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Mr Tastee posted:Uncle. My dad is somewhere in Florida doing god knows what. a creepy colon posted:*flash back to 1991, OP is 4 yrs old on the carpet [MOD EDIT] Don't be a huge fucker in this thread [/MOD EDIT] Somebody has a new favorite as of 16:17 on Jan 16, 2015 |
# ? Jan 16, 2015 15:07 |
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# ? May 3, 2024 01:45 |
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# ? Jan 16, 2015 15:44 |
katlington posted:its 1130am and im on my 5nd joint of the day as i lazily browse craigslist for a hitman
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# ? Jan 16, 2015 16:17 |
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Joementum posted:Mitt Romney will speak at tonight's RNC event aboard the USS Midway. He will arrive by helicopter. comes along bort posted:Was his private jet not cleared to land? Trabisnikof posted:His car elevator was broken. Joementum posted:It's nice that he gets to visit one now after only finding out that they existed a couple years ago. and sadly Joementum posted:It turns out that the thing about Romney arriving by helicopter was a false press rumor. baw has a new favorite as of 12:49 on Jan 17, 2015 |
# ? Jan 17, 2015 00:51 |
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Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:
Tochiazuma posted:Holy poo poo who knew mothers had sex Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:I knew your mother did
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# ? Jan 17, 2015 04:59 |
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Supernorn posted:The fact is, with a few exceptions you sucked any fun out of me posting here. I wasn't required to. I'm a goon that just happens to be contributing to a game that I enjoy working on. You can't really expect me to take this thread seriously when you guys are just showing utter contempt towards me, the game or any reasonable means towards a discussion. So I'm going to peace out and you guys can continue doing whatever it is you think this is. Merry Christmas!
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# ? Jan 17, 2015 07:46 |
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Don't make this the drama thread already, please
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# ? Jan 17, 2015 08:00 |
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Gatekeeper posted:They have super white skin, sometimes with freckles, big red drunk people noses, curly hair (often red) they wear ridiculous plaid outfits usually all patchworked to make them look like bums, and they do these stumbling around like a drunkard funny routines. I mean, maybe now they're sort of their own thing but they HAD to start as the irish version of blackface, right? It seems really logical to me but everyone thinks I'm just racist against irish people when I bring it up. Rambling Robot posted:it does make sense.
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# ? Jan 17, 2015 21:24 |
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Mr Tastee posted:She gets on my nerves a lot. I know it can't really be helped, though. It just really got to a boiling point that day. clammy has a new favorite as of 03:30 on Jan 18, 2015 |
# ? Jan 18, 2015 03:27 |
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The stress from missing the bus caused my wallet to disappear and made me attempt suicide. -A goon
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# ? Jan 18, 2015 09:15 |
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Myrddin_Emrys posted:I actually have a fedora and not a trilby. No I wont be posting pics thank you very much.
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# ? Jan 18, 2015 10:00 |
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Rigged Death Trap posted:Motherfucker dont you diss Jalabi/zalabia tribbledirigible posted:Do they have inndividual strips available, like zapenis? Jerry Cotton posted:There are places you can go to and order an individual strip where you'll get to see zapenis.
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# ? Jan 18, 2015 18:38 |
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ClassicsRuddha posted:I don't know about anyone else, but I know for a fact that horses are stupider than poo poo and WILL kill themselves if you don't take an absurd amount of precautions and adorn them in the right silly accessories so that they don't scare themselves and fall over dead, and even then at best you can reduce the chances that they will do that, but they're still absolutely going to. Women who are obsessed with horses are just as bad as ones who are obsessed with anything else, but it may be dumber because it's a placeholder for animalistic male sexuality; however, in reality, it doesn't hold up because dominant male sexual energy is incompatible with horse personality and tendencies because, again, they're absolutely going to kill themselves by accident, whereas studs and straight power tops are highly unlikely to catch their reflection in a mirror then break their leg and get eaten by a mountain lioness Ruddha posted:Of course, if you don't nail little metal rings onto them, they'll split open, and then they'll die. Ruddha posted:I personally guarantee you a dog will never in this life hear a bee then have a heart attack out of fear, dying Ruddha posted:Babies grow up and that's okay, it's like, sometimes a great meal is worth a lot of prep, for example. Horses only get more likely to die from a stupid reason as they get older. Oh poor ol' Freckles, thought of ants and died Ruddha posted:That's understandable, but in the scheme of things it's a fairly low chance. With horses, there is no such thing as a natural death at any point in existence: they've strictly only died from stupid poo poo. Saw water and passed away
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# ? Jan 18, 2015 18:49 |
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John Liver posted:Classics Unfortunately not Ruddah, but also from that subtopic: Aleph Null posted:My dad had a horse fall in a hole and almost die. They had to use a truck wench to get her out. She was too weak to walk so they tied ropes between two trees to hold her up. It took days of them hand feeding her before she could stand or walk on her own. Baronjutter posted:As someone who grew up with a couple friends into horses and loving dressage I can say that if anything you are being way too easy going on them. Its like their survival strategy is to break their legs or kill them selves at the slightest sign of danger, or a noise, or a change in humidity. Fyads put a tearjerking webcomic about Laika the cosmonaut dog into perspective: quote:irl something shorted on the shuttle and laika overheated and died within a few hours of liftoff and for a brief while one could look up to the stars and see a light shooting across the sky that was actually a warm dog corpse slingshoting about the earth at thousands of miles per hour which was arguably humanity's greatest achievement so far quote:the dog was certainly scared as hell and probably making GBS threads + pissing during launch so it was a dog corpse covered in fecal matter quote:the dog that got cooked to death in space is memorialized with a statue in moscow, commemorating the millions of dollars and man hours used to murder a stray dog in an elaborate way quote:after laika the russians killed two more dogs in space by blowing them up with remote explosive charges, lol quote:i hope i'm alive the next time we as a species collectively dedicate that much effort and manpower and technological innovation towards executing an animal, maybe like dunking a sheep into a black hole or something
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# ? Jan 18, 2015 23:45 |
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Van Dis posted:Dr Who is amazing because theres literally 50 years of it and not one good episode
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# ? Jan 19, 2015 14:54 |
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John Liver posted:Classics Haha I was just thinking about these the other day and was going to ask for a repost. One of my favourites.
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# ? Jan 19, 2015 16:30 |
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quote:I came home this afternoon after picking up my copy of gta and I smelled something funny from my neighbors house. I went over there and the door was unlocked so I went right in. Sure enough there was my neighbor and two of his friends smoking to their hearts content. I told them they had two options, one- they could put the joints out or two- I would put the joints out for them. My neighbor had run ins with me before so he knew I meant business so he threw his joint down and told me to leave. I said you made a wise choice but I'm still calling the cops and then I turned to leave. My neighbor then got up off the couch got behind me and said a few cuss words and told me to mind my business. Well that did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "lets get high". I then front kicked him a good 8 feet in the air. Then his other friend came at me with the bong, I grabbed his arm, snapped it and then hit him in the stomach with the bong. His other friend ran into the kitchen so I went after him. He was in the corner crying so I said "this is your brain" and then I grabbed a frying pan and said "this is your brain on drugs" and then I hit him in the head as hard as I could with the frying pan. After that I called the cops and they came over and arrested my neighbor and his friends. As I was leaving the sarge shouted out to me thanks. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said " well you know sarge, perhaps if we build a freaking dunkin doughnuts on this street it would give you guys a excuse to ride up here once or twice a week and keep the crime down. I then threw my shades on the ground to let him know I meant business. I feel pretty good about what I did for my neighborhood today. ~mjq jazz bar quote:Me and one of my friends went out today for some dinner so we stopped at a pretty nice restaurant. I don't smoke and most of the time I sit in the non smoking section but I didn't feel like walking to the back of the restaurant today so me and my friend sat at the first table we came to in the smoking section. Since most ppl should be aware that I don't smoke I didn't think I would have any problems. I was wrong. This jerk lit up a cigarette right next to me. I couldn't belive this fat jerk was disrepecting me like this so I turned around and looked him right in the eye and said " you might want to put that out fag..........That is,if you value your health". The guy said a couple of cuss words and told me to go to the non smoking section. Well that did it. I got up went over to the table and said "excuse me fag but you didn't clean your plate", and then I took his plate and bashed him over the head with it. Then his friend that was with him got up and took a swing at me, I ducked it and then gave him a swift round kick to the ribs. I then hip tossed him on the table and then I turned around and looked one of the waiters right in the eye and said "this orders to go" and then I tossed the table with the guy on it a good 14 feet across the room. As me and my friend were storming out the manager apologized to us but I told him it was too late as I would never eat there again. ~mjq jazz bar quote:So, I was at work yesterday, and I happened to walk by this guy's desk. I noticed on his computer screen that he had his personal E-mails pulled up. I asked him who he thought he was to do this on company time, and then, he told me that his daughter was sick at home, so he was checking up on her. I then punched his cimputer screen out, and Look him straight in the eye and said, " Who do you think I am? Jerry Lewis? I dont want to hear your sob story, so get back to work before I get you fired." He then said a few cusswords, and then, then He tried to punch me, I blocked it, then , I gave him a swift, round kick to the groin. I asked him if he wanted some more, and he came at me, again, so, I slapped him, then I hip tossed him into the nearest filing cabinent. I looked Over my should at anther worker who was standing near by, and I said...." File him under G..... for garbage." Needless to say, I was quite pleased, because now, that means there one less person in the company for people to look at. All eyes should be on me. I'm a stud. ~ mjq jazz bar quote:Well, I walk in to buy some tissues, and at the counter, I hear the manager talking about some skateboard punks in the back by the garbage bins. The guy said he was about to have to call the cops. I told him there's no need to, I'll take care of it myself. So, I walked to the back of the store, and lo and behold, a couple of good for nothings were tearing the place up. A couple of them asked me what I was doing here, so I took of my shades, looked them straight in eye, and said, " Well boys, I'm here to take out the trash, then I grabed one of their skateboards, and broke it over my knee. Then, one of them threw a punch at me. I caught it, and looked thr punk straight in the eye, and said " I'm afraid theres no need for you to be recycled, then I threw him straight over my head into one of the garbage dumpsters. Then, the rest of the kids ran away in fear. I was glad I could help my community, and look good doing it. ~mjq jazz bar quote:Around the corner from my weight training job they have a cafe where they make pretty good cheeseburgers. Usually I get mine with mushrooms and onions. Well today I went in there and there was this stoner bitch in there with enormous dreadlocks and a nose ring which is a violation of the safety code. I said 'Where is the regular chef' and she said 'I don't know' very rudely to me and that's when I noticed she had not sauteed up any onions for my burger. I said "you need to learn some customer service" and then she said some cuss words to me and told me maybe I should go to Burger King. But I like to support local businesses so I looked her straight in the eye and said "the customer is always right" and grabbed her by the dreads and slammed her face onto the skillet. She screamed and then the manager came running at me with a chopping knife so I looked him straight in the eye and said "chop this" and karate chopped his wrist and broke it immediately. I picked the girl up off of the floor and said "you are what you eat" and poured the boiling grease off of the fryer into her mouth. I was glad that I could set an example of what a good citizen should do in this situation, and everyone in the cafe applauded me. ~mjq jazz bar quote:Me and my friend went to fill up my corvette last night and there were these two punks there sitting on the sidewalk of the gas station with their radio blasting. I was trying to think as I pumped gas but their radio made that hard to do. I was not pleased. So I went in and payed for the gas and then I went up to the two punks outside. I said excuse me but I think you need to turn your radio down. They told me to chill, they were just hanging out and having a few smokes. I then looked them in the eye and said " I'm afraid this is the no smoking section boys" and then I kicked their radio up against the side of the gas station. Then one of them stood up and took a swing at me, I ducked it and then gave him a round kick to the stomach. Then the other one took what was left of the radio and threw it at me, I blocked it with my left hand which caused it to go sailing back and knock him out. Then a middle aged man which looked to be in his 50's came up and asked what was going on. I wasn't sure if he was with me or against me so I assumed he was against me, I then gave him a swift front kick to the groin and hip tossed him on top of the other guys there. I then walked back to my car where my friend just stood there in awe, I asked him why he didn't help me and he said it looked like I had things under control. I slapped him and pushed him to the ground and told him to walk home. I then got in my corvette turned up the radio to full blast and much to my suprise welcome to the jungle was playing. I then sped off with that song playing full blast. I felt pretty good about standing up for my rights and I looked good doing it. ~mjq jazz bar quote:It was a nice day today so I went for a walk out side. As I was walking, I heard somebody crying out in pain so I went to investigate, when I turned the corner I saw a kid that had fallen off his bike and he was grabbing his leg and crying. There was this guy already there and he told me that he was a doctor and he thought this kid had a broken leg. I could tell this guy was lying because he didn't have any white coat, I don't like liars so I pushed him out of the way. My training in medical school showed me that I had to get the kid's leg straight again, so I started pounding his knee to get the bone straight again. Thats when the guy that claimed to be a "doctor" called me a moron and pushed me out of the way. Well that did it. I got up, took my shades off, looked him straight in the eye and said " open wide doc" and then I gave him a swift kick to the mouth. I then grabbed him and said "time to make a house call " and then I threw him through a window of a near by house. The kid stopped crying then, I guess my pounding earlier worked. I told the kid not to thank me but I did need 20 dollars for my time. He only had 14 so I took his bike as well. I feel pretty good about fixing the kid's leg. ~mjw jazz bar quote:So I was sitting in the back corner of eat ‘n park a restaurant in the northeastern region and I hear this group of punk kids terrorizing their waitress, and I stumble over there and ask the beautiful lady what the problem seems to be. The kids being the adept punks they are give her a glare that tells her not to talk or else therell be problems but I know better than this and I tell them that if they don’t apologize to this beautiful belle theyre going to have to answer to me. I pull my shades out of my back pocket, slip a comb through my wet hair, and tell them they have 10 seconds to apologize. The leader of the gang a chubby kid tells me to get loss and then throws the peg game on his table at my face. “I pegged you as the wise sort, and I don’t play games!” says I, and I grab a tonfa from the cop sitting at the table next to them and tell them today’s special, punks served sunny side up, with a side of hollandaise. I crack the tonfa over two punk heads, do a roundkick, and then hiptoss the runt of the crew into the pie fridge. “Creamed or Key Limed? ” I ask the cop as he slips me a fiver and gives me a back high five. He tells me Ive done a good job as a citizen, and I kiss the beautiful waitress on the cheek, run my comb through my hair once more and leave the restaurant on my harley. ~mjq jazz bar quote:I was in town with one of my girlfriends today, and I decided to play one of those scratch off games again, I was very suprised when I won 1 million dollars on the spot, this was like the second time I won the lottery. I was about to claim my prize but then I thought to myself I'm already rich why not have some fun with this one? I told my girlfriend I was tired of her already so I left her at the gas station and went to find me some poor suckers. What better place than wal mart? I went up and down the asles until I found a bad dressed man and wife along with their kid. I went up to the guy and showed the guy the ticket, and told him since I didnt need the money I was going to give it to him and his family, when he started to tear up I tore up the ticket and threw the pieces on the ground. I then started to walk away but this spinless punk then took a swing at me when my back was turned. That did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "feeling lucky". I then gave him a swift kick in the ribs and threw him into the pet section, I then caught a wal mart guy coming at me so I took a knife out of my jacket and threw it toward a chain holding up a sign, I then looked at the guy and said "watch out for falling prices" and then the sign fell on him and knocked him out. I left the store but not before I complained to the manager about the kind of people they let in there. ~mjq jazz bar quote:So, I bought a couple of dvds off some web site a few weeks ago and I was pretty upset they haven't come in the mail already. So today I stuck around the house until the mailman came, he brought me a package but it wasn't the dvds I was waiting for. I asked him what the problem was and he told me that he had no control over when the company sends me the dvds. He said I should try to contact them. That did it. I couldn't belive this guy, I pay my taxes and this guy thinks he has the right to sass me in front of my euro mansion, in my freaking driveway? I lifted up my shades, took the cigar out of my mouth, looked him straight in the eye and said " I'm afraid this package is marked return to sender", and then I threw the package in the air and sidekicked the package right into the guys face causing teeth to go everywhere. I then saw one of my ederly neighbors walking toward me so I assumed he wanted trouble as well so I gave him a swift round kick to the ribs, I then looked at him and said "time to take out the garbage" and hip tossed him into the garbage can. I then picked up the crying mailman and threw him into the garbage can, after I had my "garbage collected", I picked up the garbage can and said "let the good times roll" and threw the garbage can down the hill. I didn't see those two guys again but I don't really care, I took the mailbag and threw it in my fireplace since it was a little chilly here today.
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# ? Jan 19, 2015 18:06 |
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Quixotic posted:"feminism?!" newsmonster kramers in the door and just keeps kramering, sliding off around the room, bouncing against walls. he kramers against your toilet, busting it up big time. you get the feeling he's trying to say something to you but he's kramering at such a high velocity you just can't quite make it out. as he finally nails a window and falls out you think you hear him exclaim "I'm a feminist, that's what's so CRAZY about this" on the way down
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# ? Jan 19, 2015 18:07 |
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JohnathonSpectre's Golden Corral stories:quote:Why all the Golden Corral hate? Golden Corral is honestly better than a loving movie. quote:OK, so, as promised, the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL. quote:So. Babies at Golden Corral.
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# ? Jan 19, 2015 18:14 |
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LaughMyselfTo posted:You know what, gently caress it, I'm going to come out and admit that I'm in this category to some extent or another. I don't expect a pat on the back for not molesting children, because it's self-evident that such a thing is wrong, and I've never had any trouble controlling myself in that regard. But I'm appalled that the conversation on this topic is so stunted by the chilling effect that holding people morally accountable for innate desires has.
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# ? Jan 19, 2015 19:00 |
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Worth reading in its original form at http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3459842 with the reactions between every post, but here's Kirk's collected meltdown that happened in YOSPOS. A true study in 'how many gross things can I say at once', and a true classic.Kirk posted:i cant
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# ? Jan 20, 2015 02:11 |
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Hearts: Can you win by Shooting the Moon four times in a row?quote:
It had a happy ending though, that I guess I saved from waffleimages 5 years ago.
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# ? Jan 20, 2015 05:11 |
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Apparently good posts are now a meltdown?
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# ? Jan 20, 2015 05:27 |
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TetsuoTW posted:Apparently good posts are now a meltdown? Yessir, hot n' cheesy.
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# ? Jan 20, 2015 07:37 |
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.Bad Bromance posted:Have you tried chain wallets?
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# ? Jan 20, 2015 11:24 |
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Which one of the Awful quotes threads had someone posting something along the lines of "the funny thing about all the PYF mock-threads is no matter what they're making fun of you can always find at lease one goon who is worse."
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# ? Jan 20, 2015 16:47 |
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That whole thread from that point on got extremely weird as goons kept trying to 1-up each other with how enlightened they are in how they'd treat pedophiles and FYADers showing up to ruthlessly mock them. And for the record, the guy outing himself as a pedo was 17 and said he was primarily attracted to 12-14 year old girls, and it went on for maby 15 pages until a mod showed up and said there was no way in hell discussing or allowing known pedophiles or those who admit an attraction to kids was going to be allowed.
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 00:59 |
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Trollologist posted:Wanna kick him in the spacebar and take his lunch money.
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 03:56 |
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I think it was originally about cops in Florida being able to accuse people of being pedophiles, steal their stuff, then not have to give it back even if they didn't turn out to be guilty Since "Florida is p. messed up" isn't exactly a controversial stance, I guess they decided to find other stuff to debate
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 04:01 |
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don't have a source:quote:That horse mocks you. Do you hear the neighing? More like naying! That horse says no to you. The horse is the man of the house. You are the horse. Clop clop! Trot about to your dingy office, little horsey. Your wife kisses her husband-horse when you can't see. And then again when you can. She buys it shoes, finer than any you'll own. Its metal feet crush your soul. "This horse is now man!" it exclaims. "I am defeated!" you cry. The horse has beat you. Soon you'll be in the stall, eating dry, bland grasses, while the majestic Horseband ferries your wife about town. "Oh!" the city folk shall say as they drop to their knees as their muscles fail them at the sight of such a couple. "The horse is such a man!" they weep as they tear out their eyes, knowing they'll never see such beauty again. Your wife and the HorseGod shall laugh and eat gold together. Ha ha! And your tears shall be blood as you shrivel and turn to dust, forgotten in that stall outside the city where the HORSE is now Emperor Of All and Lover Of One. The citizens will genuflect before the great beast, paying whatever tithe the Hoofed One demands, be it of coin or flesh. The people will rejoice to do so, as their Great and Benevolent Equine shall make their crops plenty, and their lives ever long. The rotten stall shall collapse on your worm-eaten bones, and none shall remember a whit about you. Except the UrHorse, the original horse, who shall shed no tear, but blink in bitter recollection of that brief time he had to endure you.
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 05:27 |
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Don't have the sources for these.quote:They say "The grass is always greener." That means that you always like things more if you aren't sitting in the middle of them. quote:I think about Commando every time I need to let off a little steam. Or when I'm going to shoot someone between the balls. Or when I promise someone I'm going to kill them last. Or when I lie about promising to kill someone last. Or when my friend is dead tired. Or when I tell my former commanding officer that there's no chance I'll be back for another mission. Or when I have an emergency message for General Franklin Kirby. Or when I'm blowing up goddamn Jeeps with bazookas or like using circular saw blades as deadly frisbees with Tron-like accuracy. Basically what I'm saying is that I think about Commando a lot, I guess.
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 06:32 |
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First one has got to be M R CRACKER, right?
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 09:11 |
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Freudian slippers posted:First one has got to be M R CRACKER, right? You are correct. That's one I saved.
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# ? Jan 21, 2015 22:59 |
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All the Ken M posts in the funny pictures thread over the past 4 pages or so.
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# ? Jan 22, 2015 00:58 |
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I always liked this M R CRACKER onequote:It's not a joke. A lot of white people try to take rap and say it's a joke. Well, it's just another kind of music, just like rock or orchestra. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you should make fun of them. Rap does auto-tune because rap is like listening to the future. They take old songs and put space sounds so you know what music sounds like in the future. In 2110 regular music will sound like rap from 2010. They're ahead of the rest of it. and the follow-up quote:When they take another song and make it into rap, how do they pick the song? For example, on Ludacris he took Fiddler Of The Roof and put it with drums, and suddenly it's great. I didn't like the song before, but now it's good.
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# ? Jan 22, 2015 02:14 |
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Grandmother of Five posted:a guy can wear an ill-fitting, un-ironed shirt, have unkempt hair and huge eyebrows that has probably never been trimmed like that and still be considered a normal, regular guy, but if a girl does it she's a slut
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# ? Jan 22, 2015 14:44 |
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Blind Sally posted:have one minute jazz lessons been posted before? i just discoverd them. they are funny: bunky posted:is this funny Trig Discipline posted:it's the jokes he doesn't tell
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# ? Jan 22, 2015 17:08 |
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Not just normal but national hero
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# ? Jan 22, 2015 17:53 |
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It would be funny if he was playing actual pentatonic scales instead of a pentascale. Also gently caress Apple for autocorrecting pentatonic to pentatonix
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# ? Jan 22, 2015 18:17 |
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# ? May 3, 2024 01:45 |
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I really suck at Crusader Kings but it's a great game because everytime you check the thread you can see amazing quotes about the terrible things you have to do to survive.Wafflecopper posted:You can't plot to kill your own kids. What you can do is imprison and execute him, but you'll get a really nasty opinion modifier with all of your vassals, and the kinslayer trait which has a nasty diplomacy penalty, so you want to try and time it as close to your current character's death as possible so your vassals won't have time to revolt. If your ruler has the depressed trait you get access to a decision to commit suicide, so you can imprison and execute undesirable heirs to your heart's content and then kill yourself so your chosen heir takes over immediately and you don't have to deal with the penalties at all.
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# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:52 |