shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

«‹›317 »

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

kizudarake posted:

if it's yellow, let it mellow.
If it's brown, flush it down.

If it's black call Dr. Andretti
455-2123

# ? Aug 11, 2015 06:35

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 26, 2024 21:15

The Great Burrito: Jan 21, 2008; Is that freedom rock? Well turn it up!

Does anyone have a link to the "cranked my rear end in a top hat to 11" story? I can't remember when it was posted and want to relive the magic

# ? Aug 11, 2015 07:54

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

goose fleet posted:

This one is plausible.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:21

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Khazar-khum posted:

This one is plausible.

very

# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:22

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

The goddamned doctor.

quote:

Not Thinking Outside The Police Box
BOOKSTORE | PHOENIX, AZ, USA | GEEKS RULE, MOVIES & TV
(Our bookstore has its own TARDIS that we use to display Doctor Who and other science fiction books and toys on. The following conversation between one of our booksellers and an indignant customer recently happened:)

Customer: �Why do you have a police box in your store?�

Bookseller: �It�s from the show Doctor Who.�

Customer: *blank look* �I am unfamiliar with that.�

Bookseller: �It�s a British science fiction show.�

Customer: *haughtily* �Aren�t you afraid of the implications?�

Bookseller: �Ma�am?�

Customer: �That you are misleading people. What if someone had an actual emergency and needed to call the police? And all you have this fake police phone box.�

Bookseller: �We have actual telephones. And everyone here could easily dial 911 on their cells.�

Customer: �You�re lying to people.�

Employee: �It�s a British phone box from the 1960s. Even if it worked, all we�d get were British police from the 1960s and they�d have to come a very long way. Or we might get the Doctor.�

Customer: �Who?�

Employee: �Yes.�

# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:24

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Khazar-khum posted:

The goddamned doctor.

not as plausible as xxx ladies

# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:29

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

I thought XXX superfemales were entirely phenotypically normal? Like the cell just makes more Barr bodies with the extra X chromosomes? If that's the case, the teacher would never bother to do any search.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 09:30

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Khazar-khum posted:

The goddamned doctor.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:10

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

Posted a couple pages ago in its entirety.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:20

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

Fathis Munk posted:

Posted a couple pages ago in its entirety.

My bad - someone just posted it on Twitter this afternoon!

# ? Aug 11, 2015 10:42

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Kill all doctor who fans

# ? Aug 11, 2015 11:39

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

ElGroucho posted:

Kill all doctor who fans

# ? Aug 11, 2015 11:49

Rick_Hunter: Jan 5, 2004; My guys are still fighting the hard fight!
(weapons, shields and drones are still online!)

kimbo305 posted:

I thought XXX superfemales were entirely phenotypically normal? Like the cell just makes more Barr bodies with the extra X chromosomes? If that's the case, the teacher would never bother to do any search.

If you're teaching about chromosomal disorders, you should probably include a good number of the possibilities: X0, XXY, XXXY, etc. to highlight the fact that not all chromosomal aneuploidy turns you into a drooling simpleton.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 11:51

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

very

I had a teacher once bring up the website for Whitehouse.com instead of Whitehouse.gov. At the time, the .com address was a dildo store. 3 seconds of the website on screen and she knew the remaining 20 minutes of class was pointless.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 16:03

Drunk Tomato: Apr 23, 2010; If God wanted us sober,
He'd knock the glass over.

kimbo305 posted:

I thought XXX superfemales were entirely phenotypically normal? Like the cell just makes more Barr bodies with the extra X chromosomes? If that's the case, the teacher would never bother to do any search.

No, obviously they grow an extra boob. 'X's are for boobs.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 16:07

Stroop There It Is: Mar 11, 2012

Drunk Tomato posted:

No, obviously they grow an extra boob. 'X's are for boobs.

So most men have one boob?

# ? Aug 11, 2015 16:21

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Stroop There It Is posted:

So most men have one boob?

Yeah, just one long boob

# ? Aug 11, 2015 17:30

Minarchist: Mar 5, 2009; by WE B Bourgeois

The Great Burrito posted:

Does anyone have a link to the "cranked my rear end in a top hat to 11" story? I can't remember when it was posted and want to relive the magic

I went in to lift today I didn't really wanna go to heavy I never really do when I'm on vacation I never seem to lift well. I was doing some hang snatches in this oly section in the corner of this gym keeping to myself when I here some guy talking to his friend about "that loving crossfit fagget" I let it go hey maybe he's not talking about me. I work up to a 100kg triple not shattering any world records just about body weight. After a little while it becomes evident I am the crossfit fagget and that this is the guy who's been a rear end in a top hat to my dad. I cranked my rear end in a top hat to 11 and began out assholing this guy. I tripled 110 in the hang snatch a huge pr for me. Next I started doing whatever that rear end in a top hat was doing. He started dead lifting so I I dead lifted he pulled 330 with straps and a belt and he was grunting and making a huge scene. I worked up to 450 for a beltless triple with a pause on the bottom of each huge pr (and honestly I thought it was 420 but I'm an idiot and accidentally loaded 450). His deadlift session abruptly stopped. I begn following him around doing whatever he did for the same rep scheme at higher weights, he started getting really frustrated. Finally he started doing some shrugs with DBS so I asked if I could work in and he said ok so I started doing db bench with them. When I got up he left had left the gym.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 17:39

Nth Doctor: Sep 7, 2010; Darkrai used Dream Eater!
It's super effective!

ElGroucho posted:

Kill all doctor who fans

# ? Aug 11, 2015 18:09

corn in the bible: Jun 5, 2004; Oh no oh god it's all true!

Nth Doctor posted:

Hes right

# ? Aug 11, 2015 18:15

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Drunk Tomato posted:

No, obviously they grow an extra boob. 'X's are for boobs.

When I was little, I thought X meant a person standing with outstretched arms for a hug, and O meant the shape your lips make for a kiss. I still can't get over that it's reversed.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 18:40

Fathis Munk: Feb 23, 2013; ??? ?

# ? Aug 11, 2015 18:51

MizPiz: May 29, 2013; by Athanatos

Fathis Munk posted:

About how much money did that guy waste showing up those hipsters?

# ? Aug 11, 2015 19:08

sweeperbravo: May 18, 2012; AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

Fathis Munk posted:

imgur commenter Thurrington is good

# ? Aug 11, 2015 19:16

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

Sorry, man, we're just stupid hipster idea guys and don't have any money. I guess you're stuck with creorgasm.org and blueiceballs.com forever.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 20:15

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

Minarchist posted:

I went in to lift today I didn't really wanna go to heavy I never really do when I'm on vacation I never seem to lift well. I was doing some hang snatches in this oly section in the corner of this gym keeping to myself when I here some guy talking to his friend about "that loving crossfit fagget" I let it go hey maybe he's not talking about me. I work up to a 100kg triple not shattering any world records just about body weight. After a little while it becomes evident I am the crossfit fagget and that this is the guy who's been a rear end in a top hat to my dad. I cranked my rear end in a top hat to 11 and began out assholing this guy. I tripled 110 in the hang snatch a huge pr for me. Next I started doing whatever that rear end in a top hat was doing. He started dead lifting so I I dead lifted he pulled 330 with straps and a belt and he was grunting and making a huge scene. I worked up to 450 for a beltless triple with a pause on the bottom of each huge pr (and honestly I thought it was 420 but I'm an idiot and accidentally loaded 450). His deadlift session abruptly stopped. I begn following him around doing whatever he did for the same rep scheme at higher weights, he started getting really frustrated. Finally he started doing some shrugs with DBS so I asked if I could work in and he said ok so I started doing db bench with them. When I got up he left had left the gym.

The internet has done weird loving things to weightlifting

# ? Aug 11, 2015 21:35

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

Zelder posted:

The internet has done weird loving things to weightlifting

Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 21:36

CuteJen96: Feb 23, 2015; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 3 years!)

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:17

CuteJen96: Feb 23, 2015; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 3 years!)

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:22

Serperoth: Feb 21, 2013

goose fleet posted:

Great size. Look thick. Solid. Tight. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.

Don't spoil the next season of Always Sunny man, cmon.

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:23

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

CuteJen96 posted:

I like how every word moves the story on the scale from likely to :happened:

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:25

Drunk Tomato: Apr 23, 2010; If God wanted us sober,
He'd knock the glass over.

CuteJen96 posted:

"They deserve the props"

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:30

SybilVimes: Oct 29, 2011

Zelder posted:

The internet has done weird loving things to weightlifting

Yes, 'the internet'...

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:48

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

CuteJen96 posted:

This person sounds like he really wants a big brother

# ? Aug 11, 2015 22:49

Zelder: Jan 4, 2012

SybilVimes posted:

Yes, 'the internet'...

There's nothing weird about hella toned beef cakes posing together in a seemingly abandoned locker room bruh

# ? Aug 11, 2015 23:03

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I am the one lascivious
With magic potion niveous

kimbo305 posted:

When I was little, I thought X meant a person standing with outstretched arms for a hug, and O meant the shape your lips make for a kiss. I still can't get over that it's reversed.

What the hell

# ? Aug 11, 2015 23:16

Boris Galerkin: Dec 17, 2011; I don't understand why I can't harass people online. Seriously, somebody please explain why I shouldn't be allowed to stalk others on social media!

Khazar-khum posted:

The goddamned doctor.

quote:

Customer: *blank look* �I am unfamiliar with that.�

# ? Aug 12, 2015 00:28

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

York_M_Chan posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr6aHi98iGI

This has popped up a few times on my FB feed today.

It just comes off so scripted and inhuman. And the religious undertones make this all feel like an anti-abortion ad. If I am wrong, I'm sorry. But if they faked a miscarriage just for internet hits.... Well I only know one other person who would use a miscarriage for internet fame. B^U

Follow-up: these guys are terrible.

source: https://twitter.com/SamAndNia/status/630459816587059200

# ? Aug 12, 2015 03:07

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

if the husband started a 'secret' group fund thing to supposedly buy his wife a gift then they both bolted with buckets of cash i would be a very happy person

# ? Aug 12, 2015 07:51

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 26, 2024 21:15

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

CuteJen96 posted:

Actually, I was there. I was the man who said the big mac lift line.

# ? Aug 12, 2015 08:01

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

«‹›317 »