EmmyOk posted:

I guess the author wrote in the third person

Minarchist posted:

Postal Parcel posted:

So a guy is going to slit the wrists of that person? Why in the world would they go for the wrists?

flosofl posted:

Duh, to make it look like a suicide. It's the perfect crime.

Postal Parcel posted:

FW:FW:FW:FW: A NEW GANG TECHNIQUE! WATCH OUT!!!

IF YOU'RE WALKING HOME ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, WATCH OUT FOR ANYONE WHO LOOKS AT YOU. THEY ARE CARRYING A KNIFE AND WILL CUT YOUR WRISTS TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU COMMITTED SUICIDE! THIS IS A NEW GANG INITIATION TECHNIQUE!

THE BEST WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF IS TO HAVE ALREADY SLIT YOUR WRISTS AND HAVE SCARS!!

PLS FORWARD AND BE SAFE!
XOXO

Minarchist posted:

Minarchist posted:

Marley Wants More posted:

Sharing because you never know! Better safe than sorry! Makes you think!

hyperhazard posted:

Lord Chumley posted:

Rudager posted:

It's like you guys aren't even trying...

ibntumart posted:

ibntumart posted:

ibntumart posted:

dijon du jour posted:

And that serial murderer... was Peter Pan.

Vindolanda posted:

Tales From an Inner City Highschool

Yes, Le-a is in there.

Yes, he's sooo willing to give his all, despite how the SYSTEM is FAILING these inner city kids with GOOD HEARTS.

Zaphod42 posted:

This doesn't even make sense

The other ones are all I'm a misunderstood hero but that one's just stupid.

Everblight posted:

It was raining outside, you see. And instead of evacuating his students to safety, he was all "THE BELL DOESN'T DISMISS YOU, I DISMISS YOU" despite claiming to want to take a bullet for his kids in another event that definitely happened, yessir.

Drunk Tomato posted:

So the officer was knocked unconscious and then started snoring?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Does anyone have the vid with the SA rolleyes emoji where a giant one is vomiting out little ones because its necessary for this thread.

Big Grunty Secret posted:

It's possible for an unconscious person to have snoring (technically gurgling) respirations, depending on how they were hit and if they slumped over. I wouldn't call it the No. 1 sign of unconsciousness, that's "being knocked the gently caress out."

Max posted:

Actually, I think the argument there is: "The administration doesn't care that this is no longer a safe learning environment, so now I have to teach you while holding an umbrella. Still STDH though.

reformed bad troll posted:

Kugyou no Tenshi posted:

I can confirm that, other than the umbrella, this has happened. The roof was leaking, and the administration would not allow any teacher to dismiss or move classes due to the leaks, which led to a ceiling tile breaking directly over my teacher's head, dumping water on her and the (plugged in and turned on) overhead projector. That same day, the gym/basketball court was flooded and the band room's walls were soaked, destroying hundreds of thousands of dollars of acoustic treatment panels. It took them two more years to fix the roof, involving a threatened lawsuit against the school for creating an unsafe environment and then another one against the contractor doing the roof repairs for running the tar kettles during the day directly outside the classrooms. This was in an upper-middle-class suburb where the school was often overfunded - the administration was just that lovely.

Fathis Munk posted:

I was about to get into a "Man, its the same everywhere, public schools just don't have enough funding " but drat. How can you be that bad at your job ?

Fathis Munk posted:

I was about to get into a "Man, its the same everywhere, public schools just don't have enough funding " but drat. How can you be that bad at your job ?

reformed bad troll posted:

quote:

I doubt many people are going to believe me, but here's the story anyway. I warn you now that this is pretty long.

It was 2001 and I was celebrating my 19th birthday visiting some friends in New York City. My friends got me some "alternative forms of identification", and we got into a bar. I really hate the taste of alcohol, but I didn't want to let my friends down, so I had a few drinks.

This place was kinda dark and empty, but up against one corner of the bar was this beautiful young girl playing the piano kind of softly. Most people were talking to their friends or busy drinking a lot so she was pretty much ignored, but she sounded so beautiful that I had to get closer. Time seemed to go by incredibly fast (must have been the alcohol in my little body) but after a while I ended up being the only person listening to her. When she took a break from playing she came down and talked to me for a few minutes just about a few little things. We hit it off almost instantly as I was able to make her laugh, and I was surprised that even though she had a slightly thick Russian accent we could completely understand each other. My friends were ready to leave, but I told them I would catch up later.

She went up and sang for a little while again, and again I was the only one listening. She stopped after two more songs and came down to talk with me again. She told me all sorts of things about how her parents got her into music, how she'd lived in Russia, about all these little songs she wrote as a kid (she had hundreds).

At first I was trying to be all tough and manly, to kinda impress her.. bragging about things I had done in my life. She caught on to it, and she told me, "Listen honey. There's hundreds of strong men out there. I like men who are kind, who are honest, men who can be open with me." I switched gears from there, and it turned out she was much more happy to talk with me being myself then someone who was trying to be showy.

It was almost time to go so she got up on stage and sung one last song, she started by saying "This one's for you, honey," and pointed at me. I was amazed because I couldn't remember up to that point a girl ever being so friendly with me.

The bar was closing up and I asked to help her put her stuff away. I asked her if she had a cd that I could buy so I could hear her again. She came back with, "You don't need a cd, I'll give you a private performance. Why don't you come back to my place?" My jaw dropped to the floor, but I did my best to keep my cool.

We were driving back to her apartment and we talked for a bit more, and I realized I hadn't even asked this girl her name! I embarassingly asked her, and she told me, "That's ok, I don't know yours either. My name is Regina, Regina Spektor." I told her my last name, and because of her russian-english, she couldn't pronounce it correctly. She tried a couple times, "Samsmanskay.... Samskemansk, can I just say Samson?" I said sure, and her saying that brought us up talking about Samson the biblical figure. She told me again how she liked sensitive men and she said that maybe if Samson had cut his hair then he'd have to be more sensitive and she would like him.

Anyways we got back to her place, one of those big studios with a really high ceiling. She got the place so she could play her music all the time without people complaining. She played a few of the more softer, quieter songs which I loved. She offered me something to eat, but we got into the kitchen and she had all this weird Russian food, so I just asked her to get me a piece of wonderbread, that would be good enough.

She asked me if I was going to stay and I said I wanted to. I won't bore you with the details of the afterwards, but I'll say it was my first time and I was no stallion, but I held her for a while after. I told her how beautiful she was and how beautiful this whole night had been, but at the same time sad because I knew that I didn't live here and we couldn't have a relationship. We talked for a while about stupid little things and eventually fell asleep in each others arms.

She had another gig to go to the next day so she was off in a different direction. I thanked her as she left and she told me that she was proud to be the first girl who loved me.

I went back to my friends bragging, of course, but I figured this was girl was just one of hundreds trying desperately to make it and never succeeding. My life went on, and it never really occurred to me to look up this girl and see how she was doing, partially because I was busy with a serious relationship. Out of the blue, a few months ago she sent me a CD in the mail -- autographed, saying: "To Kyle Samsonsanssky.. I loved you first - Regina."

So now I do a google search and it turns out, wow, this girl got really popular. Even cooler than that, she wrote a song about that night! It's called Samson, and when I heard it for the first time, it brought back lots of memories.

Sadly, I've gotten married in those in-between years, so nothing will come of it. But I wrote her a nice letter telling her what's happened since that night, and telling her how happy I was that she had gotten so popular. I hope to hear back from her eventually.

hyperhazard posted:

No link to the thread, unfortunately, but here's the post.

Avenging_Mikon posted:

I want this one to be true just because writing it would likely have been a nice break from the regular correspondence. Maybe I'll write to the Queen. Wish her the best with a new princess crawling around.