shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

«‹›317 »

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

# ? Oct 2, 2015 16:49

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# ? May 27, 2024 11:10

Judge Tesla: Oct 29, 2011

goose fleet posted:

"I've been waiting 30 years for you to post about getting me fired for being lazy at work, now I shall have my revenge!"

# ? Oct 2, 2015 17:11

Nth Doctor: Sep 7, 2010; Darkrai used Dream Eater!
It's super effective!

goose fleet posted:

You weren't fired for taking a break. You were fired for wiping your orange fingers on the merchandise.

# ? Oct 2, 2015 19:04

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

# ? Oct 2, 2015 19:14

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

That was so satisfying.

# ? Oct 2, 2015 20:30

Bonapartisan: May 20, 2004; Emperor of France
Creator of the Code Napoleon
Conqueror of the Ziggy Piggy

MIke from Party Cannon has really nice eyebrows though.

# ? Oct 2, 2015 20:35

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

I tried to search for his post and apparently it got to -2438 points before he deleted it :laugh:

# ? Oct 2, 2015 20:39

BrigadierSensible: Feb 16, 2012; I've got a pocket full of cheese🧀, and a garden full of trees🌴.

Bonapartisan posted:

MIke from Party Cannon has really nice eyebrows though.

And rosy cheeks.

# ? Oct 2, 2015 22:32

Redrum and Coke: Feb 25, 2006; wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

BrigadierSensible posted:

And rosy cheeks.

It's what you'd expect from someone who does some casual anti semitic jokes.

# ? Oct 2, 2015 23:35

Noyemi K: Dec 9, 2012; youll always be so sleepy when youre this tiny *plompf*

goose fleet posted:

From a few pages back but I'm surprised nobody got this. It's quotes from some youtube Let's Play celebrity. I dunno which one, though.

# ? Oct 3, 2015 04:27

Break The Sky: Sep 29, 2008

goose fleet posted:

richwhitelesbian was my brothers Tumblr handle and so I can confirm this is definitely poo poo That Did Not Happen and also A Joke :j:

# ? Oct 3, 2015 04:42

Drunk Tomato: Apr 23, 2010; If God wanted us sober,
He'd knock the glass over.

Noyemi K posted:

From a few pages back but I'm surprised nobody got this. It's quotes from some youtube Let's Play celebrity. I dunno which one, though.

Sounds like pe-yew di poop

# ? Oct 3, 2015 09:04

Cumslut1895: Feb 18, 2015; by FactsAreUseless

Break The Sky posted:

richwhitelesbian was my brothers Tumblr handle and so I can confirm this is definitely poo poo That Did Not Happen and also A Joke

stdh.txt

# ? Oct 3, 2015 12:19

Postal Parcel: Aug 2, 2013

canyoneer posted:

I really thought that line said "I did blow my dad with a bridesmaid" the first time I read it

# ? Oct 3, 2015 21:44

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

# ? Oct 4, 2015 00:41

Judge Tesla: Oct 29, 2011

He never said if he shot the burglar or not.

# ? Oct 4, 2015 09:11

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

Judge Tesla posted:

He never said if he shot the burglar or not.

# ? Oct 4, 2015 09:20

Zipperelli.: Apr 3, 2011; Nap Ghost

Judge Tesla posted:

He never said if he shot the burglar or not.

... Stroke... Heh

# ? Oct 4, 2015 12:36

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

Why can't people just tell jokes? Why do they have to invent a terrible STDH to pad it out?

# ? Oct 5, 2015 04:15

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Why can't people just tell jokes? Why do they have to invent a terrible STDH to pad it out?

realtalk this could be 100% true

i met some really fuckin weird people when i was in basic

# ? Oct 5, 2015 04:40

Verisimilidude: Dec 20, 2006; Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

realtalk this could be 100% true

i met some really fuckin weird people when i was in basic

Literally anything in this thread can be true if you set the weirdness bar low enough.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 04:44

Anil Dikshit: Apr 11, 2007

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

realtalk this could be 100% true

i met some really fuckin weird people when i was in basic

Did your drill sergeants give you goddamn homework? Mine sure as gently caress didn't. They didn't want to know half their recruits would spell their names wrong 8 times out of 5.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 05:27

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

kizudarake posted:

Did your drill sergeants give you goddamn homework? Mine sure as gently caress didn't. They didn't want to know half their recruits would spell their names wrong 8 times out of 5.

there were a couple people that had to write thousand word essays for loving up

one dude in AIT had to give a 10 minute speech about teamwork for loving up during an inspection

# ? Oct 5, 2015 05:39

Anil Dikshit: Apr 11, 2007

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

there were a couple people that had to write thousand word essays for loving up

one dude in AIT had to give a 10 minute speech about teamwork for loving up during an inspection

Holy poo poo, I think running in place until the drill sergeant's wife called and told him she was tired was an easier punishment.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 06:53

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

The speech was delivered in full Class-A uniform to the entire company and command. He delved into why Tab soda was an essential part of teamwork in the post-9/11 United States Armed Forces. (This was 2003)

He got a coin out of it at the very least.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 07:26

a7m2: Jul 9, 2012

kizudarake posted:

Holy poo poo, I think running in place until the drill sergeant's wife called and told him she was tired was an easier punishment.

a ten minute presentation or writing 1000 words is only harder if you're literally retarded

# ? Oct 5, 2015 07:50

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

a7m2 posted:

a ten minute presentation or writing 1000 words is only harder if you're literally retarded

literally retarded people make up a huge portion of the enlisted military

# ? Oct 5, 2015 07:57

Anil Dikshit: Apr 11, 2007

a7m2 posted:

a ten minute presentation or writing 1000 words is only harder if you're literally retarded

We did join the army out of high school. Pretty sure that fits the definition of literally retarded.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 08:55

CROWS EVERYWHERE: Dec 17, 2012; CAW CAW CAW; Dinosaur Gum

A couple more from my quick delve into the front page of imgur over the last couple of days (I've been sick and I'm on holidays so I want to put the least possible burden on my brain).

Accidentally joining Mexican gangs

Penises

That's absolutely 100% how valium works, yep, that's right, no madeup poo poo here.

Nah.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 08:58

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

seriously there are some goddamn dumb loving people in the army

we had a person in my bay who we had to make the bed for and dress every morning since we were so sick of getting smoked every morning

i found out he went airborne after basic

# ? Oct 5, 2015 08:59

Redrum and Coke: Feb 25, 2006; wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

Nostalgia4Butts posted:

seriously there are some goddamn dumb loving people in the army

we had a person in my bay who we had to make the bed for and dress every morning since we were so sick of getting smoked every morning

i found out he went airborne after basic

Do you mean AWOL, or does airborne mean something besides flying?

# ? Oct 5, 2015 12:40

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Non Serviam posted:

Do you mean AWOL, or does airborne mean something besides flying?

airborne are the dudes who parachute out of planes onto the battlefield

# ? Oct 5, 2015 12:56

EmmyOk: Aug 11, 2013

Thanks for the red circle or I may have missed it

# ? Oct 5, 2015 14:49

Redrum and Coke: Feb 25, 2006; wAstIng 10 bUcks ON an aVaTar iS StUpid

EmmyOk posted:

Thanks for the red circle or I may have missed it

Visit cannonfodder.org for are troops.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 16:26

goose willis: Jun 14, 2015; Get ready for teh wacky laughz0r!

# ? Oct 5, 2015 17:14

Nolan Arenado: May 8, 2009

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

Penises

This did make me laugh though, so I give it a pass

# ? Oct 5, 2015 17:20

My Lovely Horse: Aug 21, 2010

CROWS EVERYWHERE posted:

You know, Cumberbatch is currently doing (or has recently done) Hamlet. Just sayin'.

# ? Oct 5, 2015 17:23

Decrepus: May 21, 2008; In the end, his dominion did not touch a single poster.

goose fleet posted:

realtalk this could be 100% true

i was a really fuckin weird person when i was in childhood

# ? Oct 5, 2015 17:26

Lady Naga: Apr 25, 2008; Voyons Donc!

Decrepus posted:

realtalk this could be 100% true

i was a really fuckin weird person when i was in childhood

You still are considering you use terminology like "in childhood".

# ? Oct 5, 2015 17:27

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# ? May 27, 2024 11:10

Drunk Tomato: Apr 23, 2010; If God wanted us sober,
He'd knock the glass over.

OctoberBlues posted:

This did make me laugh though, so I give it a pass

This is really weird. It's a decade old "true story" from the Emails from an rear end in a top hat guy, but retyped as a text message conversation instead of an email chain. Why would anyone do this???

# ? Oct 5, 2015 18:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: TRUE WISDOM FROM WHERE YOU EXPECT IT LEAST. AMEN!

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