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I am at my brothers house (whom our mom lives with) and have my kids for the week Nana: i have to go down stairs and get pretty before we go out. Son: but nana, you're already pretty! Already a lady's man.
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Apr 30, 2015 05:12
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LoveMeDead posted:At my sister's wedding, my two nieces (who are cousins) got to wear matching dresses that are replicas of Cinderella's wedding dress from the recent movie. They are 5 and 6, and are best friends. Before the wedding we were standing around visiting and people kept stopping to take pictures of the adorable girls. The wedding photographer spent 10 minutes taking pictures and putting them in poses. I would have asked for an autograph 
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Apr 30, 2015 06:19
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I was at a store earlier today, and a woman was heading down the aisle with a small kid in her kart. Every person they passed, the kid would turn to them, and with the biggest smile would shout "HOWDY NEIGHBOR!".
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Apr 30, 2015 11:01
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Nephew: We should trick grandmama. Me: How are we going to do that? Nephew:  By taking a cookie from the cookie jar.Grandmama: That's his favorite trick.
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Apr 30, 2015 12:44
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When I was a kid my father was great about writing down everything notable or funny I did as well as important events in my life, so he's got a really amazing summary of my entire childhood. Already as a kid, listening to the stories of things I was littler was one of my favourite bedtime activities. I can't really remember a lot of it at the top of my mind, but I previously digitalized a story I told when I was four and thought I should share it with the thread: The story of Jerry Ponk, by me age 4 (freely translated to english) Jerry Ponk was a small mouse who lived inside the ear of a man. He helped keeping order of things inside the man's head. He had a secret passage down to the throat. Through that, he came down to the belly where he kept the ribs organised, and made sure the man had eaten the right amount of fat, the right amount of diet foot, and the right amount of yummy things. Whenever he would defend himself, he would throw flower pots at the attacker. If they didn't hit, the flower pots would squirt ink. From the ink pistols would come out, firing in every direction. He kept the flower pots inside himself, behind. He would push a button, open his mouth, and out came a flower pot. New flower pots were created all the time. Kids have weird brains.
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Apr 30, 2015 14:14
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That sounds like a horribly frustrating Nintendo style mini-boss.
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Apr 30, 2015 16:29
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My 5 year old son was trying to teach me to play Mario Kart. He didn't stop talking for at least 45 minutes. I said "do you ever stop talking?" He said "No. I'm annoying." I laughed for like 10 minutes.
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Apr 30, 2015 16:34
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Atmus posted:That sounds like a horribly frustrating Nintendo style mini-boss. You haven't even seen his second form yet 
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Apr 30, 2015 23:30
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LoveMeDead posted:At my sister's wedding, my two nieces (who are cousins) got to wear matching dresses that are replicas of Cinderella's wedding dress from the recent movie. They are 5 and 6, and are best friends. Before the wedding we were standing around visiting and people kept stopping to take pictures of the adorable girls. The wedding photographer spent 10 minutes taking pictures and putting them in poses.
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May 1, 2015 03:14
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So I have a son and I was promptly reminded me of a few stories. When I was 6 I was confronted by my grandmother the morning after I was up till all hours shouting "friend of the family" and other variations like "friend of the family Robot" and "friend of the family Dragon." She asked where I heard that word and I proudly exclaimed I had made it up and it meant a dude that's a cool dude but not a super hero. She said that it didn't mean that and it was a hurtful word. Her adopted son was at the table with us, whose room was next to mine and was black. I also was told of my fascination with flipping people off for a few short days. I would flip people off and then say "don't worry! It doesn't mean anything! My momma told me!" My cousin takes the cake though. We were visiting grandparents and went to a coffee shop. My cousin proudly proclaims that he wants an Apple Scrotum. My grandpa tried to silence this and explain (as a biologist or whatever the gently caress he was) that he really wanted an Apple Scone. No. This was wrong in my cousin's eyes and loudly and insistently said he wanted an apple scrotum now and would not shut up about such till he got one. My son can't speak yet but he doesn't need words to be funny. A part from pissing on the floor and then slipping and falling on it repeatedly like a slapstick act (I was too busy laughing to pick him up by the second fall), one night, after a belly full of milk he looked up at my wife, smiled, let out a fart that shouldn't have been possible for a sound to have come from him, and then grunted after which he fell asleep. Edit: I also had an affinity for making friends who were bigger and tougher than me always for protection because of earlier childhood bullshit. One day I had made friends with some dudes who were apparently gang related. They have me a jawbreaker, a small one, and I bit through it. They were shocked and gave me another to which I did the same thing. My nickname after that was "Slick" and I told my mom that was my gang name. I wasn't allowed to go to that part of the park after that. Soulex has a new favorite as of 16:03 on May 2, 2015 |
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May 2, 2015 16:00
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Two stories of kids getting mad at animals: Bad Birds The other day me and my partner randomly encountered an old friend of ours, with her 3yo kid outside of the local grocery store. While my gf caught up with the adult, I interacted with the kid. Kid: Why are there all those holes? (pointing to the rarely-used half of the parking lot that's riddled with potholes because the snowplows put all the snow there, I guess). Seagulls and Canada Geese tend to hang out there. That part, I've always been confused about.) Me: I don't know. What do you think there's all those holes? Kid: (pauses, looks down for a second, in deep contemplation, then turns to the ambling birds)  "STOP MAKING THE HOLES YOU BAD BIRDS!" It was the most thing I've seen in a while. He even did the little fist thing!Bad Bears We're at the zoo today, which is a great place to be around kids. They're just so goddamned excited about stuff. Bears were one of the ones I kept hearing, and sure enough, there were a lot of kids in the bear area. The kids, pressed against the glass, just so happy to see the  bears bears bears !The polar bear one was the most crowded, because one of the bears was right by the observation glass. It's looking at the crowd, occasionally pawing at the glass in a way that spiked my "these kids would be dead if not for the glass, holy poo poo" meters. Still, kids loved it. Then the polar bear decides to walk away, slowly trundling away. The thing stops moving, drops a massive poo poo, then continues to wander off. If it was a human, it would've been a gently caress-you move for the ages. The kids go nuts for this blatant disrespect: "MOMMY! HES DOING A POTTY OUTSIDE" "THATS AWESOME!" "EW GROSS WHY DID HE DO THAT?! "THATS MEAN!"
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May 3, 2015 07:34
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Soulex posted:Edit: I also had an affinity for making friends who were bigger and tougher than me always for protection because of earlier childhood bullshit. One day I had made friends with some dudes who were apparently gang related. They have me a jawbreaker, a small one, and I bit through it. They were shocked and gave me another to which I did the same thing. My nickname after that was "Slick" and I told my mom that was my gang name. I wasn't allowed to go to that part of the park after that. "And that's the story of how I joined a gang at age 6"
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May 3, 2015 13:27
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Roommate's friend and her boyfriend are here to visit for the week and they brought their 3-year-old. She wanted me to get a game for her to play on my phone; we ascertained that it was Cut the Rope. She told me in all seriousness, "I played it when I was a woman." Share the secrets of time travel with me, kiddo. Also:  : Mommy, I want mac and cheese! : There's none left.: You can't fool me, Mommy. I know there's one left. There was, in fact, one left.
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May 4, 2015 05:03
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princecoo posted:"And that's the story of how I joined a gang at age 6" Gotta start young if you wanna raise them right.
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May 4, 2015 05:14
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I dressed up in a full-body mascot costume yesterday as part of my local library's Children's Book Week. Most of the kids were content to hug or high-five me, but one kid thought it would be fun to do something different. There was an activity where the kids made bean shakers out of empty toilet paper rolls, and the kid took up his shaker, told me "I'm shaving all your fur off!" and put the shaker to my arm while making "bzzt!" noises. As a mascot character, I could not speak to tell him to stop, so I started backing away to try and escape. My attacker was persistent, however: soon I was up against the wall, shielding my enormous fuzzy face from the imaginary razor as the boy pretended to shave large strips off my back and arms. It was great fun. Also a bunch of the kids said "He's just a guy in a costume!" None of them guessed that I was a woman.  Though you can hardly blame them when I looked like this: 
Pththya-lyi has a new favorite as of 19:47 on May 6, 2015 |
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May 6, 2015 19:45
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Little Critter owns.
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May 6, 2015 22:39
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Same kid as my last post couldn't find her sock this morning, and I jokingly asked if it had run away. She responded, "No. It's not alive. " She's smart for a 3-year-old.
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May 6, 2015 23:19
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Retail Slave posted:Little Critter owns. I like Little Monster by the same author better, but yeah, they're good books for good kids.
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May 7, 2015 03:02
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Son: I'm going to be eleven in July! Me: Yes, I know. Son: When is your birthday? Me: It's in April. Son: Oh....how old are you now? Me: Thirty. Son: Wow! You're old! Ouch.
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May 7, 2015 23:42
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The second graders have started yelling "colored panties" every time I say "colored pencils" in class. (Quickie Korean lesson: panties= underwear for all genders.)
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May 8, 2015 11:32
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My favorite comes from my 7 year old daughter. She was sitting behind me and said, "You wouldn't think you could hurt someone with a lunchbox." I said, "No, not with yours, it's soft-sided" Her response, "Yes, but if you hit them hard enough..." She's also got a good right cross. She drops her shoulder on her left jab though.
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May 9, 2015 16:24
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Two strangely ominous child encounters today. A little girl walks behind my wife at a park and yells MOM, MOM! My wife turns around and says, " Sweetie, I'm not your mommy!" The girl gives her a flinty stare and says quietly, "You think I don't know my own mother?" Later on I'm walking my puppy. This little six year old boy breaks away from his family who's walking by and runs over. I figure he wants to pet the dog. Instead he reaches us and says plainly, "It's already started. And nothing will ever be the same." I wave politely to his smiling family as he runs back to them but inside I'm like UHHH WHAT
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May 9, 2015 17:23
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Rough Lobster posted:Later on I'm walking my puppy. This little six year old boy breaks away from his family who's walking by and runs over. I figure he wants to pet the dog. Instead he reaches us and says plainly, "It's already started. And nothing will ever be the same." I wave politely to his smiling family as he runs back to them but inside I'm like UHHH WHAT This is amazing.
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May 10, 2015 06:42
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My neighbor's 3 year old kid was riding around in his BMW pedal car yesterday as the neighbor and I were talking. All of a sudden the kid starts yelling, 'get out of my way!' over and over, laughing hysterically.
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May 11, 2015 15:00
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youareoffthehook posted:My neighbor's 3 year old kid was riding around in his BMW pedal car yesterday as the neighbor and I were talking. All of a sudden the kid starts yelling, 'get out of my way!' over and over, laughing hysterically. All BMW drivers are assholes. Is it the car that makes the rear end in a top hat or the are assholes just drawn to BMWs? This story does nothing to solve the riddle.
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May 11, 2015 15:21
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BMWs are loud, expensive, largely-branded cars. They are the equivalent of buying a Louis Vuitton bag and attract the people who care that other people know they drive an expensive car. Content: With my nephews yesterday for Mother's Day and the youngest (18 mos), grabbed his mother's toast and looked her in the eye before smashing it on her shirt while saying, "bye-bye!"
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May 11, 2015 17:10
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My 4 year old son's entire life, we have not been able to get him to eat any kind of sandwich. He refuses because "I hate sandwiches, remember?" No grilled cheese, no cheeseburger, no PB and J. Nothing. Anyway, he recently told us why. Direct quote: "I hate sandwiches, remember? When I lived in China? 8 years ago I lived in China for 10 weeks and I tried a sandwich and I didn't like it." This is now his reasoning against 'just try it, and see if you like it'. "I tried it when I was a baby, 4 years before I was born, on the other side of the earth" also he says he was the color of a potato. I think my son choked on a sandwich in a pastlife in china.
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May 11, 2015 18:08
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Shoozy posted:All BMW drivers are assholes. Is it the car that makes the rear end in a top hat or the are assholes just drawn to BMWs? This story does nothing to solve the riddle. Best part is his mom drives a BMW SUV and his dad drives a Prius. My boyfriend and I were laughing at the fact that he was only saying it when he was in his little BMW, and not when he was on his tricycle.
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May 11, 2015 19:10
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Rough Lobster posted:Two strangely ominous child encounters today. Arx Monolith posted:My 4 year old son's entire life, we have not been able to get him to eat any kind of sandwich. He refuses because "I hate sandwiches, remember?" No grilled cheese, no cheeseburger, no PB and J. Nothing. Anyway, he recently told us why. Direct quote: I absolutely love strange, creepy type stuff like this out of kids. It always makes me wonder, just little, tiny, bit...
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May 11, 2015 20:29
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Rough Lobster posted:creepy poo poo  Oh.I went over to my ex's house a few years back to babysit his younger cousins, Anthony (6) and Ashan (3). They were a source of good kid moments, but I'll stick to Ashan. We were watching Frankenweenie one time, and got to the part where the dog gets hit. Ashan leans over to me and says, "That's because he didn't hold hands while he was crossing the street." He once told me that "the fire truck was mad" because the alarm was going off. Stuff like that. Oh, poo poo, and the time we were having a BBQ and he comes downstairs, grabs my hand and says, "Sun is in bed." Yes, indeed, the sun was down. He tugs my hand and leads me upstairs into his room, and I assume he wants some help getting ready for bed. He points to his bed and says, "Sit." So I do. And he leaves, and goes down the stairs. I walk out of his room to see wtf is going on, and he sees me and screams, "GO TO BED." I run back into his room and it didn't occur to me until a few seconds later that I was heeding the commands of a kid wearing footie pajamas (and also he had successfully tricked me into switching spots with him). Sigh. ETA: Roommate's friend's niece, over the other day. She is unable to pronounce the letter K. The cat runs by.  : TITTY!!
cash crab has a new favorite as of 22:34 on May 11, 2015 |
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May 11, 2015 22:15
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A week or so ago bf's niece walks into her living room where her mum is feeding the baby, completely chill and normal Is Ava on the loving boob again? Her mum was busting up telling me this, I have no idea how she managed not to laugh at the time. No idea where she got it from except other 4 year olds at playgroup??? 
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May 11, 2015 22:45
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cash crab posted:ETA: Roommate's friend's niece, over the other day. She is unable to pronounce the letter K. The cat runs by. I had the same issue as a toddler, which is how my family's first cat ended up being named Diddle. Parents: don't let 18-month-olds name cats.
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May 12, 2015 00:03
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The 3-year old has a similar problem, her Gs and occasionally other letters turn into Ds. She told me her mom was making her druids (fried eggs) for breakfast.
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May 12, 2015 00:52
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cash crab posted:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ndm0uXQX_Rk
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May 12, 2015 00:56
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May 12, 2015 01:13
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razorrozar posted:The 3-year old has a similar problem, her Gs and occasionally other letters turn into Ds. She told me her mom was making her druids (fried eggs) for breakfast. I've been told by my grandmother and mother that I used to try to say words I saw on freeway signs, and when I was really young I didn't quite have complete sound control. Apparently I once tried to say construction, but it came out con-gently caress-tion instead. Whoops!
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May 12, 2015 08:35
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omnibobb posted:I am at my brothers house (whom our mom lives with) and have my kids for the week drat, man, you and your wife split up?
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May 12, 2015 13:22
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whiteyfats posted:drat, man, you and your wife split up? Yes
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May 12, 2015 19:47
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Echoing the "kids can't use their mouths right" stories, my dad likes to remind me that I could not, for the life of me, pronounce 'velociraptor' right. It'd come out as vell-oh-cy-rap-tore almost every time. The second part of the story is that I said it right once but was so excited about saying it right that my brain immediately forgot the muscle motions to say it right.  This lead to me, at times, repeating the word over and over just to re-figure it out.
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May 13, 2015 00:19
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My little brother couldn't say 'remote control' until he was about five. Maybe six. Before that it always came out as 'kinmote kinfrol'. And 'Knife' was just 'ife'.
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May 13, 2015 03:54
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