Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

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Kirk: Sep 22, 2003

also they need to immediately drop the bullshit with extending your arms like minority report. stop it microsoft. stop

# ? Apr 30, 2015 16:47

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 04:04

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

i want to see the pitch deck where a middle manager waxes poetically on how the logo looks kind of like a face that's laughing and how that will totally engage the millenials

# ? Apr 30, 2015 16:48

Kirk: Sep 22, 2003

# ? Apr 30, 2015 16:49

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

the logo reminds me of when chuck-e-cheese updated their logo to make the ]rat[/s] mouse hip and cool so they put him on a skateboard, but they didn't want to send the wrong message so they also added a helmet with the net effect of making the mascot look mentally challenged or somehow sick and feeble because he was always wearing a helmet everywhere

that's what the new logo looks like. the IE 'e' wearing a helmet while trying to look hip and with it.

# ? Apr 30, 2015 16:50

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

Kirk posted:

# ? Apr 30, 2015 16:54

Linguica: Jul 13, 2000; You're already dead

Kirk posted:

if you price it the same way garbage android phones are priced, poors living in the worst hovels could have beachside views and wall-spanning televisions

oh good, can't wait for fox news to use it as a reason why poor people aren't really poor

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:16

Peel: Dec 3, 2007

official launch of hololens to consumers scheduled for 2016 Futurological Congress

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:18

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

Linguica posted:

oh good, can't wait for fox news to use it as a reason why poor people aren't really poor

"You can't be poor! You have a beachside view and wall-spanning television!"
:gonk:

<--hungry

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:20

Kirk: Sep 22, 2003

africa is gonna rule because they skipped laying down copper infrastructure and went straight to wireless and then they're gonna skip rampant consumerism and needing to own 4 televisions and go straight to holographic home furnishings in 2025

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:26

Kirk: Sep 22, 2003

my house was flattened by a chinese bulldozer so that the vast mineral resources of my home land could be stripped away But I Have A Really Big Virtual Television And A Good Data Plan

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:27

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

Kirk posted:

africa is gonna rule because they skipped laying down copper infrastructure and went straight to wireless and then they're gonna skip rampant consumerism and needing to own 4 televisions and go straight to holographic home furnishings in 2025

Makes sense. Nigeria has been putting out more movies than Hollywood for years!

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:28

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Kirk posted:

my house was flattened by a chinese bulldozer so that the vast mineral resources of my home land could be stripped away But I Have A Really Big Virtual Television And A Good Data Plan

please dont predict the future too accurately in yospos

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:33

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003; no meds = f4

Kirk posted:

my house was flattened by a chinese bulldozer so that the vast mineral resources of my home land could be stripped away But I Have A Really Big Virtual Television And A Good Data Plan

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:36

Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

Kirk posted:

lmao

# ? Apr 30, 2015 18:51

Gazpacho: Jun 18, 2004; by Fluffdaddy; Slippery Tilde

"Analysts at Citigroup see Microsoft Corporation NASDAQ:MSFT, as the primary suitor for the cloud company. The investment bank noted that Microsoft faces direct competition from Salesforce, as they both provide businesses with integrated management software, which helps them manage sales record and other data collection services. By acquiring Salesforce, Microsoft can cement its leading position in the cloud computing business."

I wanna shake the hand of whoever wrote that, it's soem pro tier bullshitting

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:01

Phoenixan: Jan 16, 2010; Just Keep Cool-idge

Kirk posted:

it's shaggar

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:02

univbee: Jun 3, 2004

Gazpacho posted:

"Analysts at Citigroup see Microsoft Corporation NASDAQ:MSFT, as the primary suitor for the cloud company. The investment bank noted that Microsoft faces direct competition from Salesforce, as they both provide businesses with integrated management software, which helps them manage sales record and other data collection services. By acquiring Salesforce, Microsoft can cement its leading position in the cloud computing business."

I wanna shake the hand of whoever wrote that, it's soem pro tier bullshitting

oh my god

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:03

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Gazpacho posted:

"Analysts at Citigroup see Microsoft Corporation NASDAQ:MSFT, as the primary suitor for the cloud company. The investment bank noted that Microsoft faces direct competition from Salesforce, as they both provide businesses with integrated management software, which helps them manage sales record and other data collection services. By acquiring Salesforce, Microsoft can cement its leading position in the cloud computing business."

I wanna shake the hand of whoever wrote that, it's soem pro tier bullshitting

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:04

mod sassinator: Dec 13, 2006; I came here to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum,
and I'm All out of Ass

Gazpacho posted:

"Analysts at Citigroup see Microsoft Corporation NASDAQ:MSFT, as the primary suitor for the cloud company. The investment bank noted that Microsoft faces direct competition from Salesforce, as they both provide businesses with integrated management software, which helps them manage sales record and other data collection services. By acquiring Salesforce, Microsoft can cement its leading position in the cloud computing business."

I wanna shake the hand of whoever wrote that, it's soem pro tier bullshitting

makes sense, they gotta strike while the iron is hot with their stock price. after the massive nokia write down expected in july it will probably take a beating

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:04

distortion park: Apr 25, 2011

Gazpacho posted:

"Analysts at Citigroup see Microsoft Corporation NASDAQ:MSFT, as the primary suitor for the cloud company. The investment bank noted that Microsoft faces direct competition from Salesforce, as they both provide businesses with integrated management software, which helps them manage sales record and other data collection services. By acquiring Salesforce, Microsoft can cement its leading position in the cloud computing business."

I wanna shake the hand of whoever wrote that, it's soem pro tier bullshitting

Imagine getting paid to make this poo poo up.

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:11

Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

pointsofdata posted:

Imagine getting paid to make this poo poo up.

that is literally every tech analyst. i want to know how to get this job

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:12

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

pointsofdata posted:

Imagine getting paid to make this poo poo up.

one of these people on twitter posted 'lol i get paid six figgies to make this poo poo up u mad' before taking it down

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:12

Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

graph posted:

one of these people on twitter posted 'lol i get paid six figgies to make this poo poo up u mad' before taking it down

tbf that was a tech analist. completely different

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:13

Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

LOADING START "MENU"

# ? Apr 30, 2015 19:26

Mozi: Apr 4, 2004; Forms change so fast
Time is moving past
Memory is smoke
Gonna get wider when I die; Nap Ghost

now that's authentically digital

# ? Apr 30, 2015 20:01

Chris Knight: Jun 5, 2002; me @ ur posts; Fun Shoe

Last Chance posted:

I tried the new code app and tried to make the code font size bigger so i did command plus, and it just zoomed in the whole app lol

ms playing catchup to adobe again

Chris Knight fucked around with this message at 20:30 on Apr 30, 2015

# ? Apr 30, 2015 20:27

shadow puppet of a: Jan 10, 2007; NO TENGO SCORPIO

Kirk posted:

so for real though lets talk about the holo lens

right now it's a garbage hypernerd helmet that looks janky as gently caress, but in 3-4 versions when someone more competent is also making hololens hardware and it's down to some lightweight glasses it could be huge

if you price it the same way garbage android phones are priced, poors living in the worst hovels could have beachside views and wall-spanning televisions

this is kind of a big deal imo, but microsoft will probably find a way to gently caress it up really badly

by the time we are at versions 3-4 every sort of cog and sprocket job will be dead for innovation or investment with robotics on the horizon for every hands on task to the point of disrupting even the plumber example in their demo, so the entire developed world category of line-level workers will not receive headsets nor will there be any software development aimed at them

then you have the knowledge workers who a) dont want to mess up their hair with a helmet and b) know the ladder climb value in not being a 'helmet class' of knowledge worker office-keanu mnemonic

so that leaves the c-suite who a) have people to fix their hair for them and b) are so out of touch by 2026 that they'll not have any daily interaction with people that would risk sniggering while they shoot out crystal reports onto the walls and floor of every surface in cavernous executive floors

hololens' leap forward in computing will actually take it back to the original ibm vision for 'a world market for maybe five hololenses'

# ? Apr 30, 2015 20:40

Captain Foo: May 11, 2004; we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

Beeftweeter posted:

LOADING START "MENU"

teh gently caress is this

# ? Apr 30, 2015 21:07

Beeftweeter: Jun 28, 2005; OFFICIAL #1 GNOME FAN

Captain Foo posted:

teh gently caress is this

when you open the start app with a hololens on it shotgun blasts you in the face with all of your fart apps

# ? Apr 30, 2015 21:50

Siljmonster: Dec 16, 2005; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Gazpacho posted:

"Analysts at Citigroup see Microsoft Corporation NASDAQ:MSFT, as the primary suitor for the cloud company. The investment bank noted that Microsoft faces direct competition from Salesforce, as they both provide businesses with integrated management software, which helps them manage sales record and other data collection services. By acquiring Salesforce, Microsoft can cement its leading position in the cloud computing business."

I wanna shake the hand of whoever wrote that, it's soem pro tier bullshitting

"analysts" more like Ron the idiot intern in a focus group about poo poo they have no idea what theyre talking about

# ? Apr 30, 2015 22:24

kitten emergency: Jan 13, 2008; get meow this wack-ass crystal prison

pretty much anyone can be a gartner analyst if you pay them

# ? Apr 30, 2015 22:36

leftist heap: Feb 28, 2013; Fun Shoe

Beeftweeter posted:

LOADING START "MENU"

ur macbook pro looks sick

# ? Apr 30, 2015 23:26

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

i work in the tech sector, have an understanding of internal bureaucracies and business, am a fairly 'hip' and 'plugged-in' millennial, and have a degree in literature/writing

i would be the best industry analyst

somebody hire me

# ? Apr 30, 2015 23:32

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

duTrieux. posted:

i work in the tech sector, have an understanding of internal bureaucracies and business, am a fairly 'hip' and 'plugged-in' millennial, and have a degree in literature/writing

i would be the best industry analyst

somebody hire me

as long as you're willing to write reports summarizing analysts dumb ideas 90 hours a week for 5 years then you too can be an analyst

as far as I know it's really just an award for tolerating the culture and crap pay for long enough

# ? Apr 30, 2015 23:35

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

qirex posted:

as long as you're willing to write reports summarizing analysts dumb ideas 90 hours a week for 5 years then you too can be an analyst

as far as I know it's really just an award for tolerating the culture and crap pay for long enough

eh, you've just tune the markov scripts

# ? Apr 30, 2015 23:38

Phoenixan: Jan 16, 2010; Just Keep Cool-idge

duTrieux. posted:

i work in the tech sector, have an understanding of internal bureaucracies and business, am a fairly 'hip' and 'plugged-in' millennial, and have a degree in literature/writing

i would be the best industry analyst

somebody hire me

congrats you're the new intern

# ? Apr 30, 2015 23:52