Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Get Innocuous!
Dec 6, 2011

come together
Imagine what the articles would have been if the supreme court had ruled the other way.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Shimrra Jamaane
Aug 10, 2007

Obscure to all except those well-versed in Yuuzhan Vong lore.

Get Innocuous! posted:

Imagine what the articles would have been if the supreme court had ruled the other way.

I am positive they had one ready to go like they did with the Presidential elections.

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Get Innocuous! posted:

Imagine what the articles would have been if the supreme court had ruled the other way.

I was just thinking that, they obviously had some prewritten articles.

I'd love to read a collection of articles that they wrote and didn't use.

Tha_Joker_GAmer
Aug 16, 2006

Get Innocuous! posted:

Imagine what the articles would have been if the supreme court had ruled the other way.

probably funnier which is a shame in its own right (though obvously not really)

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Report: Only 47,000 Social Justice Milestones To Go Before U.S. Achieves Full Equality

Orange Fluffy Sheep
Jul 26, 2008

Bad EXP received
6 Daily Struggles Everyone With Allergies Will Understand.

I haven't breathed through my nose for 3 months so I can identify with this.

Bucswabe
May 2, 2009
I am becoming increasingly convinced that all of the Clickventure articles are developed by first picking out a couple dozen stock photos at random, and then just making up a story with them.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Pardon my double-post, but:

Study: U.S. Wastes 2 Million Hours Annually Figuring Out Where Tape Roll Starts

Evil Mastermind has a new favorite as of 18:11 on Jun 29, 2015

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

Tunicate
May 15, 2012

One of a Kind posted:

For some reason the Pit Bull video doesn't seem to be working right now, but i think their Youtube channel should still have it.

Right click and select view video - it should work then.

None of the onsite videos work normally for me.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

No One Seems To Know Guy Leaning Against Batting Cages Giving Hitting Advice

clockworx
Oct 15, 2005
The Internet Whore made me buy this account
Hundreds Of Cheap, Generic Doorstops Flood Market After DoorBlocker Patent Runs Out

I love absurd Onion.

KillHour
Oct 28, 2007



The hilarious part about this is that I could easily see it being true. I had to resist the urge to look up if there really is a patent on doorstops.

Edit: I'm bad at resisting urges. Turns out, there are a poo poo ton of them.

KillHour has a new favorite as of 20:02 on Jun 30, 2015

Nouvelle Vague
Feb 16, 2011

Endut! Hoch Hech!
I love all these "local dope" stories:

Local Oaf Not Sure What Part Of Counter You Order At
Dope Just Galumphing Where Life Takes Him
Local Dumbfuck On Jumbotron Waits Until Last drat Second To Wave
'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes

Tina!

Also, what Onion article is the closest to your real life? This is mine.

I Before E
Jul 2, 2012

Nouvelle Vague posted:

]Also, what Onion article is the closest to your real life? This is mine.

It's either that one or Family Unsure What To Do With Dead Hipster's Possessions

clown shoes
Jul 17, 2004

Nothing but clowns down here.
I love The Onion's God.
http://www.theonion.com/article/researchers-say-virgin-mary-actually-gods-second-c-50778

NoEyedSquareGuy
Mar 16, 2009

Just because Liquor's dead, doesn't mean you can just roll this bitch all over town with "The Freedoms."

quote:

"I still got this Slim Jim, though," added Renaldo, holding up the snack food at face-level.

Still possibly my favorite sentence in an Onion article.

Aramek
Dec 22, 2007

Cutest tumor in all of Oncology!
Seriously, I haven't laughed this hard in so long, how did I miss the soda-spilling article?

quote:

"It will dry up soon," Groton, CT dum-dum Eric Sperino said while surveying his soda-slick kitchen floor and sipping a fresh Diet Orange Slice. "So no big deal. I just gotta be real careful with this—oops!"

clockworx
Oct 15, 2005
The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Area Facebook User Incredibly Stupid

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I love that when she died, apparently that was the end of things - I like the idea that in the Onion universe, there IS a God and a heaven, but when people die that's still it - you're all done and gone forever.

Mike the TV
Jan 14, 2008

Ninety-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine

Pillbug

Nouvelle Vague posted:

Also, what Onion article is the closest to your real life? This is mine.

http://www.theonion.com/video/middle-aged-waiter-sadly-not-involved-in-any-creat-35277

Dr. Arbitrary
Mar 15, 2006

Bleak Gremlin

Jerusalem posted:

I love that when she died, apparently that was the end of things - I like the idea that in the Onion universe, there IS a God and a heaven, but when people die that's still it - you're all done and gone forever.

God Wonders What Happens To Humans After They Die

The Duke
May 19, 2004

The Angel from my Nightmare

Sorry if this was posted recently but it's still funny as hell:

Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness'

Dr Christmas
Apr 24, 2010

Berninating the one percent,
Berninating the Wall St.
Berninating all the people
In their high rise penthouses!
🔥😱🔥🔫👴🏻

The Duke posted:

Sorry if this was posted recently but it's still funny as hell:

Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness'

This is from 2012, but it's one of their trending posts right now. Looks like tons of people are sharing it after last week.

Christe Eleison
Feb 1, 2010

Aramek posted:

Seriously, I haven't laughed this hard in so long, how did I miss the soda-spilling article?

pro-tip: do not read that article when you are bored at your sister's graduation

McKilligan
May 13, 2007

Acey Deezy
An oldie but a goodie - After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016

God I hope they bring this back.

Lord Hydronium
Sep 25, 2007

Non, je ne regrette rien


If I remember right, this was written after The Onion had to add "[Satire]" to their articles on Facebook because people were confusing them with real news.

Aramek
Dec 22, 2007

Cutest tumor in all of Oncology!

Cup of Hemlock posted:

pro-tip: do not read that article when you are bored at your sister's graduation

It was bad enough at home. My roomie even came in to check on me.

clockworx
Oct 15, 2005
The Internet Whore made me buy this account

Lord Hydronium posted:

If I remember right, this was written after The Onion had to add "[Satire]" to their articles on Facebook because people were confusing them with real news.

Facebook was the one tagging them, but yes, this was their (awesome) response.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008

Scientists Find Human Vocal Cords Developed Over Millennia To Lower Voice When Speculating On Acquaintance’s Sexual Orientation

Man the inside of the throat is unsettling-looking.

Hello Sailor
May 3, 2006

we're all mad here

Nouvelle Vague posted:

Also, what Onion article is the closest to your real life? This is mine.

Just a picture, but this one: One Intern Way Older

zimbomonkey
Jul 15, 2008

Tattoos? On MY black quarterback?
wow both of those are pretty spot on

Get Innocuous!
Dec 6, 2011

come together
Here's some Onion-tier stuff from AV Club:

Jim Carrey reprises talking-out-of-rear end shtick in anti-vaccine tweets

ZDar Fan
Oct 15, 2012

Nouvelle Vague posted:

Also, what Onion article is the closest to your real life? This is mine.

Sadly, this is me, no doubt.

Area Man Has Far Greater Knowledge Of Marvel Universe Than Own Family Tree

catlord
Mar 22, 2009

What's on your mind, Axa?
I always liked Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic


And this is also worrying accurate.

RC and Moon Pie
May 5, 2011

Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé. Still one of my favorites.

Cleretic
Feb 3, 2010


Ignore my posts!
I'm aggressively wrong about everything!

As someone with a B.A. in communications, this hits almost too close to home.

KillHour
Oct 28, 2007


This is genius on the level of Machiavelli.

Edit: I'm upset that this isn't just a link to the Time Cube page.
This Crazy Fan Theory About ‘Jeopardy!’ Actually Makes Total Sense

KillHour has a new favorite as of 14:40 on Jul 2, 2015

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

SimonChris
Apr 24, 2008

The Baron's daughter is missing, and you are the man to find her. No problem. With your inexhaustible arsenal of hard-boiled similes, there is nothing you can't handle.
Grimey Drawer
People react to the first 10 minutes of "Up"

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply