SuperMechagodzilla posted:

The only successful sexual relationship occurs when the fantasies of the two partners overlap.

If the man fantasizes that making love is like riding a bike and the woman wants to be penetrated by a stud,



then what truly goes on while they make love is that a horse is riding a bike.

With a fantasy like that, who needs a personality?

_{-Slavoj Žižek}

LORD OF BUTT posted:

What the gently caress Johnny Cage from the MK movie is in Teen Wolf? Do I need to actually watch that lovely furry show?

DrVenkman posted:

I feel like those last 2 posts sum up this forum.

SaltyJesus posted:

gbs is the child from omelas

Centripetal Horse posted:

That would be depressing if I didn't feel like most of the regulars in GBS deserve to be shut in a basement and mistreated to pay for the luxuries of their betters.

dMastri posted:

I'm the top floor of a 2family house and my bedroom is right above neighbors bedroom let's call them chris and Jess (those are their names) and I sometimes hear them talking or loving and for awhile now they avoid me like roaches scurrying from the light when I step outside or pull into driveway

I think its because I fart a lot in the morning (farting now) and its loud and enjoyable but they probably don't appreciate the rumbling from above

Like chris is trying to get some morning play and Jess is getting into it and *farrrreerrrrrrrrrrt* I'm shaking the heavens with butt thunder

How do i repair our neighborly relations

The MSJ posted:

boom boom boom posted:

Except this one was terrible at it. Only killed one person, and then shot himself in the leg and had to go to the hospital.

But the one person he shot was a super-hot French chick, so this is probably sadder than those weird looking newspaper guys getting shot

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

why is she in a ring

Crash_N_Burn posted:

she's getting ready to meet The Undertaker

Jeff Sichoe posted:

everytime I get a hardon I get dizzy any advice?

metasynthetic posted:

masturbate at home instead of on the merry go round

Sentient Data posted:

You could go blind from soap poisoning

JustAurora posted:

That's a lye.

Malpenix Blonia posted:

This is up to code, right?



Seen on a coffee plantation in the middle of nowhere, Cambodia.

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

So uh, why does this tree need electricity?

SynthOrange posted:

Its a power plant.

axelsoar posted:

I am a sucker for good puns

mamelon posted:

"Good puns" is what he named your balls.

2house2fly posted:

Someone please find the thread about the guy who had a terrible gas problem that was going to get him fired and it turned out he ate cheese at like every meal and had a fridge entirely filled with cheese, and people posted recipes of delicious cheese-free recipes he could try and stuff and he responded with "all I can think reading that is how good it would taste in some cheese sauce" or something

AutoWorker posted:

My problem with flatulence is chronic but I have sometimes have really bad episodes and it is really bad when I am at work. I have to constantly keep myself from passing gas because it is embarrassing and very unpleasant for other people working around me.

But us seem my problem has been getting worse lately, it started last week, and I am still trying to cope with it. I usually try to get rid of the gas before starting work. I go to the restroom when everyone else is at their work stations, turn on the electric hand dryer and pass gas. That way the sound is not noticeable.

Last week during work, my boss was inspecting our work and he was walking past my line, then a loud growl startled him, (There is a gas build-up that collects in my stomach, because I try to hold it in) and he stopped and acknowledged it.

I was really embarrassed. I didn't know what to do. He then asked if anyone would admit to the awful sound and I truthfully told him it was me. It was impossible to lie at that point, because of how loud the sound was. I knew that all my other co-workers around me heard it and would single me out, making it an even worse situation than it already was.

I was so embarrassed and nervous at this point that I let my stomach go and all the gas that was building up came out very quickly and loudly. My boss was about to say something to me but turned and dashed towards his office and I could hear him retching.

The smell was vile and it caused my co-workers to down tools and abandon their lines for several minutes while the stench cleared. Later that day my union rep informed me that I could be canned if this keeps happening, apparently according to him I am causing loss of production and an unpleasant working environment for my co-workers.

I have been taking medication mainly dicyclomine but it does not seem to work that well, in fact, it may have made the problem even worse. I need a remedy to this problem because this is affecting work, social life and behavior and also making me feel slightly suicidal. I have no girlfriend, not very many friends even and very little social life.

At work I am already labeled with the awful words "Chronic Farter" and no one want's to work near me.

do girls poop posted:

I can't believe you guys have gone on for five loving pages about vegetarianism when the subject of the thread, the very animus of the thread, is literally a man's life being ruined by his own rear end

AutoWorker posted:

Sure I just basically make a bechamel sauce but I also add some a pinch of salt and mustard powder before adding cheese. Then just add your favorite grated cheese to taste. My favorite cheeses for sauces are gruyere, emmental, white cheddar or parmesan. I also like to experiment with cheeses, sometimes it goes very wrong.

exquisite tea posted:

I find that the gruyere adds a rich, warm-bodied fullness to the fart, while the cheddar complements with a tangy sharpness and undertones of oak.

AutoWorker posted:

***UPDATE***

I only lasted a dismal four days into the 7 day dairy free diet. I could not stomach all the dairy substitutes and the taste was just god awful. After two days my flatulence was less frequent but just as potent so I decided enough was enough and I took this week off work pretending to be sick. I visited the doctors and eventually I had a HBT on Wednesday, the lactose set off my flatulence, I was in agony with stomach pains and I drat nearly killed everybody with in ten feet.

Yep! I am loving lactose intolerant!

Now I have been diagnosed, this may not be the right thing to do but I am going back to my old diet. I am going to eat what I like, when I like and if anybody complains at my job or anywhere about my flatulence I have a medical condition to back me up. I feel quite good that I have been diagnosed and hopefully I can just get over my anxiety and get on with my life.

For lunch today, broccoli in my favorite cheese sauce.

AutoWorker posted:

It's my life and I will do what ever makes me happy like eating cheese, that is my right. If people don't like it, they don't have to sit, stand, live or be around me. As for my job, I now have a medical condition to back up and if they try to discipline or fire me then I will have a lawyer on them so fast.

Captain_Maclaine posted:

That would be chronically flatulent cheese aficionado AutoWorker.


Some other choice quotes from that thread:

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

Moviefight.

Party Boat posted:

Stop stop he's already dead

Luminous Obscurity posted:

Is that a penis in the left "screen?"

LesterGroans posted:

When in doubt: yes

Uncle Boogeyman posted:

VideoGames posted:

that last quote. what a piece of poo poo.

22 Eargesplitten posted:

I hope their reasonable accommodation was sticking him in a closet all day away from everyone else.

Or better yet, that they pointed out he was deliberately exacerbating / refusing to remedy his condition, but I doubt it.

Twitch posted:

FYAD is people pretending to be idiots for entertainment purposes.

BYOB is actual children, and a bunch of druggie pedophiles. I will admit I haven't read BYOB in like 8 years, so maybe it changed, but probably not. It is literally less funny than the GBS threads where they just post "caramel macchiato" over and over.

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Pretty sure AutoWorker was the dude who was later caught trying to...for lack of a better word...weaponize his own farts by funneling them into soda bottles. Nickelodeon's Doug has a similar episode where a Yakestonian exchange student named Fentruck Stimmel has mason jars of air from his home country mailed to him. Except in this case, rather than causing an adorable miscommunication about whether or not Fentruck wants to bang Patty Mayonaise, AutoWorker was literally arrested for trying to intimidate/assault/mug somebody with several bottles of his personal stink.

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Pretty sure AutoWorker was the dude who was later caught trying to...for lack of a better word...weaponize his own farts by funneling them into soda bottles. Nickelodeon's Doug has a similar episode where a Yakestonian exchange student named Fentruck Stimmel has mason jars of air from his home country mailed to him. Except in this case, rather than causing an adorable miscommunication about whether or not Fentruck wants to bang Patty Mayonaise, AutoWorker was literally arrested for trying to intimidate/assault/mug somebody with several bottles of his personal stink.

Captain_Maclaine posted:

That would be chronically flatulent cheese aficionado AutoWorker.


Some other choice quotes from that thread:

quote:

I am a connoisseur and these are not your normal cheeses, they are expensive and I have had some of them for a long time and aged them. I keep cheese and wine which I pair. You probably just put cheese in your fridge, and forget about it. I keep most of my cheeses in my cellar in tupperware containers lined with a damp paper towel and holes poked through the lids for air because cheese is a living food and it needs to breathe. The few cheeses I keep in my refrigerator are wrapped in wax paper to protect the surface flavor and then in plastic wrap so they don't dry out and the wrapping needs changing every couple of days. it's not easy keeping a large amount of cheese.

quote:

I am not dumb or poor and I really don't care for politics but you get one term and one chance with me. Obama blew it and it is time for a new face. Romney could never top Obama's failures.

party hat posted:

Here is a pasta recipe that is lactose and meat free.

In a small pot, heat some olive oil on medium low. This is your "sauce" so use just enough to coat the pasta, you dont want it swimming in oil. I like penne for this. Put some minced garlic in the oil, if you like spice put in some red pepper flakes, or whatever herbs you like so while the oil heats up, itll absorb some flavor. While you're boiling the pasta, slice up some vegetables, whatever you like and sauté them. I usually use zucchini and/or bell pepper and/or broccoli.

Drain, stir all together and eat. Yum.

AutoWorker posted:

I am sorry but that recipe desperately needs a cheese sauce to cover those lovely vegetables and pasta. I suggest making a good mornay sauce with a reserve gruyere which has been cave aged for at least a year and Parmigiano-Reggiano not Parmesan because Parmesan is a lot saltier than the Italian original.

A Moose posted:

Anybody remember the thread in possibly Old GBS about some goon who was gonna get fired from a hotel for wearing a flag pin? He came and posted here all indignant saying he was gonna go to all the medias ever because the hotel was discriminating against Real Americans or something and expected us to back him up. I think he was the one that got a custom title so large it pushed his posts off the screen. That thread was pretty amazing and had some great quotes.

Baron von Eevl posted:

That reminds me of the guy who hosed up his avatar and left open tags in it so all of his posts would be written inside his avatar with the post itself blank. It was the weirdest poo poo.

Sergg posted:

Dear E/N,

I'm an overweight anti-social computer guy with Aspergers who seems normal if viewed under casual scrutiny and I met this really hot girl on OKCupid who is a beautiful snowflake and I'm going to move 4000 miles away to be with her. We play World of Warcraft together all the time and she thinks she can control the weather with her telepathic powers. Her life plan is to become the queen of an unspecified feudal fiefdom in the Appalachian mountains. I'm super in love with her for reasons completely unrelated to the fact that she is a 5'8", 125 pound hottie with a modeling profile on Facebook. The other day she mentioned something about "schizophrenia" and now she wants to join the Army. I'm really worried because I have already purchased a pair of horses for us.

Sincerely,
A Goon

gay sewer monster posted:

You forgot the number 2.

gnarlyhotep posted:

that's your posting

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

Trapped in a Cell - Please Send Help

The defect is long gone but the reactions are still hilarious. If you didn't see it at the time, just pretend the text of all his or her posts are where the avatar should be and not to the right of it. It was pretty funny poo poo.

Strife posted:

My favorite part of that thread was when people finally realized that this dude was lactose intolerant and gorging himself on aged cheeses daily, someone responded with something like, "Cheese is a sometimes food!"

Sonata posted:

CHEESE IS A SOMETIMES FOOD

big duck equals goose posted:

You should eat more cheese and get fired so you can sue the company for discrimination against those with voodoo guts. Use the money you win to buy a nice house for you to stain the walls forever with your putrid body funk.

waste of internet posted:

Now I'm picturing a traffic stop situation where the OP is spread eagle on the front of the cop car, blocks/wheels of cheese neatly organized atop the hood. As the officer frisks him for the 10th time, he pulls two more Kraft singles out from under his groin area.

The OP farts, the officer gags and then draws his taser.

exquisite tea posted:

"The history of all existing cheese diets has hitherto been the history of rear end struggle." - Karl Fartz

sweeperbravo posted:

The Cheese Clubhouse

Kajeesus posted:

The Cheeseass Cloyhouse