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Probably autocorrected from dragging their feet
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Oct 17, 2015 13:11
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My boss' kid is absolutely obsessed with public transport. I mean, put that kid in front of a computer and he'll look up bus timetables on TFL and be entertained for hours. Me: Do you want to be a bus driver or a train driver when you grow up, then? Him: No, it's too dangerous. I'm going to be a fireman instead. Me: .... I pointed out that job would involve running into buildings that are currently on fire, but he didn't seem phased.
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Oct 17, 2015 13:32
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Visiting my parents this weekend, and my brother came by with his two sons (3 and 5). During dinner yesterday, my dad was joking around with the youngest who said: "Grandpa, you're talking cheese sandwiches", which is his current goto-word for nonsense (it's just one word in Danish: ostemadder). They got in a fight as two kids that age do sometimes, and the oldest came into the kitchen saying that his brother had started it. I tried to be all philosophical and told him that it doesn't matter who started it, what really matters is who ends it. His reply: "Yeah but he still started it though."
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Oct 18, 2015 01:44
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Shoozy posted:Not to derail, but I've never seen this phrase. Does it mean they were putting on their shoes? Nah, Magic: The Gathering has just gotten really weird in the last few months
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Oct 18, 2015 01:55
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Half asleep kids are best kids. My son was calling us in the middle of the night which is not a common thing anymore so we were concerned he was going to be sick or something. Anyhow my wife and I go in and ask what's up. He groggily answers in the most absolutely indignant voice: "My covers are being completely unreasonable and there are, like, ten guys trying to hold them down!'"
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Oct 18, 2015 03:02
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My ex's kid informed me once while I was babysitting that he wanted to put his brain inside a transformer robot. Bumblebee, specifically. "I'm going to be a robot scientist so I can." -The coolest 9 year old.
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Oct 18, 2015 03:08
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On the way to dinner last weekend with my sister and three year old nephew she and I are bullshitting away while he's happily singing along with the radio in the back seat, oblivious to the two of us in the front. After a couple of minutes she stops and says "oh man, whatever you do don't start laughing or he'll never stop saying it." After a second I realize that his 'song' consists of him just singing the word 'gently caress' over and over again to the tune of whatever's on the radio, and it takes everything we have to stifle our laughter in order to keep him from latching on to it as his new 'entertain the grown ups' word.
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Oct 18, 2015 04:44
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TKIY posted:"My covers are being completely unreasonable"
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Oct 18, 2015 06:36
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Catnipped posted:My ex's kid informed me once while I was babysitting that he wanted to put his brain inside a transformer robot. Bumblebee, specifically. "I'm going to be a robot scientist so I can." -The coolest 9 year old. This kid and I share pretty close to the same dream (I'm more of the spider bot style, but brain-in-bot transplant nonetheless) 
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Oct 18, 2015 13:27
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TKIY posted:Half asleep kids are best kids. I love that quote. It's like a Dion McGregor quote.
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Oct 19, 2015 21:55
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A story from my wife: The actors: Wife (15 at the time), Sister-in-Law (14), and their tiny little cousin (age four and a half). While driving back from Grandma's house on Thanksgiving. Cousin: *pointing out of window* I love you to that tree!  Sister-in-Law: Only to that tree?  Cousin: *thinks for a moment* Cousin: *indignantly* And back!  My wife and sister-in-law then died of laughter and quote this often. Cousin is now 13.
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Oct 19, 2015 23:09
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My son watching Batman today in regards to a certain villain: "His name is Toothpaste (Two Face) because he's got toothpaste all over his face."
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Oct 20, 2015 00:31
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Crossposting from the Rocket League thread. For those of you who don't know what Rocket League is, it's a rocket car soccer video game that my kids watch me play occasionally.U-DO Burger posted:I was playing indoor soccer with my 3-year-old daughter when she declared that we were going to be cars. We got on our hands and knees and she crawled around yelling "Beep! Beep!" as she swatted at the ball. She also took breaks every now and then to "decorate herself". It was all cute and stuff until I knocked the ball towards her and told her to take the shot. She intentionally hit the ball wide and rolled around in the goal for 10 seconds while saying "Look, I'm you daddy!"
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Oct 20, 2015 00:44
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More quotes from the niece (endless source of entertainment, it helps to live with her). While giving her a bath, I handed her a couple of fizzy tablets that color her bath water. I guess it wasn't fizzing fast enough because she yelled at it to "do [its] job!" I also took her to the grocery store, gave her stuff to put in the cart. I handed her a package of sausage, and told her "put it in our cart". She turns around and just Kobe Bryants the hell out of it, like with a jump and everything. Into a stranger's cart. Also, she refers to the new (awesome) minivan that her parents got as being "automatical!". Also, she once told her daddy that she wanted to cut off his head because she loved him? On another note, you guys need to keep an eye out when your five year old spots the candy at check out when you're shopping, because as a cashier I can tell you an insane amount of kids will sneak candy or chips to me so I'll ring them up. I had to give a kid pointers today that if you're gonna sneak Doritos past Mom, don't swing them around behind your back, she'll hear it.
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Oct 20, 2015 02:36
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I was watching dawn of the planet of the apes yesterday and my son (5) came in and watched a bit. Its at the part where the apes attack the human base and hes cheering on the apes. I tell him that the apes are trying to kill the people, doesnt he want to cheer for the people? His response... No, I see people all the time. I never see apes. I hope the apes win! ... Its a fine line between genius and sociopath. Ill have to keep an eye on this kid.
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Oct 20, 2015 04:19
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Keystoned posted:I was watching dawn of the planet of the apes yesterday and my son (5) came in and watched a bit. He's a revolutionary! Keep a close eye on that one.
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Oct 20, 2015 18:35
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Keystoned posted:I was watching dawn of the planet of the apes yesterday and my son (5) came in and watched a bit. Naw, I wouldn't worry. You're meant to root for the apes in the Prequels.
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Oct 22, 2015 20:12
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Genius is gettingsubtle context clues and realizing the Apes are the good guys. A worrisome thing would be if he was super excited to see a bunch of people kill a bunch of animals.
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Oct 22, 2015 22:27
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Ruzihm posted:He's a revolutionary! Keep a close eye on that one. One step away from advocating gorilla warfare.
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Oct 23, 2015 17:19
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My friends daughter has come to the conclusion that mummies are just surprise zombies. Please refer to them accordingly from now on.
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Oct 25, 2015 05:34
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I met my boyfriend's niece and nephew for the first time last week. Niece, 4, hugged me and exclaimed "I haven't seen you since last week!" Later she grabbed me and petted my hair: "It's so pretty! And curly!" 
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Oct 29, 2015 19:53
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I'd just found out I was losing my job, a much-loved position in a preschool, and after crying my eyes out for a while I went back to work with the kids. A 3-year-old boy gave me a funny look as I came back into the room. : Miss Apples, why is your face all red? : (grasping for an excuse) I got sunburned.: Did it hurt??: Yeah.: Were you very brave?Somehow made me feel better (& braver) about the whole situation...
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Oct 29, 2015 20:09
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When my daughter was two we put animal decals on the wall next to her bed. My wife walked into her room and saw her playing on the bed with some toys, and the elephant decals were missing. "Where did the elephants go?" she asked my daughter. My daughter looked up with a disinterested look and said "They're crying," and went back to playing with her toys. A few weeks ago I was playing with my daughter (who is 3 now), and she dumped out all her animal toys and picked out her two crocodiles. She gave me the bigger one and said that all the other animals are dead and the daddy and baby crocodile are going to eat them all. After our crocodiles munched on the animals for a while, I picked up the cow and started to moo with it. She stared at it with an offended look, picked it up and walked away. She came back with it a few moments later, crammed it into my crocodile's mouth and said "I cooked it. It doesn't moo anymore." Yesterday she said was going to be Jupiter for Halloween because it's tall like her. When my wife asked her what planet her little brother was going to be, she said he would be Pluto. "Oh, because he's so small?" "No, because it's really far away."
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Oct 29, 2015 20:17
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3 year old on the toilet trying to poop: "Come on poop... get out... this is taking forreevverrrr" His little sister got to pick which movie they were going to watch. He's not a fan of Little Mermaid.  "This sucks." "Excuse me?" "I said sucks! I can say sucks!"oh well ok then i guess He was dancing in his room, then I heard him run full speed down the hallway to come find me. He stops for a second, looks at me in the most serious way he can like he just discovered the most wonderful thing in the world, spreads his legs a little bit, and says "DAD. ... I'm dancin with my penis" while he starts shaking his hips side to side. I start dying with laughter but it doesn't even phase him, he's still just as serious, and says "it's shakin! My penis is shakin!"
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Oct 29, 2015 22:18
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AlistairCookie posted:4 year old is in the shower, singing. I move closer to the bathroom, so I can hear him. "Wiener, wiener, wieeeeeener! Wiener, wiener, wieNER!" I silently laugh, and go get Dad to hear the Wiener Tribute. We're being quiet, since I don't want him to stop singing. He then shouts, "Hey MOM! Can you hear my awesome wiener song?!" My 7-year-old made up a song called "5 little penises".
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Nov 1, 2015 01:51
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U-DO Burger posted:When my daughter was two we put animal decals on the wall next to her bed. My wife walked into her room and saw her playing on the bed with some toys, and the elephant decals were missing. "Where did the elephants go?" she asked my daughter. My daughter looked up with a disinterested look and said "They're crying," and went back to playing with her toys. No, please do. Aside from it being an enriching experience for kids, it's just as likely to be hilarious. Transcribe everything she says.
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Nov 1, 2015 09:19
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kinmik posted:Don't ever take your child to the zoo. My son can't talk yet, but he absolutely LOVED it. Especially the fish. He would climb up as close to the glass as he could and shout gibberish child baby noises at them. It was awesome.
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Nov 2, 2015 05:06
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From a Facebook friend:quote:7yo: "You don't know this, but in my head I have a list. I don't have to write it down, because I repeat it before bed. I have six people on my list......it's my enemy list." Editing to add: Me: Do you want me to find an adult book about astronomy, like a harder book, or a kids' book about space? Autistic 8yo: Which one do you think would have more facts in it? pookel has a new favorite as of 19:05 on Nov 6, 2015 |
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Nov 5, 2015 23:47
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The kids I watch had a friend over, who was completely fascinated by their pomegranate tree, as she'd never had one before. A few of them were ripe, so I offered to cut one up for a snack for them so she could try it. She stuck to me like glue as I opened it up, and whispered, full of wonder: "Pomegwanites look like wed, wed woobies." 
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Nov 8, 2015 10:37
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pookel posted:From a Facebook friend: As an aspie, get the adult one. I'd have loved it despite understanding 1/10th of it and would have memorised all kinds of bits that made no actual sense to me.
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Nov 8, 2015 16:51
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pookel posted:Me: Do you want me to find an adult book about astronomy, like a harder book, or a kids' book about space? Dorling Kindersley books are great because they have lots of facts AND pictures.
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Nov 8, 2015 18:31
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AlbieQuirky posted:Dorling Kindersley books are great because they have lots of facts AND pictures. Be careful though, because only some of the DK books are well-researched.
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Nov 8, 2015 19:35
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My sister teaches at a private school for kids with learning difficulties in Vancouver. Not special ed, just the kind of school most of us goons probably should have gone to, with small classes and an extra assistant. I realize how stdh.txt this sounds, but it came straight from my sister's FB and I doubt she has interest in bragging for the internet.quote:Riddle: You see a group of people on a boat, but there isn't a single person on board. How can that be?
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Nov 11, 2015 02:15
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Caedus posted:My sister teaches at a private school for kids with learning difficulties in Vancouver. Not special ed, just the kind of school most of us goons probably should have gone to, with small classes and an extra assistant. I realize how stdh.txt this sounds, but it came straight from my sister's FB and I doubt she has interest in bragging for the internet. That is depressing, but also well said. I'm guessing the real answer was "they're all married "
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Nov 11, 2015 08:26
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Wow my gut instinct was life-like cyborgs, maybe I should have attended her class.
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Nov 11, 2015 09:43
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BonHair posted:That is depressing, but also well said. I'm guessing the real answer was "they're all married Here I am being dumb and thinking it's like "Oh it's actually a mural" or something. I freaking suck at riddles
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Nov 11, 2015 13:14
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BonHair posted:That is depressing, but also well said. I'm guessing the real answer was "they're all married Actual answer is "It's a couples cruise" so yeah, more or less. Also it's a lie since someone on the crew is likely single  .
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Nov 11, 2015 17:08
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I was gonna go for the grammar angle: if there's a group of people on the boat there is not, in fact, "a single person" on the boat.
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Nov 11, 2015 19:03
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I was babysitting my nieces the other night. When their mom got home, her 3 year old took a running leap to hug and ended up with her face smashed into Mom's crotch. Niece immediately pulled back and hollered at the top of her lungs, "EW, MOM! YOU STINK! " Then tried to go for a second snort to make sure.
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Nov 12, 2015 05:30
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Sponch posted:The kids I watch had a friend over, who was completely fascinated by their pomegranate tree, as she'd never had one before. A few of them were ripe, so I offered to cut one up for a snack for them so she could try it. She stuck to me like glue as I opened it up, and whispered, full of wonder: I love that accent kids have at that age.
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Nov 12, 2015 05:42
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