard that it brought him to tears.

That victim was THE OVERWASP, one of the game's administrators.

Rather than get angry, THE OVERWASP saw the humour in my brother's clowny antics. He telepathically instructed him to stand next to his banana peel for a moment, then implanted the clown's consciousness into the peel itself, giving my brother the ability to move it around directly.

As it turns out, a player-controlled banana peel is nothing short of apocalyptic in the right hands. The station rapidly descended into anarchy as police chases became Keystone Kopps fiascoes, Janitors were left facedown in their own suds, and panicking assistants fled shrieking from the demonically-possessed banana peel before it sent them tumbling facefirst into vending machines. In a desperate bid to restore order, one of the heads of staff seized the unholy fruit rind in his hand and stuffed it in his pocket. Striding triumphantly to the airlock to space the offending item, he met his doom when it leaped out of his pocket and slipped him, causing him to careen into the open void and be lost forever.

The escape shuttle was called, and the crew fled in terror, abandoning the station to its new master: the Doom Peel.

fits posted:

Remember the Breaking NBA Y2K death of the NBA finale? Good news! There's a sequel!

fits posted:

Remember the Breaking NBA Y2K death of the NBA finale? Good news! There's a sequel!

Lblitzer posted:

I didn't like it nearly as much as last years, but still a really good writeup. It's so baffling to me why the game decides to throw in players that are impossible to create, like the one who was an inch taller somehow or the guy who came in with an extra 100lbs on him.

dpbjinc posted:

It looks like you create template characters, tell the game which templates to use in the draft and how many of them to create, and the game makes slight modifications to the template for each character based on it. The templates are all maxed, so if the game decides to raise a stat, that stat will go above maximum. I have no idea if that's intentional behavior or not.

FredMSloniker posted:

I dunno. I thought his articles were cool at first, but it feels like he's retreading ground now. 'I put in these impossible numbers, and the game took a poo poo.' Not to mention his most recent Super Bowl special sounded like he'd come to hate football and was only writing the article because it was his job.