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my dad posted:Get a room. Why do you think this thread exists?
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Aug 10, 2015 17:26
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| # ? May 29, 2024 20:25 |
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I was afraid that might happen when I saw I was fighting a big dude. Blunt weapons don't seem to be very good against large guys. Or very good in general.
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Aug 10, 2015 17:28
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Podima posted:Oh bullshit! Truly he is the cruelest creature in the universe. My level of confidence in this result can be seen in the bets.. Bad Munki posted:I know, right? It's absurd. I mean, look at this. I base my bets firmly on the fighter names.
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Aug 10, 2015 17:57
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That's my very first arena win  Thank Armok for vestigial spines.
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Aug 10, 2015 18:32
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Bad Munki posted:I know, right? It's absurd. I mean, look at this. That kind of makes me want to bet on it more, if anything.
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Aug 10, 2015 19:15
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Ok the first round is done. Update your fighters and yada yada yada. You all know exactly how the last fight went. No point in boring you all with the write-up. Bene Elim fucked around with this message at 19:39 on Aug 10, 2015 |
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Aug 10, 2015 19:19
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!!! I don't! This is a clear and obvious conspiracy!
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Aug 10, 2015 19:38
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 1051 Arena Test League - Round of 32, Fight 10Ok, fine.  On the left we have Falconetti the Yeti, managed by A good poster. Falconetti carries a silver war hammer and is well protected by an iron breast plate and iron high boots. On the right we have Paul Blart: Maul Clop the Minotaur, managed by arena "legend" Bad Munki. Paul Blart carries a silver maul and a wooden shield and wears a steel mail shirt and steel helm. Two large gladiators with blunt weapons. Get ready to hear some bones break!  Out of the gate Paul Blart is clearly quicker, engaging Falconetti on his side of the ring. Maybe he brought his segway with him. First shots aren't anything spectacular, Falconetti parried by the minotaur and Paul Blart only bruising the Yeti's upper arm.  The crack of broken bone echoes through the arena and Falconetti falls. Somehow the Yeti has a broken femur. Despite the unexplained injury, Falconetti keeps on swinging at Paul Blart, only finding wood and silver.  Paul Blart accidentally lets his maul swing down into Falconetti's leg and another crack is heard as Falconetti's femur fractures into even smaller bits.  Swinging through the pain, Falconetti finds Paul Blart's shield hand and crushes it. The shield falls to the floor, along with it's owner!  Oh, wait. He only tripped. Somehow he managed to put his horn through Falconetti's hand as he went, removing a finger. It's all too much for Falconetti and he passes out. Paul Blart tries to bring him round, but decides to use his maul instead of his hands and Falconetti's skull ends up crushed.  Somehow, Paul Blart: Maul Clop advances to round 2! Combat Log And with that anticlimax, the round of 32 is complete! Please update your fighters and stand by for an anouncement about the start of the round of 16!
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Aug 10, 2015 19:44
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I AM SO SORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, I SWEAR
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Aug 10, 2015 19:54
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Bad Munki posted:I AM SO SORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, I SWEAR I was almost certain I wasn't going past round 1 so I don't believe you. 
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Aug 10, 2015 19:56
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I still have no idea what the hell to do with my build. I didn't expect it to get past the first round so there is no clear upgrade path. Also: I'm impressed, Munki had the shortest fight of the first round.
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Aug 10, 2015 20:09
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Spermy Smurf posted:Also: I'm impressed, Munki had the shortest fight of the first round. That's par for the course, though.
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Aug 10, 2015 20:21
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The ant Icipation is updated. She faces a molemarian, and will almost certainly lose. So I'll bet all my dorfbux on her, to get it all gone in one fell swoop. Come one, come all, make a profit.
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Aug 10, 2015 21:06
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Spermy Smurf posted:I still have no idea what the hell to do with my build. I didn't expect it to get past the first round so there is no clear upgrade path. More swords.
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Aug 10, 2015 21:13
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I have done my duty as an arena citizen and deposited all my points directly into the garbage.
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Aug 10, 2015 22:02
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The much-anticipated sequel to Paul Blart: Maul Clop, Paul Blart: Maul Clop 2: Maul Herder has finished post-production and can now be found in Walmart discount DVD bins arena-wide.
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Aug 10, 2015 22:50
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I will reveal the ridiculously OP thing I mentioned once the builds for this round get locked.
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Aug 10, 2015 23:23
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Mygna posted:That's my very first arena win I don't what it says about my relationship with DF rules that I am not even mad about losing even though I broke your goddamn neck with a hammer. Whatever man. It's Dwarf Fortress.
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Aug 10, 2015 23:37
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Ramc posted:I don't what it says about my relationship with DF rules that I am not even mad about losing even though I broke your goddamn neck with a hammer. Whatever man. It's Dwarf Fortress. Toady's physiology simulation is a weird one. A torso is a blob with things inside it and things are attached to this torso, like upper legs and upper arms, but not lower legs and lower arms, those are attached to the upper legs/arms and feet/hands are attached to the lower arms/legs. And then there's the head, which is attached to the torso, oh wait there is a neck on there too. Is it between the head and torso? Probably. Can parts become more damaged just by moving around? No. Does a broken arm impede your ability to wield a large weapon? Not until you damage a nerve! We play with the toys we are given. This whole thing works because the toys are hilarious!
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Aug 11, 2015 00:04
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It looks like everyone has finished their builds, but I'll go ahead and wait a couple of hours until 2 PM EDT / 1 PM CDT / 11 AM PDT / 6 PM GMT to close out editing the new builds and start the next round. There's still time to bet!
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Aug 11, 2015 16:49
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Sounds good. I'll run the first fight around 12 hours after the lock-in to give everyone time to bet. Spend those Dwarfbucks, folks!
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Aug 11, 2015 17:16
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MACE to see you! 4,204 Morocco Mole 2,838 There's still time to bet on a mace-user vs a molemarian! Come on and bet on my defeat!
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Aug 11, 2015 23:14
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Thought this might come in handy next tournament when you're all in need of some good strong names: http://www.rabbly.net/names/manlynames.html
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Aug 11, 2015 23:39
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1051 Arena Test League - Round of 16, Fight 8 Welcome to the last 16!  On the left we have the whirling dervish Uvula the Soldier Ant Woman, managed by Spermy Smurf! Uvula still carries her four swords, two copper and two iron, and is still completely naked. Though as an ant, this isn't too unusual... On the right stands the people's gladiator Jeremy Corbyn the Human managed by Jack the Lad. Jeremy Corbyn expertly grips his copper long sword and wooden shield and is disturbingly naked. Wrinkly old man. Urgh. This may be the best test of parry chance vs shield skill we'll ever see.  Out of the gate we see the skill of these gladiators as they deftly parry opening blows. Recognising how this fight is going to continue, Uvula breaks the pattern early by charging Jeremy Corbyn. Both gladiators are downed and tumble across the floor.  Jeremy Corbyn recovers first and takes the chance to swing at Uvula, removing her left upper arm! One sword falls and Uvula looks to be in trouble early!  Uvula fights to get back to her feet, but Jeremy Corbyn isn't giving her any chance to recover. He brings his sword down again as Uvula straightens up and her other left arm goes flying with its sword.  Uvula brings her two remaining swords down on Jeremy Corbyn, but the human simply dances backwards and lazily blocks the blows. He counters with a sword slap strong enough to crush Uvula's hand! A third sword falls, along with Uvula's spirits Uvula posted:I've been injured badly. There is no hope!  The two gladiators a few blows, both making their parries, but with only a quarter of her weapons left, Uvula makes the first mistake. Jeremy Corbyn stabs her in the gut, further reducing her mobility.  Uvula keeps swinging and Jeremy Corbyn keeps blocking until he can sneak in another stab to remove Uvula's foot.  Uvula hits the floor and Jeremy Corbyn presses his advantage hard. Uvula's already ruined hand is removed before Jeremy Corbyn finishes the fight by cutting her in two.  Jeremy Corbyn wins in a flawless victory and advances to the quarter finals! Combat Log Sorry, Spermy. Looks like armour was the best call.
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Aug 12, 2015 09:32
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Here's the thingie I discovered: Works for anything as strong as a strangler, so tigermen and anything bigger can do it just as well or better.
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Aug 12, 2015 11:27
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So adamantine armour is pointless, or copper daggers are seriously OP?
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Aug 12, 2015 11:37
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Bene Elim posted:Jeremy Corbyn wins in a flawless victory and advances to the quarter finals! I knew that would happen! Any fighter strong enough to defeat one of my builds is going to go through the rest of the rabble like a legendary miner through a soil layer. 
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Aug 12, 2015 11:39
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Bene Elim posted:So adamantine armour is pointless, or copper daggers are seriously OP? Copper dagger stabs are seriously, ridiculously OP if the weapon is being wielded by a strong creature.
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Aug 12, 2015 11:50
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Why copper daggers specifically? Can you tell us anything about why this happens?
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Aug 12, 2015 12:46
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Bene Elim posted:Sorry, Spermy. Looks like armour was the best call. I hate this game and I hate all of you.
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Aug 12, 2015 12:57
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If it helps betting against you was quite profitable.
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Aug 12, 2015 13:01
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Maugrim posted:Why copper daggers specifically? Can you tell us anything about why this happens? Bronze and iron will achieve similar effects, though they'll glance off a tiny bit more often (steel is actually really bad at penetrating equal/superior materials) - but copper is dirt cheap. You wouldn't ever need to upgrade your weapon. It's a combination of several factors. Daggers have a ridiculously tiny contact area of 8. For comparison - warhammers, the kings of armor piercing, have 15. Now, copper is the heaviest of sharp weapon materials. It's just "cutty" enough not to glance off all the time like silver or platinum would, but heavy enough that its mass can contribute to piercing armor. Give a copper dagger to a really strong creature, and you have a weapon that has the best characteristics of both spears and warhammers. The sheer force of impact, combined with the small impact area, pierces the armor - and then the fact that daggers are sharp weapons with passable penetration depth (fairly low, but still good enough) lets them wreak havoc on bones and internal organs. In my testing, a minotaur casually stabbed a human through the heart, despite the adamantine breastplate protecting it. Finally, the reason everything above isn't complete nonsense is that DF doesn't model weapons bending/breaking. An actual copper dagger subjected to that much force would bend into uselessness before penetrating anything, instead of being the super-rigid sharp object of doom the game models it as.
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Aug 12, 2015 13:21
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1051 Arena Test League - Round of 16, Fight 7 With the ant limbs cleared from the arena, the last 16 continues.  On the left we have the misnamed MACE to see you! the serpent woman, managed by Tunicate. MACE retains her platinum war hammer and augments her copper mail with a few more pieces, including steel gauntlets, iron boots and a copper breastplate. On the right stands the only gladiator with an amputation count on par with Jeremy Corbyn, Morocco Mole the Molemarian, managed by iLonie. Morocco Mole still carries his steel long sword and has covered up with full leather armour. Beating on a Molemarian with a hammer is a bad idea, but so is attacking armour with a sword. No idea how this one will turn out, folks!  Straight out of the gate Morocco Mole is the faster gladiator, engaging MACE on her side of the arena. Looks like MACE planned this to draw Morocco Mole in as she breaks Morocco Mole's left arm with a a single blow.  Morocco Mole takes a swing but MACE just slithers out of the way and swings again, breaking Morocco Mole's left hand. One of the mole's arms now hangs limp, not that the unfeeling molemarian cares.  MACE tries to slither around to get a better angle on Morocco Mole, but gets punished with a slash to the neck! The sword cuts through muscle and tendon and shatters the snake's vertibrae, but just misses the spinal cord. MACE has been saved by her breastplate although her head now hangs off her neck at a sickening angle.  MACE tries to swing again, but the mole is in charge now and he smacks the hammer out of the way before going for the killing blow. MACE dives out of the way and swings for Morocco Mole's good hand. A break here could put her back in the fight!  But it only bruises. Morocco Mole grins sadistically and runs MACE through. The serpent woman gives in to pain and Morocco Mole pulls his sword free and decapitates MACE to end the fight.  Morocco Mole advances to the quarter finals! Combat Log Bene Elim fucked around with this message at 14:29 on Aug 12, 2015 |
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Aug 12, 2015 14:01
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Round 2, Fight 1 Holy Moley is a male Molemarian fighter managed by Anchors. Blue mail and helm adorn his disgusting body. Icipation is a female Soldier Ant Woman fighter managed by pun pundit. A silver hammer and 3 shields are all the antwoman carries.  The Gladiators meet: the ant Icipation smashes the Moleman's right rear foot, fracturing the bone. Holy Moley has become enraged! Holy Moley grabs the ant, then scratches the left leg which chips chitin and tears a tendon! Icipation falls to the floor!  The floor is apparently where the antwoman feels more comfortable. She punches (with 4 weapons in her hands?) the moleman in the ear and explodes the molemans ear into gore. Icipation is scratched again in the right foot this time which causes the same damage as before. The antwoman responds by bashing Holy Moley in the chest with the hammer, bruising muscle and tearing nervous tissue in his spine! Down goes Holy Moley to hang out with Icipation on the floor. Icipation smashes time and again, fracturing bones in all 4 feet of the moleman.  Icipation punches Holy Moley in the upper body and smashes a rib directly into the molemans lung. There are more smashes of the deadly silver hammer, lots of bones are fractured.  The silver hammer connects to the chest of the Moleman one last time, crushing the chest through the adamantine mail shirt. The moleman ceases to be. Winner: Icipation Combat Log
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Aug 12, 2015 14:33
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1051 Arena Test League - Round of 16, Fight 6 Over-saturation? What's that?  Please welcome, one of the last large gladiators, Gronk the troll,managed by Mygna on the left of the arena. Gronk carries a copper war hammer and a wooden shield and is protected by a copper helm and boots. On the right, we have the return of Boney M, the sole Dwarf in the tournament, managed by Ghostwoods. Boney M has upgraded most of his copper armour to bronze, bar his breastplate, and still carries his iron long sword. Can Boney M's jack-of-all-trades approach defeat the more focused Gronk?  Both fighters meet and trade opening blows, but fail to connect. Boney M dodges away from Gronk's second attack and responds by thrusting his sword through GM's neck!  Blue troll blood soaks the floor as the sword tears through muscle and tendon and cracks bone. As with other gladiators, the troll's spinal cord remains intact. Gronk brings his hammer down on Boney M's foot in response, but he can only bruise the Dwarf.  Boney M pulls his sword free, bringing a torrent of blood with it. Both fighters begin the parrying and dodging game, moving across the arena but failing to make contact with their weapons. Gronk leaves a trail of blood behind him, but eventually staunches his wound.  Gronk eventually tires of his nimble opponent and charges the Dwarf, throwing him backwards. Boney M recovers quickly, but Gronk is already on him, bringing his hammer down on Boney M's shin.  With the crack of bone echoing off the walls, the Dwarf falls, still swinging. His shot is blocked and Gronk smashes his hammer into Boney M's leg once more. Think Kathy Bates in Misery. quote:Gronk bashes Boney M in the right foot with his copper war hammer, jamming the bone through the right ankle's muscle and shattering the right ankle's bone!  Boney M loses consciousness and Gronk takes aim at his head. One blow dents the helmet and fractures his skull, the second smashes helm and head flat, spraying grey matter across the stones.  Gronk wins a bloody victory and advances to the quarter finals! Combat Log Someone get that Troll a bandage!
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Aug 12, 2015 16:41
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Okay, one more fight. Or are you going on vacation for a week now or something? 
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Aug 12, 2015 17:07
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I'm going to play sportsball, and we might have hit fight capacity for the day. Might run one later. We'll see how tired/broken i end up.
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Aug 12, 2015 17:12
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Go team
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Aug 12, 2015 17:16
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Gronk "No Neck" Trollson
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Aug 12, 2015 17:18
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Tunicate posted:MACE to see you! 4,204 I told you guys, but did you listen? Nooooo
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Aug 12, 2015 17:34
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