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Ladies hello! Am am an A.K.A. Dirty Uncle and I am seeking my naughty barista! Can't wait to force my way in (to your life). An academic type of intelligence not required! Must wash dishes
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Jun 28, 2015 04:04
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| # ? May 13, 2024 22:20 |
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What's a "computer janitor"?
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Jun 28, 2015 04:22
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notZaar posted:What's a "computer janitor"? A lot of goons ostensibly are super proud of their STEM degrees and majors in computer programming, but in fact spend their days helping middle managers use excel or octogenarians install virus scanners.
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Jun 28, 2015 04:27
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Getting overpaid to do that kind of work rules though.
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Jun 28, 2015 04:28
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Breetai posted:A lot of goons ostensibly are super proud of their STEM degrees and majors in computer programming, but in fact spend their days helping middle managers use excel or octogenarians install virus scanners. Oh I see, that's a shame. Well they should still be proud to graduate from challenging course work.
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Jun 28, 2015 04:29
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i dated 2 nurses 1 was a grub and kept leaving skid marks in my toilet. was also quite a dirty sex fiend. i used to go on runs with the 2nd one and she always had to put her makeup on beforehand. and she always used to say "how you doin'?" during sex, like joey from the friends tv show  thanks for reading
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Jun 28, 2015 05:07
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Met a nurse on a dating website and ended up marrying her so YMMV I guess. That said she quit nursing before we got married so I guess there's that. Shift work is a bitch and she was hideously underpaid. She earns more now doing reception work from 9-4 than she did as a registered nurse running a ward and dealing with violent dementia patients at all hours of the night.
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Jun 28, 2015 05:14
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If only all women could be so well-prepared for what it's like to date a goon.
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Jun 28, 2015 11:34
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Squalitude posted:If only all women could be so well-prepared for what it's like to date a goon. BOOM
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Jun 28, 2015 18:59
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Breetai posted:They pretty much universally run to fat after they hit 30 because their lovely schedule drives them to eat lovely food and stress eat with no time/energy for regular exercise, and at some point or other they will get a lifelong hip, shoulder, or back injury either lifting a hyperobese patient or trying to catch a falling granny who dies anyway. Nice try we all know that's actually Richie Sambora.
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Jun 28, 2015 19:53
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My self-summary I can be entirely wooed with words, and I can be turned off by them. Playfulness, compassion, and intellect are sexy attributes, qualities I seek in a partner, and ones I offer. What I’m doing with my life By day I support community-based chronic disease self-management programs throughout New York State. It's a bit of a change from my last gig, supporting the families of hospitalized newborns, but I'm excited about it! I'm headed back to graduate school. I want to run a marathon the year I turn 40. By night my superpowers include healing the wounds (real and imagined) of the eight-year-old set and balancing all the needs of those worlds that collide nearly single-handedly. Writing. Toying with music. Enjoying some combination of good food, friends, live music, beer/wine/scotch, cycling, and running, when that collision proves stressful. I’m really good at Being a friend. Being a lover. Being a mother. My work. Saying the right thing, in the right way, at the right time. I think the common thread in all of this is that I’m inherently a nurturer, and like to grow things. Gardening. Cooking. Writing. I was trained as a classical vocalist for a few years between high school and theatre studies in college (before I left to study journalism), so I can sing well. I can also recite my favorite passage of Shakespearian prose from start-to-finish with dramatic flair. I can also fence, fly fish, knit, weld (but haven’t used this skill in over 15 years), change a tire, perform CPR on a very small baby (or anyone else, for that matter) without freaking out, and navigate streets in Istanbul and Pamukkale (or anywhere else in the world) with a map. I know my way around Penn Station in NYC, but strangely not the Subway system, though I imagine that, too, could be deciphered with a map and patience. In a word, I think this makes me good in a crisis and generally capable. The first things people usually notice about me That I can fall easily into conversation with just about any willing partner and that I have a nice voice. Too many people list a physical attribute here, and I’m assuming that you're capable of picking something physical for yourself. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Music: I was raised on showtunes (my father’s influence) and oldies (my mother’s influence) and by some stroke of luck (or perhaps my Vermont environs) I discovered classic rock and the blues. I’ve settled everywhere as a result and call no genre home. I’m currently involved in a passionate love affair with ZZ Ward that’s been going strong for a couple of years. She needs to put out another album. If you can turn me onto someone else, I’d be thrilled. Shows: GoT, Masters of Sex, Star Trek: TNG, Nurse Jackie, Californication, House of Cards, The Newsroom, The Mindy Project, SNL, Daily Show, Louie, Homeland, Boardwalk Empire, Mad Men Film: I was raised on classic film and love Hitchcock and Welles. I also think movies should be fun and don't have to delve into auteur theory unless necessary. --But I can rise to that. My only real intellectual film snobbery is that if I’m going to make the time investment to see something in a theater, I’d rather see something that looks like it’s more than the sum of situations the producers have strung together for the preview. Otherwise, I’d just as soon wait for Netflix or iTunes. Food: I love food. All of it. Summer food! I've recently had to go gluten-free and I've been loving summer cooking. There are few things more indulgent to me than perfectly ripe, fresh summer tomatoes in a Caprese with a chilled summer wine on a hot night. Or a fantastic charcoal-grilled gorgonzola burger (I've found gluten-free rolls) and a *cold* beer. On the Kindle “Nightstand": Masters of Sex: The Life and Times of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the Couple Who Taught America How to Love - Maier, 2009. Books (past favorites): The Ethical Slut - Easton and Hardy, 2009 (life-changing book, recommend!); Anything Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Ayn Rand, Tina Fey, George RR Martin, David L. Robbins. A lot of work-related non-fiction. The six things I could never do without (My awesome friends are not things, and neither is my daughter. Therefore they are exempted from this list, but are truly the people I cannot live without.) Strong dark-roast coffee (iced in the summer) The sensory experience of a great meal My running gear My iPhone The sensory experience of fantastic sex Stress management routine I spend a lot of time thinking about How to get a decent night of sleep. Whether "fun 5k runner's rage" is a real thing. Why lots of men on OK Cupid think that I look like Laura Prepon in OITNB. (Sorry, Laura!) My next run. Whether to engage in the awkward conversation that usually commences after men timidly inform me that on OKCupid, "curvy" is a euphemism for overweight and/or obese and that I'd probably have better luck if I changed my body type to "average." To me "average" seems like an insult and I am, indeed "curvy." (I'm a Size 16 woman with hips and breasts.) Why more men seemed more interested in me when I was openly "bisexual" than when I listed myself as "straight." I'll be interested to see what happens now that there's a "hetero-flexible" option, but I'm not sure what people seem to identify with that word. I've been essentially the same woman, regardless of the terminology. On a typical Friday night I am Home watching Airwolf (we've finished Gilmore Girls and Star Trek: TNG) with my almost eight-year-old daughter. If I’m lucky enough to have that particular night to myself, I can be found on a quest (solo or partnered) for adventure. I have very few free Friday nights to myself and I cherish them! The most private thing I’m willing to admit That I'm starting to come out of the closet about monogamy as a single woman. It will take a lot to get me to commit to a relationship in the future. Note: This does not mean that I'm into threesomes. You should message me if You want to get to know a strong and compassionate woman who wants conversation (to start) and are willing to be patient and flexible with scheduling time to meet. You've ever seen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQduN315etk I prefer to begin messaging back-and-forth a bit before meeting in person. I don't like to exchange phone numbers until after I meet someone in person. I appreciate it when people are candid with their wants/needs/desires and boundaries and attempt to offer the same because I think the dating world is a much friendlier/gentler place when we all do our best with offering this to one another. 
Nirvikalpa fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Jun 28, 2015 |
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Jun 28, 2015 19:55
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Are these girls with "6 or more dates" as their answer for when sex is gonna happen for real
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Jun 28, 2015 19:56
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Groovelord Neato posted:Are these girls with "6 or more dates" as their answer for when sex is gonna happen for real Not in my experience.
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Jun 28, 2015 20:04
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Nirvikalpa posted:My self-summary Unless I missed something in amongst all those  she seems like every lady on my okc feed
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Jun 28, 2015 20:07
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Ayn Rand. Other than that, I don't know.
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Jun 28, 2015 20:28
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My self-summary I'm getting there, Slowly but surely. Every day is a journey. I'm an L.A. native, SHOCKING!!! I am a sex positive feminist. My body is my canvas. I've been told I'm "intense." I've also been called a smart-rear end. I find the brain to be one of the sexiest organs; I also like "that's what she said" jokes. I'm a master procrastinator. I enjoy walking places. My BA has absolutely nothing to do with my Masters. I make really good comfort food (stew, mashed potatoes with onion and bacon, steak, breakfast food) , oh and I make mean peanut butter cookies I'm a study in dichotomies, I'm equally into mindful meditation, hiking, and green juice as I am a good burger, napping, and terrible reality television. I love random laundromat dance parties. I love late night coffee when I know I should be sleeping. I love hugs. I love random texts to go have drinks. I love dinners with my family. INFJ/GGG Gore Vidal once yelled at me that I should get cable... What I’m doing with my life Driving from one end of Los Angeles county to the other and saving the world!!!! I’m really good at Multitasking, ie watching Netflix and playing on my phone. The first things people usually notice about me Tits or tattoos Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Le Petit Prince forever and ever I have broad and varied tastes in music, I wholeheartedly agree with Henry Rollins that "musical elitism is for lightweights"http://m.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/2014/10/16/henry-rollins-musical-elitism-is-for-lightweights Food is amazing, brunch is a favorite hobby. I don't eat any seafood and don't try and convince me. The six things I could never do without Caffeine Cerebral conversations Sex My amazing friends My amazing family Work that challenges me I spend a lot of time thinking about Goats...societal issues....coffee...sleep...the contrast of beauty and sadness in the world...food....napping.....tacos....how to procrastinate paperwork and not get in trouble.....what to watch next on Netflix....beer....French fries.... On a typical Friday night I am Drinking whiskey... sleeping...meeting new people.....working...eating gummi bears The most private thing I’m willing to admit I very much want a goat You should message me if I am at a point in my life where I love my life I have an amazing career, amazing friends, amazing family, and am emotionally stable. I have my poo poo together but enjoy my moments of irresponsibility, it keeps life interesting. I am smart and fun and can be an amazing companion. I am *very* open but still *very* selective Talk with me some more and you'll find I'm all about honesty and making human connections. Also if you live in Arizona, India, the uk, Rancho Cucamonga, etc etc etc I am *not* interested in you The only exception to this is if you're French/Swiss/Belgian etc and want to be my French pen pal and help me practice And to you 18-24 year olds... I'm flattered but not interested in fulfilling your fantasy of being with an older woman Also as a note I'm not actually looking for casual sex, I just keep that category checked for the hilarity of the messages I receive.
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Jun 28, 2015 21:38
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Nirvikalpa posted:My self-summary where is the part where you are into cumswapping with your skellington boy toy and indian mongrel boyfriend?
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Jun 28, 2015 21:47
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Half these profiles aren't even that bad I think you're just a gaggle of boring gag inducing faggots tbh. *Notices he poo poo his pants* haha! *giggle*
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Jun 28, 2015 22:03
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Nirvikalpa posted:My self-summary So, is she a size 16 in the US, or is this another country? 'Cause 16 is in the plus size section of most clothing stores.
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Jun 28, 2015 22:04
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I like to hedge my bets and go for the digipen and bj on date 3 which if successful makes piv a guarantee for d4
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Jun 28, 2015 22:09
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Bored posted:So, is she a size 16 in the US, or is this another country? 'Cause 16 is in the plus size section of most clothing stores. Yeah Size 16 isn't "average" or "curvy". Bitch be fat.
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Jun 28, 2015 22:13
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Jesus Christ, this one messaged me last night and barely 3 minutes into messaging me.
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Jun 28, 2015 22:37
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Risky posted:Jesus Christ, this one messaged me last night and barely 3 minutes into messaging me.
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Jun 28, 2015 22:51
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Risky posted:Jesus Christ, this one messaged me last night and barely 3 minutes into messaging me. Are u ready man?????
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Jun 28, 2015 23:04
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So how'd the exchange go after that? I've never met that particular brand of clingy before, and was wondering how you extricated yourself. Did she realise how nuts she sounded, or react badly to the shutdown?
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Jun 28, 2015 23:49
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Risky posted:Jesus Christ, this one messaged me last night and barely 3 minutes into messaging me. dont nut in her puss use her rear end instead or u will regret it in 9 months thats my garbage tip of the day
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Jun 28, 2015 23:55
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Breetai posted:So how'd the exchange go after that? You stop responding.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:01
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fadeaway like olajuwon
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Jun 29, 2015 00:15
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Or, y'know, you can answer it honestly, because while it may have been abrupt, its a pretty reasonable question to ask of someone you're chatting with on a dating site.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:20
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The B_36 posted:Or, y'know, you can answer it honestly, because while it may have been abrupt, its a pretty reasonable question to ask of someone you're chatting with on a dating site. Yeah man I'm asking people that question all the time after talking to them for five minutes without having met, then I loving murder them in their sleep by making GBS threads into their mouth and nostrils while holding their mouth closed.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:24
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Are you ready for a relationship??? cus this poo poo already started and we're on a runaway train now
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Jun 29, 2015 00:29
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JebanyPedal posted:Yeah man I'm asking people that question all the time after talking to them for five minutes without having met, then I loving murder them in their sleep by making GBS threads into their mouth and nostrils while holding their mouth closed. Well, then you have some serious psychological issues that need to be addressed by a trained mental health professional.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:30
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At least she did the polite thing and used two question marks to emphasize how crazy that fur patch between her legs has made her. Judging by that tiny avatar of hers I'd still fire-hose-skeet all over her.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:31
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The B_36 posted:Well, then you have some serious psychological issues that need to be addressed by a trained mental health professional. Didn't know.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:31
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JebanyPedal posted:Didn't know. I feel like I should be more clear on this point - you need psychological help for the murdering and mouth making GBS threads part, not the "asking if they're ready for a relationship" part. That part is more reasonable, tho you may want to get to know the person a little bit before asking that question. The murdering part is less forgiveable.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:38
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JebanyPedal posted:You stop responding. That's the sane thing, yes, but face it: we're here for comedy.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:38
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The B_36 posted:I feel like I should be more clear on this point - you need psychological help for the murdering and mouth making GBS threads part, not the "asking if they're ready for a relationship" part. That part is more reasonable, tho you may want to get to know the person a little bit before asking that question. The murdering part is less forgiveable. 
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Jun 29, 2015 00:42
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The B_36 posted:Or, y'know, you can answer it honestly, because while it may have been abrupt, its a pretty reasonable question to ask of someone you're chatting with on a dating site. It's the internet it's not social interaction, you don't owe anybody niceties.
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Jun 29, 2015 00:43
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i feel like you're basically common law married if you exchange more than 2 messages with them anyway
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Jun 29, 2015 00:44
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Breetai posted:So how'd the exchange go after that? Just made more small talk and then I told her I was gonna crash. She then msged me her phone number and told me to text her tomorrow... I still haven't. The B_36 posted:Well, then you have some serious psychological issues that need to be addressed by a trained mental health professional. In Jebany's defense, she didn't even tell me her name before she busted that line out. Risky fucked around with this message at 02:01 on Jun 29, 2015 |
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Jun 29, 2015 01:44
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