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Applebees Appetizer
Jan 23, 2006

meatpimp posted:

Especially after the police subpoena Rhyno's posts on somethingawful.com.

Forget Ryno, when the police read your posts your rear end is going to prison :v:

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CommieGIR
Aug 22, 2006

The blue glow is a feature, not a bug


Pillbug

leica posted:

Forget Ryno, when the police read your posts your rear end is going to prison :v:

"Sir, we have reason to believe you pimp out meat."

meatpimp
May 15, 2004

Psst -- Wanna buy

:) EVERYWHERE :)
some high-quality thread's DESTROYED!

:kheldragar:

leica posted:

Forget Ryno, when the police read your posts your rear end is going to prison :v:

But... none of you guys would tell... we're friends, right? :ohdear:

CommieGIR posted:

"Sir, we have reason to believe you pimp out meat."

Only the highest quality, though. That counts for something.

Goober Peas
Jun 30, 2007

Check out my 'Vette, bro


Woo - long weekend. Focus: mental and physical health. So far today I've:

1 hour yoga class
5k run

Next up: lunch with psychiatrist friend
Planting bulbs and weeding the flowerbeds
Recliner with book and bourbon

And it's only Friday!

:woop:

jamal
Apr 15, 2003

I'll set the building on fire

Rhyno posted:

We did! We left that place 6 weeks ago! We've had nothing but trouble with them since we left. They keep finding new things wrong with our unit or things that are missing so this is clearly just petty on their part.

Pretty sure they have 2 weeks to send an itemized list with prices for repairs and whatnot in order to not give a full deposit back. If they keep harassing you after that I think you have some legal recourse. Might depend on the state though.

F1DriverQuidenBerg
Jan 19, 2014

Okay I've got a solid game plan to quit smoking. Tonight is going to be smoking and drinking while watching some 80s films. Then I'll keep myself busy this weekend and get through the worst of it and be able to tolerate working Monday without cigarettes.

MustardFacial
Jun 20, 2011
George Russel's
Official Something Awful Account
Lifelong Tory Voter
Good Luck! It's going to be hard but you can do it through sheer force of will. I did.

iwentdoodie
Apr 29, 2005

🤗YOU'RE WELCOME🤗
Anyone here ever eaten sugar free gummy bears?

If not, I highly recommend them!


(Oh god please loving kill me now)

CommieGIR
Aug 22, 2006

The blue glow is a feature, not a bug


Pillbug

iwentdoodie posted:

Anyone here ever eaten sugar free gummy bears?

If not, I highly recommend them!


(Oh god please loving kill me now)

Sugar free anything needs to burn in a fire.

F1DriverQuidenBerg
Jan 19, 2014

MustardFacial posted:

Good Luck! It's going to be hard but you can do it through sheer force of will. I did.

Yeah I'm pretty much just going to keep myself busy so I don't focus on it. The cravings always kick in when I've got nothing interesting to do.

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

jamal posted:

Pretty sure they have 2 weeks to send an itemized list with prices for repairs and whatnot in order to not give a full deposit back. If they keep harassing you after that I think you have some legal recourse. Might depend on the state though.

I believe it's 4 weeks in Indiana. They already kept the full deposit, not they're just being dicks. I ordered a book from Amazon that went to backorder and came back into stock 2 weeks ago. It shipped to my old address because I guess you have to go into the actual sale and update your address instead of just updating my whole account. Anyways, the book shipped to the old address and they had yet to lease it so it ended up in the leasing office and I was hen lied to over the phone about it being there. So I went in person and there it was right on a desk, my name clearly printed on the box.

Fuckers.

Anyways, cops were cool, I ended up knowing one of them so it became very chill. They just asked if I could verify my whereabouts, I was at the benefit for the most part with plenty of witnesses (also gently caress that place as they ran my card 6 times) and they didn't even bother calling my girlfriend. He made it known they have a suspect who lives in the complex, they just had to question me since she specifically named me.

Goober Peas
Jun 30, 2007

Check out my 'Vette, bro


iwentdoodie posted:

Anyone here ever eaten sugar free gummy bears?

If not, I highly recommend them!


(Oh god please loving kill me now)

So - you know that if you eat too many that you will poo poo rainbows for a week.

No kidding. The artificial sweetener has laxative properties when eaten in excess.

Excellent user name/post combo.

:haw:

mariooncrack
Dec 27, 2008

iwentdoodie posted:

Anyone here ever eaten sugar free gummy bears?

If not, I highly recommend them!


(Oh god please loving kill me now)

Literal poo poo posting?

CommieGIR
Aug 22, 2006

The blue glow is a feature, not a bug


Pillbug

Rhyno posted:

Anyways, cops were cool, I ended up knowing one of them so it became very chill. They just asked if I could verify my whereabouts, I was at the benefit for the most part with plenty of witnesses (also gently caress that place as they ran my card 6 times) and they didn't even bother calling my girlfriend. He made it known they have a suspect who lives in the complex, they just had to question me since she specifically named me.

Have you thought about lawyering up against the complex management? Sounds like both libel and harassment.

FAT32 SHAMER
Aug 16, 2012



CommieGIR posted:

Have you thought about lawyering up against the complex management? Sounds like both libel and harassment.

in the us it's not illegal name who you think could be guilty, and she could claim that to her it made sense since he used to rent the place and they have a history of hostility/whatever you want to call it

Seat Safety Switch
May 27, 2008

MY RELIGION IS THE SMALL BLOCK V8 AND COMMANDMENTS ONE THROUGH TEN ARE NEVER LIFT.

Pillbug

iwentdoodie posted:

Anyone here ever eaten sugar free gummy bears?

If not, I highly recommend them!


(Oh god please loving kill me now)

The Amazon reviews for those are tremendous. I've been tempted to buy a bag for people I hate.

quote:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

PS: When I ordered these, the warnings and disclaimers and legalese were NOT posted. I'm not a moron. Also, not sure why so many people assume I'm a man. I am a woman. We poop too. Of course, our poop sparkles and smells like a walk in a meadow of wildflowers. Thanks for all the great comments. I've been enjoying reading them and so glad that the horror show I experienced from snacking on these has at least made some people smile.

quote:

I'm pretty sure Andrea (I'll call her) agreed to have dinner at my apartment only because I always spoke to her using nothing but my two-years-of-high-school German. Her English was perfect. Probably better than mine. But the fact that I could only ask her directions to the Autobahn or inquire about the health of her non-existent Tante Amelia, seemed to make me appealing to her in a sweet and non-threatening way.
My intentions, however, were considerably less child-like. Which is why the shopping that night was done at one of those upscale groceries with an international flair. Moules Marinieres is as much of a panty-peeler as anything I can cook, and isn't that hard to pull off. But still, I was busy tracking the recipe in my head when I found myself in the sweets aisle. And that, to my great chagrin, is why I didn't immediately notice the difference between Haribo Normal Gummi Bears (which are designed for human enjoyment) and Haribo Sugarless Gummi Bears (which are designed for use in maximum security prisons as a way to punish uncooperative inmates).
I shan't make that mistake again. (notice you can't spell SHAN'T without SHAT.)
Prior to Andrea's arrival, I sat in my living room, creating a playlist of make-out music and nervously binging on the Gummi Bears I had placed in a decorative bowl because I am fancy.
The doorbell rang, and within minutes we were standing in the kitchen, drinking beers and both of us probably worrying that we were about to exhaust my ability to communicate in her native tongue. But soon that would be the least of my worries. In the middle of trying to ask Andrea if she likes to dance to young people's music, I felt a flutter in my midsection, accompanied by a guttural pronouncement so loud it threatened to drown out my own voice.
Maybe it was because I was mentally refreshing my language lessons, but it suddenly struck me how much pre-diarrheal grumblings sound like German words.
"ENTSCHULDIGUNG!" was the next thing uttered by my rapidly clenching stomach. Appropriately, Andrea looked up in response.
"Sind Sie Kaffee machen?" she asked.
Am I making coffee?
I thought I must have mistranslated her at first, then finally I realized that yes, the loud, ominous gurgling coming from my gut could easily be mistaken for the percolating of some bachelor's crappy coffeemaker.
It's remarkable how quickly one knows that one is about to have a traumatic pottymaking experience. Maybe that's the body's way of buying you the precious seconds you need. I was already calculating the number of steps to the bathroom, speculating on whether I would have time to lift the lid to the toilet, when my own voice cried out loudly in my head.
She's going to hear EVERYTHING!
Thanks to an acoustical idiosyncrasy in my building, the hallway outside the bathroom works as an amplifier pointed straight at my living room-slash-kitchen. So that somehow even the gentlest tinkle sounds like I'm pouring lemonade out of a bucket.
With only half an idea of what I was doing, I grabbed Andrea's hand and pulled her roughly down onto my sofa. I must have looked like a madman as I booted up my iTunes playlist, plugged in the gigantic new headphones I had just bought to keep me looking young and hip, and clamped them down over her ears. (the sweat forming on my brow and upper lip couldn't have helped.) In response to her nervous expression, I kept shouting "You'll love this! You'll love this!"
I spun her around so that she was looking out the window. My "plan" was that she'd be so distracted by the modest 4th floor view, that it would allow me to pull my pants off while I sprinted down the hall, silently singing the praises of the noise-reducing quality of my new headphones. (this story will be reprinted in its entirety as a 5 star review on the Sony Beats Audio Amazon page.)
As I slammed the bathroom door shut, already half naked, it occurred to me that I had not been shouting "You'll love this!" at Andrea. I don't even know how to say that in German. In my desperation I had been saying "Ich Leibe Dich!" Repeatedly professing my love for her in a shaky and frantic voice. But maybe that was a good thing, because as I threw myself at the toilet, I figured the best I could hope for is that she would be so creeped-out that she would sneak out of the apartment, blissfully unaware of the carnage taking place in the next room.
What can I say about the ensuing white-knuckle bowel movement that hasn't been expressed in other reviews on this page? I'm pretty sure I haven't seen the adjective "Kafkaesque" used anywhere else.
By the end of Act One of this private little torture-porn movie, I was confessing to every unsolved crime in history. Praying I would stumble upon the one that would satisfy my invisible captors.
Quickly I realized that I had more than Andrea's sense of sound to worry about. Were she to get even the faintest whiff of the weapons-grade sluice that my anus was angrily shouting into the porcelain, I would have to change my name and move to another city.
And so I flushed. And flushed. And flushed and flushed.
And then I flushed and nothing happened.
I have never looked down into a broken toilet with more horror in my entire life. And I once stopped up George Clooney's crapper! (a true story for another time.)
I reached for the plunger, but my hand froze and my heart seized when I saw it on the floor, broken in two and covered in what looked like teeth marks. Apparently I had used the wooden handle to keep from biting my tongue off and had chewed clean through it. When did that happen? It seems my mind had already started the process of repressing this entire event.
Amid the feverish, fruitless dance I did across my tiny bathroom floor, it dawned on me that it had been more than a minute since my last soul-wrenching anal tantrum. Dear Lord, is it over? I asked, quite possibly aloud.
I may have been light-headed and delusional, but I began to imagine a non-ignominious resolution to this ordeal. I just needed to get her the hell out of here. If Andrea hadn't fled the building, vomiting in terror, then I supposed I could pull up my trousers and make a cavalier exit. As long as I could get her off premises and as far away from this post-apocalyptic commode as humanly possible. Assuming that the Diarrhistas had retreated to the hills temporarily, maybe I could even whisk Andrea away to a candlelight dinner at Bernardo's. How impulsive!
My first few steps back toward the living room were tentative. And not just because my sphincter felt raw and tattered. It was a slow approach to the Moment of Truth, especially when I saw her figure still planted on my sofa. I knew any look on Andrea's face other than her mouth agape would constitute a miraculous victory. And when she smiled at me, the wash of relief that engulfed me was more glorious than any throes of ecstasy I might have wished for at the beginning of the night.
And then I saw it.
The decorative bowl sitting in her lap. Down to just the last few sugarless Gummi bears.
"Du hast Haribo!" she said to me. Accompanied by a satisfied smile. A big, beaming Hansel and Gretel smile, that slightly turned down in one corner at the sound we both suddenly heard. A low rumble from deep within her GI tract that sounded like Gefahrrrrr.
The German word for Danger.
Her eyes shot past mine and refocused on the bathroom door just down the hall behind me.

BlackMK4
Aug 23, 2006

wat.
Megamarm

1500quidporsche posted:

Okay I've got a solid game plan to quit smoking. Tonight is going to be smoking and drinking while watching some 80s films. Then I'll keep myself busy this weekend and get through the worst of it and be able to tolerate working Monday without cigarettes.

Good luck. :) I cold turkeyed that poo poo about three months ago after four or five times trying. It's worth it.



I've been dating a girl who never had a car and therefore never learned to drive / get a license. I've been trying to teach her a little bit but she's all over the lane, freezes when she makes a mistake, etc. How the gently caress do you teach people that don't naturally get it? Is there a school I can send her to or something? It terrifies me.

Slung Blade
Jul 11, 2002

IN STEEL WE TRUST

meatpimp posted:



Only the highest quality, though. That counts for something.

Constable, I merely provide a valuable service to my community where lonely, hungry people get together with a lovely spiced bit of brisket, is that such a crime?

iwentdoodie
Apr 29, 2005

🤗YOU'RE WELCOME🤗

Seat Safety Switch posted:

The Amazon reviews for those are tremendous. I've been tempted to buy a bag for people I hate.

I think I'm going to put the remainder in my office on Tuesday.

The reviews don't lie, at all. I only ate maybe three handfuls last night at around 6, and from 9 to 2 this morning I was shutting my brains out. If you read Pratchett novels, my stomach was making the exact sounds he describes a swamp dragon making.

I'm 6 pounds light this morning.

Goober Peas
Jun 30, 2007

Check out my 'Vette, bro


iwentdoodie

:butt::captainpop::butt:

BlackMK4
Aug 23, 2006

wat.
Megamarm
Sugar free gummy bears is how real pros cut before a weigh in.

Mat_Drinks
Nov 18, 2002

mmm this nitromethane gets my supercharger runnin'

BrokenKnucklez posted:

AMG seems to be genuinely higher in price compared to stuff from the ///M warehouse. Id love to get into one of those new Chevrolet SS sedans, the 6.2 is a hell of a power plant.

Funny enough around here the AMGs that are comparable to the Ms all seem to be better priced with less miles. I like the SS sedans too, though I don't know that I'd be able to bring myself to get one if I was in the price bracket because of the competitors in it's price range and GM issues in general. Hopefully they'll sell well enough that it'll be a car that can be picked up reasonably in two years though and by then the common issues would mostly be known if not also resolved.


Just got done calling my insurance company and the biggest deviation from my current car was the new Mustang GT and even that was only $100/yr more. Not bad :) :)

ilkhan
Oct 7, 2004

I LOVE Musk and his pro-first-amendment ways. X is the future.

Mat_Drinks posted:

Just got done calling my insurance company and the biggest deviation from my current car was the new Mustang GT and even that was only $100/yr more. Not bad :) :)
Aye, what is it about Mustangs and insurance? When I compared a mustang GT vs a camaro SS, the difference was 35% for the same years and coverage..

NitroSpazzz
Dec 9, 2006

You don't need style when you've got strength!


Mat_Drinks posted:

I'm psyched, I've got today through Tuesday off. Today is my wife's birthday so I woke up early and got us all donuts from the best place in town. Later I'm going to call my insurance company and have them give me insurance quotes on possible (bad) car purchases. Let's see what an M, F, AMG, or 9 does to those rates! I think I'll price a few new American V8s too while I'm at it. :getin:
I'm biased as hell but I really haven't been impressed with any of the Merc AMG or Jag F cars I've driven. They're fast as hell and loud yes but seemed really loving soft when pushed. I haven't driven the latest M3/4/5/6/etc to compare though.

1500quidporsche posted:

Okay I've got a solid game plan to quit smoking. Tonight is going to be smoking and drinking while watching some 80s films. Then I'll keep myself busy this weekend and get through the worst of it and be able to tolerate working Monday without cigarettes.
It's going to suck horribly but it will be worth it. Good luck.

iwentdoodie posted:

I think I'm going to put the remainder in my office on Tuesday.
I'm tempted to buy a bag just to put on the kitchen counter to gently caress with the roommates. I may be a terrible person.

Woo weekend, boss just told everyone to go home so he can leave. Off to the dealership to buy coolant then toss a battery in the 928 and see if it's fixed. Then drinking and cigars...that is my plan for the entire weekend.

iwentdoodie
Apr 29, 2005

🤗YOU'RE WELCOME🤗
Do it. It's instant revenge, or prank. It only takes a handful or so to have the effect, and adding food or booze with it just makes it worse.

mariooncrack
Dec 27, 2008
I bought a 5 lb bag of normal gummi bears and had to tell everyone "these are not the sugar free kind" before they grabbed any.

Phone
Jul 30, 2005

親子丼をほしい。
Rhyno's whiter than white and has all of his teeth.

Quite A Tool
Jul 4, 2004

The answer is... 42
Semi-related, if I eat too many goldfish it's like triggering a seismic event. There are very few snacks that I have little control over myself around but goldfish are definitely one of them. It's probably been 5 years since I last had one.

Fender Anarchist
May 20, 2009

Fender Anarchist

Tusen Takk posted:

in the us it's not illegal name who you think could be guilty, and she could claim that to her it made sense since he used to rent the place and they have a history of hostility/whatever you want to call it

...but you repeat yourself.

(I very rarely hear of good landlord-renter relations from either side.)

Coredump
Dec 1, 2002

Anywhere I can pick up those sugar free gummies locally?

meatpimp
May 15, 2004

Psst -- Wanna buy

:) EVERYWHERE :)
some high-quality thread's DESTROYED!

:kheldragar:

Slung Blade posted:

Constable, I merely provide a valuable service to my community where lonely, hungry people get together with a lovely spiced bit of brisket, is that such a crime?

And for that service, I ask for but a pittance. Should I not be seen as an arbiter of good fortune for our community, instead of a detrimental influence?

F1DriverQuidenBerg
Jan 19, 2014

NitroSpazzz posted:

It's going to suck horribly but it will be worth it. Good luck.

I just need it to be slightly less horrible then my current quit attempts. Usually I screw up at work once I get to the point where I either have nothing to do or have something that is ridiculously overcomplicated for no good reason.

iwentdoodie
Apr 29, 2005

🤗YOU'RE WELCOME🤗

Coredump posted:

Anywhere I can pick up those sugar free gummies locally?

Any big box store should have them. Or anywhere that carries diabetic foods.

I got them at the grocery store on a whim, in bulk. Thankfully I only bought like a pound.

Scrambles
Jul 24, 2003

I WANT IT
not sure why this hasn't been posted https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMjgaa5j_LE

be safe out there everyone

Mat_Drinks
Nov 18, 2002

mmm this nitromethane gets my supercharger runnin'

ilkhan posted:

Aye, what is it about Mustangs and insurance? When I compared a mustang GT vs a camaro SS, the difference was 35% for the same years and coverage..

So they're generally pretty highly priced then? That's good to hear as while it wasn't crazy high (to me at least) in terms of my budget and what I'm willing to pay for insurance on a car. It'll be a good rolling comparison as I continue shopping.

NitroSpazzz posted:

I'm biased as hell but I really haven't been impressed with any of the Merc AMG or Jag F cars I've driven. They're fast as hell and loud yes but seemed really loving soft when pushed. I haven't driven the latest M3/4/5/6/etc to compare though.

I haven't actually driven anything yet and have just been window shopping so I haven't had a chance to measure softness/hardness. I'm also not looking at the latest models of anything non american either as my price cap is $40k which I don't think is even enough to buy an M2?

Rhyno
Mar 22, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Phone posted:

Rhyno's whiter than white and has all of his teeth.

I'm practically clear.

iwentdoodie
Apr 29, 2005

🤗YOU'RE WELCOME🤗

Rhyno posted:

I'm practically clear.

I imagine you as a larger, less funny Jim Gaffigan. With jorts.

cakesmith handyman
Jul 22, 2007

Pip-Pip old chap! Last one in is a rotten egg what what.

Cakefool posted:

It's my birthday Friday and my wife has been acting suspicious, so it's either something kinky or fury road. I hope it's fury road :jeb:

Well I know what I'm getting for my birthday now :quagmire: she's going to gently caress me dressed as Lord Humongous she's organised for me and my brothers to go see Fury Road together Monday, what a lovely day!

BrokenKnucklez
Apr 22, 2008

by zen death robot

Mat_Drinks posted:

So they're generally pretty highly priced then? That's good to hear as while it wasn't crazy high (to me at least) in terms of my budget and what I'm willing to pay for insurance on a car. It'll be a good rolling comparison as I continue shopping.


I haven't actually driven anything yet and have just been window shopping so I haven't had a chance to measure softness/hardness. I'm also not looking at the latest models of anything non american either as my price cap is $40k which I don't think is even enough to buy an M2?

That budget puts you squarely into a late model very gently used M3 if that what trips your trigger. If you want though, a brand new Mustang GT that is pretty spec'ed out would be around 40ish, but with some decent incentives, it could drive that price down a little.

I am not a huge new Camaro fan, I like more glass than the periscope that they give you in the Camaro.

Edit: huh, the Camaro 2SS package is about the same as the Mustang in high spec package. Both cars give you a ton of value for 38k.

BrokenKnucklez fucked around with this message at 19:27 on May 22, 2015

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Quite A Tool
Jul 4, 2004

The answer is... 42
Someone needs to post the video of the coyote motor with the ECU map to make it sound like it's got a lumpy cam.

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