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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

«‹›14088 »

neonnoodle: Mar 20, 2008; by exmarx

Joementum posted:

Jeb! meets Jeb, probably.

When you stare into the abyss...

# ? Jun 17, 2015 22:59

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 20:31

Vienna Circlejerk: Jan 28, 2003; The great science sausage party!

Fried Chicken posted:

John Kaisch is in Manchester NH today. As of 10 minutes ago he was in a local bar heavily frequented by bikers. In an attempt to mingle with the common man, he decided to share with them his favorite band.

Linkin Park.

https://twitter.com/katie_glueck/status/611257485995995136

This cycle is gonna own.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:23

fermun: Nov 4, 2009

Trump is 10th, he is above the cutoff for televised debate right now. I really hope he gets to be in a debate, it will result in some hilarious crazy.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:35

ComradeCosmobot: Dec 4, 2004; USPOL July

fermun posted:

Trump is 10th, he is above the cutoff for televised debate right now. I really hope he gets to be in a debate, it will result in some hilarious crazy.

He definitely will if Christie doesn't run.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:37

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

Note that the poll is from two weeks ago and Trump is guaranteed a poll bump following his announcement.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:39

Fintilgin: Sep 29, 2004; Fintilgin sweeps!

I dunno, I'm pretty sure Trump has no place to go but down.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:41

Air Skwirl: May 13, 2007; Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

fermun posted:

Trump is 10th, he is above the cutoff for televised debate right now. I really hope he gets to be in a debate, it will result in some hilarious crazy.

Aside from Christie is there anyone else above Trump who hasn't declared yet?

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:41

Franco Potente: Jul 9, 2010

Skwirl posted:

Aside from Christie is there anyone else above Trump who hasn't declared yet?

Walker.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:43

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Skwirl posted:

Aside from Christie is there anyone else above Trump who hasn't declared yet?

Scatt Walker

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:44

Three Olives: Apr 10, 2005; Don't forget Hitler's contributions to medicine.

This may be a really dumb question but what is the primary situation like, I mean is it even conceivable that Trump could win some primaries as comedy votes? Hillary has the nomination in the bag and Trump is both reviled enough and not taken seriously by anyone that I could see people crossing over for just the comedy.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:51

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

WaPo had an incredible report from Trump's Iowa event yesterday that got put up around noon today and I didn't see it posted. Includes actual quotes from actual Trump supporters who attended:

The Trump circus comes to Iowa

quote:

DES MOINES � By the time Donald Trump arrived at Hoyt Sherman auditorium here Tuesday night, he was running more than an hour behind schedule. �This has been a wild day,� he exclaimed. It would only get more so.

By then, the audience had already gotten a flavor of things to come. There was the Pledge of Allegiance recited by Cub Scouts; the national anthem sung by Taylor Wiebers, the reigning Miss Iowa; the introduction of an Auschwitz survivor (to highlight Trump�s support for Israel); and a testimonial from David McNeer, an Iowa business owner to whom Trump unexpectedly offered an economic lifeline some years ago.

There was also a pep talk from 10-year-old Shay Doyle, who has some of the Trump moxie and who asked the crowd to vote for Trump because Shay is still too young to do so himself. And there was a long, time-killing ad-libbed talk by Republican National Committeeman Steve Scheffler. Scheffler was forced into the breach because, a Trump adviser said, the candidate�s plane had been forced to circle the airport a few times before landing.

It was the second stop for Trump as a declared candidate, an exclamation point to his morning speech at Trump Tower in New York. As the final introductions were made, Trump stood in the lobby at the back of the hall, smiling at the accolades being heaped on him and flanked by security and onlookers. And then the show began. Trump made a grand entrance down the aisle, mobbed by people, and climbed onto the stage.

Trump has instantly become the poster boy for a Republican nominating contest that is spinning in all directions, with a field numbering 12 and with more in the wings waiting to enter. He is the brash, flamboyant, unwelcome guest who will give party leaders heartburn and whose arrival could disrupt the coming debates if he joins more serious candidates onstage.

After Trump departed and the crowd filed out, Scheffler offered a brief appraisal of Trump�s candidacy. He said the candidate had put together a good team of leaders in Iowa, led by Chuck Laudner, who was a mainstay in the caucus-winning operation of former senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania four years ago.

Trump placards lined the walkway up the hill from the street to the steps of the auditorium and also along the edge of the parking lot. When a candidate declares, �I am really rich,� as Trump did in announcing his candidacy Tuesday morning, it�s clear that money will be no object. The campaign paraphernalia � signs, buttons, free T-shirts � were evidence of that.

Two tables of volunteers gathered e-mail addresses from the Iowans who had come to hear the newest candidate for the Republican nomination. Inside, more volunteers acted as greeters and guides, one wearing a badge that said �Trump Hostess.�

The event drew a cross-section of Iowans, the curious and the committed, gawkers and citizens, intent on doing their due diligence, as is so common in this state. Many were like Adam Kaduce, who is in real estate and who said he had come out of a sense of responsibility to vet the candidates. He had heard through a friend in politics that Trump would be in town. �In Iowa, everybody�s got a friend in politics,� he said.

A few were already signed on, as was a woman who rushed by with a quick comment without stopping to give her name. �He�s everything I�m looking for in the next president,� she said.

Don and Kathy Watson had driven up from Ottumwa to get a closer look at the candidate. �Why not?� Kathy Watson said. �He�s as good as anybody. . . . He�s not afraid. He�s not a politician.�

Like many, they are still shopping, though they�ve ruled out Jeb Bush, the former Florida governor who announced his candidacy Monday and was in Iowa on Wednesday. �Dump him. We�ve had too many Bushes,� she said.

Were they concerned by criticism of Trump as being more a showman and not presidential? �What do we have now?� Don Watson said. �A guy who�s not fit to be president.�

John Revak, who is in the lumber business, said he was drawn to Trump�s business experience. �He presents himself as a negotiator � and obviously he�s been successful at it � so those are big assets,� Revak said. �I think he understands how the economy works. A lot of them who are running are too much government wonky.�

Shane Gray, who owns a construction company and was there with his wife, Melissa, said he, too, was drawn to Trump because of his business acumen. Was he put off by Trump�s style?

�Some of his words are a little bit brash, a little bit rough,� Gray said. �He�s definitely not the most well-spoken candidate there is. But I do like how he�s pretty straightforward about it. He just could be a lot more delicate.�

There was nothing delicate about Trump�s performance in Iowa. He reprised many of the lines from his announcement speech, particularly his attack on illegal immigrants as �killers, drug dealers, rapists.� He allowed that some are probably �good people.�

He berated President Obama and belittled his critics as �stupid� and misguided. He attacked other candidates, criticizing Bush for his open-collar look at the Monday announcement in Miami. �He can�t even put on a tie and jacket?� Trump asked with mock indignation. �He�s running for president. . . . I thought it was ridiculous.�

He said his strategy for taking on Islamic State terrorists would be to blow up the oil fields they control. �We should go blast the hell out of that oil,� he said, bringing many in the crowd to their feet cheering.

He took questions from the audience. The first came from someone who asked him where he stood on abortion. �I�m pro-life,� he said. And then he went on to note that he is Presbyterian. �Nobody thinks of me as the ultimate WASP, but I am,� he said.

He was asked about the scandal at the Veterans Health Administration, about the biggest misconceptions or lies told about him.

Asked whether student loan debt was a bubble waiting to burst, Trump said, �The country is a big fat bubble run by incompetent people, and it�s ready to burst.�

The last question was about Hillary Rodham Clinton. �How do you beat Hillary?� the questioner asked. Trump called other Republicans gutless and, in typical fashion, said there was only one path for the party. �There�s nobody who�s going to beat her but Donald Trump,� he said.

Republican leaders hoped that this day would never come or that Trump would flirt with running but never do so. Now, he is a candidate and a problem they can�t easily ignore.

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:51

paranoid randroid: Mar 4, 2007

Three Olives posted:

This may be a really dumb question but what is the primary situation like, I mean is it even conceivable that Trump could win some primaries as comedy votes? Hillary has the nomination in the bag and Trump is both reviled enough and not taken seriously by anyone that I could see people crossing over for just the comedy.

i dont believe there is any feasible way for trump to win a primary. if he did it would signal absolutely calamitous things for the GOP.

for instance, it would indicate that the party has lost its grip on its own systems to such an extent that a candidate who is, as you said, a comedy option on his best day could take even a single state in the nomination process.

paranoid randroid fucked around with this message at 23:56 on Jun 17, 2015

# ? Jun 17, 2015 23:52

im a ski bum: Feb 17, 2011

Are any of the 20 or so potential candidates military veterans? Not that I believe it is a qualifier, but It seems unthinkable to me that this isn't a bigger issue among republican voters and in the media.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:01

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

Three Olives posted:

This may be a really dumb question but what is the primary situation like, I mean is it even conceivable that Trump could win some primaries as comedy votes? Hillary has the nomination in the bag and Trump is both reviled enough and not taken seriously by anyone that I could see people crossing over for just the comedy.

If he really, really wanted to, Trump could pour millions into an uncontested early primary or caucus and maybe win it. Like, it's not absurd to think he could buy the vote in the Virgin Islands or Alaska. But that would be a tacit admission that his candidacy is a joke and require strategic thinking on his part, neither of which are possibilities. He can self-fund his campaign as long as he wants, and if he does he'll pick up a delegate or two in the states that award them proportionally with no viability threshold. Much more likely is that he stays in for a couple of debates and then quits to be on the next season of The Apprentice in the fall.

edit: All of that assumes that Trump actually bothers to get on any of the ballots, which requires actual organization and effort.

Joementum fucked around with this message at 00:05 on Jun 18, 2015

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:01

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

im a ski bum posted:

Are any of the 20 or so potential candidates military veterans? Not that I believe it is a qualifier, but It seems unthinkable to me that this isn't a bigger issue among republican voters and in the media.

Perry flew in the Air Force, but never saw combat. Graham was a JAG officer who retired June 1, this year.

Oh, and on the Democratic side, Jim Webb is a Vietnam vet with a purple heart, navy cross, silver star, and bronze star. He's declaring his candidacy in a week or two.

Joementum fucked around with this message at 00:10 on Jun 18, 2015

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:02

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

site posted:

Soon enough all news will just be delivered in gifs and meme pictures.

ABC seems to embrace this more than other media outlets, so it's a perfect fit

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:10

Cantorsdust: Aug 10, 2008; Infinitely many points, but zero length.

I'm going to repeat a quote from that article because it just boggles my mind:

quote:

John Revak, who is in the lumber business, said he was drawn to Trump�s business experience. �He presents himself as a negotiator � and obviously he�s been successful at it � so those are big assets,� Revak said. �I think he understands how the economy works. A lot of them who are running are too much government wonky.�

Someone actually exists who thinks that Trump is not only 1) not a blabbering idiot, but 2) is good at negotiation and 3) understands how the economy works. And there may be several more like him. Trump's campaign is succeeding where Trump personally succeeded--the triumph of image over substance.

And in that regard, he's actually a lot like Reagan.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:10

Fuck You And Diebold: Sep 15, 2004; by Athanatos

Joementum posted:

Jeb! meets Jeb, probably.

Lazy

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:12

William Bear: Oct 26, 2012; "That's what they all say!"

Cantorsdust posted:

I'm going to repeat a quote from that article because it just boggles my mind:

Someone actually exists who thinks that Trump is not only 1) not a blabbering idiot, but 2) is good at negotiation and 3) understands how the economy works. And there may be several more like him. Trump's campaign is succeeding where Trump personally succeeded--the triumph of image over substance.

And in that regard, he's actually a lot like Reagan.

That quote stood out to me, too. The Reagan comparison is good.

Good point, John! The problem with the government is that there are too many policy experts in it. So vote Trump!

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:18

Raskolnikov38: Mar 3, 2007; Can't post for 2 hours!

Mark Penn is now available :unsmigghh:

:unsmigghh:

:unsmigghh:

:unsmigghh:

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:25

Gyges: Aug 4, 2004; NOW NO ONE
RECOGNIZE HULK

Alkydere posted:

Sometimes people want a small meal right now on their lunch break, not an entire pie. Many pizza places will have lunch slices available for just that reason.

That still doesn't justify that grody looking slice of gas-station pizza.

I can see a justification for a cheap gas station pizza, like getting a Little Caesars. But buying it by the slice negates the benefit of feeding a group of people for $5, making it just a completely insane decision. Better a gas station sandwich than a single slice of gas station pizza.

Joementum posted:

If he really, really wanted to, Trump could pour millions into an uncontested early primary or caucus and maybe win it. Like, it's not absurd to think he could buy the vote in the Virgin Islands or Alaska. But that would be a tacit admission that his candidacy is a joke and require strategic thinking on his part, neither of which are possibilities. He can self-fund his campaign as long as he wants, and if he does he'll pick up a delegate or two in the states that award them proportionally with no viability threshold. Much more likely is that he stays in for a couple of debates and then quits to be on the next season of The Apprentice in the fall.

edit: All of that assumes that Trump actually bothers to get on any of the ballots, which requires actual organization and effort.

Assuming there's still a massive field by the time we actually hit voting, it's quite plausible for someone from the crazy train to win a primary. Trump's biggest problem is that he doesn't have a defined wing of the party that he's the big fish in. Rand, Cruz, Huck, and maybe Perry and Santorum have defined bases within the party. Those bases are usually way to small to swing anything, but with multiple candidates splitting the vote of both the establishment and free range crazy, it's conceivable for one of them to come out ahead. Hell, Huck probably would have won South Carolina in '08 if McCain's buddy hadn't pretended to run for just long enough to nip that in the bud.

So, sure, it's entirely conceivable that Trump could win some primaries, comedy or not. It's not likely, and any scenario that would enable him to do so is much more favorable for 3-5 of his competitors. Assuming of course Walker, Rubio, and Bush all stay in and/or Kasich jumps in to either further dilute the Establishment or replace one of the trio.

Gyges fucked around with this message at 00:35 on Jun 18, 2015

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:32

The Insect Court: Nov 22, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Cantorsdust posted:

I'm going to repeat a quote from that article because it just boggles my mind:

Someone actually exists who thinks that Trump is not only 1) not a blabbering idiot, but 2) is good at negotiation and 3) understands how the economy works. And there may be several more like him. Trump's campaign is succeeding where Trump personally succeeded--the triumph of image over substance.

And in that regard, he's actually a lot like Reagan.

You heard the same sort of thing about Romney, and about Bush(first MBA president). It's the inevitable result of denigrating government service and worshipping at the free market altar. If you convince the base that the people most qualified to run the government are least fit to do so, then you end up with clowns like Cain or Trump in the race.

The fact that Trump is the sort of unselfconscious rear end in a top hat who will just blurt out the hateful garbage(Mexican rapists flooding over the border! Build the dang wall!) that the other candidates can only dogwhistle about.

im a ski bum posted:

Are any of the 20 or so potential candidates military veterans? Not that I believe it is a qualifier, but It seems unthinkable to me that this isn't a bigger issue among republican voters and in the media.

Eh. The whole veteran thing was mostly a kind of proxy battle over Vietnam. And even then it mostly just got brought up when the GOP wanted something to bash Democrats with. If the Republicans gave a drat about a military service record then they would not have knifed McCain back in 2000 to give Bush the lead.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:32

Mr Ice Cream Glove: Apr 22, 2007

Remember those people shouting at the Trump presser?

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-campaign-offered-actors-803161

quote:

Hi there�

We are working helping one of are associates out at Gotham GR - http://gothamgr.com/ with a big event happening on TUESDAY 6/16/15.

This is an event in support of Donald Trump and an upcoming exciting announcement he will be making at this event.

This event is called �People for a Stronger America.� The entire group is a pro-small business group that is dedicated to encouraging Donald Trump and his latest ventures. This event will be televised.

We are looking to cast people for the event to wear t-shirts and carry signs and help cheer him in support of his announcement.

We understand this is not a traditional �background job,� but we believe acting comes in all forms and this is inclusive of that school of thought.

This event is happening LIVE and will be from 8:45AM-11:30AM. LESS THAN 3 HOURS

This will take place inside / interior.

The rate for this is: $50 CASH at the end of the event.

We would love to book you if you are interested and still available.

Please let us know and we will get back to you with confirmation.

Job Creation

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:44

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

Joementum posted:

Perry flew in the Air Force, but never saw combat. Graham was a JAG officer who retired June 1, this year.

Oh, and on the Democratic side, Jim Webb is a Vietnam vet with a purple heart, navy cross, silver star, and bronze star. He's declaring his candidacy in a week or two.

If he gets the nom, I'm eagerly awaiting the formation of the 1st Marine Division Vets for Truth. That is a more impressive military record than Kerry's record.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:45

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

I think all of you are underestimating Trump's appeal to a certain demographic CRUCIAL to the Republican Party: Low info blithering idiots.

High info idiots are already onboard with Bush.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 00:55

Mr Hootington: Jul 24, 2008; Can't post for 3 days!

Joementum posted:

Jeb! meets Jeb, probably.

That is Casey's pizza and it is good pizza. At this point I'm almost positive every Casey's gas station has a full kitchen area for primarily pizza. They also have a cook for the morning and for the night who make the pizza. The dough is made from scratch or at least a friend who worked as a cook said so. It is at least way better than all the chain pizza places.

Now Jeb! has the goes poo poo. Either that cup had mini donuts, pizza rolls, popcorn chicken, potato slices, or cheesy potato bites. Or he was advertising.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:06

mormonpartyboat: Jan 14, 2015; by Reene

Joementum posted:

Jeb! meets Jeb, probably.

He should be be doing more to target that demographic:

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:06

Stereotype: Apr 24, 2010; College Slice

Republican's don't give a poo poo about the troops.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:07

root beer: Nov 13, 2005

Whoever started that Trump retweet account, I just sent you a pretty funny one.

@realDonaldTrump posted:

Only a fool would buy the @NYDailyNews. Loses fortune & has zero gravitas. Let it die!

:ironicat:

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:12

Warmachine: Jan 30, 2012

Stereotype posted:

Republican's don't give a poo poo about the troops.

Republican voters do.

fake edit: ostensibly

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:14

Zwabu: Aug 7, 2006

Celador posted:

The GOP brought this on themselves after Obama was elected and they went Full Retard and embraced the TEA Party and Duck Dynasty idiots. I thought we would never beat 2012 but here we are. Donald loving Trump.

Yeah. I didn't think they (the GOP) would actually go there. I still feel the Palin nomination was the Opening Pandora's Box event that made all else possible.

Joementum posted:

I feel like both men are wondering how exactly they arrived at this particular moment in time and space.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:14

Full Battle Rattle: Aug 29, 2009; As long as the times refuse to change, we're going to make a hell of a racket.

That's a pretty glorious neck beard. Looks like it naturally just ends at his jawline.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:35

Whiskey Sours: Jan 25, 2014; Weather proof.

fermun posted:

Trump is 10th, he is above the cutoff for televised debate right now. I really hope he gets to be in a debate, it will result in some hilarious crazy.

So is Pataki this cycle's Huntsman?

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:36

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Cantorsdust posted:

Someone actually exists who thinks that Trump is not only 1) not a blabbering idiot, but 2) is good at negotiation and 3) understands how the economy works. And there may be several more like him.

Well, yeah.. Trump is rich, which means he is smart. Hey if you're so smart how come you're not rich, huh?

It's that weird American belief that the super-wealthy are somehow better and more virtuous and smarter than the rest of us. I bet it has a lot to with Prosperity Gospel, where your wealth is a measure of God's esteem for you.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:40

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

OK, Scott. I guess that means you should be President?

# ? Jun 18, 2015 01:45

Stereotype: Apr 24, 2010; College Slice

Joementum posted:

OK, Scott. I guess that means you should be President?

What on earth does this mean.

And I guess he is correct? Using 2011 numbers from Wikipedia:

Wisconsin makes 1.3 million tons of cheese a year.

The United States makes 5.2 million metric tons of cheese a year, so after Wisconsin secedes to join the national rankings under President Walker they will still be first with 3.9 million tons.
#2 is Germany with 2.0 million tons a year.
#3 is France with 1.9 million
Then Wisconsin at #4
Then #5 is Italy, with 1.1 million.

Good job Scott?

Stereotype fucked around with this message at 02:12 on Jun 18, 2015

# ? Jun 18, 2015 02:03

site: Apr 6, 2007; Trans pride, Worldwide
Bitch

Joementum posted:

OK, Scott. I guess that means you should be President?

The emphasis is on the completely wrong words here lol

# ? Jun 18, 2015 02:05

Joementum: May 23, 2004; jesus christ

Stereotype posted:

What on earth does this mean.

Also, if Wisconsin seceded from the United States and became it's own country I think it would be the #1 cheese producer in the world.

Wisconsin makes 2.9 Billion tons of cheese a year.

The United States makes 5.2 Billion tons a year.

Germany (the #2 national producer of cheese) makes 2.0 Billion tons a year.

Nope, according to the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board, the independent Badger's Republic of Wisconsin would be the #4 world producer of cheese.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 02:09

Stereotype: Apr 24, 2010; College Slice

Joementum posted:

Nope, according to the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board, the independent Badger's Republic of Wisconsin would be the #4 world producer of cheese.

Yeah I edited my post :sweatdrop:

:sweatdrop:

I did the conversion from pounds to tons wrong.

# ? Jun 18, 2015 02:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 12, 2024 20:31

Family Values: Jun 26, 2007

Joementum posted:

OK, Scott. I guess that means you should be President?

The real question is what was Wisconsin's rank before Walker took office. Did he close the cheese gap or widen it?

# ? Jun 18, 2015 02:13

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > TRUMP: holy FUCK its november 8th

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